Comfort and Joy

by Alexa Land

  “We’re Jed’s family,” Dante said, “and you’re not welcome here.”

  Malcolm looked confused. “Who’s Jed?”

  “The hick who’s about to throw you out on your ass,” I snarled.

  I twisted his arm behind his back, in a move I’d totally learned by watching movies, and marched him to the door. Since Dante and Vincent fell into step with us, Malcom didn’t try to break free of my grasp. Nana swung the door open, and as I pushed him out onto the sidewalk I said, “Dakota’s done with you, so don’t come back.”

  Dakota appeared beside me and put his arm around my shoulders. “What he said.”

  Nana marched up to Malcolm and hit him right in the balls with her purse. As he grabbed his crotch and doubled over, she yelled, “That’s for cheating on Dakota and trying to take a swing at a member of my family! You don’t know who you’re messing with, bucko, I can tell you that!” Dante had to talk her down and ended up carrying his grandmother back inside, and Nana gave Malcolm the finger before slamming the door in his face.

  When I started to return to the bar, someone caught my sleeve. I turned to look at Dakota, and he pulled me close and planted a passionate kiss on my lips. Then he grinned at me and said, “Thanks for like, defending my honor.”

  I grinned, too. “Any time.”

  “That leap over the bar was pretty bad-ass.”

  “Right? I’m kind of surprised I made it.”

  “If you got stuck, I would have given you a boost.”

  “Thank you.”

  His grin got wider. “Always happy to help.”

  Right about then, we realized that the entire Dombruso family was gathered around us and following the entire conversation with rapt attention. I colored slightly as we returned to our spot behind the bar, and Jessie handed me my fake mustache as he asked, “Who are you, and what have you done with my brother?”

  As I stuck the mustache back in place, I asked, “What are you talking about?”

  “You were ready to kick that guy’s ass. The Jed I know never would have gotten into a fight.”

  I glanced at Dakota and said, “Well, some things are worth fighting for.”

  That night, when we were in bed with the cat curled up at our feet, I asked, “Do you think Malcolm will be back?”

  “I don’t know, but I do know I’m never going to sleep with him again. Once he gets that message, he’ll have no reason to keep turning up.”

  “I have to ask, what on earth were you doing with a guy like that in the first place? He was really awful.”

  He tucked his hand behind his head and said, “He was the first person who ever told me he loved me. That was a big part of it. It was a lie, though. He isn’t capable of loving anyone.”

  “I’m sorry he lied to you.”

  “It was my own fault for choosing to believe him. In my defense, I was in my early twenties when we met, and pretty naïve.” He thought about that before saying, “I guess I still am in a lot of ways, because I always want to see the best in people, even when it’s not really there.”

  “That’s exactly what my brother says about me.”

  “You know, maybe it’s not the worst thing. I mean, sure, it meant falling for a manipulative asshole in Malcolm’s case. But in general, is it really so bad to take people at their word, and to want to believe there’s more good than bad in the world?”

  I rested my head on his chest and said, “I actually think that’s beautiful.”

  Chapter 5

  It finally stopped raining on Tuesday, but it was bitterly cold, gray, and muddy, so everyone was still stuck indoors. I divided my time between hanging out with my family and friends at the lodge and helping Dakota at the bar. There were no customers all day, but there was a lot of cooking and baking to do for the Christmas open house he had planned.

  That night was Christmas Eve. After a big family dinner, the kids were tucked into bed, and the Dombrusos filled the bar once again. We pulled off a traditional-with-a-twist holiday theme with fun drink specials, and we served Christmas cookies and hosted some silly contests for dollar store prizes. Dante and his family were incredibly competitive, so they totally got into the games. At closing time, the shuttle bus went back to the hotel, but Dante and his husband Charlie stayed behind to help us clean up.

  Once we finished and were sitting around a table sipping coffee, Charlie said, “I’m going to miss this place. It was definitely the highlight of our vacation.” The muscular brunet leaned against his husband, and Dante put his arm around Charlie’s shoulders.

  Dakota asked, “When are you heading back?”

  “Tomorrow, after Christmas dinner. We were going to stay until Friday, but most of our family has decided to head back early,” Dante said. “This ski holiday really didn’t turn out like I’d planned. I’m grateful for this bar, though. I may not have been able to give Nana a white Christmas, but I know she had a lot of fun here.”

  I twirled my coffee cup between my hands, and after a moment, I said, “It might not be too late to give her a white Christmas.”

  Dante grinned at me. “If you have a hotline to Mother Nature, go ahead and put in a request.”

  I glanced at him and said, “We don’t need Mother Nature, assuming you’re willing to commit a felony.”

  A huge smile spread across Dante’s face. “You know how my family made its money, right?”

  Jessie had told me about the Dombrusos’ shady past in organized crime. I’d gotten the impression they’d left that life behind, but Dante was all ears. “There are three ski resorts within an hour of here, and none of them are open because of the rain,” I said. “Would they really miss them if we were to borrow a couple of their snow machines, just for tonight?”

  Dante sat up and exclaimed, “That’s brilliant! I can’t believe I didn’t think of it myself.”

  Charlie’s green eyes sparkled with amusement as he told his husband, “I can’t believe you didn’t think of it, either. You’re really off your game.”

  “No kidding. Good thing Jed’s on the ball.” Dante pulled his phone from the pocket of his suit jacket and said, “If we position them strategically around the lodge, Nana and the rest of the family can wake up to a white Christmas after all. This is the best idea ever.”

  “Unless we get caught,” I said.

  “We won’t.” Dante paused to send a text. Then he said, “I asked Vincent to come back and help us, and we’ll do some recon while we wait for him. If only we had an inside man, so we knew where to go and what we’re looking for. I don’t know shit about snow machines.”

  Dakota spoke up. “I can help. My first winter up here, the bar wasn’t making any money, so I worked a second job at one of the ski resorts. I know exactly what you need and where they’re kept.”

  I asked, “Are you sure? You live here in the community, and there could be backlash if you’re caught.”

  He just shrugged and said, “I’m the owner of a local dive bar. I’m pretty sure people expect these types of shenanigans from me.”

  Vincent showed up half an hour later dressed all in black, including a turtleneck, gloves, a knit cap, and dark glasses. His husband Trevor had insisted on accompanying him, and he was wearing jeans, a red parka, and a yellow knit cap with a big pompom on top. “If they spot us on a security cam, we won’t be invisible if we’re wearing black,” Trevor said. “Although I think it’s super cute that you decided to dress like a cartoon cat burglar.” He smiled at his husband, and Vincent chuckled and kissed the slender brunet’s forehead.

  We headed out in two SUVs, because we figured we’d need a lot of room to carry the machines. Dakota guided us to the employee entrance of the nearest ski resort and knew right where all the security cameras were. Every time we got close to one, he hopped out and hit it with a shot of canned Christmas tree flocking, which I thought was an excellent use of that dollar store find.

  Finally, we reached a shed, which turned out to be secured with a padlock. “No problem,
” Vincent said. “There’s a crowbar in the trunk.”

  But Charlie stepped forward and told him, “There’s no need to damage their property. Not when I have this.”

  He held up a small, black case, and I asked, “Is that a lockpick kit?” When he nodded, I pointed out, “It has Hello Kitty on it.”

  “I know. Isn’t it great?” He seemed really proud of it.

  “And you just happened to have that on you?”

  “I asked Trevor to retrieve it from my Land Rover,” he said. “You wouldn’t believe how many times this has come in handy over the years.”

  Charlie went to work on the padlock while Dante offered unhelpful suggestions and Vincent and Trevor supervised and shone a light for them. Meanwhile, Dakota and I stood off by ourselves in the glow of his flashlight, and I said, “Thank you for coming along.”

  “I wouldn’t miss it. Besides, you’re leaving tomorrow, so I wanted to make the most of the time we have left.”

  And there it was, the thing neither of us had been willing to mention all day. This time tomorrow, I’d be back to my normal life and my tiny apartment. That thought was thoroughly depressing.

  I told him, “We can keep in touch after I go back home. It’s only six hours round-trip, give or take. So maybe we could—”

  “Hook up occasionally, like Malcolm and I did?”

  “No. Not like that.”

  “Then what?”

  “We could date.”

  “How? We’re both always working.”

  “We’re not, though,” I said, “not literally always.”

  “Close enough. I’m crazy about you, Jed. I think you know that. But I need someone who’s going to make me a priority, not treat me like an afterthought. That’s all I was in my last relationship, and it hurt like hell. I can’t do that to myself again.”

  “You wouldn’t be an afterthought!”

  “Yes I would, because your job will always come first. Even if we could find an occasional evening together, that’s not a relationship. I could try like hell to bend my schedule around yours, but I’m barely scraping by as it is. It’s not like I could afford to shut down the bar whenever you managed to find some free time.”

  I asked, “So, that’s it? Tomorrow, we just walk away and never see each other again?”

  “That’s not what I want, Jed. Not at all. But the way things are right now, I don’t see how we’d make this work. Do you?” His heart was breaking just like mine was. I could hear it in his voice. But I didn’t have a solution, so I shook my head.

  A moment later, Charlie let out a whoop of victory and leapt to his feet with the padlock raised over his head. Dante said, “Damn, that’s hot,” and the two of them started making out.

  Trevor and Vincent stepped around them and opened the door. Trevor stuck a piece of paper in the shed and explained, “I’m leaving an unsigned note saying we’re just borrowing these and will bring them back tomorrow. Maybe they won’t even notice they’re gone.” The snow machines were more compact than I’d expected, and they were on wheels, so our companions began rolling two of them to our waiting vehicles.

  Dakota and I paused for a moment and looked at each other. Neither of us knew what to say, so he just took my hand, and we walked back to the SUV.

  When we pulled up to the lodge sometime later, a pair of snow machines were already up and running on either side of the building, shooting big arcs of snow that were just beginning to cover the ground. Nana stepped out of the shadows as we stood in the parking lot with startled expressions, and she exclaimed, “Well shit, I wanted to surprise you boys!”

  Ollie, Jessie, and Kai were with her, and all four of them were dressed like cartoonish cat burglars. “We borrowed these from one of the ski resorts,” Jessie explained, as they crossed the parking lot to join us. “We really wanted the kids and the rest of our family to wake up to a white Christmas.”

  Dante grinned and raised the hatch on the back of my SUV. “We were trying to surprise Nana and everyone else, so we did the same thing.”

  “That’s great,” Kai said. “With twice as many, we’ll get even better coverage. Come on, let’s set them up.”

  While he and Vincent hauled one of the machines out of my SUV, I noticed a familiar truck parked nearby. Jessie handed Dakota his keys as he said, “Your Chevy’s running great now.” Dakota thanked both of us, and he and Jessie talked about the repair for a few minutes. Pretty soon, all the snow machines were up and running, and both groups of burglars slipped back into the building.

  When we got to the room, Dakota was uncharacteristically quiet. He turned on the gas fireplace with the flip of a switch, and then he scooped up the cat and scratched his ears. After a minute, he turned to me and said, “I think I should go.”

  “Already?”

  “We’re just postponing the inevitable. Plus, tomorrow’s a big day with your family, and I’ll be at my open house. There wouldn’t be much time together anyway before you took off.” Both of us were clearly upset, but I understood why he was leaving early. Every moment we spent together as my departure time approached would have been tinged with pain.

  “Okay, but this isn’t goodbye. I’m going to figure this out, somehow.”

  “God, I hope so,” he said, “and when you do, you know where to find me.”

  I helped him pack. Somehow, the cat owned more stuff than both of us combined. I kissed the little animal on the top of his head before loading him in his blue plastic carrier, and then I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

  When everything was packed up, Dakota turned to me with raw emotion in his eyes. He kissed me and caressed my cheek, and then he lingered for just a moment before picking up his things and leaving the hotel room.

  “This is going to be okay,” I whispered, as I wrapped my arms around myself and the door swung shut behind him. “I really am going to figure this out.”

  God, how I needed that to be true.

  Chapter 6

  The kids’ reaction to the snow was absolutely priceless. By the time they woke up, the world right outside the lodge was a sparkling winter wonderland. Vincent and Dante had returned the borrowed machines at the crack of dawn that morning, so as far as the children were concerned, it was an absolute Christmas miracle.

  Izzy and Ryder got all bundled up, and then they ran and played in the snow with their friends as Izzy proclaimed it the best Christmas ever. The only thing that eventually brought them back inside was the promise of presents. Everyone had piled stacks of brightly wrapped gifts around the big tree in the lobby, and a flurry of paper ripping and squeals of excitement followed. Izzy gave me a hug when she unwrapped the art set I’d gotten for her, and then she ran off to race toy cars with one of Dante’s nephews. Meanwhile, Ryder chewed on his knuckle and giggled with delight as his dads showed him how to unwrap presents.

  Around midmorning, Jessie and I placed a conference call to our sister Ruthie, who raved about the gift we’d sent her and her new husband. She was spending Christmas with his family in Puerto Rico, and we made plans for all of us to get together in the new year.

  After the gift frenzy wound down, the baby fell asleep on top of Kai, who was stretched out on a blanket near the Christmas tree. Jessie dropped onto the couch beside me and said, “You look as tired as I do. I’ve been up since six with Ry, what’s your excuse?”

  I held up a gift bag and said, “I was up all night finishing this.”

  “What is it?”

  “The hat and scarf I was knitting for Dakota.”

  “Where is he, anyway?”

  “He went home last night. Do you think you could drop this off at his bar? It can be this evening, on your way back to San Francisco.”

  My brother frowned at me. “I don’t understand. Don’t you want to see him?”

  “I definitely do, but I have some things I need to figure out first.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like my entire life. I want Dakota, Jessie. God, I want him. But t
he way things are right now, at best we’d see each other once or twice a month, and that’s no way to build a relationship. There has to be a solution though, so I’m going to head back to the city and try to think this through.”

  “You mean you’re heading back now?”

  I nodded, and then I got up and asked, “So, will you take this gift to him? It’s fine if you don’t have the time, I can ask someone else.”

  “I’ll do it.” Jessie got up and took the bag from me as he asked, “Are you sure you want to spend Christmas Day alone in your tiny apartment?”

  “Actually, I’m going to my office.”

  “Why?”

  “It’s hard to explain, but I feel like being there is going to help me figure some stuff out. I’m sorry to skip out early on our celebration.”

  “It’s okay. You got to be here for the snow and presents, and since Ryder’s asleep and Izzy’s off playing with her friends, you won’t be missing much. We were planning to head out right after dinner anyway.”

  I gave my brother a hug, said goodbye to Izzy and Kai, and kissed the sleeping baby’s forehead. Then I found Dante knee-deep in wrapping paper beside the Christmas tree. I shook his hand and said, “I’m about to take off, but I wanted to say thanks for everything, and Merry Christmas to you and your family.”

  “I was just sifting through the carnage, and I found this leaning against the wall,” he said, as he handed me a guitar case. “Good thing I unearthed it before you took off.”

  There was a red ribbon tied to the handle, holding a tag with my name on it. I lifted the lid to reveal Dakota’s acoustic guitar. There was a note with it, which said: You should keep playing. You were good at it, and I thought you could use a little music in your life. Merry Christmas. Love, Dakota. He was right, I really could.

  I did a lot of soul-searching on the long drive back to the city. I knew my life would have to change drastically if I was ever going to have a shot at a relationship with Dakota. Well really, I’d have to change. But was I even capable of that?