Sweetest Desires (A Sweetest Day Romance)

by Beverly Taylor

  Cindy held her face in her hands and nodded.

  He promised himself that when he returned from the hospital, Cindy would provide him with answers. No more waiting. No more interruptions. No more ‘it’s too late to talk.’ No more excuses—period! Just an explanation of the photos of his wife and Freeman.

  He was halfway through the door when Cindy called his name. He turned back and stood motionless as she stared at him with tear-filled brown eyes. She looked vulnerable, unlike the confident professional he’d always seen her as being.

  After a second or two of uncomfortable silence, she said, “I—I was just going to say that I’m glad to have known you. You’re every woman’s dream man, and Katharine is mighty, mighty lucky to be married to you. Thank you for everything.” Her eyes studied his face. “Work through it,” she said, smiling pensively. “You’ve got yourself a good woman.”

  The remark caught him off guard, but he kept his expression impassive as she continued. “I’m glad Bethany’s safe. And thank you for forgiving my daughter. She’s very confused right now. Please keep her in your prayers.”

  Rather than speak, he gave a small, lazy smile and nodded. The spark in her eyes—the same one he saw when they were in Asheville—told him that she desired his comforts, maybe to help ease the pain. But he couldn’t help her in that way. Well, he could, but he knew not too. It was just another setup from the enemy. So with that wisdom, he turned and hurried down the stairs.

  * * *

  Time was of the essence. The second she heard the front door close, Cindy jumped from the bed, quickly changed clothes, and began to pack, pulling open drawers and stuffing lingerie and underwear sloppily into a suitcase, along with dresses, shoes, and other clothing. Hurrying to Deanna’s room, she filled a smaller piece of luggage with some of her daughter’s belongings and hauled the suitcases downstairs. Remembering to retrieve an important item, she went back to her room, slid her hand underneath the mattress and pulled out a .25 caliper handgun Norman had given her for protection. She knew what she had to do.

  Looking around the condo for the last time, she took a deep breath. “Good-bye, Carson,” she whispered.

  * * *

  Just as she’d suspected, Deanna was at her father’s grave. At the sound of Cindy’s approach, Deanna turned and looked at her imploringly. She made a little squeaking sound, tilted her head to one side, and then swayed forward. Cindy caught her, encircled her with her arms, and hugged her close.

  Trustingly, Deanna laid her cheek on her mother’s shoulder.

  “How did you get here?”

  “A cab. I told the driver to bring me here. I—I just wanted to be near Daddy one more time and talk to him. I miss him so much, Mom.” She broke into a sob, releasing her tears onto Cindy’s blouse.

  “I know you do, baby. I miss him too.”

  Deanna cleared her throat then lifted her gaze to her mother’s face. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry. I tried to get Bethany lost on purpose so Carson could spend more time with me. But I’m glad they found her,” she sniffed. “I guess I’m not good for much of anything. I’m just a waste of breath.” She lowered her eyes to the ground.

  Cindy dropped a quick kiss on the tip of Deanna’s nose and pulled her daughter’s head against her chest. “That’s not true,” she said firmly. “Don’t ever say anything like that again. You’re very good for me.”

  “How am I good for you, especially after what I did to Bethany?”

  “You’re a part of Norman. You make me focus on my future instead of my past, just like he’d done.”

  Cindy could feel Deanna’s quiver against her body.

  “And even though I’ve lost a lot of weight, I still don’t think I’m pretty. Not like you.”

  “Not pretty? You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.” She pressed her lips against the top of Deanna’s head.

  Deanna’s chest heaved.

  Cindy waited for her own tearful tremble to calm before speaking again. “I want you to know that I don’t hold anything against you for what happened with Bethany."

  “You don’t?” Deanna looked into her mother’s eyes. The night air was muggy, only marginally moistened than it had been at sundown. The street lamp above the small cemetery offered just enough light to enable them to see each other.

  “No, I don’t.”

  Deanna’s face crumpled as if she were going to cry. “How come?”

  Cindy shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “Because I know you really didn’t mean it, that’s how come.”

  Deanna cried into her chest, squeezing her as if Cindy were the favorite rag doll she slept with at night. “I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you far more.” Exhausted as she was, she hugged Deanna tighter around her shoulders and rocked gently. “I guess we both did some careless things to get Carson’s affection,” she said as the events of the past six months unfolded in her mind like pages of a scrapbook. Carson would discover very soon that she was behind most of the chaos in the lives of the O’Connor family.

  Deanna’s words snapped Cindy from her thoughts. “What’s going to happen to me?” She pulled herself away slightly and met her mother’s eyes. “Will I have to go to jail or be sent to detention?”

  Cindy’s heart was pounding so hard and fast that it hurt and her throat was tight, but she managed to say, “No, darling.” Suddenly, a comforting notion came to her, the solution to all their problems, and she responded warmly. “You won’t have to go to either of those places, I promise.” She returned Deanna’s head to her chest and held her there.

  Cindy stared silently at Norman’s tombstone and in that instant, another thought occurred to her. If circumstances dictated, she’d hoped her mother would have the insight to lay her and Deanna’s remains next to Norman.

  In complete silence, they made their way across the wide, green lawn, their arms encircling each other’s waist.

  * * *

  At midnight, Carson returned home only to discover Cindy gone. He entered her bedroom to find it in a state of chaos. Clothes from Cindy’s closet were draped across chairs. Lacy bras and nightgowns spilled over the edges of the bureau drawers. Deanna’s room was in similar disarray. Cindy had left no note, not even a phone message.

  Despite having left some of their possessions behind, they seemed to be gone for good.

  Chapter 44

  It was the second day Katharine had been in intensive care and Carson remained right there by her side with the exception of visiting his children at Sadie’s, going to the house to shower and to get a little shuteye. He gave Sadie an update on Katharine’s progress. CJ and Bethany begged Carson for a visit with Katharine and he promised that in a few days they would.

  He still hadn’t heard from Cindy and had no idea where she and Deanna could be. He assumed Deanna had called Cindy to advise her of her whereabouts. How could they do something so stupid?

  Carson squeezed his eyes tightly and dragged his hand slowly down his face. His body was exhausted. His mind was exhausted and he knew no amount of coffee or tea would help. The answer to finding strength was in meditation so he decided to spend some private moments with God before going back to the hospital. He thanked God for Natalie. She’d been at the hospital by Katharine’s side almost as much as he had and she was probably at the hospital even now.

  He meandered his way to the stereo and popped a Sam Cooke and the Soul Stirrers CD into the slot, programming it to play his favorite selections in succession: Be With Me, Jesus followed by He’ll Make a Way; I’m So Glad Trouble Don’t Last Always; Jesus, Wash Away My Troubles; and, ending with Peace in the Valley.

  Hearing the inspirational lyrics, he felt himself stepping into another dimension, peaceful, spiritual. He started singing softly, not noticing that his voice grew louder and louder. A string of tears rolled down his cheeks. He clasped his hands tightly and rocked back and forth.

  Suddenly, he felt a strong presence upon him. He fell to his knees and began
to cry out to the Lord in a sincere and heartfelt prayer.

  “Heavenly Father, I submit myself humbly to your will. I’m at my wit’s end. Everything in my life seems to be falling apart. I can’t hold on by myself. Please pull me in. Return me to the fold. Sometimes, I’ve thought my family would be better without me.”

  His sobs turned into weeping moans.

  “But I’ve come to realize my wife and children need me now more than ever before, and I vow to be there for them for the rest of my life. I ask you to forgive me for forsaking my family’s needs and for feeding my own selfish desires. And please spare Katharine’s life, dear Lord. My children need their mother. I need my wife. And we all need you. But if you must take one of us, please, Lord, take me. I know I don’t deserve to live after what I’ve put my family through.

  “I make this covenant with you today, Lord. If you let us both live, I will, from this day forward, be totally devoted to you and faithful to my wife. I’ll be a loving husband and father. I’ll never again let man nor woman separate my family or sever my relationship with my heavenly Father. On the day I fail to keep any of these promises, my life shall be required of me.”

  Carson heard in his thoughts, Are you trying to bargain with Me?

  “No, Lord,” he whispered. “I only want to show you my sincerity and dedication. Please let me prove myself to you.”

  He waited to hear a response from the Lord, but, instead, he felt himself returning to the present. It was like snapping out of a hypnotic trance.

  Sam Cooke was wrapping up Peace in the Valley when Carson rose to his feet with a renewed assurance. It had been a long time since he’d prayed that hard—that sincerely. And for the first time since his college days, he felt the presence of God all around him like a protective shield.

  God had heard his plea.

  * * *

  At the hospital, Natalie waited with Carson while Katharine went into surgery. They waited nervously for four hours until the plastic surgeon’s nurse called him up to his office on the fourth floor. They rode the elevator, Carson feeling as if his stomach was twisted in a knot. Perhaps it was the unknown making him nervous; he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he wanted to see a smile on Dr. Wycliffe’s face and to hear him give Katharine a good report.

  Natalie held Carson’s hand. “Prayer changes things. Let’s pray before we go inside,” she encouraged. They launched into a litany of whispered prayers and thanksgiving.

  When they entered Dr. Wycliffe’s office, he wasn’t smiling. They took a seat without being invited.

  “Everything went smoothly,” the plastic surgeon informed. The removal of the implants was successful, and Mrs. O’Connor is now in recovery.” Behind him, X-rays were mounted on a light board so that they glowed clearly in dull gray and white.

  Carson’s cheeks puffed and his lips formed a circle. He released a string of air then leaned over to embrace Natalie.

  “Prayer is powerful,” Natalie whispered in his ear. She held him tightly for a long moment with alternating small pats on his back and rubbing it in a circular motion.

  “Yes it is,” he agreed, bobbing his head to that effect. When they pulled apart, their smiles remained and Carson’s shoulders relaxed. He looked up at the board. “Is that Katharine?” He asked the doctor.

  “That’s her,” Dr. Wycliffe said. “We’re going to keep her under strict observation for the next forty-eight hours due to the seizure.”

  “How soon do you think I can see her?”

  “She was just wheeled into ICU recovery and with the anesthesia, she’ll probably remain asleep for several more hours.”

  “Is she going to be all right?”

  The doctor’s smile was promising. “I believe she’s going to be just fine.”

  Instantly, Carson was on his feet shaking the doctor’s hand.

  * * *

  They sat in the waiting room.

  “Everything will get back to normal for the two of you. Wait and see,” Natalie inspired.

  Carson looked contrite. “Normal? After these past few days of being in the grip of crises, I’d forgotten what normal felt like.”

  “Tell you what,” Natalie said, “While she’s recuperating, go on over to Sadie’s to share the good news with her and the kids. I’ll stay here and call if something happens.”

  “I really want to be here when she wakes up.”

  “You heard the doctor—it’ll be hours before she comes to. So go spend some time with the munchkins. Take ‘em out to eat, go to the mall or something. It’ll be good for the three of you.”

  Carson considered her kind gesture. “You sure?”

  “Yeah, man.” She pushed him up. “Now go! I’ll be sittin’ my pretty lil self right here.” She picked up a magazine and crossed one leg over the other.

  Carson felt relieved. He leaned down to kissed her cheek. “You’re quite a woman. Stephen’s very luc—”

  “Yeah, yeah, yeah—just go,” she said, shooing him away and sealing the rest of his sentence. She’d heard it a million times before.

  She watched him move away with reluctance, feeling sorry for all the pressure he was under.

  Two hours later, Carson phoned to see if Katharine was awake. Natalie checked with the nurse and was told she was still sleeping.

  “Are you having a good time with the kids?” It was a stupid question, but too late to reverse it.

  “Definitely, definitely. I missed them so much. I can’t believe how self—”

  “Yeah, I know, I know. Later for that, though. But believe you me, it’ll be my pleasure to listen to your confessions on selfishness and then give you a good chastisement behind it.” She smiled into the phone. “But for now, go on and finish up with the kids; tell Sadie I said hello and that all is well with her sister, by the mercy of God.”

  Five minutes after hanging up with Carson, Natalie dozed off. Later, a nurse shook her arm to say Katharine was alert. Startled, Natalie looked at her wristwatch and realized she’d been asleep for over an hour. She phoned Carson to let him know Katharine was now awake.

  Natalie entered Katharine’s room tentatively, not sure of her reception. Last time she’d seen Katharine conscious—well, best not to think about that.

  Katharine didn’t smile, but at least she didn’t order her to leave. Her back reclined on the adjustable bed as the television was tuned in to CNN. The volume was very low.

  Natalie stood in the doorway wearing a wide, hopeful grin. “Look who’s finally awake! Hey, sleepyhead.” They held each other’s stare until Katharine’s eyes slid back to the television. “Beth and CJ are doing fine. They’re with Sadie. Carson’s on his way here.” Her expression turned soft. “I’m so glad you’re doing good, Kat,” she said. She held her spongy gaze a while longer, then in a joyful tone, said, “Guess what? You’re going to be a godmother. Stephen and I are pregnant—seven weeks.”

  Katharine’s eyes widened. She turned to Natalie and tried to smile hard but could only raise the right corner of her lip. “We serve an on-time God,” Katharine said in a soft, guttural voice.

  “Yes, we do,” Natalie responded, teary-eyed. She placed her fingers over her lips to control the trembling. “Can my best friend ever forgive me?”

  “Sure, I can—provided you learn how to close your mouth and stop telling everything you know about me.” Her words were choppy and short-winded. Her eyes left Natalie’s face and stared dreamily into the air. “Just think. I’m going to be a godmother,” she whispered. He eyes returned to Natalie. “You’re going to have your very own child.”

  “Yep, our very own kid.”

  “Child. You know I hate the term kid, and you’re the only one I let get away with it,” Katharine said in a throaty whisper.

  Natalie was sure that with time, Katharine would regain her normal speaking voice. “’Cause you can’t do nothing with me, as you so often say,” she grinned. “Besides, that’s your pet peeve, not mine.” Her grin remained, then it slowly faded.
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br />   After a second or two of uncomfortable silence, they began to speak at the same time. Natalie gave her the floor.

  “It took me a while to realize it,” Katharine began.

  “Kat, I really didn’t mean—” Natalie said but cut herself off to let Katharine finish.

  “But the real question is, will you forgive me? I had no right to hit you. For a moment, I thought you were going to do to me what Miss Sophie did to the mayor and Squeak in The Color Purple.”

  They both chuckled, and then Katharine said in a gentle voice, “I guess you were right all along—it wasn’t in God’s plan for me to be wearing silicone.” She lowered her eyelids for a few short seconds and then raised them, meeting Natalie’s stare. “Dear, honest, true-blue friends are hard to come by. So, will you? Forgive me?”

  Natalie lurched to the bedside and hugged her cheek-to-cheek, tears running down her face. “Forever and a week,” she cried. “Forever and seven.”

  She plucked a tissue from the box that lay beside the bed and wiped the teardrops she left on Katharine’s cheek before swiping another one to wipe her own. “If it’s a girl, Stephen and I have agreed to name her Kathleen.”

  Katharine’s lips quivered, her eyes filled. “And if it’s a boy?”

  “Why, Nathaniel, of course!”

  “Of course. It was foolish of me to think Stephen, Jr., or Steffon or something to that effect would work just as well.” Katharine wrinkled her nose, playfully.

  “I don’t think so,” Natalie said facetiously. “I never really cared for the name Stephen. And please don’t go there with Steffon.” She paused and gave Katharine a tender look. “I want you to hurry and get one hundred percent better. I missed you so much.” She stuck her index finger in the corner of her eye. The soft instrumental music playing from the intercom was effective. It was the perfect background to set the mood for ushering in the Holy Spirit.