On Ocean Boulevard

by Mary Alice Monroe

  “Then what?”

  Linnea shook her head. “That’s just it. I don’t know. It’s more a feeling. An intuition.”

  “Well, follow that. It never fails me.” Cara tossed a bit of sand. “Too bad. I liked him.”

  “I like him too. Please, don’t misunderstand. He’s not devious or anything. Just the opposite. He’s just… reserved. Maybe it’s just his being British. But Pandora told me something I can’t quite get out of my mind.”

  “What was that?”

  “She said she’d wondered if he was destined to live out his life alone. That he didn’t have many relationships because he was so dedicated to his work.”

  Cara considered that. She’d known many such men. And women. Women like her who had put all they had into their careers, only to find out at forty or fifty that their youth was spent, and they’d forgotten or not allowed time for relationships or children.

  “That could be a phase. I was like that. How old is he?”

  “Thirty-two.”

  “The same age as John.”

  Linnea’s lips twitched. “Yes.”

  “By the way, any word from him?”

  Linnea’s face clouded. “Actually… he’s been texting. And calling.”

  Cara was surprised that Linnea hadn’t mentioned this. “What’s he saying?”

  Linnea reached into her pocket, pulled out her phone, and searched her text messages. Finding John’s, she handed the phone to Cara. She wiped the sand from her palms, took it, and began to read the series of unanswered messages.

  How are you? You okay?

  Hey Miss Priss. Thinking of you. Call.

  No response? I’m sorry the way things ended. Would like to talk.

  Lin, place feels empty without you. Miss you.

  I tried to call. You don’t answer????

  I get that you’re mad. I was a fool. I hope you can forgive me. I always thought that, no matter what, we’d remain friends.

  Hello???

  What? You’re ghosting me now?

  Okay. Got it.

  Cara lowered the phone and handed it back to Linnea. “That’s a lot of texts. And you say he also tried to call?”

  Linnea nodded. “Several times.”

  “Linnea, honey,” began Cara. “You’re avoiding him, obviously. But why? Because you don’t like him any longer? Or… because you do?”

  “I don’t know,” she said plaintively. “I’m confused. I was in love with John. I thought he was the one. We lived together. And then, we didn’t.” She shrugged. “That’s not easy to get over. Or forget.”

  “And now there’s Gordon.”

  “Gordon,” Linnea repeated. “I didn’t expect to feel so strongly so quickly. Not after John. But I do.”

  “You don’t have to decide, you know. John’s in California. Gordon is here. See what happens.”

  “That’s what I’m trying to do. But every time I get a message from John, it’s like this little arrow of doubt pricks me. I can’t reply. Not yet. I don’t know what to say.”

  “Well,” Cara said, moving her legs, “it sounds to me like you won’t have to worry about any more messages coming too soon.”

  Linnea huffed. “No. I guess not. I hope he doesn’t just pop home for a surprise visit. To his mother.”

  “If he does, you’ll deal with it. If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the past month, it’s that you can’t control what life will bring. You can only deal with each issue with equanimity and an open heart.”

  “And how does one do that?”

  Cara smiled. “Look at the ocean a lot.”

  Linnea chuckled. “Thanks. I can do that.”

  “There’s something else I’d like to talk with you about,” she began, moving the discussion in a new direction. “Along the lines of accepting life as it comes, I want you to know that I’m stepping down. I’m leaving the aquarium.”

  Linnea’s mouth slipped open. “What? B-but…” she stammered. “Why? You love your job!”

  “I should think that’s obvious,” Cara replied kindly. Then, in all seriousness, she tried to explain what had been a life-changing decision. “The moment when Hope turned the corner and opened her eyes, I stared into them and realized fully how close I’d come to losing the most important person in the world to me. And how quickly the last few years had passed, and how quickly the next several would as well. I swore I’d enjoy every moment I could with my daughter.” She smiled. “The decision came easily.”

  Linnea didn’t speak. She appeared to be trying to understand.

  “I’ve decided to be a full-time mother to Hope. And wife to David. At least until Hope is in elementary school. After that, who knows? Again, life changes. The best-laid plans, and all that. Don’t look so shocked,” she said with a light laugh at Linnea’s expression. “I’ve worked all my life, since I was eighteen. I’ve never taken a year off. I want this time. I need it. I’m enjoying waking up in the morning and just… being. Not having a to-do list in my head, a timetable to follow, someone to call, something to arrange. It’s transforming.”

  Linnea removed her sunglasses and looked at Cara, her blue eyes searching. “You do seem calmer.”

  Cara laughed. “I don’t know if it’s working that fast,” she chided. “But I am happy. And yes, I do feel calmer. Which brings me to why I called you over. I wanted to tell you personally about my decision. You’ve been doing such a great job holding down the fort while I’ve been gone. I can’t thank you enough. I never worried a moment, and that’s saying a lot from me. Anyway, I had a long talk with Kevin, told him my decision, and…” She paused. “We’d like to offer the position of director of the conservation program to you.”

  Linnea gasped and brought her hand to her mouth. “I can’t believe this.”

  “Believe it,” Cara said with a laugh. “You earned it. And you’re practically running the show on your own now anyway.”

  “Perhaps, but there’s a lot I don’t know.”

  Cara heard the panic edging Linnea’s voice and was sympathetic. Summer was the busy season, and they’d been overworked even with the two of them. The prospect of handling it all alone while on a learning curve would be overwhelming.

  “I’ll come in once a week starting Monday and continue through the fall. We’ll work out the date. After that, I can stay on as a consultant when needed, or join in for special projects. As you request it,” she emphasized. She didn’t want Linnea to think that she would be running the department from satellite. “I’ll work out those consultant details with Kevin. But I’m not abandoning you. Next summer, you can get your own assistant for the Beach Sweeps.” She put her hand on Linnea’s. “You’ll be great. Honestly, you’re the most qualified for the job. I started the position, but now it’s yours. Make it your own.”

  Linnea leaned back on her arms and stared out at the sea. She turned. “Aunt Cara, can you believe how pathetic I was when I got here last April? And now, thanks to you, I’ve got my dream job.”

  “I merely facilitated. You did the work. And trust me,” Cara added with a sympathetic pat, “the work is just beginning. It’s your baby now. You’ll bring work home with you, dream about it, wake with ideas in your head. But don’t forget to enjoy life along the way. It’s the little moments that count.”

  She turned to look at Cara. “I won’t. And I do thank you, Aunt Cara. For the job, the car. For your love and your support when I needed it. For everything.”

  Cara smiled, feeling the torch passed. “You’re welcome.”

  Linnea lifted her arms high into the air and shouted a loud “Woot!” “I can’t believe it!” she said again. Lowering her arms she added, “And to think I was worried about the men in my life. Well,” she said, sitting straighter, jutting out her chin, and crossing her legs. “Not anymore. Look out, world. Now it’s my turn.”

  * * *

  NIGHT WAS FALLING. Linnea sat on the deck of Gordon’s beach house looking out at the sky darkening over the sea. Cumulous
clouds, thick and menacing, were gathered like a great squadron, promising rain. A gust of wind stirred her hair, rustling the panicles of the nearby sea oats on the dunes, chasing away the bugs. She loved sitting outdoors awaiting an impending storm. She could feel the drop in barometric pressure, the moisture in the air, almost taste the sweetness of the rain. Thunder rumbled in the distance like the warning growl of an approaching beast.

  The ocean was turbulent. Whitecaps formed on the waves. Linnea tucked her legs up on the wicker settee.

  Gordon stepped out onto the deck, two snifters in his hand. He paused to close the door behind him.

  “Sounds like it’s getting closer.” He bent to hand her a snifter, then settled beside her.

  She lowered her feet to make room for him on the small settee, enjoying the feel of his shoulder against hers.

  “They’ve left, then?” she asked. Pandora and Lars had shared a dinner of curry with them. Pandora was mad for curry and had spent hours preparing the dinner. It was delicious, hot and spicy. Linnea had drunk several glasses of wine to cool her mouth.

  “They have,” Gordon said, stretching out his legs. “Pandora’s left a terrible mess in the kitchen.”

  Linnea chuckled to herself. Pandora might be a great cook, but she never considered cleaning up. She and Lars had tickets for a show in the city. Gordon and she had declined, preferring to spend the evening alone. There were not that many days left of Gordon’s stay, and they were very much alike in that way.

  “Well, she cooked. It’s only fair we clean.” She put her nose to the snifter and inhaled the heady scent. “They get along, don’t they?”

  Gordon just lifted his shoulders.

  “What?” she asked. “You don’t think it will last?”

  “Pandora and Lars?” he scoffed, and shook his head. “Hardly. They’re both too footloose and fancy-free. As brilliant as they are, each of them has the attention span of a flea when it comes to the opposite sex. Always flitting to the next.”

  “Okay, I know Pandora is a terrible flirt, but I’ve only seen her with Lars. She’s not dating anyone else.” She paused. “That I know of.”

  Gordon only shrugged and took a sip of his cognac.

  She wondered about all the men who’d encircled Pandora at Darby’s party. “Have you and she ever…”

  He shook his head. “No,” he said with gusto. “Like I said. Brother and sister.”

  “What about Lars?”

  “Uh, my darling, you do know that they’re sleeping together…”

  “Stop,” she said, bumping her shoulder with his. “I meant, what’s he like with women?”

  “Lars?” He snorted. “I can’t count the women I’ve seen him with. Bees to honey, that one.”

  Linnea wasn’t surprised. She’d seen for herself his effect on women. Pandora’s nickname for Lars was Thor. Linnea was never attracted to men who were attractive in the ultra-sexy manner. For her, it was all about the muscle between the ears, not the arms or chest. Brains before brawn.

  She turned to study Gordon. His good looks were quiet more than flashy. He was not handsome as much as attractive, with the seemingly shy boyishness that women often fell for. For being so smart, he was not wise in the way of women. She thought of what Pandora had said about him not seeing anyone.

  “And you?”

  He turned to look into her eyes. His eyes had a way of capturing her gaze as his face grew solemn. “I don’t like the game of chase. The thrill of the hunt. The trophies on the wall.”

  “Yes, I remember. You don’t hunt.”

  “Well, I wouldn’t say that exactly. For my research I’m always hunting. But as concerns the fair sex, let’s say I am more choosy. I wait. Take my time. And when I’m ready”—he lifted a finger and tapped her nose—“I take careful aim.”

  She smiled. “Do you always bag your game?”

  “I don’t know yet.”

  She took his meaning and looked away, taking another sip of the cognac.

  “Why don’t you move in here, with me?” he asked.

  She looked at her drink. “Why change things?”

  “You’re here most of the time anyway.”

  She shook her head. “I’ve tried that before and it didn’t work out.”

  “I’m not John.”

  She looked at him, saw the hurt. “No, you’re not. But still… You’re leaving in a few weeks. I don’t want to be chased out of a place again, have to retreat to my parents’ house.”

  “Does that mean”—he paused to swirl his drink—“if I ask you to come back to England with me, you wouldn’t consider it?”

  Her breath caught in her throat. She wasn’t prepared for this question. Hadn’t seen it coming. And yet, the answer came easily.

  “First, what a wonderful invitation. I’m honored that you asked, thrilled that you want me to come.”

  “But…”

  “But no. Not now. I can’t.”

  “I see.” He took a long sip of his drink. “Has this got anything to do with John?”

  Linnea turned slightly so she could fully see his face. A faint color flamed on his cheeks, and she saw the hurt he was trying hard to conceal. “Gordon,” she said gently, “this has to do with me. I’m finally on my path,” she told him. “I have a job I love and I’m good at what I do. People depend on me. And I still have so much to learn. I can’t just give it all up. You asked if it has anything to do with John. Only in that, because of him, I learned that I’m not going to drop everything just to be with a man. Not to California.” She waited until he looked at her. “Not to England. This is my turn. I have to work on me now.”

  He was silent for a while as they sat and looked out at the sea. She felt the static in the air, full of unuttered statements and declarations.

  At last he spoke again. “I did try to extend my stay.”

  “You did?”

  He shook his head. “Couldn’t be done. I’m scheduled to teach at the college back in England. That couldn’t be changed, I’m afraid.”

  “Professor Carr,” she said, trying to imagine him in his robes. It was surprisingly easy. “So I guess it’s Goodbye, Mr. Chips.”

  He laughed. “Hardly. Good movie, though.”

  “Classic.”

  They sat in silence a moment.

  “But,” he added with a hint of enthusiasm, “I did manage to arrange to return in April. I’ve got the funding for another season at the College of Charleston.”

  Linnea felt a surge of adrenaline and leaned closer. “For how long?”

  “For the summer. Like this year.”

  “You’ll be back,” she exclaimed, and kissed him soundly.

  “I hoped you’d be pleased,” he said, smiling.

  “I am. But come to think of it,” she said with suspicion, “you had to be more than just hopeful. You had to be pretty sure I’d be thrilled. I mean, to go ahead and arrange it all. Cheeky,” she added, using a British word.

  “Well,” he said, “it is my grant, regardless.”

  She made a face and playfully punched his arm. “Well, we’ll see if I’m still available.”

  He slipped an arm around her and grew more serious. “I don’t want to wait till April. Can you come to England for a visit?”

  The thought stilled her breath. “I don’t know. I suppose so. It depends on when. I’m working.”

  “We can work out the dates, but I was thinking around the Christmas holidays. London is always so festive, and I have a long break.” He moved a strand of hair from her forehead. “I could introduce you to my family.”

  Linnea licked her lips. “You want me to meet your family?”

  He nodded. “I do. I know they’ll love you.” His smile came slowly. “Almost as much as I do.”

  She looked into his eyes, to be certain he wasn’t teasing her or being flippant. She saw a vulnerability there. He was waiting for her to say something.

  “You love me?” she asked in a near whisper.

  He cupp
ed her face. “I love you.”

  She couldn’t speak. She knew what he wanted her to say. But she couldn’t say the words. Not yet. Not to anyone.

  So, instead of words, she moved to put her lips against his. Gently at first, then she leaned into him letting their bodies mold together.

  Pulling back, he said to her in a low voice, “I know it’s only been the summer. And I know you’re still getting over your last relationship. I’m not rushing you. But I’m not letting go of you either. Please say you’ll come. I’ll send you tickets. Just board the plane.”

  “I’ll come,” she said softly. “This winter. During your holiday. I promise. I don’t want to be separated too long, either.”

  He released a satisfied smile, like someone who had just been handed a lifeline in a turbulent ocean. Then, tilting his head toward the house door, he lifted his brow in question.

  She nodded.

  Gordon shifted to take hold of their drinks and set them on the small table. Then he took her hand and helped her to her feet, encircling her waist as she rose.

  “Lead the way,” she murmured. And took a step forward.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  The Endangered Species Act, passed in 1973, was enacted to halt the rapid loss of plant and animal life. A species is considered endangered if it is in danger of extinction. A species is considered threatened if it is likely to become endangered. Once a species is declared threatened or endangered, the ESA ensures that it will be protected, and all efforts will be made to assist in its recovery. Four of the seven species of sea turtles are deemed endangered; three are threatened.

  IN THE SOUTH, August marked the end of summer. By the middle of the month the school bells called reluctant children into the classrooms as relieved parents packed lunches and settled into another year of routine. Labor Day marked the beginning of fall for the South more surely than the autumnal equinox.

  Summer had always been Cara’s favorite season. She loved the sun and the beach. Waking early for a walk by the surf, watching people cavort on the sand, barbecues, ice-cold drinks, fresh fruit, licking ice cream cones on long walks, boat rides and dolphins, listening to beach music while sitting under the stars. A time to swim, laugh, take vacations. And, of course, turtle season.