I Can Do Better All By Myself

by E. N. Joy

  He didn’t know the exact words to say. The way he saw it, he’d made love to his wife that night, but the courts felt otherwise. And considering Paige didn’t run to his defense to clear the matter up, she must have felt the same way that the courts did.

  “And just to think, I came up here to let you know that I forgive you and—”

  “You forgive me?” This was the first time Paige had spoken. “For what?”

  “For the affair, for you not telling that stupid judge that I didn’t do to you what they are accusing me of doing. I mean, how ludicrous is that? You are my wife, for Pete’s sake. How can a husband be accused of taking something that is his in the first place? I mean, the Bible says so.”

  “Don’t you dare twist the Word of God to justify what you did to me,” Paige countered.

  “Paige, honey, so are you serious?” Blake looked dumbfounded. “You actually agree with the courts and that judge? You feel that I ... that I ...” Again, Blake couldn’t even fix his lips to say it.

  “That you raped me.” Paige helped him out. “Yes, that’s exactly how I feel, because that is exactly what happened. You raped me, and you hit me, Blake. And you came to forgive me? Get out!” Paige pointed. “Get out!”

  Any fear that she might have had seeing Blake in her office had now been replaced with unadulterated anger.

  “I’ll get out.” Blake remained calm. “But not until you tell me when you’re coming home. You’re my wife, Paige. I love you.” Paige was unmoved. “Look, if it means anything to you, I’ll be the one to apologize. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for every wrong I’ve ever done to you, Paige. I mean that. I’ll do whatever I have to do to get you back. I’ll do counseling with Pastor, with the domestic abuse counselor, with Jesus Himself. I don’t care. I just want my wife back.” Blake inched toward her. “I can’t live without you, honey.”

  “Is everything okay in here?”

  Both Paige and Blake looked to see Norman now standing in the doorway.

  “Everything is just fine, no thanks to you,” Blake seethed, moving in on Norman. “Since I’m here, I might as well confront you face-to-face, man-to-man.” Now Blake stood towering over Norman with his six feet tall, 230-pound build. All that compared to Norman’s slinky build. “Stay away from my wife.”

  Norman didn’t back down. “I find that impossible considering your wife is my boss. I have to work with her.”

  “Don’t be a wise guy. You know exactly what I mean.”

  Norman showed no sign of intimidation. “Speaking of working with Paige ...” Norman looked at her. “Mrs. Dickenson, there’s an issue out in the ticket booth that I need your help with.”

  Paige looked at Blake to see what his next move was going to be. He stood still for a moment, and then raised his arm. Paige flinched, but Norman still stood strong. “Here, these are for you.” Blake placed the flowers on her desk, and then headed toward the door. He brushed past Norman, who still didn’t flinch. “Like I said, Paige, I’m willing to do whatever I have to do to get you back.” And on that note, he exited the office.

  Just as soon as Norman figured the coast was clear, he nearly collapsed into the chair in front of Paige’s desk. Paige rushed around to his aid. “Norman, are you okay?”

  “No, I think I’m losing my mind,” he gasped, staring straight up at the ceiling as his slinky body sprawled across the chair. “I must be out of my mind. Even back in elementary I didn’t stand up to Betty the Bully, and she was a girl who was three inches shorter than me, might I add. And here I just stood up to a big black dude.” All of a sudden, Norman perked up with a starry-eyed look. “I’m the man,” he proclaimed with pride.

  Paige smacked him behind his head and stormed back over to her chair.

  “What?” Norman asked.

  “Nothing, Norman,” Paige trembled.

  Norman walked over to her. “You afraid?” he asked her. She nodded her answer. “Then look, first things first; you need to take a restraining order out on him for protection,” Norman suggested.

  Paige thought for a minute. “Yeah, I think you’re right,” she agreed. “I’m going to call the police now.” She retrieved the business card of the police officer she’d dealt with at the hospital. That particular officer wasn’t available, but she got the information she needed from another officer on how to go about filing a restraining order. On her lunch break, she drove down to the courthouse to do just that. She was nervous, scared, and still somewhat embarrassed. But thank God Norman had volunteered to go with her for support.

  “Well, now that that’s done, do you want to grab some fast food on the way back to work?” Norman asked.

  “No, I don’t really have an appetite. I’m too nervous and afraid to eat.”

  “There’s nothing to be afraid of now. You’ve filed the restraining order, so Blake has to stay away from you. He’s not permitted to come to your place of employment or Tamarra’s house, where you’re staying.”

  “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know what I’m so worried about.”

  “Good, now let’s go get something in your stomach. That might help calm your nerves. Then your day can get back to normal.”

  Paige agreed, allowing Norman to stop at McDon-alds for one of their salads. He was right. Putting something in her stomach had helped calm her nerves, and the rest of the day ended up getting back to normal. But that was just one day. It was the rest of her life she was concerned with.

  Chapter Seventeen

  “Mom, it’s me again. Call me back. I love you. Bye.” Lorain hung up the phone and rested her head back against the headrest of her car. She’d just pulled up in her driveway after a long day at work. It had been a rough day; too many deadlines, too little time to meet them. On days like this, she liked calling her mother, who always had some crazy, twisted piece of wisdom or advice to give her. So just like she’d normally do, she called her mother. Only this time, her mother wasn’t answering. She wasn’t answering because she wasn’t home or she was in the shower and couldn’t hear the phone ringing. No, Lorain knew that Eleanor was sitting right there by the phone staring at the caller ID, deliberately allowing Lorain’s calls to go to voice mail.

  Ever since Eleanor, Unique, and Lorain had their talk after leaving church this past Sunday, Eleanor and Lorain hadn’t spoken two words to each other. Lorain had plenty to say to her mother. Eleanor had nothing else to say and couldn’t bear listening to anything else her daughter might fix her lips to say.

  “A bad mother,” “inadequate,” “blind,” and “stupid,” were just a few descriptions Eleanor had rattled off, describing how her daughter’s lies and secrecy had made her feel as a mother. “I can see you not telling me that you tried pot, drugs, or alcohol, but to feel as though you couldn’t share all of this with me, I just don’t understand,” Eleanor had sobbed.

  “As a child, I can even see it. Perhaps you were scared—intimidated,” Eleanor reasoned. “But once you reached adulthood, there is no reason why you could not have come to me.”

  “Mom, by the time I reached adulthood, I had blacked all that out. I didn’t want to relive it by retelling it,” Lorain told her.

  “What’s crazy is that I’m not really sure I wish that you were telling me now,” Eleanor replied. “At this point, what harm would be done by you taking it to your grave?” Just then, a shiver ran down Eleanor’s back. “I’m just so disgusted is all.”

  Up until this point, Unique had been sitting quietly while mother and daughter went back and forth. But now she had something to say. “Are you disgusted at me?” Unique bluntly asked Eleanor.

  Eleanor looked over at Unique. She wanted to speak, but she didn’t have the words.

  Unique let out a sarcastic chuckle. “Don’t get all speechless on us now. You’ve not had a problem once speaking your mind. Why stop now?”

  “Don’t you dare speak to me that way, young lady,” Eleanor snapped. “I am your grandmother, and you best show me some respect. I don’t care how old you
are and how many babies you got. No granddaughter of mine is too big to get turned over my knee.”

  The room fell dead silent in an instant. Lorain’s eyes bucked with a glimmer of hope. Had her mother just claimed her daughter? Had she just taken on the title of grandmother? Had Eleanor just given Unique the title of being her granddaughter? Was acceptance brewing in the air? Was God about to turn around for good what the devil meant for evil? For her mother’s good? For her daughter’s good? For her own good and the good of her grandchildren? “You said grandmother,” Unique said, almost in disbelief. “You called me your granddaughter. You claimed me.”

  “I ... I ... I did no such a thing,” Eleanor recanted.

  “Yes, you did. I heard you,” Unique exclaimed, almost getting angry. “Don’t try to take it back now. I heard you. You said that you are my grandmother, and that I’m your granddaughter. You said it. I know you said it.” Unique looked at Lorain frantically. “Didn’t she? Tell me you heard her say it too. Tell me I’m not going crazy.”

  “Okay, look, calm down,” Eleanor ordered. “I said it. I said it, okay, but that’s not what I meant.”

  “What else could you have meant by it, Mother?” Lorain asked. “After all, it is the truth.”

  “Truth? Truth?” Eleanor spat in an indignant tone. “Who knows what the truth is anymore, especially coming from you?” She nodded toward Unique but continued looking at Lorain. “And who says this is the baby you threw away? Have you even gotten a DNA test?”

  “As a matter of fact, we have,” Lorain informed her mother. Although Lorain knew in her heart, and from all the evidence she’d gathered, that Unique was her child, they decided to go ahead and get a DNA test done anyway. The results were 100 percent that Lorain was Unique’s mother.

  “Okay, so maybe she is your baby then,” Eleanor replied, refusing to bow out gracefully. “But you still haven’t told us who the daddy is.” Eleanor had a smug look on her face. “Who’s to say you even know who the father is? That’s probably why you haven’t said two words about him.”

  “I’m to say,” Lorain declared, on the verge of becoming insulted.

  “Tah, and we all know the value of your word nowadays,” Eleanor said. “Besides, it could have been anybody’s baby. Don’t think I didn’t know about you changing into revealing clothes once you got to school. Kids talk to their mothers, and then their mothers talk. Word got back to me how if I didn’t keep a watch on you, you were gonna make me a grandma early.” Eleanor rolled her eyes. “See how right those people were about you?”

  “Now wait a dangon minute,” Unique jumped in.

  Lorain put her hand up to cut Unique off, who was fully ready to defend her mother. After all, those words hit close to home for Unique. Those were some of the same things people used to say about her when she was coming up. So what if some of it had come to pass? Still, no one had a right to judge anybody else.

  “It’s okay, Unique; let her finish,” Lorain suggested. “This is why we’re having this talk; to get it all out in the open.”

  “Really, Lorain?” Eleanor begged to differ. “Are you really going to get it all out in the open this time? Or next week are you going to tell me that you used to sleep with your real daddy too and perhaps that’s why he left? Perhaps he left because of you and not me. What? Were you throwing yourself at him too? Heck, who knows? She might be his baby.”

  Right then and there, Lorain stepped out of herself. A demonic presence rose up in her and began to control parts of her body, like she was the puppet and it was the puppeteer. Lorain tried to fight it off, but it was too late. It had control of her hand, and the next thing she knew, that hand was stinging Eleanor across the face.

  The smack was hard. It was so loud. It sounded like two rough hands clapping together instead of a woman’s soft, gentle hand connecting with another woman’s soft, gentle cheek. Lorain was in shock; Eleanor was in shock; and even though she wanted to slap Eleanor herself, Unique was in shock.

  Lorain was immediately convicted. She felt sick to her stomach about what she’d just done. She felt guilty and sorry, yet her lips wouldn’t move to apologize. Once she finally came to her senses, Eleanor was already out the door. Lorain went charging after her, but Unique had grabbed her arm. “No, let her go,” Unique suggested.

  “But ... but, she’s my mother,” Lorain stammered. “How’s she gonna get home?”

  “We’ll call a cab to pick her up. I’m sure she’s not going to go far.” Unique led Lorain over to the couch, and then went and called Eleanor a taxi.

  Lorain just sat there on the couch with tears falling from her eyes, the same way she was now sitting in her car with tears falling from her eyes. “Oh, Mom, will you ever forgive me?” she cried.

  Lorain sat in the car a couple more minutes, reliving the scene that had taken place in her living room. Eventually, her ringing cell phone brought her mind back to reality. She quickly said a silent prayer that it was her mother finally returning her call. When she looked down at the caller ID she was slightly disappointed to see that it was not Eleanor. As a matter of fact, she had no idea who it was. She didn’t recognize the number.

  “Hello,” Lorain answered.

  “Lorain, this is Renee.”

  “Hi, Renee. How are you?” Lorain was surprised that Unique’s sister, the one she lived with, was calling her.

  “Oh, I’m just fine. But it’s Unique you might want to come see about,” Renee stated.

  Fear immediately tried to infiltrate Lorain’s mind, but she fought it off. She needed to stay calm just in case Unique needed her. What good would she have been to her if she was a mess herself? “Wha ... what is it? Is it the baby?”

  “I think she might want to tell you. You should get to the hospital... now.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “Well, I’ll definitely keep you all in prayer,” Margie said before ending her call with Lorain. Margie stood up from the table in her study and made her way to the kitchen, where she could smell Mother Doreen whipping up something delicious.

  “Evening, Pastor,” Mother Doreen greeted her. This was Mother Doreen’s first time seeing Pastor that day. Pastor had been awakened from her sleep at around four that morning by the Holy Spirit. He called for her to go to her prayer room and pray for the saints of New Day. After praying for a few hours, she went to her study to work on the sermon that had been dropped into her spirit during prayer. After that, she felt led to call Sister Lorain, one of the saints that had specifically been dropped in her spirit to pray for. Initially, she’d gotten no answer.

  Next, Margie showered, dressed, and went to visit a couple of New Day’s sick and shut-in members. Lastly, she went to the church to handle some church business and to do some counseling. She’d finally made it back home where she went to her study, worked on some Bible study topics, then placed another call to Lorain. That time she got Lorain on the phone, but she was on her way to the hospital, so they could only speak briefly. They spoke just long enough for Margie to find out that things between Lorain, her mother, and Unique were worse off than when they’d left the church on Sunday.

  “You’ve been on the move today, Pastor,” Mother Doreen noticed. “But then again, you’re on the move every day. It’s no wonder you’re single.” Mother Doreen stirred up the pot of greens on the stove. “But there is nothing wrong with being single. I say as a pastor, you should embrace it. Let folks know that they don’t have to be married to have an enjoyable, happy life.”

  Margie smiled. She knew what Mother Doreen was up to; that she was still justifying cause for her to join the Singles’ Ministry.

  “So is it safe to say that you’ve lived a happy and enjoyable life without being married as you did when you were married?” Margie questioned.

  Mother Doreen stopped stirring. “Well, uh, I guess you could say that.” She continued stirring. “I mean, being married to Willie was not always a bed of roses.” She looked up. “God rest my Willie’s soul.” She drew an in
visible cross across her heart with her index finger and then continued. “But there was more good than bad, I reckon.”

  “So have you ever considered remarrying?” Margie asked.

  “Ouch!” Mother Doreen shouted.

  “Are you okay?” Pastor asked with much concern in her voice.

  “Yeah, just burnt myself is all.” Mother Doreen hadn’t burned herself cooking in years. Not since her mama was first teaching her how to do it. She placed her burnt finger in her mouth to sooth it. That’s when the doorbell rang.

  “I’ll get it,” Margie said. “You just get some ice on that finger.”

  “Yes, Pastor,” Mother Doreen said, even though she didn’t follow her pastor’s instructions. She just stood there in a daze, still trying to suck the pain away from her finger.

  “Mother Doreen, it’s for you.” Margie had a peculiar look on her face as she returned to the kitchen.

  At first, Mother Doreen had a peculiar look on her face as well. Then she remembered that the person in charge of New Day’s SWATC Ministry, which catered to sheltered women and their children, was supposed to come by and pick up some things Mother Doreen had purchased to donate.

  “Oh, shoot. I forgot Sister Nita said she was going to stop by after work today or tomorrow to pick up those toiletries I purchased for the SWATC Ministry,” Mother Doreen recalled. “By the way, Pastor, I think that was a fine idea; Sheltered Women and Their Children.”

  “Thank you, Mother Doreen, but—”

  Margie couldn’t finish her sentence before Mother Doreen was out of the kitchen and into the living room to greet Nita ... or so she thought.

  “Good evening, Mother Doreen. I do apologize for calling upon you so late, but it’s the only time I figured I could catch you. I’ve already apologized to your pastor for my intrusion as well.”

  Mother Doreen just stood there staring at Pastor Frey as if he weren’t really real.