Chosen Child

by Linda Huber

  Soraya lifted the lid from the bottom section and too late Amanda saw Rick’s St Christopher still lying there. She’d forgotten all about that. Would Soraya…?

  ‘Daddy’s got one like that. He was wearing it at the party. Is this yours?’ Soraya lifted the chain and swung the medallion round. Amanda grabbed it before it hit her in the face. Time to talk about something completely different.

  ‘It was my husband’s. A lot of men have one. Look, try this bracelet. My godmother gave it to me when I was eighteen.’

  Soraya wasn’t to be distracted. ‘Mummy said it was a St. Christ or something.’

  ‘St Christopher. He’s the patron saint of travellers.’

  Soraya bent over the gold disc. ‘Pro – te – ctus. What’s that?’

  ‘Protect us. It means when they wear this, people think St Christopher will keep them safe.’

  ‘Did your husband think that too?’

  Amanda swayed on the sofa. But the child hadn’t meant to be cruel. ‘He – um, yes, he always wore it. That’s why I keep it. To remember him. Want to try this bracelet? They’re real emeralds.’

  Soraya was polishing the medallion on her sleeve. ‘There’s a mark on it. My daddy’s has – emeralds? Are they jewels?’

  Amanda sagged in relief as the St Christopher was abandoned in favour of the emeralds.

  They were sorting through earrings when Jaden’s sleepy voice called out, and Amanda closed the jewellery box. She rushed through to the kitchen for a yoghurt to keep Soraya occupied, and crept back into Jaden’s room, where she sat rubbing his back until his eyes closed again. Leaning forwards made her jeans tight round the middle; in a couple of weeks her pregnancy would be obvious – and what did she think about that? People were getting used to her as ‘the woman whose husband fell into the ocean’ – soon they would be thinking of her as ‘the pregnant woman whose husband fell into the ocean’. It wasn’t an alluring prospect.

  Back in the living room, Soraya was watching cartoons, and Amanda went to clear the kitchen. A few minutes later her mobile buzzed.

  ‘We’re walking up towards your building,’ said Ella. ‘I didn’t want to wake Jaden with the doorbell.’

  The perfect plan flashed into Amanda’s head. She needed to speak to Rick, alone, and there was an easy way to achieve this. Enter the helpless little woman…

  ‘I’ll bring Soraya down, shall I? Did you have a nice time?’

  ‘Great, thanks.’

  Ella’s voice was anything but enthusiastic and Amanda nodded. There was definitely trouble in Paradise, and she was about to add to it as far as Daddy was concerned.

  Ella was just outside, but Rick was several yards away on the pavement when Amanda opened the street door. She smiled to herself. His face was thinner than a few weeks ago. For a second she wondered if she was doing the right thing, then Jaden’s voice crackled through the baby monitor in her hand.

  ‘Bye, Soraya love, you were a big help to me tonight,’ she said, smiling at Ella then raising her voice. ‘Rick, can I ask you a favour – I need to change the filter on the air-conditioning but the catch has jammed - ’ His face was stiff and Amanda turned back to Ella. ‘Can I borrow his strong arm for a minute?’

  ‘Sure. See you at home, Rick.’

  Amanda ran back upstairs, the sweat of fear damp on her back. Rick was right behind her – would she be able to carry this through?

  ‘What are you playing at, Amanda?’ His voice was higher than usual.

  ‘Hush. Let me see if Jaden’ll go back down. Help yourself to a drink.’

  Amanda stayed in Jaden’s room for several minutes, although the little boy wasn’t really awake.

  Rick glared when she joined him in the living room. ‘Congratulations. You’ve got your way – I’m here. What do you want?’

  Amanda patted her belly. ‘To remind you our baby’s in here.’ She saw him wince. Ah – that had struck a nerve. Maybe he wasn’t as indifferent to the baby as he was making out.

  ‘You don’t know that.’

  ‘I think I do, Rick, and I think I want a whole lot more support than you’re giving me, too. And you’re going to help me, aren’t you? If I mention to the police what happened to Gareth they’d soon make you tell what you did with the body. And it’s your word against mine that it was an accident, isn’t it?’

  He blinked at her, and she noticed his eyes had somehow sunk into the dark circles surrounding them.

  ‘How much?’ he said, his voice quite unlike the voice she remembered as James’. It was Amanda’s turn to wince. What had happened to her? The start of the affair had been as much her fault as his.

  ‘I don’t want money,’ she said, stepping towards him.

  The kiss was as passionate as any they’d ever shared and oh, being back in his arms was everything she’d ever dreamed of.

  After a few moments he broke away and stared at her, eyes wide. ‘Do you want to destroy me?’

  Amanda’s heart was thundering under her ribs – would the baby feel it? ‘Of course not. All I want is a life for me and my children and I think that’s what you want too.’

  He almost ran to the door. ‘I don’t – I can’t – I’ll have to think what to do. I’ll get some money to you.’

  Amanda heard the outside door bang as he left the building. She stood at the kitchen window as he went on up the hill. He wasn’t hurrying now, was he, it was clear poor Rick was in no hurry to get home. Next time it would be more than a kiss, she thought. He would come back to her. And she would make him tell her where Gareth was. Satisfied, Amanda poured orange juice and took it back to the sofa.

  It was all still there between her and Rick. Poor Ella, and poor Soraya; they were going to lose him.

  Idly, she lifted the jewellery box and began to organise her pieces back into their usual places. Soraya wasn’t a girly girl in many ways, but she loved pretty things. There. The top was tidy again, and all they’d looked at from the bottom section was –

  Amanda lifted the lid of the smallest compartment and the shock made her heart beat as swiftly as when she and Rick had kissed.

  The St Christopher was gone.

  Chapter Nine

  Saturday 28th – Sunday 29th June

  Ella rubbed her eyes, waiting for Soraya to finish her teeth and get into bed. The evening had been a disaster from start to finish. Why had it all gone so wrong? She’d booked a table at a favourite restaurant, one within walking distance so she and Rick could have a couple of glasses of wine. She’d chatted about holidays, old friends, and a load of other fun trivia all through the meal, planning to start the heart-to-heart over coffee, when they’d be feeling full and mellow and the waiter wouldn’t be bobbing around all the time. But Rick had seen right through this and interrupted as soon as she started.

  ‘Ella, listen. I don’t want to talk about it. Hear that? We’ve had problems at work but they’re nearly fixed, and I know I’ve been a pain in the bum at home, but talking it over and over isn’t going to help. So leave it. Please.’

  ‘But Soraya needs -’

  ‘And maybe I need to think about something other than Soraya all the time. Maybe I need a wife as my partner and not a mummy. I’ll have the bill, please.’ This last was to the waiter.

  And that had been it as far as Ella’s frank discussion was concerned. It was all she could do not to howl in exasperation. Her family was falling apart and she didn’t know what to do about it.

  Soraya jumped into bed, the picture of a good child, and for the millionth time Ella blessed the adoption party. She would never have believed it was possible to love a child so much.

  ‘’Night, sweetheart. I’m glad you had a nice time with Jaden and Amanda.’

  ‘I like Amanda better than Daddy.’

  Soraya closed her eyes, and Ella perched on the edge of the bed. Should she say something? But a late bedtime wasn’t ideal for starting potentially complicated conversations. What had Soraya heard on Wednesday night, and what had she unders
tood? How cruel Rick had been, saying he didn’t want the child. Even if it was the whisky talking, it probably had its roots in the truth. That was terrifying. They needed to talk about Soraya as much as they needed to talk about how to get their marriage back on track.

  Ella sat stroking the little girl’s hair for a few moments. She’d done this on Wednesday too, but Soraya had pretended to be asleep. ‘’Night, ’night, sleep tight, I love you,’ she said at last.

  Soraya blinked sleepy eyes and gave her a wonderful smile.

  Easing out of the room, Ella heard the front door open and close. So Amanda’s filter had been quickly dealt with. At least Rick hadn’t made it an excuse to stay longer and avoid further confrontation at home. Ella stood on the upstairs landing, undecided. She was in a real lose-lose situation here. If she went downstairs and tried again Rick might be even more infuriated. If she went down and talked about the state of British beaches, he would have won. And he was being ridiculous. They had to talk. Ella marched downstairs.

  Rick was in the kitchen, sipping a glass of water. Ella sat at the table.

  ‘Rick. I’m sorry but we have to talk about why you said didn’t want Soraya. It was cruel – I’m appalled.’

  He didn’t look at her. ‘I was drunk. Let it go, Ella. It was bad luck she came down right then but she’ll have forgotten by now. I didn’t mean it.’

  Ella’s head reeled. Forgotten, her foot. All she wanted to do was shake him and scream about his insensitivity, but… they could not have a big bust up. As it was – suppose Soraya said something to Liz?

  ‘So you’re happy about the adoption?’

  His eyes met hers then swivelled away. ‘Yes. But don’t push it, Ella. We’ve said enough tonight.’

  She got up, unconvinced. It was horrible, leaving things unsaid, just to keep the peace. But too much said could delay the adoption and that was the last thing any of them needed. The best way to show Soraya she was loved and wanted was to carry on and get things finalised.

  Demonstratively, Ella lifted her eBook without looking at Rick.

  ‘I’m going to bed. Have a good think, Rick. That kind of thing can’t happen again.’

  She lay in bed, reading the same paragraph over and over and listening as he moved around downstairs and then came up – and went into the spare room. The door clicked shut behind him. Shocked, Ella dropped the eReader on her chest. When was the last time – but there wasn’t a last time. None of the arguments they’d had before had resulted in them sleeping apart. And come to think of it, they hadn’t had sex since Soraya’s arrival. Horror mixed with desperation chilled its way through Ella. Supposing her marriage broke down completely and they took Soraya away?

  The little girl was standing in the kitchen when Ella went down the next morning. Ella bent to kiss her but Soraya ducked, an aggrieved look on her face.

  ‘You weren’t here.’

  ‘Sorry, sweetie. I was tired. Do you want cornflakes?’

  ‘I want to go to the beach.’

  Ella handed over the variety pack she’d bought the day before. ‘Look, you can choose your cereal. We’ll go to the beach this afternoon, okay?’

  Soraya chose Coco-Pops, her expression still sombre.

  ‘You look a bit sad. Want a hug?’ said Ella when they were finished, but Soraya ran upstairs.

  Give her time, thought Ella. She must have noticed the atmosphere in the house, and if she’d heard Rick on Wednesday… Oh dear, she should talk about it to Soraya too. ‘Least said soonest mended’ was the coward’s way out. When the girl came back down Ella beckoned her into the living room.

  ‘Let’s have a chat on the sofa. Sweetie, I know things have been difficult for a few days. Daddy’s had problems at work and it’s made him grumpy, but they’re almost fixed so everything’ll be better very soon. I’m sorry if you felt we didn’t want you. We do. You’re our Soraya and that will never change.’

  Soraya nodded. She took a deep breath and Ella held hers – would the child say what she felt about Rick’s behaviour?

  ‘I found something at Amanda’s yesterday.’

  Ella breathed out slowly, disappointment gnawing at her middle. But if a grown man couldn’t talk about his feelings, it was unrealistic to expect a six-year-old to talk about hers. Take this at her pace, Ella.

  She tried to look interested and encouraging. ‘What was that?’

  Soraya ran upstairs and returned clutching something to her chest, then dropped a medallion on a gold chain into Ella’s hand. Ella’s fingers closed round the chain as she struggled to say the right thing. Didn’t Soraya know stealing was wrong?

  ‘Sweetheart, you can’t just take things – ’

  ‘It’s Daddy’s. I saw the mark where he drove on it.’

  Ella opened her fist and examined the medallion. Dear heavens, it was Rick’s. There was the blackened little dent on one side of the medallion… Hot confusion swept through Ella. Rick had never been to Amanda’s before yesterday – had he? Impossible to know what to think, but Soraya was waiting for an answer.

  ‘You’re right. There must have been a misunderstanding sometime – I’ll sort it out.’ Soraya frowned, and Ella hugged her. ‘Sweetheart, I know you weren’t stealing this, and I’m glad, because stealing’s wrong. People go to prison for it. But thank you for telling me. We’ll have a chat about it another time.’

  Another time when she’d had the chance to work out what to say… And why was she having to do all the parenting?

  The sound of Rick upstairs galvanised Ella into action. No way did she want a confrontation between Rick and Soraya about the St Christopher before she had a chance to find out what was going on. ‘Let’s go and look at your shell garden. We can collect more this afternoon.’

  Next door, Owen was setting up a sprinkler on his lawn. ‘Hi, ladies, how’re you doing?’ He came and leaned on his usual spot on the fence.

  ‘Daddy’s cross,’ said Soraya, kneeling by her shell garden.

  Ella joined Owen. ‘He’s had problems at work and he’s finding it hard to – adjust,’ she said, waving vaguely at Soraya.

  Owen pulled a face. ‘Takes time. He’ll get there. Listen, about that dinner we mentioned once – why don’t the three of you come to us tonight? I’m still on leave so I’ve plenty of time to cook, and I do a mean lasagne – if that would be to her ladyship’s taste?’

  ‘I like lasagne,’ called Soraya, and Ella and Owen laughed.

  Ella accepted the invitation and went to join Soraya, but oh, dear, if her poor daughter had heard and understood that remark, the odds were she’d understood Rick’s stupid statement last week too. Lots of love and attention for Soraya today, thought Ella, no matter how grumpy the child was.

  Soraya wasn’t the only one who was grumpy. When Rick appeared he barely gave her a second glance, and Ella’s frustration levels rose even further.

  ‘We’re invited next door for dinner tonight,’ she said, wondering if this really was a good idea.

  ‘Fine. Some intelligent conversation at last,’ said Rick. ‘I’m going to do the accounts, please don’t disturb me.’

  He marched into the dining room and closed the door, and Ella looked round for her mobile. Soraya was playing basketball so this was a good opportunity to ask Amanda about the St Christopher. The other woman sounded breezy, and for a few moments they chatted about the weather and Jaden, then Ella grasped her courage.

  ‘Soraya brought home a gold St Christopher last night, it’s Rick’s and - ’

  ‘Oh Lord, yes, I meant to call you about that. Jaden must have lifted it when he was at your place – I found it in the pocket of his overall. Sorry, Ella.’

  Ella breathed out slowly. The simplest explanation. Why on earth hadn’t she thought of that?

  ‘No problem. Kids are like magpies, aren’t they?’ She ended the call feeling happier. Now to reassure Soraya. The little girl was sitting in front of the buddleia, eyes shining as multi-coloured butterflies flitted round purple blooms,
and Ella crossed the grass, glancing into the shed as she passed. The mess of concrete on one half of the floor didn’t look any better now it was dry.

  She squatted beside Soraya. ‘I’ve sorted things with Amanda about the St Christopher. Jaden took it from here last week.’

  Soraya shook her head. ‘She said it was her husband’s.’

  Ella frowned. ‘She must have meant my husband’s?’

  ‘She meant the lost husband. She said he always wore it.’ Soraya turned back to her shells.

  Ella wandered back across the garden, her thoughts so confused she couldn’t remember who’d said what first. Rick did almost always wear the medallion, but she’d noticed the catch was broken so that would be why he’d left it lying around for Jaden to lift. But…

  There was something wrong about the medallion story, but for the life of her she couldn’t see what.

  Chapter Ten

  Sunday 29th June

  Rick logged out of his e-banking account and pushed the laptop away. So now the bills for June were paid, bloody brilliant. And his wife was out in the garden with the child that was going to be their own, and probably neither of them were speaking to him. Fear for the future brought tears to his eyes – he hadn’t wanted this, not for a moment. He regretted… no, he didn’t regret ever setting eyes on Amanda. He regretted the mess they were in.

  In fact, the more he thought about it, the more he felt that he and Amanda would be each other’s future. His marriage had taken a nose-dive as soon as they’d made the decision to adopt, and there was no way back that he could see. Seeing Ella as supermum had killed the passion. Amanda was different; she managed to be a mother and a lover at the same time. He’d treated her abominably, but that had been down to the stress. She would forgive him, last night’s kiss had shown that. And they had a lot going for them – good sex, a similar sense of humour… and a baby.

  And the Gareth secret.

  Gareth’s marble face flashed in front of his eyes and Rick groaned aloud. Amanda’s ex was going to bind them together for all eternity, and they needed to organise that eternity, starting with a fool-proof plan for the next few months. It would be a slow kind of plan, because the whole shed thing would only work if Ella co-operated enough to move out of here. For his wife, no plan would be good unless Soraya was in it, which meant the adoption had to be finalised before they separated.