by Susan Gable
They might not love each other, but she did love Sarah, with everything in her. Eventually, he was certain that love would be enough. He might have to push a bit, let her see just what she was giving up.
The wind rustled the leaves louder and he shivered, turning toward the gazebo's opening. As he stepped down, something solid and hard connected with his stomach.
He doubled over, gasping for breath.
"You son of a bitch. I've waited a hell of a long time to do that."
David gagged, then sucked in a lungful of air. Straightening up wasn't an option, so he braced his hands on his knees and focused on continuing to breathe.
"That's it, Mitchell? You're not even going to take a swing at me? Christ, you've gotten soft."
"What—took—you—so—long?"
"I didn't want to interfere with your search for my sister. I figured you were our best hope for seeing her again. Which only seemed fitting since you were the one who drove her away in the first place."
"Wasn't how it was supposed to go." Clenching his teeth, David stood up. Fire burned along his abs.
"I don't give a shit how it was supposed to go. All I know is my baby sister's been gone for more than four years. She missed Kenny's wedding and the birth of his son. You can't give that back to us. And now you're breaking her heart. You made my sister cry."
"You made her cry regularly when we were growing up."
"That's different. I'm her brother. I'm allowed. You're not. Besides, we're supposed to be grown-up now."
"She's grown-up, all right," David murmured, thinking how she'd stood up to her brother and mother, and all the other changes in her…
It was all those other changes that got him into serious trouble. That had led to last night…
"That better not mean what I think it does," Marc growled. "I've seen you watching her. You keep your hands—and lips—off her. You've done enough damage."
"I'm trying to make things right."
"How? By taking away a child she loves? A child she carried and gave birth to for you?"
"I asked her to marry me," David said.
Marc blinked a few times. "Run that past me again?"
"I asked her to marry me. That way she could still be Sarah's mom, and I'd get to raise my daughter, too. Be a real father, not like the lousy excuse for one that I have. Your parents would be Sarah's grandparents, you and Kenny her uncles … a real family."
Marc studied him for a while.
"What?"
"I'm trying to decide if that's the most brilliant thing you've come up with so far, or if I need to finish beating the crap out of you."
"Go with brilliant."
"I'm not sure I like all the implications of her being married to you."
"Marc, I swear to you, if she changes her mind and marries me, I'll take good care of her. She'll never want for anything." Except to be loved.
And he hated to disappoint her. But he just—couldn't. Never again.
Sarah's love would just have to be enough.
For both of them.
Marc reached up to the nape of his neck and flickered his fingers in the back of his hair, a habit he'd had since they were kids.
"If I'd gotten Lexie pregnant the old-fashioned way, you'd have hustled me down the aisle in a hurry."
Marc groaned. "There's an image I didn't need." He pulled at his shirt collar. "I told you then surrogacy wasn't a good idea, I told her it wasn't a good idea, but does anybody ever listen to me? Of course not."
"I just want to be a good father, Marc. It's all I've ever wanted. Listen, this situation is not entirely my fault. She caused me pain, too, you know. I lost four years with my daughter. Four years Sarah didn't have me, just like I didn't have a dad growing up. That kills me."
Marc turned away and rubbed his hands over his face. "I know that," he said. "But it's my job to protect my sister. I don't want to see her hurt any more than she already has been. She's devastated that you're taking Sarah away from her."
"I'm offering her the chance to be Sarah's mother forever. I'd prefer never to tell Sarah about Angela."
"I take it Lexie didn't leap at your proposal, or else we wouldn't be having this conversation. Mom would already be planning the reception."
David shook his head. "She wants the one thing I can't give her, Marc."
"What's that?"
"My heart. I care about her a lot, don't get me wrong, but I am never going to be so blind again."
This time the impact into his stomach not only left him desperate for air, but also hurling what was left of his dinner into the little shrubs planted around the gazebo.
"Idiot. This is Lexie we're talking about. She dreamed of princes and being swept off her feet. If you'd told me you loved her, I might have helped you pull off this plan of yours. But now you can rot in hell for all I care. Stay away from my baby sister." Marc stomped off toward the house, leaving David to finish puking in the bushes.
At least his former best friend was talking to him again. That progress was worth a couple of belts and a lost meal.
Somehow he'd get Lexie to see that his idea would work. For all of them. He wasn't certain how, but somehow he'd convince the mother of his child to marry him.
* * *
Chapter 12
« ^ »
"I think you should marry him," her mother said, leaning onto the suitcase perched on the luggage stand and latching it.
"What?" Lexie paused in the middle of yanking the sheets off the honeymoon suite's cherry four-poster bed. "Mom, why?"
"Because he's right, it's the perfect answer. You get what you want, which is Sarah; David gets what he wants, which is Sarah, and what he needs—a mother for that delightful child. Because face it, he's trying hard but he doesn't quite get how to take care of a four-year-old little girl yet." Her mom zipped the matching carry-on bag. "And Sarah gets what she needs—two parents who both love her."
"But David doesn't love me, Mom."
"Sometimes love grows where you least expect it, honey."
Lexie shook her head as she peeled off a pillowcase. "I don't think so. He'd make any Vulcan proud, Mom. Logical, rational—love doesn't compute for him anymore. Not after what Angela did to him."
"Can you blame him? That witch made him doubt his ability to make good choices. If anyone can change his mind about that, it's you, honey."
"And what if I marry him, and he changes his mind? What happens then? What if he falls in love with someone else later on?" Lexie rolled the dirty linens into a ball and tossed them on the floor at the foot of the bed.
"Ah, there's the truth, right there. You're afraid he'll hurt you." Her mom patted the uncovered mattress. "Sit with me a minute."
The box spring creaked as she sank down at her mother's side.
"Lexie, look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love David, that you haven't loved him since you were a teenager."
She tried. She lifted her chin and stared into her mother's eyes. "I—I had a crush on him, that's all. It's over with now. I've outgrown it."
"Lie to yourself, but don't lie to me." She wagged a finger at Lexie. "Honey, you didn't have Sarah out of the goodness of your heart. You had her because of your love for David." She sighed. "Noreen and I used to laugh when you kids were really little about you and David someday getting married. As you grew, I watched you watching him. Saw him being kind to you, and your puppy love develop. But sometimes puppy love can become something more. And sometimes a marriage that starts off with the love of a child can grow into something absolutely wonderful." She took Lexie's hand and squeezed it. "Take my word for it."
"What does that mean?"
"If you tell your brothers this, I'll deny it until my last breath. But I think it's time for you know my biggest secret. Woman to woman."
"What, Mom?"
"I just hope you don't think any less of me."
A tingle of anxiety stirred in Lexie's stomach. "I don't think there's anything you could tell me that would make me th
ink less of you, Mom."
She sighed. "Your father and I have lied to you kids all these years. We've actually been married a year less than we've said. I was already pregnant with Marc when we got married."
"No way!" Lexie clapped her hand over her mouth. "Sorry," she mumbled. "That just kind of slipped out." She tried to process her mother's revelation. "Wow. But you guys were madly in love, right? I mean, that's what led to uh … Marc?" Her face heated. Not exactly a discussion she'd ever expected to have with her mother.
"I was madly in love. I don't think your father was so certain about it."
"But now…"
"Now neither of us can imagine life without the other." She squeezed Lexie's hand again. "Which is exactly my point."
"But Dad's a poet. A musician." So much more than the actual job he held of English professor at Erie University. "He's got a dreamer's soul, Mom." Which was where she'd gotten hers, at her father's knee as he'd read her stories of knights and princesses and sang ballads to her. "David wouldn't know a dream these days if it walked up and introduced itself to him."
"I think you're underestimating him. He has a good heart. This has hurt him, too. Don't forget that."
"Hey, you're supposed to be on my side," Lexie said, then felt foolish as soon as the words left her mouth.
"There are no sides. I'm for Sarah getting what she needs." Her mother smiled. "It may be just what all of you need."
"You ready, sweetheart?" Her father stuck his head in the doorway. "All the other bags are loaded."
Lexie tried not to stare at him, but the idea that there had ever been a moment when he doubted loving her mom … it boggled the mind.
As did the concept that they'd gotten married because there was a baby on the way.
She and David shared a child. Sort of…
Still, she'd compromised so much of herself already. To give up on the idea of marrying a man who actually loved her… Lexie wasn't sure she was willing to—or even able to—do that.
"I'll get this one." Marc pushed into the room to collect the suitcase from the luggage stand.
Lexie held on to her mother's hand as they all tromped down the stairs. They stopped in the foyer, setting the bags on the floor. "It's nasty out there, so we'll say our goodbyes here," her mom said as her father helped her with her coat. "Where are Sarah and David?"
"I'm in here, Mrs. J." David's voice came from the library, where he'd been working online. He appeared in the doorway. "I didn't want to intrude."
"Good thinking, but a little too late," Marc said.
Her mom slapped him on the shoulder, then went to enfold David in a hug. Lexie strained to hear what she said to him, but the words were spoken too low. Pappy and four-year-old Sarah came from the living room and the old man shook hands with her father. Lexie leaned over and picked her daughter up. Then she exchanged quick hugs with her mom and dad, each of them planting kisses on Sarah's forehead—the most she'd allow.
Her dad leaned closer and whispered in Lexie's ear, "Have faith. I know you'll do the right thing. You always do." He tweaked her nose, then turned away to shake David's hand. The front door opened, letting in a blast of cold air. Marc lingered a second longer as their parents headed out and Pappy and David disappeared into the other rooms.
"If you need anything, Lex, you know where we are." Marc set the suitcase down once more and wrapped his arms around both her and Sarah. "And you are worth all of it, sis. Don't you dare settle, you hear me?" he said. Sarah fidgeted, whining, in the tight embrace, so he backed off. "Whatever you decide, we'll be here for you."
"I know. Thanks." Lexie smiled past the pain of their leaving. "Better hurry, you know how Dad gets." She kissed him on the cheek. "Give that to Kenny. Oh, wait." She gave him another one. "And that's for the baby."
Marc laughed. "The baby, okay, but if you think I'm kissing Kenny, forget it." He stopped in the doorway. "Take care of yourself, sis."
"I will."
"I'm proud of you." Marc leaned closer to Sarah. "Can I kiss you goodbye?"
She nodded shyly.
He placed a gentle smooch on the birthmark. "There, now I kissed you in the same place the angels did." He lightly pressed on her nose. "You take care of your momma, okay?"
Sarah nodded, then hid her face in the crook of Lexie's neck.
Lexie cuddled Sarah, comforting herself with the little one as the door clanked shut. Moving to the side window, she shifted the curtain, watching as they pulled from the driveway and onto Main Street
.
Her mother wanted her to give marriage to David a chance. Her brother said she was worth a man's love and not to compromise. Her father had faith in her.
Hopefully that faith wasn't misplaced. But what was she supposed to do?
David came back out of the library. "You okay?"
She nodded. "No tears for you to worry about."
"Good. Because we need to talk."
God, she hated when he said that. "About what?"
Sarah squirmed. "Down, Momma. I need to finish my puzzle with Pappy."
David waited until Sarah skipped into the living room, then he turned to Lexie. "I'm taking Sarah away for a few days. She and I need to spend some time alone. I want a chance for her to start building a relationship with me, to start to depend on me."
She stared at him, mouth gaping, not quite sure she'd understood him. Taking Sarah? Now? "Uh, uh…"
"I'm taking her to Missoula. Figured we could do some shopping, maybe go see Danny Dino again."
Yep, she'd understood, all right. And so it began.
He was taking her baby away from her.
"I want Momma to come." Sarah hugged Annie closer.
"I know, sport, but this is going to be a special time. Just you and me." David fumbled with the zipper on her coat.
Lexie watched for several seconds, then sighed. "Let me show you." She knelt beside him and grasped the two sides, keeping the flap of flannel away from the teeth. "Like this."
"Oh. Okay."
"Momma, you come, too." Sarah flung her arms around Lexie's neck so hard Lexie rocked back on her heels and would have fallen over, if not for David's steadying hand against her spine.
Lexie rose to her feet with his help, Sarah still clinging to her, her doll wedged between them. "Baby, I'd love to come with you, but you're going to have fun. David—your daddy will take good care of you."
"I want you!"
"Tell you what, I'll walk you to the car, okay?"
Sarah sniffled, but nodded her head.
"All right. I'm going to set you down so I can put on a coat. It's nippy out there." Lexie placed Sarah on the floor and shrugged into her fleece jacket. "Oh, wait." She fished in the front pocket of her jeans and handed David a square of folded-up notebook paper.
"What's this?"
"A list of her sizes and the stuff she needs right now. Since you're going shopping, I'm helping you out. She needs new shoes, snow boots, a winter coat." Lexie pointed at the paper. "It's all on there."
"Can I get a coat with a zipper that works easy?" Sarah asked, looking up at David.
"That sounds like a good plan to me."
David wouldn't have to shop at the secondhand stores the way she did, so it shouldn't be a problem for him.
The hollow ache in her chest grew larger.
"Hold my hand, Momma." Sarah's small fingers slipped into her palm as they went out to the driveway.
If only she could hold this child's hand forever.
David opened the SUV's door. "I've installed her booster seat, but maybe you could check it to make sure I did it right."
"Sure." She tugged on the straps, making certain everything was secure. Sarah's safety depended on it. "It's good. You can climb in, baby."
Sarah shook her head, folding her arms across her chest, Annie inside the grip. "Not without you."
Lexie picked her up, hugged her tight. "Oh, baby." Her voice cracked. "It'll be fun. I promise."
"He don't k
now how to wash my hair right." The small voice dropped to a hushed whisper. "He can't see me take a bath. And who will sing me asleep?"
Tears fogged Lexie's vision and she fought to hold them back. "David will croak for you, baby." She forced a smile.
"Come on, sport. Time to go." David reached for Sarah, grabbing her below the arms and prying her from Lexie in a move that was becoming altogether too familiar.
"Noooo! I wanna stay with Momma! Don't make me go! Momma, please!"
Lexie closed her eyes behind David's back as he tried to fasten the struggling child into the restraints. Please, God, let my voice sound normal. "Have fun, baby," she managed to get out. "Listen to your daddy. Be a good girl for him."
"Momma!" Sarah sobbed.
The car door slammed, muffling her pleas.
Lexie bit into her bottom lip, the bitter metallic taste of blood a pale imitation of the bitter pain in her heart.
"Doesn't have to be this way," David said. "You can change all this with one little word."
"Please?" She opened her eyes to find compassion in his.
He shook his head. "Yes. Say yes, and we'll add a set of wedding rings to the shopping list."
"You still haven't said the magic word, David. So don't count on hearing me say yes anytime soon."
He shrugged. "Okay. Have it your way." He waved the note, then tucked it into his pocket. "We'll be back in a few days. Thanks for the list."
Lexie clenched her hands into fists, nails digging into her palms. She'd like to tell him what to do with that list, but there was a child present.
He was fighting dirty, using Sarah like this.
She pressed her lips together and waved as the car eased down the driveway. Sarah's arms stretched out in her direction, reaching, tears cascading down her face.
When they turned onto the street, a sob broke loose from deep inside her, and she fought the urge to run after the car and beg him to let her go with them. "B-bye, b-baby." She snuffled.
"Here, Missy." Pappy held out a faded blue handkerchief.
Lexie jumped. "Pappy. I didn't know you were out here."
"That's clear." He waved the scrap of fabric again. "Take it. You're dripping."
