Chosen Child

by Linda Huber

  Today would be different. Soraya had chosen the dinner menu – spaghetti bolognese followed by chocolate ice cream – and Ella bought a bottle of fizzy grape and elderflower which she had every intention of serving in her best crystal glasses. Soraya should know how special she was.

  Back in St Ives, Ella made toasted cheese for lunch and then sat with Soraya to look through the photo album. The little girl was drooping now, and Ella abandoned her plan to go to the furniture store even if Rick was home in time. Fortunately, Soraya was fascinated by the photos.

  ‘We might visit your gran and grandad in the summer holidays,’ said Ella, after telling Soraya about her parents’ Yorkshire home. ‘They’re on holiday just now but as soon as they’re home we’ll Skype – they’re dying to meet you.’

  ‘What about Rick’s parents?’ said Soraya.

  Ella hesitated. Should she encourage her almost-daughter to say ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’? But maybe that could wait till Soraya moved in. ‘I’m afraid they both died when he was small,’ she said. ‘Look, here they are on their wedding day.’

  ‘Why did they die?’

  Soraya’s eyes were huge, and Ella thought fast. She didn’t want to encourage gloomy thoughts, but it was important to tell the truth.

  ‘His mum had a very rare illness, and his dad had an accident with a tractor,’ she replied. ‘They were farmers, you see. He has a sister, your Aunt Marianne, but she lives far away in Shetland. Rick’ll tell you more about them later.’

  At four o’clock Rick breezed in ready to go furniture shopping, and wasn’t pleased to hear the outing had been postponed. ‘I wish you’d told me. I could have done with another hour at work.’

  His tone was nothing but petulant, and Ella shut the kitchen door so that Soraya, watching children’s television in the living room, didn’t hear them.

  ‘For heaven’s sake pull yourself together,’ she said bluntly. ‘This is a special day for Soraya and she’s not feeling a hundred per cent. You know the fuss you make when you have a cold. Why don’t you go through and tell her about your side of the family? She’s thrilled with her photo book.’

  Rick poured a glass of whisky. ‘Give me five minutes.’

  In spite of Ella’s apprehension Rick did pull himself together and dinner passed off very successfully. They toasted each other and the future, and then sat at the kitchen table playing Snakes and Ladders. When Soraya eventually managed to win a game Ella gathered the counters together.

  ‘Let’s walk along to the end of the road. The fresh air will help clear your nose, and we’ll show you the park we can play in tomorrow. You can have a lovely smelly bubble bath when we get back.’

  They were strolling along Cedar Road when Rick grabbed Ella’s arm.

  ‘That’s Alan and Caro coming – don’t mention the India thing, will you? Alan doesn’t know all the ramifications. It’s a bit complicated so just keep schtum about it.’

  Ella could hardly believe her ears. Alan was Rick’s boss and not knowing the ramifications didn’t sound like him.

  The other couple had been visiting Caro’s sister, and they stood for a moment chatting about the area and about Soraya coming to stay. The little girl’s face was one big beam and Ella hugged her. This was how she had always wanted to live. Out for a walk with her grumpy husband and beautiful daughter. Happiness spread through her like warm jam, sweet and comforting.

  Alan clapped Rick on the back as they said goodbye. ‘Good job business is booming, isn’t it, with your new arrival,’ he said, winking at Ella and Soraya. ‘Don’t worry, ladies, Rick’ll be able to keep you in the manner you’d like to become accustomed to.’

  Ella smiled automatically. How very odd, she thought, glancing up at Rick as they all walked on. Alan seemed completely unaware of the India problem and Rick’s fears about his job. Home again, she turned to Soraya. ‘Bedtime – I’ll read you a story, shall I? You go and choose a book, and I’ll be up to run your bath in a minute.’

  Soraya sped upstairs, and Ella opened the hall cupboard for a box of tissues to go beside the girl’s bed. Rick, of course, had vanished into the shed. He’d barely spoken since they’d said goodbye to his boss. It was so strange, that remark of Alan’s…

  A sudden, shocking thought made Ella’s stomach contract with fear. Maybe there was no complication with an India contract. It was the first time Rick had ever mentioned anything to do with an Asian side of the business; his designated area included factories in Memphis and Chicago. Could the India problem be a fabrication – something for Rick to hide behind because he wasn’t happy about adopting Soraya? The more she thought about it, the more likely it sounded.

  Sick at heart, Ella went upstairs.

  Chapter Twelve

  Thursday 22nd – Saturday 24th May

  Amanda waited until late afternoon on Thursday before reporting Gareth missing. They were the longest three days of her life, but she’d supposedly seen him on Monday, and a grown man on a walking tour wouldn’t necessarily report back home every night. People on mountains were supposed to leave details of where they were going and when they expected to arrive, but the same couldn’t be said for hikers on the South West Coast Path, surely. And even if it could, well – Gareth hadn’t done that and she hadn’t expected him to.

  She lifted her mobile, hesitating as she went through the details in her mind. What if they didn’t believe her? But then – why on earth shouldn’t they? Stomach churning, she punched out the number of the local police station.

  ‘I – can you help me? I’m a bit worried about my husband. He’s on a walking tour and he’s not answering his phone.’

  The policeman on the other end of the line was sympathetic. ‘When did you last hear from him, love?’

  Amanda gave the details, suddenly grateful to James for organising that Monday trip. She was able to sound completely convincing, because it was all true. Except, of course, for the minor detail that it hadn’t been Gareth she’d driven to Lamorna Cove.

  ‘Where was he going to stay on Monday night?’

  They had planned this too. ‘He was aiming for Marazion, but he hadn’t booked anywhere in case he stayed longer in Penzance. He had a bivvy bag with him – he often sleeps outside if the weather’s reasonable.’

  ‘Right. Chances are he’s just lost his phone, but you could come by the station, love, and report him missing. It would be good if you bring a photo of him too, in case we need it.’

  Amanda had anticipated the request for a photo and even managed to find one of Gareth in his walking gear, complete with the red hat. She bundled Jaden into the car feeling completely unreal. Here she was, an ordinary, law-abiding person; she’d never had as much as a parking ticket, yet she had just lied to the police. She jabbed the key into the ignition, pain tightening across her forehead. This was going to be the real point of no return. Staring some police officer in the eye and lying her head off. For a moment Amanda leaned her head on the steering wheel. She’d never felt so bad about herself, not even when she and James started the affair. She wasn’t a criminal; she was a mum, and pregnant at that – and now she was behaving like a character in a crime novel. It was as if she was two people – the woman telling all the lies, and the real Amanda, the one who was suffering.

  Sergeant Jacobs, the uniformed policeman who took the details at the station, was grave without being pessimistic. He listened to Amanda’s story, asking more questions about Gareth’s planned tour and what exactly had happened on Monday morning. Amanda could hear the convincing tremble in her voice as she told her story again, omitting only the detail that she’d swung by Mousehole and Penzance before driving home again. Jaden sat in his buggy staring at the man and sucking his thumb.

  ‘We’ll make enquiries along the route,’ said Sergeant Jacobs. ‘The photo of him in his hiking gear’ll help.’

  ‘His hair’s very dark,’ said Amanda. ‘And his eyes are grey. Like my little boy’s. You can’t see on the photo but they’re unusual – som
eone might remember them. And oh, he’s allergic to penicillin. Just in case he’s hurt when you find him.’ Her voice tailed off. That was good; she’d sounded authentic there.

  ‘But he’s a good hiker?’

  ‘Yes, he’s very keen. He’s done most of the trails, you know, the West Highland Way and the Pennine Way and the like.’

  Sergeant Jacobs looked impressed. ‘Right. Try not to worry. We’ll be in touch.’

  Amanda drove home in a dream. All she wanted to do was curl up and cry, but there was Jaden to look after; she should organise him a clean nappy and some food. What he really needed, of course, was his mummy and daddy happy together and looking after him, but she couldn’t supply that; would never be able to supply that. Amanda changed him, putting him straight into pyjamas for an easy bedtime later, then made macaroni cheese for dinner. Jaden loved it and his little face was bright as he finger-picked his way through his portion. Amanda couldn’t swallow a thing. Gareth and Jaden had shared so much love and the poor baby would never see his Da-dada again. Telling the police what had happened – no, what hadn’t happened – made it seem abruptly and horrifyingly real. Gareth was gone.

  Thinking of Gareth reminded her she would have to phone Susie and tell her about her son going missing. She should have done that before calling the police, actually. Amanda lifted her mobile, remembering that another thing she should have done was get a new mobile and destroy this one.

  She shivered. The worst thing now was the isolation. Apart from these policemen and the neighbour she’d been careful to joke with on Monday evening, she hadn’t spoken to another adult since she dropped James at Penzance. He’d made no effort to contact her – he’d said he wouldn’t, but she hadn’t realised how hard the solitude would be. Hesitantly, Amanda tried his number, but there was no reply. He could have already destroyed his mobile, in fact he probably had. Maybe the postman would bring a letter from him tomorrow. And now for Suze.

  Not unnaturally, Susie was distraught to hear that Gareth was missing and Amanda cursed silently. She should have waited until Jaden was asleep to make this call.

  ‘The police think he might have lost his mobile. They’re making enquiries along the route, Suze, all we can hope is they’ll find him sa – sa – safe and sound.’

  Her voice was trembling; she could hardly speak for tears. She was lying to her mother-in-law, and it would go on, and on, until – what? Until the world accepted that Gareth had been washed out to sea, or until she was arrested for her crimes. Amanda closed her eyes, wishing with all her heart that Gareth could phone and tell her about the spectacular views he’d seen today and where he was going to sleep. But the voice in her ear was Susie’s.

  ‘Call me the minute you hear anything. If there’s no news tomorrow I’ll come down and wait with you.’

  Susie rang off abruptly and Amanda hefted her phone. If she chucked it into a bowl of water today she’d be isolated from the world until she got another. It might be best to wait until tomorrow. Meanwhile, she would prepare for the inconvenience by listing her contacts. Sometimes it was better just to concentrate on the job in hand.

  It was eleven o’clock the next morning before she heard from the police. Sergeant Jacobs arrived with a female officer, and for a macabre moment Amanda wondered if this was because they had bad news. But they couldn’t possibly have found Gareth so there couldn’t be much news.

  They sat down in the living room and Sergeant Jacobs came straight to the point. ‘We haven’t found your husband yet, Mrs Waters, but there are several people who saw him on Monday morning. The owners of the café where you had coffee remember you all, and so does the chap at the kiosk next door. And that’s down to you, young man,’ he said to Jaden, who was on Amanda’s knee. ‘We sent WPC Campbell here along the first segment of the path and she came across this.’

  The WPC opened a bag and produced Gareth’s red hat, wrapped in plastic and looking soggy and grubby. Amanda clasped her hands to her mouth and gaped at the hat. What should she say, what would the correct response be?

  She reached out and took the package, pretending to examine it closely, her brain racing. ‘Oh no. It’s his. His mum made it for him. Oh no.’ Her voice was shaking, good.

  ‘Don’t panic.’ Sergeant Jacob’s voice was kind. ‘By itself, this may not mean much. Monday was a mild day, it could be that he took it off and then dropped it. But in view of this we’re going to extend the search.’

  ‘What does that mean?’ Her voice was afraid, entirely appropriate. He didn’t know she was terrified of being sent to prison for pushing her husband to his accidental death. And how scary it was that she didn’t even have to act now.

  ‘We’ll search the coastline, use boats where possible, co-ordinate with the coastguards. And we’ll increase our efforts to find where he might have slept on Monday night.’ He stood up. ‘Remember there’s still no evidence he’s come to any harm. Let’s wait and see what happens. Someone will come by tomorrow. Is there anybody you could contact to be with you?’

  ‘My mother-in-law’s coming down from Glasgow.’

  The officers let themselves out, and Amanda grabbed Jaden and sobbed into his neck. She was allowed to be distraught now, and soon she’d be able to grieve, and thank God for that, because grieving was way too mild a word for the emotion she felt. And now she’d better phone Susie before destroying her mobile.

  Susie sounded calm, but Amanda knew she’d be anything but. Gareth’s mother was never one to wear her heart on her sleeve.

  ‘I’ll come down as soon as I can,’ she said. ‘If I can’t get a flight to Newquay I’ll fly to London and get the train out west.’

  ‘Thanks, Suze,’ Amanda managed, realising she didn’t sound at all grateful – but then under the circumstances she didn’t need to. She ended the call and stared at her phone. Time to wreak some destruction, and one thing she’d learned from Monday was that a dress rehearsal made an explanation sound a lot more convincing.

  ‘Jaden, come to Mummy, sweetheart.’ She swept him up and carried him upstairs to the bathroom. ‘Drop Mummy’s phone in the loo, sweetie.’

  Jaden didn’t need to be told twice. Amanda’s mobile plopped into the blue water and sank.

  Going into town for a new phone felt reassuringly normal. The man in the shop was sympathetic when she told him what had happened, and told her about his sister who’d dropped hers the previous Sunday while she was leaning over a bridge at the Eden Project. On the way home Amanda went into a supermarket she didn’t normally use to stock up for Susie’s visit. It was better to avoid her local store where she’d meet half the neighbourhood and have to tell them about Gareth’s disappearance. Buying food reminded Amanda she hadn’t eaten anything proper for days, and she rubbed her middle uneasily. That wouldn’t be good for the baby. She should be more careful.

  Back home, she spent the rest of the afternoon getting to know her new phone and texting people with the number. Doing this reminded her of the laptop, and when Jaden was in bed she sat down with it and opened both her own and Gareth’s email accounts. Thank goodness she knew his password. A check through their inboxes and various folders revealed nothing incriminating and Amanda sat back, exhausted. She lifted the glossy mag she’d splashed out on the week before, but there was no way she could read inconsequential gossip. Gareth was dead and she was alive… Amanda closed her eyes, fighting to keep control. When she looked down again, she had torn the front of the magazine into shreds. Take the guilt to bed, Amanda.

  Tomorrow would be busy. She would have to contact people and tell them Gareth was missing, not least of all her own parents in Barcelona. She should have done that before now. It was so difficult to know what the normal reaction to mislaying your husband might be, but she could make her father’s heart condition the excuse for not worrying them sooner. And Susie would arrive, hoping her boy would be found safe. For a long time Amanda lay awake, thinking of the child she had been and the adult she had become. When was all this going
to end?

  The following morning Amanda stood buttoning a fresh cover on the duvet in her own room, hoping Susie would accept the story that Jaden was sleeping badly and needed his mother’s company at night. Suze would arrive that afternoon, and there would be no peace until she went back home again. It would be acting all the time. Amanda heard a car draw up outside – oh hell, the acting wasn’t only for Suze. Sergeant Jacob and the same WPC walked up the path, and to Amanda’s dismay the sergeant’s face was rigid. There was little sign of the comforting presence today.

  Heart thumping, Amanda showed them into the living room, where Jaden was playing with his bricks.

  ‘Mrs Baxter, I have some news for you and I’m afraid it’s not very good,’ said the sergeant, sinking heavily into the sofa.

  Amanda was relieved to hear nothing but kindness in his voice. Whatever had happened, they didn’t suspect her. She stared, feeling that no response was best.

  ‘We’ve found a rucksack washed up further round the coast from Lamorna, and in one of the inside pockets there’s a discount card for a sports shop in Newquay, in your husband’s name. No other contents. The flap was open.’

  He paused, and Amanda gaped at him. She’d had no idea about the card but thank goodness it had been there – it had identified the rucksack as Gareth’s.

  The sergeant continued. ‘We’ve also heard from a hiker who saw a man answering to your husband’s description on the coastal path between Lamorna and Mousehole. He wasn’t wearing his hat and the witness said he looked a bit hot and bothered, but he’s pretty sure it was the man on the photo.’

  Amanda breathed out. It was going to work. Thank God James and Gareth were – had been – so similar in appearance. You should never have started this, a voice whispered in her head, and it was true – but they had started, and for Jaden’s sake she had to carry on with the subterfuge. She forced her attention back to Sergeant Jacobs.