by Linda Huber
‘How about pasta bake for tea?’ she called as she ran downstairs. ‘You can chop some ham to put in it – Soraya?’
The house was silent, and Ella went into the garden.
‘Soraya?’
Nothing.
Cold sweat broke out on Ella’s forehead. No. Oh no. Her breath ragged, she ran back inside. The living room was empty. She stumbled into the dining room and the world spun darkly. The cases… she’d left them by the sideboard, ready for tomorrow’s departure.
One case stood there now. Her own.
Chapter Two
Saturday 19th July
‘Can you be a big boy and walk downstairs for Mummy?’
Amanda held out her hand and Jaden gripped it, reaching for the banister with the other plump fist. It was a good thing he enjoyed being independent; there was a lot of him to carry when you had a buggy under the other arm. It took them forever to get to the ground floor this way, but at least it was easy going.
Jaden climbed into his buggy at the bottom and sat prodding the fading rash on his leg. Amanda pulled a face. Talk about bad luck. The rash had flared up yesterday after lunch, and getting it checked out ruined her last day with Rick till after his holiday. She’d wanted to cook dinner for him but by the time she arrived back from the doctor’s it was after five and Rick had given up and gone home. Tears flooded Amanda’s eyes. She was going to miss their late afternoon dates. He’d taken to coming by three or four times a week after work, for an hour or two. Sometimes she managed to organise Jaden into a nap and she and Rick spent the time in bed, and when that didn’t work they had family time. Jaden loved having Rick round.
Halfway up the hill, Amanda paused. It was juvenile, walking past Rick and Ella’s to see if she could catch a glimpse of him before they left. Something a teenager would do. But she couldn’t help it; she was in love. The fact that he’d left her for so long was forgiven, if not forgotten – she could understand how he might have panicked about someone finding out what happened to Gareth.
The minute the thought entered her head, the usual doubt wormed in after it and Amanda stopped again, her breath catching. What had happened to Gareth?
‘Up, up!’ Jaden bounced in the buggy, then turned to look at her, dark hair flopping into his eyes in exactly the same way Gareth’s had. In the two months since Gareth’s death, his son had changed from a baby into a little boy. How tragic.
‘Up the hill, that’s right. And next time you can walk, you heavy lump!’
Ten yards of hard pushing brought them to Cedar Road and Amanda turned left thankfully, disappointment flashing through her when she saw the empty driveway at Rick’s house. She was too late – they had gone. A lump swelled in her throat as she pictured the three of them in the car, Rick driving and Ella beside him chatting to Soraya in the back. Oh, how she wanted to do just that with Rick and Jaden.
You will, she told herself as she trudged along the pavement. He’ll leave them after the adoption… ‘- and then it’ll be our time, won’t it, lovey?’ She said the last few words aloud, and Jaden turned again and beamed at her. It was amazing, having a little boy. And soon she’d have two babies.
Amanda glanced at her middle, then frowned. She’d been for her twelve week scan last Friday, and asked the sonographer if she could tell the sex of the baby. Rick wanted a boy, she knew. The woman said it wasn’t possible to be sure yet, but if she was a betting woman, she’d put money on a girl. But no guarantees. Amanda decided not to tell Rick – the woman might be wrong and they’d be able to see at the twenty-week scan. And anyway, a few weeks ago she had wished for a girl.
A movement on the other side of the road caught Amanda’s eye and she stopped in sheer amazement as Ella emerged from the kitchen door with a basket of washing. What the – or had Rick gone to buy something for the journey, perhaps? Hope flared again. If she went over for a chat she might still see him today.
‘Hi there!’ Amanda pushed the buggy across the road, noticing that Ella looked anything but pleased to see her. The other woman was pale, and her clothes looked as if she’d slept in them. Had she found out that Rick…? ‘Not away yet, I see.’ Amanda racked her brains to remember if she was supposed to know about that morning’s planned departure. But, yes, she was, Soraya had told her the other day when she’d met them on the way home from school.
‘Change of plan,’ said Ella, her voice dull, and Amanda frowned. What change of plan? She waited, sensing that the other woman wasn’t comfortable talking about it. Where was Rick?
‘Rick and Soraya have gone away for a couple of days by themselves first.’
Amanda gaped. Rick had said nothing about this on Thursday and it didn’t sound like him, wanting to go away alone with Soraya.
‘Oh – that’s nice,’ she said lamely. There was something going on here, something she didn’t know about. ‘Where have they gone?’
‘Up the coast a bit.’ Ella’s voice couldn’t have been flatter, and Amanda took the hint and went on her way, her stomach churning nervously. What the hell was going on? She had to get in touch with Rick, make sure he was okay.
She hurried along and turned into the next street where she pulled out her mobile, but Rick wasn’t taking calls. Exasperated, Amanda left a message. There was nothing she could do, apart from wait for him to get back to her.
By mid-afternoon Rick still hadn’t called back. Amanda paced around the flat, the nervous feeling in the pit of her stomach stirring up the morning sickness. She’d tried twice more to call Rick, with the same non-result. Of course he wouldn’t want to go into explanations with Soraya by his side, but he could have texted. If there was anything going on she wanted to know. Time for another attempt.
She sank into the sofa to call in comfort, and thank God, this time he answered straightaway.
‘Rick! I’ve been trying - ’
Heavy breathing filled Amanda’s ear and she stopped, the hairs on her arms rising. This wasn’t Rick. ‘Hello?’
‘Mummy?’
A child’s voice, heavy with tears. Amanda gripped the phone. ‘Soraya? Where are you, sweetheart? Where’s Daddy? Can you give the phone to Daddy?’
‘He’s in the shower. Who are you?’
‘It’s Amanda, sweetheart. Where are you?’
‘In a hotel and I want to go to my Mummy. I was trying to phone her – how can I phone her?’
Amanda’s mind raced. How indeed? ‘If you, um, tap the little man picture at the bottom of the screen when we’re finished, and then swipe upwards till you come to Ella’s name…’ This was stupid, a six-year-old who wasn’t used to mobile phones would never manage that. ‘Why don’t you just ask your dad, Soraya?’
‘He won’t let me call Mummy.’
Amanda’s unease was growing by the minute. Rick and Ella must have had some kind of bust-up. It would explain Ella’s behaviour, but now Rick was endangering their plans. His job was to keep things ticking over nicely until Ella had her chosen child – and then leave.
‘I see. Have a go, and I’ll phone Daddy again in ten minutes anyway, okay? Tap the little man at the bottom and then swipe up till you see ‘Ella’ and tap that.’
She ended the call and sat hunched on the sofa, watching the minutes tick by on her phone. Five, seven, ten. She made the connection and listened as it rang out. And of course, he didn’t pick up.
‘Yog-ut,’ said Jaden, toddling in from his room with a cuddly rabbit under one arm.
‘I was going to make spaghetti. Don’t you want spaghetti?’
‘Yog-ut.’ He started to climb into his high chair, and Amanda hoisted him up and gave him what he wanted. Helping him open the tub, she came to a decision. If it was her child who was away from her, wanting to talk to Mummy, she would want to know.
Reluctantly, she connected to Ella’s number. This might not be easy.
‘Ella, I had Soraya on the phone a minute ago. She was trying to call you, but she ended up with me. I gather Rick was in the shower. Kids, eh?’
>
It sounded awkward in her own ears, but at least Ella knew now and could react as she thought fit.
‘Oh… thank you. I – I’ll give them another call. Rick wasn’t taking calls earlier.’
Her voice was weary and alarm bells rang even more loudly in Amanda’s head. This must not come between her and Rick. They were meant to be together; he loved her and they were having a child. Rick’s child.
‘Is everything all right, Ella? You sound a bit down.’
There was a pause, and Amanda held her breath. A horrible thought struck her and she gazed in horror at Jaden stirring his yoghurt. Did Ella know? If Rick’s wife was aware that her husband was having an affair with the woman down the road… and it wasn’t only the affair. Gareth… He had to stay a secret, no one could ever find out.
‘I’m fine, thanks, Amanda. I miss them, that’s all.’ Ella’s voice was still dull.
The connection broke, and Amanda dropped her phone on the table and went to fetch the laptop. It didn’t sound as if Ella suspected anything, but if Rick carried on like this she would, nothing was more certain. It was time for some plain speaking, and if Rick wasn’t answering his phone, an email was the next best thing. Grimly, Amanda waited for the machine to boot up.
Chapter Three
Sunday 20th – Tuesday 22nd July
Rick stared at the phone in his hand. Ella, for the tenth time at least. She was going to be furious, and who could blame her? He should never have run off – again – with Soraya. Rick squirmed, remembering the contempt in his wife’s voice on Friday evening, and how he’d clenched his fists so hard his fingernails had marked his palms. He’d needed to lash out after that and he’d done it in the only way he could. Still, this wasn’t the way forward. He couldn’t fob her off with text messages indefinitely. Trembling, he accepted the call, wiping the palm of his free hand on the bed he was sitting on.
‘Rick. Where are you? I’d like to speak to Soraya, please.’
Her voice was cold but he heard relief there too. She wanted Soraya, he had to remember that. If he gave her Soraya she would let him do anything.
‘We’re in a hotel outside Newquay. I know I shouldn’t have left without saying anything and I’m sorry. But you can’t speak to me like that, Ella. I’ve been thinking and I have a suggestion for you.’
He waited.
‘What is it?’ This time her voice was suspicious.
‘Come here tomorrow and we’ll talk about it then. Soraya’s tired, I’m going to take her for a quick walk and then it’ll be early bed for us both.’ What a reasonable Daddy thing to say. Rick blinked hard. When had he turned into such a trickster? And Ella clearly wasn’t taken in.
‘I want to speak to Soraya before making any arrangements with you.’ Frozen would be a good description of her tone now.
Rick turned to the child at the table in the corner. She was staring at him, fingers poised over her game on the iPad, fear on her face. She must have realised it was Ella on the phone and something was wrong. He patted the bed beside him. ‘Want a quick word with Mummy? She’ll be here tomorrow.’
Soraya knocked the chair over in her rush to get to the phone. Rick held it to her ear, his head bent close to Soraya’s to hear what Ella was saying.
‘Mummy? When are you coming?’
‘Tomorrow at the latest. Are you okay, sweetheart?’
‘I wanted you to come too. We had ice cream this afternoon and they had the strawberry kind you like.’
Rick’s tension evaporated. Ice cream talk was exactly what was needed to convince Ella that Soraya was indeed okay. Sure enough, his wife’s voice was oozing warmth when she replied. She had missed her vocation; this entire phone call was worthy of an Oscar.
‘Yum. We’ll buy some tomorrow, shall we? I’ll be with you for breakfast.’
‘Yay!’ Soraya was one big beam.
The beam didn’t last long. The girl was restless all night, tossing around in the bed beside Rick’s, and he cursed himself anew for his impetuous decision to leave St Ives. Punishing Ella had turned into a bigger punishment for him. As soon as Soraya was awake – at six-thirty – she started asking when Mummy would be there, and when Ella appeared at eight Rick would happily have signed the child over to his wife there and then. Not that Soraya greeted her mother with hugs and smiles.
‘You didn’t come with us! Why didn’t you come too?’
Ella held out her hand. ‘I’m sorry. I wanted to. Shall we go for breakfast?’
Rick was left to follow on behind. He slid into his chair in the hotel dining room, where too-close-together tables removed any illusion Ella might have had about a private talk over the bacon and eggs. He saw her mouth tighten.
‘I think we should have the day here with Soraya, Rick, and then go home to talk.’
Rick agreed – what else could he do? He’d blown it this time; he could tell by her face. What a pity it was she’d overheard him on the phone on Friday. But at least his affair – and thankfully she didn’t know it was Amanda – was out in the open. They could plan on from there. The problem was, his blood boiled every time she looked at him, her scorn and frustration plain to see. He had to fight to keep the disdain from his own expression.
Soraya was the only one who enjoyed her day, opting for the beach instead of Rick’s suggestion of the Eden Project, which made it even more difficult to play happy-Daddy beside Ella playing happy-Mummy. They barely said a word to each other that didn’t go over the medium of Soraya. At four o’clock Ella suggested they went home, and Rick couldn’t agree fast enough.
When Soraya was in bed he and Ella faced each other over the kitchen table.
‘Who is she, Rick?’
‘No one you know.’ She didn’t know Amanda, or not like he did, anyway.
‘Don’t be so childish. I need to know what you intend doing about the adoption, that’s the most important thing. And then there’s the house. I want to stay here with Soraya -’
‘No way.’ It was a gut reaction; he could not leave Ella here with Gareth under the shed waiting for someone to chip away at the concrete and find – what? What did a body look like after two months under a garden shed? Sweat trickled down Rick’s neck.
Ella was glaring and she was calm, too, always a sign of determination.
‘Yes, way. You get the relationship you want, I get the house. And Soraya. And if you make it impossible for me to adopt her, Rick, I’ll take you for every last penny you have. You’d lose the house anyway.’
Rick pressed his lips together. Keep calm, man, you have to do this. ‘You, ah, you can have your adoption. I’ll stay schtum till everything’s finalised. But this is my home too and I don’t want to leave all the work I’ve done here – or the garden, the shed…’
She was staring; hell, he should never have mentioned the shed.
‘This is my home and Soraya’s too. Plus, even when the adoption’s finalised we’ll still have people coming to check how we’re getting on.’
‘I’d be there for the visits. You could find a nice flat -’
‘Don’t be ridiculous. If Soraya and I went to live in a flat it would be immediately obvious to any adoption society worker there was no Daddy living with us. Here, we’d have a fighting chance of looking like a normal family even if you weren’t living in. I won’t have them taking her back, Rick.’
He licked sun-cracked lips. They wouldn’t do that, would they? But they might. What could he say to get her and Soraya away from the house? He was still contemplating this when Ella’s mobile rang.
‘It’s Mum. I have to take it. Don’t forget we’re supposed to be arriving there tomorrow.’ She went out to the garden, and Rick poured a stiff drink. He had to get out of this, he had to. In a surprisingly short space of time Ella was back, and her triumphant expression told him he wasn’t going to like what she was about to tell him.
‘Mum and Dad are coming here for a few days. They’ll arrive on Wednesday. I said you’d had to go on an unexpected bu
siness trip and I didn’t want to drive all the way to Yorkshire alone with Soraya. Mum quite understood.’
Rick closed his eyes. Round one to Ella. He stood up.
‘Very well. I’ll go tomorrow. And you can have the house until the adoption’s finalised and the initial visits are over. Then we’ll talk again.’
Without giving her time to reply he left the room, taking the whisky bottle with him.
The following morning Rick was up early. First things first – what could he do about Gareth while he was away? He couldn’t exactly change the lock on the shed door. If Ella got someone in to remove the concrete, Gareth would come to light straightaway.
Nothing came to mind – all he could do was trust they’d leave the shed alone. June and Steve would be into the Grandma-and-Grandpa scene; nobody would worry about a bit of concrete, would they? He would lay the wooden floor panels back on top of the concrete and hope for the best.
By ten-thirty Rick was packed and ready to leave on his ‘business trip’. In reality, he was going to Amanda’s and oh, how good it would be to get away from the hell he’d created here. He brought his case downstairs, where Ella was sorting through the accounts folder.
‘Your credit card bill hasn’t been paid yet. You splashed out in the garden centre, didn’t you? Concrete and lime and heaven knows what.’
Rick retreated into indignation. ‘Have you ever thought your marriage failed because you were too involved in children and unimportant things like bills from the garden centre? And it’s hardly sky-high, is it? Just the stuff I needed for the shed...’ He flinched in horror. There it was again, the shed…
