Kim

by Sean Smith

  Rob lived with Kim in her condo for a while, before moving in with Khloé and Lamar. They had bought a $4 million-dollar home together in Tarzana, an affluent neighbourhood not far from Hidden Hills. The house featured regularly on the show.

  The beauty of Keeping Up with the Kardashians was that there were so many of them. Kim may have been the marquee draw, but her mother proved to be savvy when it came to pushing forward the rest of the family so they were all increasing the market value of the brand. There was money to be made individually and collectively.

  Regardless of her sisters apparently enjoying the life she wanted for herself, Kim continued to work tirelessly. The poor reception of Disaster Movie didn’t put her off acting altogether. She made her debut in a dramatic role on the small screen in CSI: NY. The prime-time CBS show, starring Gary Sinise, regularly attracted close to 13 million viewers, so once again it was excellent exposure for Kim.

  She played a character called Debbie Fallon in an episode broadcast in December 2009, and looked the part of the femme fatale as she sashayed through the precinct in a fetching off-the-shoulder number and sporting an immaculate tan. This didn’t seem very likely at Christmastime in New York, giving the game away that the series was filmed in Los Angeles.

  Debbie Fallon turned out to be a cold and calculating murderess. In the episode, her partner in crime was played by the former beauty queen and MTV host Vanessa Minnillo, who was another survivor of Disaster Movie. In the very small world that Kim inhabited, Vanessa became the wife of Nick Lachey and the mother of his two children. The reviews for CSI were a little kinder than they’d been for her movie debut, although one criticised Kim’s ‘vampy smugness’. She has the problem facing many famous women who take on acting roles: you can never forget that it’s her.

  She tried a frothier role in Beyond the Break, a soap that followed the fortunes of four female surfers. Kim featured in four episodes playing Elle, the new girlfriend of one of the regular characters. Her character was mean-spirited – not something that came easily. Kim was subsequently linked to co-star Michael Copon. It was another one of her occasional insignificant dates, when nothing was going on, but it garnered some publicity – this time for the spin-off Kourtney and Kim Take New York.

  Another one of these non-dates was with the Real Madrid soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo, which momentarily had the UK tabloids flickering with interest. Some gossip regarding the Chelsea player Wayne Bridge seemed nothing more than another photo opportunity. More genuinely, she started dating a black American footballer, Miles Austin, a wide receiver with the Dallas Cowboys.

  They went together to an ESPY party in honour of Kim’s friend Serena Williams in July 2010. She watched him play at the Alamodome in San Antonio, and confirmed they were dating. Any romance was short-lived, and lasted barely six weeks. She was finding it impossible to conduct a relationship while she was filming Keeping Up with the Kardashians for 12 to 16 hours a day. Perhaps she would have better luck in New York.

  15

  72 Days

  You wouldn’t have expected Kris Humphries’ name to feature in a list of the 100 people most likely to date Kim Kardashian. He and Kim, superficially at least, appeared to have absolutely nothing in common. Reggie Bush, with whom she had evidently been very much in love at one time, was brought up in California, went to USC and lived in a bachelor apartment in Beverly Hills. He was a catch, a celebrity and seemed perfect for Kim.

  Kris, though handsome, was born and brought up in Minneapolis, where his family still live. His father, William, is African-American. He has two elder sisters called Krystal and Kaela and so, like the Kardashians, they all had first names beginning with K. He wasn’t known for enjoying the high life in New York, where he was living when he met Kim.

  As a boy, he was a brilliant swimmer and, for 18 years, held the national record for the 50-metre freestyle in the boys’ 10 and under age group. Only the legendary Olympian Michael Phelps, who is the same age, was considered to be a better prospect.

  At 12, he gave up swimming in favour of basketball. He was obviously going to be very tall, so he chose a sport in which he was likely to have a bright future and the chance to earn a fortune. Michael Jordan, the most famous player in the country, was regarded as the richest man in sport and a role model for youngsters everywhere.

  Kris was a junior international, before a promising college career led to him being drafted by the Utah Jazz team at the age of 19. He then moved to the Toronto Raptors in 2006, to the Dallas Mavericks three years later and to the New Jersey Nets the following season.

  When he stopped growing, Kris was 6ft 9in tall, which meant he was a full 1.5 feet (18 inches) nearer the clouds than Kim Kardashian. She is only just 5ft 3in – or even a tad smaller – and many people are taken aback by how petite she is when they meet her for the first time. ‘She is tiny,’ stressed the acclaimed writer Lynn Barber.

  The height difference between Kris and Kim was probably the biggest in show business, although there were some well-known couples in the foot-high club, including her younger sister Khloé, who is 13 inches shorter than Lamar Odom, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett, and Sacha Baron Cohen and Isla Fisher.

  Kim had been filming the spin-off series Kourtney and Kim Take New York when she was first introduced to Kris in the late autumn of 2010. The Nets’ point guard Jordan Farmar, who is from Los Angeles and already knew Kim, invited them both out to dinner. She found Kris attractive, but was a little stand-offish, because she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to become involved with anyone new at that point. That, of course, made Kris very interested in her.

  Kim seemed no more enthusiastic about basketball than she had been about football. She is surprisingly daring and is happy to try skydiving and snowboarding, but isn’t so keen on watching dutifully from the sidelines. She was prepared to do that, however, if there was a new man in her life.

  She flew in to Minneapolis after spending New Year in Las Vegas and watched the first half of the game between the Nets and the local Timberwolves from a courtside seat. She met Kris’s family for the opening half and joined them for dinner at the city’s elegant Grand Hotel on 2nd Avenue. The head chef had already gone home for the evening, but was promptly called back to cook for Kim and her party.

  Life was about to change completely for Kris, who had been little known outside the sports pages. He literally came out of nowhere into the full glare of the Keeping Up with the Kardashians spotlight.

  He never watched the show, which was a bad start. His girlfriend immediately before Kim, Bianka Kamber, a very exotic and attractive brunette, was a palliative care nurse in Toronto. She revealed that he had no interest in the show and would disappear to play a war game on his Xbox if she were enjoying an episode. ‘He would say, “When you’re ready to watch something that’s a lot more educational and not a load of garbage, I’m in the other room.”’

  Their relationship suffered when he was transferred from Toronto to Dallas and finished just before he met Kim. Bianka praised her former boyfriend for being amusing, spontaneous and charming, but wondered how he had managed to attract the attention of Kim Kardashian, because he had ‘no flirting skills whatsoever’. She added, ‘Flirting to him was like burping and blowing it in your face or farting and then throwing the covers over your head.’

  Such habits didn’t seem to bother Kim, who was happy to talk publicly about her new boyfriend. Without a trace of irony, she said in January, ‘He’s a really good guy and I think that for once I’ve really taken my time. I’ve known him for months and have definitely tried to keep it low key.’ They were married eight months later. Everything began to unfold in a similar fashion to Khloé and Lamar’s relationship, even if it was just coincidence that both men were well-known basketball players.

  In May, they went on the obligatory holiday to the Joe Francis villa in Mexico, where they were photographed. Apparently, Kris was happy to get some ‘alone time’, although the paparazzi were on hand to record the holiday a
nd feature Kim in a breathtaking array of bikinis.

  The courtship progressed in time-honoured media fashion, with rumours of ring shopping followed by a romantic proposal that would be shared with the television audience. By this time, Kris had overcome his aversion to Keeping Up with the Kardashians, at least temporarily, and allowed the television cameras to follow his every move.

  Kim introduced him as her new boyfriend in the opening episode of series six. They were having a conversation in a New York restaurant, which appeared to have been cleared of all the other customers. He came across as normal and funny, although he did let out an enormous burp, which Kim tried but failed to match.

  By episode 13, he was preparing to ask her to marry him. Kris Jenner opened the instalment with a classic remark to Kim, ‘You actually got a keeper.’ After asking Bruce for permission to ask her to marry him, her prospective son-in-law was supposed to propose at a family dinner. That didn’t happen after he and Kim argued on the way there. It was already confusing and a little silly that mother and future husband were both called Kris.

  Kim returned to her Beverly Hills home one afternoon later that month to discover Kris on bended knee in the bedroom. On the white carpet, he had written in rose petals: ‘Will you marry me?’ The room was bathed in candlelight and was very romantic, if appearing rather staged for maximum TV effect. Some have speculated that this was the work of a member of the production team.

  Kris produced an enormous, dazzling diamond engagement ring that you might have expected to see on the finger of Liberace or Elizabeth Taylor. It was completely ostentatious and Kim clearly loved it at first sight. The 20.5-carat ensemble by Lorraine Schwartz was valued at a reported $2 million, it was the ring of a girl’s dreams. The cost to Kris Humphries was almost certainly considerably less, especially taking into account the publicity the designer received. Kim had no hesitation in accepting his proposal.

  The show’s editors could manipulate the footage in any way they wanted to reveal tension between the groom and other members of the family. Even so, there remained a nagging doubt about their compatibility. Kim and Kris seemed closest during bouts of rough and tumble, in which he would lift her up and bundle her on to the bed. She was disgusted when he put one of his two small dogs on the kitchen counter. He remarked that she never cooked anyway, and she pointed out that she was a neat freak. This was absolutely true. She would only take a shower if the bathroom was absolutely spotless, so finding a dog sleeping at the bottom of her bed or pooping in her garden wasn’t something she was ever going to enjoy.

  Still, they pressed on with the wedding arrangements. They settled on a venue in the desirable and charming enclave of Montecito in Santa Barbara County, perfectly placed for guests to travel from Los Angeles or San Francisco. Described by local writer Richard Mineards as an ‘Eden by the Sea’, celebrities have long chosen to escape here from the faster-paced Hollywood. The place oozes charm, and residents like Oprah Winfrey, Jeff Bridges and Drew Barrymore can dine in the cosy restaurants untroubled by selfie-seeking fans.

  The Kardashians hired, at a cost of $140,000, the scenic 10-acre estate Sotto Il Monte, owned by Frank Caufield, a venture capitalist. The venue was perfect for Kim’s wedding, because she was very nearly following in the footsteps of Jennifer Lopez. When J.Lo and Ben Affleck were planning their wedding in 2003, they had selected the property as the perfect setting for the occasion. Kim needed no finer recommendation.

  On her big day, everyone was asked to come in either white or black. Kim wore a classic Vera Wang ivory wedding dress that suited her hourglass figure. The gown had a tulle skirt, basque waist and Chantilly lace, and was matched with a pair of Giuseppe Zanotti shoes. The fashion writer Alison Jane Reid was unimpressed: ‘It was a typical meringue and revealed far too much cleavage. It just looked fussy, over the top and unflattering.’

  A smiling Bruce Jenner walked Kim down the aisle, which in this case was a long, white carpet. The ceremony was conducted by a minister from Minnesota, who read out their declarations of love for each other before declaring them Mr and Mrs Kris Humphries. It was perfect and nobody describing the dream wedding remembered that Kim had been married before. The bride didn’t seem as relaxed as normal, however, suggesting she may have had misgivings.

  Many of the celebrities connected with the Kardashians smiled appreciatively during the ceremony, before mingling at the reception. Babyface, Sugar Ray Leonard, Mario Lopez, Ciara, The-Dream, Kathie Lee Gifford, Eva Longoria, Serena Williams, Brittny Gastineau and Joe Francis were just some of the famous names who watched the couple take to the floor for their first dance – ‘Angels’ sung live by Robin Thicke.

  The guest of honour was her 95-year-old grandfather, Art, the father of Robert Kardashian. He was in a wheelchair, but looked happy for her. She called him Poppi. His wife, Helen, had died three years before; he would pass away in December 2012.

  Afterwards, Kim said, ‘My one regret is that I wish I had more time to really enjoy the wedding, because there’s so much going on that you’re running around and now that I look, I’m like, “That day happened so fast”.’

  The residents of Montecito were, according to Richard Mineards, ‘totally underwhelmed by the whole proceedings’. He recalled, ‘I was constantly asked what the Kardashians were famous for.’ The weekend upheaval, with helicopters from entertainment TV news shows clattering endlessly overhead, led to changes in local by-laws about people renting out their sprawling multimillion-dollar estates. Future would-be renters would have to go through a thorough legal process to get the necessary permission – if they got it at all. Montecito, the fifth richest postcode in the US (93108), didn’t want a repeat of the Kardashian brouhaha any time soon.

  The newlyweds were oblivious to that as they flew across the Atlantic for a honeymoon at the $3,300-a-night Hotel Santa Caterina on Italy’s Amalfi Coast. The trip was a last-minute surprise gift from Kris, although there was time to ensure a photographer from the Splash agency was there to take pictures of Kim, in a revealing bikini, cuddling up to her new husband. She had been planning to go straight to New York after the wedding to start preparing for the new series of Kourtney and Kim Take New York, so she was genuinely taken by surprise.

  Within weeks of their return, rumours began to surface that all was not well with the fledgling marriage. A clue to their differing outlook on marriage was provided by an episode of the reality spin-off. Kim is concerned when Kris suggests they move back to his home town.

  She asks, ‘How am I going to have my career and live in Minnesota?’

  He replies, ‘By the time you have kids and they’re in school, nobody will probably care about you.’

  Kim didn’t reply, but you can imagine what she was thinking. The couple had moved into the luxury Gansevoort hotel in the Meatpacking District of New York, but Kris was seen apparently moving his things out of their suite just before her thirty-first birthday. After 72 days, she filed for divorce.

  Kim issued a statement: ‘After careful consideration I have decided to end my marriage. I hope everyone understands this was not an easy decision. I had hoped this marriage was forever, but sometimes things don’t work out as planned. We remain friends and wish each other the best!’

  It turned out they weren’t exactly friends, as an acrimonious divorce dragged on for 20 months – far longer than they had been together as man and wife. It would later be revealed in the divorce papers that she never wanted to go on honeymoon.

  Kim had the foresight to sign a prenuptial agreement. After her first marriage, she wanted just a few items back, including her Bible. On this occasion, she wanted to ensure she kept her fortune, then estimated at $22 million, although such figures do tend to be inflated in the press.

  Speculation began immediately that the whole relationship, from start to finish, had been a stunt for her reality show. The media revealed that the couple had made a fortune from the fiasco, which reinforced the view that it had all been faked. Kim was reported to hav
e earned $2 million from her nuptials, including more than $1 million in an exclusive picture deal with a magazine. She was also said to have been paid $90,000 for holding her hen party in Las Vegas at TAO, one of her regular haunts.

  Kim defended herself vigorously in a blog that was posted on her website. It was a sad reflection of how she is perceived as a young woman who would do anything for fame. She wrote: ‘First and foremost, I married for love. I can’t believe I even have to defend this. I would not have spent so much time on something just for a TV show!’

  She repeated an opinion of herself that others have voiced about her since she was a teenage girl: ‘Everyone that knows me knows that I’m a hopeless romantic! I love with all my heart and soul. I want a family and babies and a real life so badly that maybe I rushed into something too soon … I felt like I was on a fast roller-coaster and couldn’t get off when I know I probably should have.’

  Kim realised that adverse public opinion could become a runaway train if left unchecked. Fans were fickle and could easily turn against you. Kris Humphries was jeered when he resumed playing basketball. Kim’s emotional defence of her good intentions was intelligent and believable, but it wasn’t enough to draw a line under her marriage.

  Kris filed his legal response on 1 December. Surprisingly, he requested an annulment on the grounds of fraud. He didn’t reveal the reason for pursuing this course.

  Kim and Kris were simply a poor match. In a rather sad postscript, that amazing engagement ring was sold at auction by Christie’s in New York in October 2013 for $749,000. Kim had returned it to Kris, and he had waited until their divorce was finalised before selling it. In an ironic twist of fate, that was also the month she became engaged again.