Penance

by Kristin Harte

  Parris ignored my question. “You shouldn’t have gone in there hot.”

  Armed and ready to fire. As if walking in without guns would have been any better.

  It was Deacon who set him straight. “There was no other way.”

  Parris crowded my boss, looking ready to throw punches. “I’ve been working them for five years, been selling my soul to the devil for weeks now to figure out how to get them the fuck away from your little pissant town, and you go in guns blazing to take out the prez and his vp. And for what?”

  “For what?” White-hot rage flowed through me, so I set Jinx down, tugging her behind me as Elijah came to shore her up. To protect my girl while I dealt with Parris. “They had Jinx, and we weren’t leaving her there to be tortured.”

  Parris froze, his brow tight. “They didn’t have orders to bring in Jinx. I would have let you know.”

  “They didn’t bring her in.” I tugged her closer, hanging on to her hand with a grip that was probably just this side of too tight. “She went there to make a deal with them.”

  “She went there.” He cocked his head, looking around my shoulder at the woman in question. “You stupid or something, girl?”

  “Fuck you,” Jinx said, still sounding way too weak to me. “I thought I could get them to leave.”

  “Yeah, well, you might have just set off a club war. What were you thinking?”

  My turn. “It was my fault. She went there to protect the town because we had a misunderstanding.”

  “That’s quite the misunderstanding. You know they’d likely kill you, right, Luckless?”

  That name…it grated. A lot. “Stop calling her that.”

  Parris looked me up and down, appraising. “You grow a backbone or something, kid?”

  Elijah huffed behind me. “He always had one. He just never had a reason to use it. He does now.”

  “Okay then.” Parris glanced at Jinx then back at me before nodding once. “You look like shit, though.”

  “Is that what you used to say to my mom when she’d come home high? Because I have to tell you, I’ve got more of a temper than she did.”

  Parris went stock-still, staring at Jinx in a way that looked like trouble. “You don’t know anything about your mom and me.”

  “I know enough.” Jinx leaned her head against my back, gripping my shirt in her fists. “I don’t feel so good.”

  “We’re done here,” I said. “She’s had enough. You want to fight about this, fight with me.”

  “And me,” Elijah said.

  “You Kennards are all pussy-whipped.” Parris sighed and ran a hand over his head. “Fine. I’m sorry I didn’t think about Jinx’s safety before I blew up. I’ll deal with the fucking upheaval of two dead Black Angels.”

  “You think the other guys will leave town?” Deacon asked.

  “I’ll definitely plant the seed that they should. Maybe sow a little discord with their current partners. Make them think the Soul Suckers could have had a hand in this.” He looked my way, obviously less angry but still not chill. “You strong enough to keep your mouth shut about what happened tonight? Confident Deacon, Jinx, and Elijah will be as well? Forever?”

  There was no doubt in my answer. “Yeah. I am.”

  “Good. Then I’ll deal with the fallout. You take care of Jinx.”

  “I can take care of myself,” she said, though the wobble in her voice and the lack of conviction behind her words betrayed her statement.

  “Anything you need us to do?” Deacon asked.

  “Yeah. Quit murdering people.”

  Elijah jumped in with, “We make no promises.”

  Parris looked him up and down, his heavy brow pulled taut. “You the twin?”

  “Yeah.”

  “You’re a defense attorney in Denver, right?”

  Elijah shrugged. “Among other things.”

  Parris nodded, looking oddly impressed. “A lawyer breaking laws. Guess I’ve seen everything now.”

  “Lawyers break laws all the time—we’re just experienced enough to know how not to get caught. And if that fails, we know how to work the legal system to get out of trouble.”

  “You’d better. Because murder isn’t going to get you a mere seven years like your brother got for selling drugs.”

  “No, it won’t,” Elijah said, standing a little taller. “I’m solid, though.”

  “Good. I need to get back to camp and deal with your mess. Keep out of trouble, would you?” Parris stalked to his bike, throwing a leg over the seat and grabbing the handlebars. “Oh, and Finn?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Does our deal still stand?”

  It took me a second to figure out what deal he meant. Info on Coyote for a favor. The day we’d had lunch at The Baker’s Cottage, I’d agreed to that. And I still had no idea where the Soul Sucker was. “Definitely.”

  “Expect a text from me.” The roar of his engine covered any response I could have made, dimming as he drove out of the parking lot and back toward Rock Falls.

  “I think I need to say no to the ice cream run and head home after all this,” Deacon said, looking more exhausted than I’d ever seen him. Or maybe it was the parking lot lights.

  “You okay?” I asked, trying to figure out if the bags under his eyes were really there or made of shadow. It was too hard to tell, though.

  “I’m fine.” Deacon turned to Elijah. “You need a lift to Bishop’s?”

  My twin shrugged. “If you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t. Besides, I need to bust Bishop’s balls a little. I haven’t gotten to do that in a few weeks, and the man gets a big head if we don’t knock him down a peg or two now and again.” Deacon shook my hand, then hugged Jinx. “Glad you’re home, girl.”

  She gasped at the word home, as if she hadn’t expected that. As if she hadn’t felt like Justice was her home. Something I needed to be sure to fix.

  Jinx looked almost ready to cry as she pulled herself from Deacon’s hold and whispered, “I’m glad to be home.”

  Elijah was next though he only reached to hold on to her arm. “It was really nice to meet you, though next time try not to toss your cookies on my shoes.”

  “I’m so sorry,” Jinx said, her face turning a deep pink color.

  “I’m just picking on you. You didn’t get my shoes. Just my pants.” He patted her on the shoulder when she made a choking sound. “Stick around this time, okay? No running away. If this guy fucks up, just call me and I’ll set him straight. No questions asked.”

  Jinx glanced my way. “Deal.”

  “Good.” Elijah released her, stepping in my direction to give me a backslapping hug. “Good luck with this one, bro. Call if you need me.”

  I nodded, knowing I wouldn’t need him. Not for this. Jinx and I could work out our own issues. I might not have liked confrontation, but being without Jinx was a fate worse than a lifetime of confrontations. I’d be as bold as fuck for her.

  “Finn,” Deacon hollered. When I spun his way, he tossed me a set of keys. “Bishop and I will round up Gage and deal with getting your truck back. There’s an Oldsmobile in the back. Take that for the night.”

  I flipped the keys over, running my thumb along the fob. “Thanks.”

  “Thank me if I get your truck back. There’s no guarantee.”

  Because it was still parked in Black Angels territory where Jinx had parked it since we didn’t want anyone to be forced to drive back alone. Safety in numbers and all that shit. I shrugged. “The truck would be a small thing in comparison to what could have been lost. I still call the mission a success.”

  He shot Jinx a wink. “Me too, kid. Me too.”

  Once Deacon had driven out of the lot with Elijah riding shotgun, I loaded Jinx into the passenger side of the sedan around back—big, brown, and totally giving off those undercover cop vibes—and headed for home. Trying to figure out my first move. What to say. What to fix first.

  She beat me to it.

  “You didn�
�t ask Edge about Coyote.”

  The Soul Sucker who’d started the fire that had killed Camden’s wife. “No, I didn’t. Though I’m surprised you were aware enough to have paid attention to that.”

  “Your voice cleared some of the fog.” She sat quiet and still for a moment, almost stiff. Nervous, if I had to guess. Finally, she sighed. “You ask all the bikers about this Coyote guy. Why not Edge?”

  “I had more important things to worry about at the moment.”

  “But you always ask about Coyote. Why?”

  I turned off the highway onto my road, slowing down on the curves as I stared out into the night. Remembering the fire. The words painted on the wall outside Leah and Camden’s bedroom. The way my best friend had crumpled when he’d learned he’d lost his wife. Yeah, I always asked about Coyote…because I needed to find him. “My friend owes him something.”

  “Like what?”

  “Death.” I stopped in my driveway and turned to look at her, “Coyote helped light a fire that killed a friend of mine—a woman named Leah who was married to my best friend, Camden. I want to find him so Cam can get his revenge.”

  “Oh.” She opened the door and stepped out, meeting me at the front of the truck. “That seems reasonable.”

  “It seems reasonable to kill a man?”

  She paused just inside the door, her eyes locked on mine. “Yeah. Because if Edge had tried to hurt you, I would have done the same thing. Drugs in my system or not.”

  This girl. I shut the door behind me and herded her deeper into my house. Wanting so much to touch her, hug her, feel the solidness of her now that she was back where she belonged. With me. But there was still so much to say, and I had to pick where to start and how to handle the discussion.

  In the end, I went with full-frontal honesty.

  “I am the worst person in the world for you to be with.”

  She didn’t even blink. “Okay.”

  “Are you okay? Like, do you feel—”

  “I’m fine.” She waved a hand when I scoffed. “I’m still feeling sort of sick, and I’m tired in a weird way. I don’t ever want to take another drug in my life and I really need a shower and a toothbrush, but I’m fine to talk for a bit.”

  “Are you sure? You can go—”

  “Talk to me,” she said, looking far too earnest for me to ignore.

  Here goes nothing.

  “I’m the worst person in the world for you because I’m an ex-addict and an ex-con. I may never be able to get a job outside of Deacon’s bar or my family’s business, and I hate that. I may never earn back my family’s trust, and I hate that more. I live in a world of rules and walls to keep myself from slipping backward. But you know all that.” I settled us on the couch, grabbing both her hands and hanging on. Needing her to feel grounded. “I spent so many years high that I have no recollection of what I’ve done or not done, but I like the idea that I get a redo of sorts with you. I like the thought that we can have all sorts of firsts together.”

  She took a deep breath, clinging to my fingers just as hard as I did to hers. “You think I’m judging you for your past, when really, I’m more worried about you hating me for mine.”

  As if that were a possibility. “I could never hate you.”

  She pulled her shoulders back, seeming to shore herself up as if for a fight. “I chose to go back to the club because I knew if I offered myself to Edge, if I promised to submit to him, he’d leave Justice.”

  Just the thought of her having anything to do with that bastard had my stomach churning. “You didn’t have to—”

  “I know that, but it’s not the first time I’ve done it.” Her hands shook, and her eyes looked suspiciously watery. “My mom disappeared about a year ago. I was busy working and taking classes at the community college and trying to keep my head above water, so it took me a couple of days to realize she was missing. I knew she’d been hanging around the Black Angels—working biker clubhouses was how she earned her money. I had never wanted any part of club life, and she definitely tried to keep me away from that scene. But when she went missing, the only logical conclusion I could come up with was that someone in the club had taken her. I was so arrogant and foolish—I figured I’d walk right in there and demand answers.”

  “They didn’t give them to you.”

  “No. Edge gave me the option of working for those answers, though. One I made the mistake of accepting. I lived for six months as their willing prisoner, sticking around for any scrap about my mom they would give me until I figured out they were playing a different game than I was. They don’t abide by rules. I couldn’t take the manipulation anymore, so I left. I’d tried to leave a few times.” She rubbed the scars on her arms, the lines I’d assumed she’d given herself. “They didn’t let me get very far.”

  Pieces of her puzzle started sliding into place, shifting and turning until the entire image changed. Until the life of Jinx as I thought I knew it flipped upside down. “You’re not a cutter, are you?”

  “No. These?” She ran a finger over one particularly dark scar. “There’s a reason Edge earned that road name. He likes his blades.”

  I tugged her hand away from her arm, tracing the scars with my own fingers. Circling the burn marks as well. “He also liked his cigarettes.”

  “He did.” Jinx grabbed my hand again, pulling it into her lap. “I was punished when I’d run, I was punished when I wouldn’t do as I was told. I was punished for no reason but that Edge or one of the club leaders wanted to see me cry. I always fought them, but sometimes it was just too hard.”

  “Jinx, you not winning a fight wasn’t accepting their behavior. That’s not consent.”

  “I know that, but I still feel guilty. I should have known better than to go there in the first place. I should have known they wouldn’t respect me. I should have known—”

  “They should have known better than to treat another human being as property.”

  “Yeah, well, they didn’t.” She inched closer, resting her thigh against mine. “I got away a few months back. Made it past their net for two whole weeks and thought I was free of them. But then Parris showed up and made me go back. Edge owed him big for some weapons deal they’d been whispering about for months, so he sold me to Parris like some sort of farm animal. Parris…who’d spent enough time in my mom’s bed for me to know not to trust him. But I was stupid. Still. He promised he wouldn’t let anything happen to me and would help me find out about my mom. He knew that was a huge motivator for me.”

  “He took advantage of that.”

  “I think so, yeah. But he kept to his word—I was seen as his within the club, so the other guys didn’t mess with me anymore. He didn’t force me to do anything either. He had his things he wanted to find out, and I had mine—we usually worked sort of in tandem on them.”

  “What was he trying to find out?”

  “I’m not sure. Something about a man named Wolf. His protection didn’t last, though. Edge outranked him, and he started sending Parris out on more and more overnight missions for the club. When that happened, Edge and Ravel would make me come to the clubhouse. Ravel would put me in restraints, and Edge…” She broke, tears falling. Voice hitching. My god, I wanted to kill those fuckers again.

  “I should kill Parris for his role in all this.”

  She snorted a sad-sounding laugh. “Yeah, good luck with that. The guy has nine lives or something.” Jinx took a deep breath and blew it out, still clinging to my hands. Trembling. “Parris was on a job with Edge the night a guy named Zed showed up and told me I needed to earn my keep with the entire club. The night they used me as collateral in a card game. That’s how I ended up with the Soul Suckers.”

  “Where Pistol whipped you,” I said, an overwhelming sadness taking over me. My heart positively ached for all this girl had been through. “And you were willingly going back to all that?”

  “To keep you safe. You and your family and friends. This town. I can’t get the Soul Suckers to
leave, but they’re all brawn and no brain. I figured you’d have better luck against them if the Black Angels weren’t around. They’re brawny too, but most are ex-military. They’re smart and strategic. It’s why the Soul Suckers like working with them. I knew Edge wanted me as his. He’d been trying to break me since the day I walked in the club doors. And Ravel—he gets off on pain caused to other people. If I let them hurt me? I knew I could help you and your town.”

  And she would have died inside with every cut or burn or hit. “I wouldn’t want you to help us that way.”

  “That’s why I didn’t tell you. I couldn’t let you talk me out of it.”

  So stubborn, this girl. So independent and headstrong too. I liked that about her—loved it, really. Life with her would never be boring…if she even wanted a future with me.

  Which led me to ask the one question I simply had to have an answer to before I could deal with the rest. “Do you want to go back there, Jinx?”

  She sat deeper into the seat, a confused expression taking over her pretty face. “What?”

  “Do you want to go back to them? This is your choice. No manipulation from me. Do you want that club life or to go back to dig a little deeper into your mom’s disappearance?”

  “No.”

  Strong. Firm. One word setting me up to ask the next question. The one I definitely wanted a different answer to. “If you don’t want to go back there, what do you want to do? Wait. No.” I shook my head, ready to kick myself for softening the question I wanted to know the answer to. Elijah had said I was nonconfrontational—it was time for me to stop that. “Do you want to stay in Justice?” Better. Not enough. “With me? Do you want to stay in Justice and be with me?”

  Jinx stared at me for the longest five seconds of my life before giving me another strong and firm one-word answer.

  “Yes.”

  Yes. She said yes. I almost couldn’t believe it. Almost. “Jesus, Jinx.” I grabbed her, pulling her into my arms. Finally giving in to my need to touch her. “I’ll do everything I can to make you happy, baby. I promise. But I don’t know how to help you find the answers for what happened to your mother.”

  She buried her face in my neck, snuggling close. “She’s dead. I know she is—have known it since the beginning of all this, I think. I just didn’t want to admit that to myself.”