New Leaves, No Strings (Austin Erotic Romance Series)

by C. J. Fallowfield

  ‘O god,’ exclaimed Gabe as he watched the colour drain out of my face, he lifted me off him and lay me down on the bed, pulling the pillows down and putting them under my feet to raise them up. ‘I’m going to get you some water, don’t move.’

  I heard him grunt as he pulled off his condom and ran out. Lying down the room slowly stopped spinning and I blinked my eyes as they readjusted to the light as I tried to make sense of what had just happened.

  ‘Holy fucking shit man, where are your clothes?’ I heard Lexi shout.

  ‘Shit sorry, sorry Lexi. Mia’s not feeling well I was just grabbing her some water.’

  ‘Well grab a fucking dressing gown or some boxers first. What’s wrong? Is she ok?’

  ‘She looks like she’s going to pass out, can we talk about this after I check on her and I’m not trying to cover my manhood with a freezing cold glass of water?’

  ‘Fine, I’m going to the bathroom to shower, so don’t be coming in until I tell you I’m out. Make sure she’s ok.’

  I turned my head to see Gabe re-enter the room with a pink flush to his cheeks. ‘Here, drink’ he said as he lifted my head and tilted the glass to meet my lips. I started to guzzle, it tasted sweet. ‘Slowly, its sugared water, I think you need something to eat.’ He put the glass back down on the bedside table when I’d drained it. ‘Are you ok Mia?’

  ‘I’ll be fine. I just get a bit light headed sometimes. What time is it?’ I avoided looking at him embarrassed. He’d really just said that to me? I love you? After four bloody days? What was he thinking?

  ‘7.15, you need something to eat.’

  ‘I’m fine,’ I replied. I needed some air, I felt crowded by him all of a sudden, it was too much.

  ‘I’ll go and make some bacon and egg sandwiches, that should help.’

  ‘You’re not listening I’m fine, I don’t do big breakfasts,’ I said as I carefully sat up.

  ‘You really should eat something,’ he reached out to touch my face and I pushed his hand away.

  ‘I said I was fine, stop nagging me Gabe.’ He was pushing me, why was he pushing me? I needed some space while I tried to process this.

  ‘You don’t seem fine. Stay in bed, I’m going to go and make it and I’ll bring it to you.’

  ‘What are you my bloody mother? I said I was fine like thirty bloody times.’ I snapped and I shuffled over to the opposite site of the bed and got up and walked quickly to the bathroom door, taking care not to look at him, this was too much. I just needed to get away from him and clear my head. ‘Lexi are you still in the shower?’ I yelled.

  ‘Just out.’

  ‘I need to come in. Can I come in?’

  ‘Sure.’

  I opened the door and pushed it shut behind me without looking at him. I leaned back on it and took a deep breath and sighed. Lexi wriggled her pants up and threw me a towel.

  ‘Cover yourself up, what is it with every one flashing their nakedness at me this morning? What’s up? Gabe said you went faint again and you look really pale.’

  ‘I’m fine, Jesus christ why’s everyone all over me this morning? It makes it hard to bloody breathe. I feel like I’m suffocating,’ I replied as I wrapped the towel around me. I wasn’t in the mood for talking.

  ‘I’m suffocating you by asking if you’re ok? Well you’re obviously not fine. What the hell’s eating at you?’

  ‘Nothing,’ I sighed as I covered my eyes with my hands and sighed.

  ‘Really? If I didn’t know you I’d know there was something up. Come on talk.’

  ‘I don’t want to talk about it Lex, I just want to get showered and have some time alone. Is that ok with you or do I need your fucking permission?’ I dropped my hands and scowled at her as she pulled on her jeans and t-shirt.

  ‘Be my guest Miss Grumpy pants, but we’re going to talk about this at some stage today Mia. Where’s Gabe now? I’ve had my fill of naked people this early on a Monday morning. It’s like living in a bloody nudist colony.’

  ‘I left him in the bedroom, he is insisting on cooking bloody breakfast,’ I grumbled.

  ‘Great I don’t have a problem with our own personal chef, I’m starving. See you out there, hopefully in a better mood.’ She pulled out her tongue at me and opened the door to the hall and pulled it closed behind her.

  I went and held onto the sides of the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I did look pale, any hint of sexual glow had drained from my face. God damn it, it had all been going so well, why did he have to ruin it? Love me? We’d known each other about five minutes. What was it with guys and having to say it so quickly? What did he want from me? To hear it back? Well he could forget that. I heard my bedroom door open and him cross to the kitchen and then heard raised voices. I tiptoed to the bathroom door and pulled it slightly ajar to hear what was going on.

  ‘Well you’ve obviously done something Gabe, she’s seriously pissed off.’

  ‘We were great, everything was great and then suddenly it wasn’t.’

  ‘She doesn’t fly into a mood like that for no reason. Did you do something to physically hurt her? Did you force her to do something she didn’t want to?’

  ‘No, god no,’ I heard him protest. ‘I can’t believe you’d think that I’d do something like that to her.’

  ‘I don’t really know you very well remember, neither does she.’

  ‘She knows how I feel about her.’

  ‘Why because you’re frequently touching her up, or shagging her in public or dangerous places?’

  ‘I resent that. It’s not just shagging with her Lexi and I think deep down you already know that. You’re just taking it out on me because she’s in a temper. Anyway, she knows it’s more because I told her how I feel.’

  ‘How?’ she snapped and I inhaled sharply, cringing.

  ‘I don’t want to discuss that with you it’s private, but trust me she’s in no doubt as to how I feel about her, so I don’t understand what just happened.’

  ‘O god you didn’t?’

  ‘Didn’t what?’

  ‘You bloody did didn’t you?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You went and told her that you love her didn’t you? Shit Gabe, what’s wrong with you bloody men?’

  ‘I thought she’d be happy to know that I was that serious about her, what’s the problem?’

  ‘She doesn’t want you to be that serious about her, not a week after meeting her Gabe. Jesus christ. She’s been through some shit alright, she finds it hard to accept anyone could love her. You need to give it time, give her time to trust you.’

  ‘She things she’s unlovable? Who did this to her? Was it Kai? Did he hurt her?’

  ‘That’s not my conversation to have with you Gabe. Trust me, she’ll open up to you eventually. It’s just not going to happen overnight, you need to let her head catch up with her feelings.’

  ‘What are you saying?’

  ‘Gabe I know her better than anyone. You’ve already gotten to her in a way that no other guy has before, I can see it, she just needs time to process it and then she’ll realise it herself.’

  I felt something stinging my face and ran my hand over my cheek and realised I was crying. I’d heard enough. I climbed into the shower and sobbed as the hot water mixed in with my tears. I sank down to the floor and huddled up in the corner, my arms clutching my knees to my chest and I buried my face in them. I really liked Gabe, but love? I was so scared and frustrated. How long was it going to be before I could get other my ridiculous fears and let someone love me and love them in return? Every time a boyfriend got too attached to me, told me he loved me, I’d freak out. I’d treat him badly to try and make him leave and if he didn’t get the hint I’d dump him and move on. Part of me was desperate to run from Gabe, even though I liked him so much, but then part of me was actually upset that I may have hurt his feelings, with my reaction to his statement, and that was new. I’d never given a crap about how any of the guys were feeling before, it was always ab
out me, my feelings, never theirs. I felt so confused.

  I heard a noise and lifted my head and saw Gabe in Lexi’s grey joggers walk into the shower. He sank onto the floor next to me and pulled me onto his chest stroking my hair. I started crying again and he held me tightly as the hot water rained down on us, until I got it all out. I felt strangely better sitting here with his arms around me.

  ‘I’m so sorry,’ he whispered as he kissed the top of my head.

  ‘I’m sorry I freaked out,’ I whispered as I put my hand on his chest.

  ‘Don’t be, you told me not to rush things, you were perfectly clear me from the start. It was my fault, I didn’t listen to you. I get the message and I’ll back off and go at your pace. I’m not going to risk losing you.’ I felt his lips in my hair and his voice changed, I could hear the shake in it. ‘Please don’t end it Mia, please don’t, I’m so sorry for scaring you.’

  I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, I was scared. Scared of his feelings, but also of mine, at the thought of not seeing him again, of not being with him, I wasn’t ready for what he’d said, but I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to him either. I exhaled heavily, day by day that’s what we’d agreed, to just go day by day. Maybe I could just let him feel how he wanted to feel, it wasn’t like I had to feel the same way back. I pulled myself upright and climbed up to straddle his lap and I wiped my eyes.

  ‘You could be so good for me Gabe Austin, I really like you, but you saying that … it’s too much, I can’t hear it. I’m not ready for a relationship, not a serious relationship like that. Please will you bear with me?’

  ‘As long as it takes, I’m not going anywhere,’ he whispered as he used his thumbs to wipe away the residue of tears under my eyes. I put my arms around his neck and kissed it. In one swift move he lifted me up until we were both standing.

  ‘You’re freakishly strong and agile did you know that?’

  ‘As well as stalkerish, creepy and a weirdo?’ he smiled.

  ‘Yes those things too.’

  ‘Come on we need to get showered it’s coming up to eight and I need to eat something before I head off. I’ve got to sort out some washing at home and you don’t want to be late for History.’

  He peeled off Lexi’s joggers, which had turned dark grey from the water and clung even more tightly to his thighs. He washed himself while I did my hair and then we swapped bottles. Five minutes later we were out, our teeth brushed, towel dried and back in my bedroom. He quickly slipped into his clean dry clothes from yesterday and I caught him looking at me in the reflection of the mirror as he buttoned up his shirt while I pulled on some clean black underwear and hooked up my bra.

  ‘See you in the kitchen when you’re ready?’ he questioned. His face told me he was also asking me if I was ok now and I nodded and smiled, biting my lip. He walked towards the door.

  ‘Gabe?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said as he looked back.

  ‘Have you had your bacon and egg sandwich yet?’

  ‘No. Changed your mind now have you?’ he asked looking amused.

  ‘Well it is a ladies prerogative you know.’

  ‘I’m on it,’ he gave me a lovely smile and disappeared.

  I inhaled deeply. I needed to sort myself out if I wasn’t going to push him away with my crazy behaviour. Lexi was right. I did feel differently about him, for starters I wanted to be around him, which was a first. I got dressed and pulled my damp hair into a pony tail and put on some mascara. I could smell and hear the bacon sizzling and I headed to the kitchen to see Gabe at the stove again and Lexi at the dining table, it was déjà vu from last night. Lexi turned to me and mouthed ‘Ok?’ at me and I nodded and mouthed ‘Sorry’ at her, she put up her thumbs. We were good for now, but I knew there was no way she’d let me off that easy. She was being restrained as we had company. I made a mental note to invite him around when she was pissed at me in future.

  I stood next to Gabe as I flicked on the kettle and got three mugs ready for some coffee. Our hips brushed against each other’s and he smiled at me as I looked up at him. Fifteen minutes later and we’d all eaten and I’d cleared up.

  ‘I’ve got to dash, see you both in English this afternoon?’ said Gabe as he tucked his phone and wallet into his jeans.

  ‘Sure, thanks again for all the cooking,’ said Lexi.

  ‘Anytime.’

  ‘Oooo instead of calling for takeout we could call you to cook in,’ exclaimed Lexi as I walked him out to the hall.

  ‘So we’re good?’ he asked concern written all over his face.

  ‘We’re good. I really did have a great weekend you know. Despite all my mini melt downs, I’m not normally a crier.’

  ‘Great thanks. That makes me feel so much better now knowing that I’ve made you cry twice in one weekend.’

  ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Stop apologising.’

  ‘You like being bossy and in charge don’t you?’ I asked.

  ‘Usually yes, but I quite liked it when you did.’

  ‘When did I get bossy?’

  ‘In the restaurant insisting on paying and then with your “I’m going to make you come so hard you’ll think it’s your birthday” moment on Friday night.’

  ‘God I’d forgotten I’d done that. I was rather forceful wasn’t I? Shit I owe you some more money for all of the food.’

  ‘You don’t. We agreed on you paying for lunch and me for the food.’

  ‘But I got so much more out of the deal,’ I protested.

  ‘Trust me. I got more so much more out of the deal,’ he replied as he brushed my cheek with his fingers and kissed my forehead. ‘See you later?’

  I nodded and smiled and watched him go down the stairs, surprised to feel disappointed that he hadn’t kissed me properly. God this was so confusing, I wanted him, then I didn’t want him, now I wanted him again. I closed the door and tried to tiptoe back to my room before Lexi collared me, but she was standing in the kitchen doorway with her arms folded.

  ‘Spill. Now,’ she demanded.

  ‘O Lexi do we have to, I’m sorry I was shitty, I just had a moment, I’m over it.’

  ‘You’re so not over it, it’s going to keep happening the longer you’re with him Mia and I’ll kill you if you tell him this, but I kind of like the guy.’

  ‘That’s a first.’

  ‘Hey, I may never have liked any of the other guys, but if you’re really honest with yourself you didn’t either did you?’

  ‘I guess not. I heard you both talking about me in the kitchen.’

  ‘You were eavesdropping?’

  ‘Not all of it, but enough to know that I’m lucky to have you as a best friend.’

  ‘Mia, his feelings for you are genuine. I pushed him to test for cracks in his perfect bloody armour and I can sniff out a bull shitter at a thousand paces. You’ve got to decide now if you’re going to let him love you. If not end it now, before he gets in even deeper and you stamp all over the poor guys heart.’

  ‘It’s just way too soon Lexi, things are moving so quickly I’m scared. This was supposed to just be about sex and now he’s declaring he loves me?’

  ‘Whatever, you really seem to connect with each other Mia. Do you know how rare that is? Are you going to push him away because he likes you too much? Or will you do it because you like him too much?’

  ‘I don’t know Lex, I’m so confused,’ I groaned.

  ‘Mia he just wants to love you and you’re what? Going to keep letting him down by shutting him out? If you do that then it’s like you and your dad reversed, this time you’re the one dishing out the disappointment and breaking someone else’s heart. Knowing how that makes you feel, can you really do that to someone else?’

  ‘Wow, you’re so insightful when you’re mad.’

  ‘I know right? Sometimes I even shock myself. On this occasion though I also think I’m right.’

  ‘I do too. I think I need some help Lex, professional help.’

  ‘Well I think I do too. I
don’t want spend the rest of my life having one night stands. The way he looked at you last night in the lounge as you feel asleep in his arms, it made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I want someone to look at me like that, to be that concerned about me.’

  ‘O Lex, warm and fuzzy? You poor thing.’ I walked over to her and wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tightly.

  ‘Ok you sarcastic bugger. I’ve got as emotional as I’m going to get for a Monday, this has all been way too much before 9 a.m.’ she exclaimed as she untangled herself from my embrace. ‘Get a shift on or we’ll miss that bus.’

  We caught the 8.18, punctual as ever and arrived at the campus gates a little over twenty minutes later. The history lecture really dragged, I doodled with my pen as I thought how much had happened in the last week. It was insane, no wonder I felt so tired and on edge.

  We spent our lunch break in the cafeteria as it was too chilly to sit outside.

  ‘Lex?’

  ‘Yes,’ she replied without looking up from her game of candy crush.

  ‘I was serious about needing to get some professional help.’

  She put her phone down and looked at me. ‘So what a Psychiatrist or something? That’s some serious bucks.’

  ‘No, I was thinking that they must have a counselling team, or access to one, for the students. Maybe that could be a starting point?’

  ‘Ok no time like the present let’s go and check it out.’

  ‘Wow what’s the rush?’ I asked, taken aback.

  ‘We need to sort our shit out, especially you, if you want to have a decent shot at this thing with Gabe.’

  ‘I just thought we’d maybe discuss it and look into it over the coming weeks.’

  ‘Why wait, it’s not going to be any less scary for either of us the longer we put it off.’ She stood up and grabbed her bags. ‘Come on then we have about another 40 minutes before English starts to go and find out.’

  We made our way down to student services and were told that there were group sessions available for free, or weekly one to one sessions for a small charge.