by Linda Huber
Okay, he had the rest of the day to be a nice daddy, get Ella back on side enough to give him some space – and have dinner with the neighbours, which would be the good bit. Time to grovel.
His positive mood lasted as far as the kitchen.
Ella was extracting the new star-shaped ice cubes from their tray, Soraya bobbing up and down beside her. The child glanced at Rick and he swallowed; her face was nothing but antagonistic – but what could he expect?
‘I found your gold chain at Amanda’s and then she told a lie,’ she said, taking her glass of fizzy orange plus star-shaped ice to the table.
Rick felt his eyes glaze over. The St Christopher… hell, where was it? Sweat broke out on his brow. What was he supposed to say here? Ella was watching him, and he forced a smile.
‘I’m sure she wouldn’t do that, honey. You must have misunderstood.’ He slid a cup under the coffee machine.
‘I didn’t. And she said it was her husband’s but he’s gone. And I don’t want you either.’ Her tone was entirely matter of fact. Rick glared at her before remembering he was trying to be nice.
‘I’m sorry I said that, Soraya. I didn’t mean - ’ He could only watch as she ran from the room. The kitchen door slammed behind her.
Ella was staring at him and there was no friendliness in her eyes. ‘I’m not sure what you’re trying to do, Rick, but you’re not going about it the right way.’
He felt his ribs rise and fall as he prepared his little speech in his head. Now for it. ‘Ella, love, I want things to be better again but I’m going to need some time. It’s all been too much – work, the adoption, all the changes in our lives - ’
‘None of that is Soraya’s fault. She’s the innocent victim here and your behaviour is – abysmal.’
He closed his eyes to hide his impatience. Every single damned thing came back to Soraya. But try again, Rick. You can do this.
‘I’m truly sorry. I was thinking… please, can we give each other some space for a week or two? Live life as it comes and not bother each other. I do still need to get the work thing finalised – but I’ll soon have that behind me.’ He saw the question on her face and hurried on. ‘How about planning a big celebration when the adoption’s finalised? And we could have a little holiday, the three of us. Visit your parents.’
She stood with her head on one side, and he held his breath. ‘Okay. Mum suggested it too, when I called at the weekend. There’s a kids’ exhibition in York this summer. I’ll get Soraya back in and we’ll tell her all that. And the most important thing is, Rick, that you don’t make any more stupid remarks about not wanting her. She’s not a boy, but she’s going to be our child.’
Rick stood straighter. Sorted. But Ella knew if their marriage went down the pan the adoption might never be finalised. She would agree to anything he suggested – he should grab this chance while he had it.
Soraya came back inside, and again Rick explained about the family holiday and celebrating the adoption. A tiny smile appeared on the little girl’s face, and the tight band Rick hadn’t realised was there round his head relaxed. He would manage this.
Ella was rinsing glasses. ‘By the way, I’ll call the builder about the shed floor, shall I? You don’t need to feel you have to fix it yourself.’
The biscuit tin Rick was holding clattered to the kitchen floor. ‘No – leave that to me, Ella. Some physical work is just what I need to – to distract me.’
It took all the acting power he had, but he managed to bluff his way through the rest of the afternoon, and an early dinner next door. Owen and his mother were good company, and conversation flowed, even Soraya chatting away like a good child. And Ella’s expression when she looked at the girl was – besotted, thought Rick. The woman he’d married had turned into a mummy-machine, but that would help him out of the mess. And, as this dinner was proving an effective distraction, he should organise more things like this for them. If Ella was distracted she wouldn’t start wondering about things he didn’t want her to wonder about.
Back home, Ella chased Soraya towards bed. Rick stopped her as she was following the little girl upstairs.
‘I’ll pop into the office, check what’s come in over the weekend, get ready for next week. Well-prepared is half – whatever.’
‘Half done,’ said Ella.
He saw her uncertainty and willingness to believe him, and continued gently. ‘Don’t wait up, love. Oh, and I’ll stay in the spare room for a bit. I’ve been waking a lot at night, and it’s easier if I can put the light on and read. You need your sleep – you have to be rested for Soraya.’
There was no expression at all on her face now.
Amanda was watching television when he arrived. She turned the sound down but didn’t switch the set off, which made Rick think he had a bit of buttering up to do here too.
‘Cards on the table,’ he said, sitting on the armchair and leaning towards the sofa. ‘I was the biggest bastard in creation to leave you alone like that. I was terrified if we were seen together someone might have rumbled us -’ hell, he was beginning to sound like a bad movie, ‘- and I panicked. I do want to be with you and Jaden and the baby, and I think that’s what you want too. But we need to wait up for now. Let things settle with Gareth and my home situation. Come the autumn, the adoption’ll be finalised and we can be together properly.’
Her eyes narrowed. ‘What did you do with Gareth?’
He took her hand. ‘Amanda, you don’t need to know. Don’t worry, I’m sure you’d be fine with what I did. But if you know nothing, you can’t give anything away. What’s happening with the police?’
She removed her hand and went through to the kitchen. He followed and watched as she poured two glasses of grape and elderflower. Rick had to fight to look grateful – what wouldn’t he give for a double Glenmorangie in that glass.
‘They reckon he’s in the sea. The search has been called off. At some point he’ll be declared dead and I’ll get a widowed parent’s allowance.’
She leaned against the sink, somehow looking tough and vulnerable at the same time, and Rick felt his heart start its usual anticipatory dance. It was going to be all right… ‘And you’re okay for cash?’
‘I’m on benefits and I’ve got some freelance secretarial work. Could do with a new computer, though.’
‘I’ll get you one. We should -’
‘I’m going to Scotland tomorrow,’ she interrupted. ‘To stay with Gareth’s mum. For a week.’
Relief crashed over Rick. An absent Amanda would give him space to sort out Ella and Soraya. ‘Excellent. You have a think about what you want to do, and I’ll get things organised at home. We’re going to Ella’s parents when the school holidays start, and after that…’
She set her glass down and came to stand in front of him, putting one hand on his chest and running the other down his side.
‘After that,’ she said, her lips brushing his chin, ‘It’ll be our time, won’t it?’
He kissed her, feeling her body mould itself to his for a few moments until he pulled her towards the bedroom. Oh yes, it was all still there between them.
Part Three
Downslide
Chapter One
Thursday 17th – Friday 18th July
‘Woo-hoo! Summer holidays!’ Soraya raced across the playground, and Ella caught the little girl’s hand as she swung to a halt by the gate.
‘Yes – and we’re going to enjoy them, aren’t we?’
Soraya’s face was a picture. ‘Can we go for ice cream now?’
Warm satisfaction filled Ella. ‘Why not? And we’ll make a celebration pizza for dinner!’
They wandered along the sea front, Soraya dripping chocolate soft ice all the way down the front of her school sweatshirt, but what the heck. Ella beamed. It was lovely to see the child so happy. It wasn’t that Soraya didn’t like school, just… Ella sighed. They’d been invited for a ‘chat’ with Soraya’s teacher the week before and while the woman genuinely appea
red to like her new pupil, it hadn’t been all good news. They were to have Soraya’s hearing tested in the holidays, to make sure her concentration problem wasn’t at least partially caused by poor hearing. It didn’t sound likely to Ella, but who was she to judge?
Another thing that was testing now was her daughter’s behaviour at home. The honeymoon phase was over and Soraya was pushing her boundaries all the time. Ella tried to be patient, and actually it wasn’t Soraya’s cheek that had her fizzing with resentment, it was Rick’s calm assumption that she would do all the parenting necessary – anyone watching would think the two of them were playing good cop/bad cop with their daughter. It was boring being bad cop all the time, but in spite of this Soraya seemed to prefer being with Ella.
The little girl stopped to gaze into a shop window full of seaside souvenirs, and Ella smiled at their reflection in the glass. A tall blonde mother and a dark-haired wisp of a child, her child; she could feel it all the way to her soul. The wait to become official parents was nearly over. They had a court date on the 20th of August, and then hallelujah, they’d have made it.
Turning into Cedar Road, Ella was unsurprised to see no sign of the car in their driveway. That would have been too much to expect, she thought resignedly. Rick had always been home early before Soraya came to stay, but nowadays it was more often after seven before he appeared. Ella couldn’t get rid of the feeling that he was avoiding spending time with them. Yes, it had turned into ‘him’ and ‘us’. Yet he was more intent than ever on having the adoption finalised. At least, he talked about it regularly, but… Ella bit her lip. His adoption talk – something about it wasn’t genuine, but she couldn’t put her finger on what was wrong.
At ten past seven the car lurched into the driveway and Rick emerged, switching on a grin as soon as he saw her at the window.
‘Hi, honey. Hi, love.’ He tossed a packet of crisps to Soraya, and came to kiss Ella’s cheek.
It was difficult not to scream at him. What on earth did he think he was doing? A peck on the cheek twice a day was the sum total of their physical relationship now; a symptom of the decay in their marriage. Rick was still sleeping in the spare room, and although she had tried to say they’d never make their marriage work like this, he wouldn’t change. Which didn’t make her feel great. Had he gone off her completely? Yet she was still ‘love’ – and he brought flowers too, once a week at least. A guilty conscience? But he couldn’t be having an affair, he was home every evening. Nothing about his behaviour added up, but at least he was always nice to Soraya now. Although… Ella joined them, frowning as Rick examined the drawings the girl had brought home from school. Soraya still wasn’t relaxed in Rick’s company. Trust had been broken, and it would take a long time to rebuild it. Hopefully Liz wouldn’t notice, because a postponement of the court date was the last thing they needed. And talking of Liz, the adoption worker was visiting them tomorrow for the last time before the holidays. Had Rick remembered?
As usual, Ella had coffee ready in the kitchen when Liz arrived. The social worker wasn’t one for formality.
‘Where’s Soraya this morning?’ Liz helped herself to sugar.
‘Getting dressed. First long lie-in of the holidays and all that.’ Ella passed the biscuits, noticing that Rick was shifting around on his chair. He was having to take an hour off work for this meeting, but big deal. He was there until nearly seven in the evening nowadays so it couldn’t be a problem – could it?
Feet thundering on the stairs was followed by a thud and a shriek before Soraya burst into the kitchen, clutching her head.
‘I banged my head on the banister!’
Rick was nearest and Ella was glad – and surprised, to be honest – to see him reach out to the child, but she swerved away and buried her head in Ella’s front. A cuddle and a cold cloth followed by some magic cream did the trick, and Soraya ate her cereal at her usual breakneck speed. When she pushed her bowl away Liz stood up, looking from Ella to Rick.
‘Maybe Soraya could show me her shell garden, and afterwards the three of us can have a talk?’
Soraya jumped up and led the way outside.
Ella clasped shaking hands under her chin. Liz had never suggested ‘a talk’ so specifically before. ‘She’s noticed something.’
‘Like what?’
‘Oh for heaven’s sake, Rick, stop pretending everything’s all right; it’s infuriating. Anyone with half a brain can see things are all wrong here.’
A muscle was jumping in the corner of his eye, and she stared at it. Where had that come from?
He turned his head away. ‘You’re exaggerating. As usual. Don’t worry, I’ll explain to Liz.’
Ella propped her elbows on the table and leaned her head on both hands. There was no time to talk tactics; all she could hope was Rick’s explanation wouldn’t make things worse. And hopefully too Liz wouldn’t look in the shed, because the floor was still an embarrassing mess.
Liz appeared at the kitchen door. ‘She sure loves those shells, doesn’t she?’ She sat down and opened her folder, frowning as she shuffled a couple of papers around. ‘So, just a few more weeks and then you’re finalised. Ella, Rick – is everything all right? I couldn’t help feeling a tension in the air. Is there anything I can help with?’
Rick leaned back in his chair. ‘You know us too well. I’ve had work-related problems this summer, and I suppose it’s made me grumpy, but it’s just a blip. We’re going to stay with Ella’s parents in Yorkshire tomorrow so we’ll be able to do loads of family things there. Did Soraya say anything?’
‘It was more what she didn’t say. She seems happier in Ella’s company. No doubts about the adoption, then?’ She was looking straight at Rick, and Ella held her breath.
‘It can’t come soon enough for me.’ The sincerity in his voice was unmistakable, and Liz laughed.
‘Won’t be much longer now. Summer holidays first, then you’ll be official parents.’
Yes, thought Ella, and the problem with summer holidays was they’d be together all day, every day for the next two weeks. It suddenly sounded like a very long time. Was the visit to her parents – where they’d have to share a bedroom – really a good idea? But Mum and Dad would be disappointed if they didn’t go.
‘I don’t know when I’ll be home tonight, might be after seven again,’ said Rick, when Liz had gone. ‘I’ll have to leave things in order for the others while I’m away.’
Exhaustion washed over Ella. ‘Does it matter? All you do when you are here is avoid talking about the important stuff.’
He patted her shoulder and she cringed. His touch made her cringe.
‘Don’t worry, Ella. There’ll be plenty of time to talk when we’re on holiday, and new things to think about too.’
He drove off, and Ella slumped, then turned to the stairs. She would pack a case for each of them, ready for the journey tomorrow. Then she and Soraya would go to the beach. At least she could give her girl a happy day.
It was after five when they returned home, and to Ella’s surprise the car was in the driveway. Soraya ran up the garden with the new shells, carefully washed in sea water, and Ella took the swimming things in through the kitchen door. She’d need to use the dryer to have this lot ready to go tomorrow; an afternoon at the beach the day before they left maybe hadn’t been such a clever idea. She plonked the beach bag on a chair and pulled out the towels. Rick was on the phone, she could hear his voice in the dining room. Hopefully they wouldn’t call him from work every five minutes while they were away. But… was this work calling? Rick’s voice sounded odd…
Ella inched towards the dining room and leaned her head on the door frame. It was a long, long time since she’d heard that tone in Rick’s voice. Bile rose in her throat.
‘Oh, darling, I know, it was such bad luck… it’s only another four weeks… I’ll call you every day… ’Bye, sweetheart.’
Horror and fury vied for space in her head and Ella shoved the door open, spitting the words out
. ‘Who the hell were you talking to?’
Was she doing the right thing, confronting him? It had been a gut reaction. For her own self-respect, she had to say something.
Rick dropped his phone on the table, his face expressionless. ‘I’m sorry you heard that, Ella, but if you do things my way it’ll all work out for you and Soraya. Please.’
Ella couldn’t stop her temper boiling over. He had another woman – bloody hell, who was it? – and what did he mean by ‘It’ll all work out’? Was that a threat – if she didn’t co-operate with his sordid little affair, he would sabotage the adoption?
‘Are you blackmailing me?’
His voice was tired. ‘Ella, we’re going to do this my way. You know it’s Soraya you want, not me, so don’t pretend to be so indignant.’
‘That is so not true. And how stupid – oh, get out of my sight, Rick. Go.’
Hearing Soraya skip into the kitchen, Ella fled upstairs. She couldn’t speak to him now with Soraya looking on. Dear God in heaven, what could she do? They couldn’t possibly all go on holiday to her parents and pretend everything was all right. What could she do to make this better? And Soraya – her beautiful girl…
Tears dripping from her chin, Ella went into the bathroom and turned on the shower to drown her sobs. She sat on the stool, face buried in her towel, her body shaking. This was the worst thing, the most awful thing…
The sound of the car driving off calmed her. Thank heavens, he’d gone. She didn’t have to go downstairs and look at him. Ella splashed cold water on her cheeks and examined her face in the mirror. She wouldn’t win Miss Cornwall, but a six-year-old wouldn’t notice that. A slosh of lippie and some powder and she almost looked normal. And – best idea ever – she would call her parents and tell them she and Soraya would be visiting by themselves. A complete break from the situation here was the only way forward.
