First Contact

by Patrick Spaziante

  CHAPTER 1:

  THEY’RE BACK!!!

  Late one night a weird, eerie light lit up an empty field.

  Since the field was empty, no one looked up to see where the weird light was coming from.

  But if there HAD been people in the field, they certainly would have looked up. And seen . . .

  A giant yellow submarine! Well, actually, it was a spaceship shaped like a giant yellow submarine.

  The spaceship landed in the field with a loud THUMP! (That no one heard.) Then the door opened with a WHOOSH! (Also not heard.) Out stepped three Rabbids.

  Rabbids? What are Rabbids?

  They look a little like rabbits, but bigger. Instead of hopping on four legs, they walk on two. And while rabbits are quiet, gentle, and sweet, Rabbids . . . aren’t.

  The Rabbids had been visiting Earth for many, many years. And now they were back.

  What did they want?

  A very good question . . .

  One of the Rabbids walked up to a small tree. He raised his hand and said, “Bwah bwah bwaaaaah!”

  The tree said nothing. Because, you know, it was a tree.

  The Rabbid stood there waiting for the tree to answer. After a moment, he grabbed the little tree and shook it. “BWAAAAH!”

  BONK!

  A pinecone, surprisingly big for such a small tree, fell on another Rabbid’s head. The other Rabbids pointed and laughed. The Rabbid who had been bonked on the head glared at them, and they shut up.

  The first Rabbid picked up the pinecone, looked at it, sniffed it, and popped it in his mouth. Not bad. CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH! GULP. BUUUUURRP!

  One of the other Rabbids noticed the glowing lights of a nearby city. Excited, he pointed and said, “Bwoooooh!”

  The other Rabbids turned and saw what he was pointing at. They all started running toward the city.

  CHAPTER 2:

  AGENT GLYKER

  In that very same city Agent Glyker arrived at work early one morning.

  He stepped into his tiny office, looked around, and smiled. Not because it was a nice office. It wasn’t. In fact, most people who stepped into Agent Glyker’s office would probably say, “This office is ugly. With crummy furniture. And no windows. I would like to leave now.”

  But Agent Glyker loved his office because it meant he was a real secret agent. In fact this morning when he opened the door to his office, he said it out loud: “I’m a real secret agent!”

  He’d wanted to be a secret agent since he was a young boy. Just that week, Glyker had finally landed a job with the SGAII-RD (the Secret Government Agency for the Investigation of Intruders—Rabbid Division).

  Agent Glyker leaned back in his beat-up old chair, daydreaming. Soon he’d crack a big case. Get promoted. Get a raise. Get a . . .

  “GLYKER!”

  BANG!!! Glyker fell backward in his chair, smacking the floor. Embarrassed, he looked up and saw his boss, Director Stern, standing in the door glaring at him.

  “Yes, Director Stern?” Glyker asked, scrambling to his feet.

  “You read all those files on the Rabbids?” Stern asked, pointing at the tall stack of files on Glyker’s desk.

  “Oh, yes, sir!” Glyker said, nodding. “I highlighted the important parts, using a system of different colors. Blue for physical descriptions, green for theories about why the Rabbids are here, pink for—”

  “Think you’re ready to check out the next Rabbid call that comes in?” Stern interrupted, scowling. “Could be any day now.”

  “Definitely, sir!” Agent Glyker answered enthusiastically. He thought about saluting, but decided not to. Saluting might make Director Stern even grouchier. If that were possible.

  Director Stern looked as though he seriously doubted Glyker was ready for anything. Shaking his head, he growled, “Okay, the next call’s yours. Try not to blow it!”

  Agent Glyker beamed. “Thank you, sir! You can count on me!”

  Stern rolled his eyes. “I’ve got no choice. Everyone else is sick or on vacation.” He didn’t tell Glyker it was getting harder and harder to find agents who were willing to go anywhere near the Rabbids.

  Stern stomped out. Agent Glyker grinned. His first Rabbid call! Any day now!

  CHAPTER 3:

  ANY DAY NOW

  The Rabbids were happily running through an alley when one of them spotted something.

  “Bwoooah!” he said, pointing up in the sky.

  His fellow Rabbids looked up. On top of a building under construction, a crane was swinging a steel beam into place.

  “Bwaaah . . . ,” they murmured, impressed. The first Rabbid hurried toward the construction site and the other Rabbids followed.

  A puzzled construction worker turned to his buddy. “Hey, Frank,” he said. “Have you seen my jackhammer?”

  “No, Mike, I haven’t,” Frank said. “But I hear it.”

  Sure enough, Mike and Frank could hear the BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG-BANG of a jackhammer hitting concrete. Mike ran toward the earsplitting sound and saw . . .

  A Rabbid riding his jackhammer across a concrete floor!

  “BWHEEEE!” shrieked the Rabbid, bouncing and banging across the formerly smooth floor.

  “What the heck?” Mike yelled, staring at the Rabbid.

  “Lunchtime!” another construction worker said, grinning as he opened his big lunch box.

  But the lunch box was empty.

  “Hey!” he shouted. “Who stole my lunch?!”

  Behind a partly finished wall, a Rabbid reared back and hurled a green apple as hard as he could. Another Rabbid swung a long sub sandwich, batting the apple right back at the pitcher.

  SHWOOP! The apple went straight into the pitching Rabbid’s mouth.

  “BWAAH HAAA HAAAA!” the batting Rabbid laughed.

  The pitching Rabbid looked surprised but then swallowed the apple whole. GULP! BUURRRPPP!

  A foreman caught up with another construction worker. “Rubin!” he yelled. “Put your hard hat back on!”

  Rubin looked confused. “I’ve got it on, boss,” he said. “Don’t I?” He felt his head. Lots of hair. Slightly greasy. But no hat. Where was it?

  “BWHEEEEE!”

  A Rabbid went zipping down a nearby ramp, riding on Rubin’s hard hat.

  “Hey!” Rubin shouted. “Come back here!”

  As Rubin dashed after the Rabbid in his hat, the foreman whipped out his cell phone.

  “Give me the Secret Government Agency for the Investigation of Intruders,” he said. “Rabbid Division.” Then he realized his phone didn’t work that way, so he looked up the number and dialed it himself.

  CHAPTER 4:

  GLYKER’S FIRST RABBID CALL

  Agent Glyker pulled up to the construction site in his crummy, beat-up brown car. He jumped out and ran up to the foreman, holding out his ID.

  “Agent Glyker, SGAII-RD,” he explained, loving the sound of it. “What’s the problem?”

  “What’s the problem?!” the frustrated foreman bellowed. “Stolen hats! Stolen tools! Even stolen desserts! MY DESSERT!”

  Glyker pulled out his notebook and started jotting down notes for his case file. “Any luck capturing the suspects?” he asked.

  The foreman shook his head. “No way. They’re too quick. And slippery. And . . . unpredictable. Nothing they do makes any sense!”

  “Where are they now?” Glyker asked.

  The foreman shrugged. “Who knows? Probably somewhere figuring out a way to steal the whole building!”

  “Not on my watch,” Agent Glyker said determinedly as he headed into the construction site. Then he paused and turned back. “By the way, what will this building be when it’s finished?”

  The foreman snorted. “If it ever gets finished, it’ll be the n
ew library.”

  Library? Glyker thought to himself. Why are the Rabbids trying to sabotage the library before it’s even finished?

  Agent Glyker crept through the construction site looking for Rabbids. He ran from one spot to the next, hiding behind pillars and walls, peeking around for signs of Rabbids.

  Nothing.

  Glyker scratched his head. Where were they? Had they left? If he could catch a glimpse of one Rabbid, it’d make his day.

  He caught a glimpse all right.

  As he was standing on the ground floor pondering his next move, he heard a loud VRRROOOM! He whipped around and saw a piece of heavy equipment (it was called a front loader, but Glyker didn’t know that) headed straight toward him!

  Through the front loader’s windshield, Glyker saw who was driving—Rabbids! Well, not driving exactly. No one was steering. But the Rabbids were making the front loader go faster and faster.

  Glyker didn’t have time to be excited about seeing an actual Rabbid. He turned and ran. The front loader followed him. He zigged. The front loader zigged. He zagged. The front loader (you guessed it) zagged too.

  Then . . . SPLORK! Looking back over his shoulder at the front loader, Glyker ran right into a big patch of wet cement. He tried to pull his feet free, but the cement was too heavy.

  The front loader was bearing down on him . . .

  But at the last second it veered away, crashed into a wall, and came to a halt. The Rabbids jumped out of the front loader and ran off.

  Well, I guess my day is made, Glyker thought as he watched them go. He kept trying to pull his feet out of the drying cement. In the distance, he could hear what sounded like crazed laughter . . .

  “BWAAH HAA HAAAA!”

  CHAPTER 5:

  GLYKER’S REPORT

  Agent Glyker trudged down the hallway at the SGAII-RD. SHPLOP, SHPLOOP, SHPLOP, SHPLOOP . . .

  He left a trail of wet cement footprints behind him.

  Director Stern stuck his head out his office (which was much nicer than Glyker’s office). “GLYKER! Stop tracking that gunk all over the floor!”

  Glyker turned around. “Yes, sir,” he said, saluting in spite of himself. “Sir, I saw Rabbids!”

  “Did you catch one?” Stern asked.

  “No,” Glyker admitted.

  “Then get back out there and bring me a Rabbid!” he roared. “But first, clean up this mess!”

  After Glyker had managed to scrape up most of the cement, he sat down in his office, pulled out his pocket notebook, and started typing on his lousy old computer.

  AGENT GLYKER’S REPORT

  * * *

  Today I, Agent Glyker, had my first encounter with Rabbids. Learned several things that might prove useful:

  • Though they resemble rabbits, Rabbids are bigger. And much more dangerous.

  • The Rabbids are interested in stealing hats, tools, and desserts.

  • The Rabbids can drive construction vehicles. They’re good at accelerating, but terrible at steering.

  • Their laughter sounds like “bwah ha ha.”

  Summary: They chose to invade the unfinished library. Is this part of some larger plan to prevent people from reading and learning? Is there a book in the library that holds the key to who the Rabbids are and what their master plan is?

  Glyker looked away from the dusty little screen of his computer. If he’d had a window, he would have gazed out, thinking. Instead, he stared at a stain on the wall.

  What were the Rabbids up to? If they could invade the library, what might be next? His mom’s house?

  A scary thought occurred to Agent Glyker. Could the Rabbids be planning to take over the world?

  Glyker clenched his jaw. Not on my watch, he thought. Then he smiled, thinking, If I save the whole world, they’ll have to give me a promotion. And a raise. He looked around. And a nicer office.

  But first he’d have to stop the Rabbids. Where were they now? And what were they doing?

  CHAPTER 6:

  WHAT THEY WERE DOING

  The Rabbids peered through a chain-link fence at the town’s swimming pool. They didn’t know what it was, but they sure liked the way the water sparkled in the sunshine.

  “Bwoooh,” they all said. But how were they supposed to get over the tall fence?

  One of the Rabbids (who seemed to be the leader) got another Rabbid to lean against the fence, facing in toward the pool. Then he got the third Rabbid to climb up on the first Rabbid’s shoulders.

  “Bwuh!” complained the bottom Rabbid as the leader clambered up the two Rabbids and flipped over the fence.

  From the inside, the leader gestured for the other two Rabbids to hurry up and follow him.

  The top Rabbid managed to jump up and grab the top of the fence. Grunting, he hoisted himself up and over.

  That left one Rabbid. He certainly didn’t want to be left behind. But how could he get over the tall fence all by himself?

  Desperate, he looked around and spotted a tree near the fence. He shimmied up the trunk and scooted out onto a long thin branch that stretched over the fence. Would it hold his weight?

  Nope.

  CRRRRACK!

  The branch and the Rabbid fell right onto the other two Rabbids! WHUMP!

  The three Rabbids stood up and shook themselves.

  They were in!

  “Mom?” asked a little boy near the kiddie pool. “Where are my swimming goggles?”

  “I don’t know,” his mom said without looking up from her magazine. “Maybe you forgot to bring them.”

  “No, I just had them!” the boy wailed. “They were right here! WHERE ARE MY GOGGLES?”

  Nearby, a Rabbid sneaked away wearing goggles. But not on his head. They were around his chest, looking a little like a bikini top.

  “Dad, where’s the sunblock?” asked a little girl near the shallow end of the pool.

  “I don’t know, honey,” her dad answered. “It was right here.”

  A few steps away, a Rabbid ran up to another Rabbid and squirted him in the face with sunblock. SHPLORRRP!!!

  “BWAAH HA HA HAAA!” the first Rabbid laughed as he ran off. The sunblocked Rabbid tried to chase him but couldn’t see where he was going and landed right in the pool. SPLOOOSH!

  “That’s weird,” said one lifeguard to another. “The life preserver that’s usually right here isn’t here.”

  He didn’t notice the Rabbid behind him, sneaking away wearing the life preserver on his head.

  The two lifeguards ran in to the pool manager’s office. “Mr. Decker!” they cried.

  Startled, the manager looked up from his science fiction fan magazine. “Shouldn’t you two be in your chairs blowing your whistles?” he barked.

  “We’re getting, like, a million complaints,” the first lifeguard blurted out.

  “All kinds of stuff has gone missing,” the second lifeguard explained. “Including one of our life preservers. And there have been . . . sightings.”

  “Sightings of what?” Mr. Decker asked, excited. “Aliens? Vampires? Zombies?”

  The two lifeguards looked at each other. Neither one wanted to say it.

  “WELL?” Mr. Decker bellowed.

  The first lifeguard swallowed. “Big rabbits,” he finally admitted. “One of them was wearing some kind of bikini.”

  Mr. Decker raised his eyebrows and reached for the phone.

  CHAPTER 7:

  NO RUNNING!

  Agent Glyker drove to the swimming pool as fast as he could without speeding. (If secret agents speed, they get tickets just like everyone else.)

  A crowd of annoyed people stood around the entrance. Some were wrapped in towels. Others just dripped on the sidewalk.

  “I hate adult swim!” a little boy cried.

  Glyker spotted a lifeguard and hurried up to him, displaying his ID. “Where are the Rabbids?” he asked.

  “They’re somewhere in there.” He pointed toward the pool. “We’ve cleared everybody out.”

&n
bsp; Agent Glyker started to run toward the pool.

  TWEEET! “NO RUNNING!”

  Glyker stopped and looked around. The lifeguard shrugged, holding his whistle. “Sorry,” he said. “Habit.”

  Glyker continued through the locker room. When he reached the door leading to the pool area, he cracked it open and peeked outside.

  There they were. But they looked . . . different.

  One Rabbid gleefully tore pages from a fashion magazine and then stuck the rest of the magazine to the globs of sunblock on his head. Another wore a life preserver as a hat. The third was wearing swimming goggles like a bikini top.

  They seemed thrilled to have the pool all to themselves, though they also seemed to have no idea what to do with it.

  Sunblock and Life Preserver Hat (as Glyker thought of them at that moment) started picking up deck chairs and tossing them into the pool. They sounded as though they were counting while they swung the chairs back and forth before letting them go: “Bwah . . . bway . . . bwee!” SPLOOSH! “BWAH HA HA HA HA!”

  Watching them, Agent Glyker had lost track of the third Rabbid. Where was Bikini Goggles? Glyker looked around . . .

  And there he was! Standing on the high dive, staring down into the clear blue water.

  All by himself. He now had a big blob of sunscreen on his head that looked like whipped cream on top of a sundae.

  Could Glyker capture him? And bring him back to Director Stern?

  He could try. He had to.

  Glyker waited until Sunblock and Life Preserver Hat walked away to grab another chair. Staying low, he scurried across the hot concrete to the high dive ladder.