12 Naughty Days of Christmas - 2016

by Jenny Plumb

  “What were you thinking, you silly girl? You’ve drunk up all your mammy’s booze and then set the place alight. Are you daft?”

  “I was just having a bit of fun, that’s all.”

  “Well, how much fun will it be when we’re all burnt in our graves from your childishness?”

  “Not much, I guess.” Candy couldn’t help herself, she giggled.

  “And you’re finding it funny now?”

  “No, I’m not really. I can’t help it.”

  “You can. You’re just being bold and I tell you, you’ll be sorry in a minute when I get through with you.”

  “Why? What are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to strip you bare and tan your backside for you.”

  “You can’t! I’m too old to be spanked.”

  “Are you then? I guess we’ll have to see about that, now won’t we?” He grabbed her arm and pulled her between his legs where he was sitting on a hard backed chair.

  “Stop! I don’t want to be spanked! I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” She fell over his knee and her pants and panties came away together when he yanked them down to her knees.

  “I’ll give you sorry, little girl,” he said, his hand clattering across her lily-white cheeks.

  “Ow, it hurts! Stop, it hurts!” she bellowed. Yet there was no pain and he was calling her…

  “Candy! Candy!” he called, his hand gently prodding her arm.

  “Huh, what?” She almost jolted from her seat, if she wasn’t in a moving car she just might have done; run like the wind where she could hide her red face and the thoughts that she still remembered from her impromptu dream.

  “You fell asleep. Did you have a nightmare? You were calling out.” He looked concerned.

  “I don’t know, I can’t remember,” she muttered, wiping her face with her hand, glad at least that she didn’t have dribble running down her chin.

  “Do you think a little music would soothe your savage soul?”

  She shrugged and blinked, trying desperately to wake herself right up.

  He pressed a couple of buttons and the car flooded with the sounds of an Irish Christmas song. As the chorus sounded he sang very loudly along with the music, glancing at her with a huge grin as his singing filled the air… “Peace and joy be with you on this Christmas Day!”

  It was a lively Irish Christmas song and it was full of pipes and fun. Candy tried to resist, but in the end, the giggle she was trying to strangle escaped and they both burst out laughing. “You have a nice voice,” she said.

  “Thank you. It’s all the church singing when I was a child.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  “Church?”

  “Christmas, and being at home in Ireland with your family?”

  “I do, as it happens. I miss them anyway and always, but Christmas is just a little tougher.”

  Candy resolved to try harder to get along with Rowan. Maybe it wouldn’t kill her to think more about other people beside herself. All she had to do was push away that dream.

  As they took the last turnoff, Candy started to get a little excited. She could see a bunch of cars already parked, which probably meant that they were the last to arrive. Guilt was also trying to push its way through. Maybe she should have told her mother straight out that she and Rowan were nothing more than work colleagues.

  “That’s your house, is it?” Rowan asked. His eyes widened at the sight of the sprawling house.

  Candy smiled as she also took in the view, looking almost through Rowan’s eyes. It was funny how you took something for granted, but when a new person points out its beauty, you do a double take, like you’re seeing it for the first time. Her favourite part of the house was the veranda that went all the way around. It didn’t matter what time of day it was, you could sit outside and enjoy the view and a nice breeze. There were several smaller buildings that surrounded it: a barn and four smaller cabins. “It sure is. It’s beautiful, isn’t it? I forget sometimes when I’m in the city, just how gorgeous it truly is.”

  “That it is.”

  “Mum and Dad bought it for a song after they retired. Dad slowly did it up and then helped a contractor build the cabins. They rent them out here and there to families that want a holiday in the country. Helps to cover their early retirement.”

  “Nice, are they all rented now?”

  “Nope, those cars all belong to members of my family. Crazy hey?”

  “I might need a notebook to get all the names straight. Are you sure me being here is okay with your mam and daddy?”

  “Yes, I’m sure. You’ll be welcome. Are you nervous?” She couldn’t help but be a little amused at the arrogant one being scared.

  “I’m not nervous. I just don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas, that’s all.”

  “You won’t be ruining anything, I promise.”

  Rowan no sooner pulled the van to a stop, when a slightly overweight but still pretty woman who looked to be in her fifties came barrelling down the stairs, in a bright flowing dress or top thing that blew in the breeze. Must be the mam. “Your mam?” he asked.

  “Sure is, Caroline, the man who is trying to catch up to her is my dad, Jack.”

  “Caroline and Jack, got it,” he said. Caroline flew around to the other side of the car, eager, it seemed, to greet her daughter. The door flew open and she grabbed Candy in a big hug, before the girl even got her seat belt off.

  “Hi, Ma,” she said.

  Jack had his door open and was waiting to greet him with an outstretched hand; his only item of clothing was a pair of very baggy tie-died pants. “Pleased to meet you, son. Rowan, isn’t it?”

  “Hello, sir,” he said, clambering to get out of the car and shake the man’s hand. He was trying his best not to look at the very brown hairy belly and, instead, focus on the man’s eyes. The trouble with that was that he didn’t notice the very squishy hug coming. “Good to meet you too, and thank you for having me,” he said politely with the little breath he had left.

  “Welcome, welcome,” Jack said. He let go finally and let Rowan get his breath.

  Did he just hear Caroline tell Candy that he was handsome? It was all he could do to pay attention to the father while the mother was chatting on to Candy.

  “We’ve waited such a long time for this day.”

  What day? The day their daughter came home for a visit, he supposed. “Yes, I bet you’ve missed her.”

  “We have,” Jack said with a chuckle. “Of course she was here only a few weeks ago and she didn’t say a word, cheeky bugger.”

  Now he was really confused. What was it that Caroline meant then, when she said they’d been waiting for this day? He couldn’t help it, his head swung around to face the mother and daughter.

  Caroline beamed. “I was just saying that you were a handsome devil and that I loved the accent.”

  “Thank you,” he said, no clearer in what was going on than he was a minute before. Then he looked at Candy’s face, well what he could see of it. She apparently found the car floor very interesting. She looked almost like a child that had just been caught doing something she oughtn’t have been doing.

  “Yes, we’ve been waiting for this day. The day our baby brought a special someone home.” Jack said.

  Well, that confirmed it then. Even though he’d told Candy that he was only willing to come here as a friend, she’d gone and blabbed some story about them being a real couple. “Nice to meet you,” he said wanly. Seriously, could he be any more soft? What he was worried about was making a scene and ruining this family’s Christmas. “This is a lovely home.” Home didn’t seem like a big enough word to cover this place.

  “Thank you, I hope you’ll treat it like your own home.”

  “Maybe we should get our stuff out of the car and come inside. Where are all the others?” Candy said, talking ten to the dozen.

  “They’re around the back in the pool,” Jack said. “Except for Rachel and Charlie and their kids, they’re not here yet.
”

  “Really? I thought she would have been organizing everyone by now. Telling them all where they’re going to sleep and what jobs they’ve been assigned.”

  “Not this year, so we have had that pleasure. You two will be in the cabin furthest from the house. You’re the new couple, I thought you could do with your privacy.” Caroline grinned at Rowan.

  His face just about burst into flames with the embarrassment. Was the woman insinuating that they were going to be sleeping in the same bed, in the family home, well outside of the family home, technically, but still? His mammy would have just about built a brick wall around anyone that he brought home to protect their virtue and the family reputation. It just wasn’t done. “Well, I…” he started to say.

  “Thanks, Ma. Could we have a little time to settle in? Then we’ll come and have a swim with the others.”

  “Sure, take all the time you need.” Caroline passed Candy a set of keys, kissed her cheek again and then walked back to the house hand in hand with her husband.

  Rowan stood there gobsmacked, watching them go. All the time he needed? For feck’s sake. Would they be counting the time and imagining what they’d be up to? “Candy, I’m gonna feckin kill you, you little shite. How have you put me in this position?”

  “What position?” she hissed under her breath. “Keep your voice down.”

  “Let’s just get to this cabin so we can have this out in private.” Have it out? He needed somewhere quiet to kill her and bury the body. Jayzus, he was never going to get out of confession when he went.

  “It isn’t what you think.”

  “Does your family think that I’m your boyfriend?”

  “Sort of.”

  “Are they sending us to a cabin, to spend ‘alone’ time?”

  “Well, kind of.”

  “Then it is exactly what I think it is.” Before he could halt himself, his hand shot out and cracked across the back of Candy’s shorts. He was so livid that he wasn’t even sorry.

  Candy opened her mouth to say something but once again, she had nothing. The sharp smack had been dulled a bit by the fabric in her shorts but she felt it. The fact that she kind of liked it scared her. “Come on, we better go to the cabin. I’ll open it up.”

  “What a grand idea!” Rowan snatched her suitcase from her hand and picked up his own small duffel. “Just get some of the presents, I’ll get the rest on the second trip.”

  Candy grabbed up an armful of presents.

  “Just get a few, Candace, I’ll come back. You just have to show me where we’re going.”

  The full name, geez, he was extremely irritated with her and she was starting to regret letting her mum and dad assume that they were in a relationship. It would be sensible to butter him up a bit. “Okay, keep your shirt on, I’m coming.” Who ever said she was sensible?

  Finally, all the stuff had been transported to the cabin and the two virtual strangers sat staring at each other. “This should be comfortable then. I’ve never stayed in this one before.”

  “Hmm, it certainly looks comfortable enough.”

  The words were coming out, but his voice was monotone. “Okay, now who’s sulking?” Was this how she was going to spend Christmas? With a miserable guy from work who hated her.

  “You think that’s what I’m doing? No, I was trying to figure out where we go from here. Besides that, I was plotting your death.”

  “Nice,” Candy said. “Where we go from here? We have a nice weekend and then we go back to our work and our lives. If you never want to talk to me again after that, then fine.”

  “Why did you do this? I specifically said I would come here as your friend and you went and straight away made a phone call that put me in it. You told them we were a couple! What were you thinking?”

  “It was an accident. I told Mum that I wanted to bring a friend from work and she sort of jumped to conclusions.” She did, in a way.

  “Sort of nothing. Stop hedging around the truth and tell me what exactly was said.”

  “What does it matter?” For some stupid reason or call it intuition, Candy yanked at the hem of her shorts. “We’re here now. Can’t we just make the best of it?”

  “Do I have to count to three like you’re a bloody toddler?”

  “No! There’s nothing really to tell.”

  “One…”

  “I told you,” Candy said. “Seriously, I asked if I could bring a friend and they said of course I could. They were excited. Something I did made them feel excited. It felt good to not be the one who was alone and unwanted for a change.”

  “Then?”

  “They just started to say stuff, they were talking at the same time; they have two phones now, it’s a long story.” She should have said something right in the beginning, it would be so much more embarrassing to have to go and tell them now.

  “Did you know at the end of the conversation that they thought we were…”

  “Lovers?” She could see that the word had actually stressed him even further, which she couldn’t help but find amusing. “You’re a prude. What does that mean anyway? People have sex all the time.”

  “I’m embarrassed that people that are kind enough to have me at their house for Christmas think I’m going to buck the daylights out of their daughter under their very nose, and then stick my knees under their table and eat their food. Yes, Candace, people have sex, I have sex but I usually have a bit of control about who I have it with, when I have it and under what circumstances. I have never been forced into a situation like this.”

  “I’m not forcing you to have sex. I don’t think I even offered, did I?” Candy thought she’d seen Rowan cranky at work but his mood at the moment could only be described as simmering. So much so that he wasn’t even making much sense.

  “You’re not getting it, Candy, it isn’t about if we do or we don’t or if we might or even if we sit here having cups of tea and reading feckin books! Whether we do have sex or whether we don’t is irrelevant because that’s what they all are thinking anyway. If I had a daughter, I would never agree to her even being in a cabin with the door shut. Not on my property, it’s disrespectful.” He shook his head. “And what’s it all for? A lie, it’s all a lie.”

  Candy had no answer, instead she started to titter, then giggle and as the look on his face became even more disgusted, she out and out burst out laughing and couldn’t stop.

  “Stop that now, it isn’t funny.”

  “I can’t help it.” She couldn’t. It was his reaction to the whole situation. As angry as it was making him she just couldn’t get herself under control.

  “I’m warning you now, that’s enough. If we don’t get out there and spend time with your family straight away, they’re going to think we’re in here doing God knows what.”

  The warning made it even worse; she was actually doubled over and completely out of control. “I’m trying,” she choked out. It was then that she realized he was coming for her. She tried to run, but the fact she was giggling so hard made her too slow. His arms wrapped around her waist from behind and he pinned her against the couch.

  “So, you think it’s funny then?” His hand clapped against her behind so much harder than before.

  “Ow, stop it you ragbag!” And yet she still giggled.

  “Stop what? Whacking my lying, fake girlfriend’s backside?” His hand bounced off her wriggling bottom.

  “It’s not that serious!” She was still giggling while his hand bounced rhythmically from one cheek to the other.

  “It’s not funny! I feel really uncomfortable accepting your mam and dad’s hospitality and lying to them all the while.”

  “Then I’ll lead and you can follow, you don’t have to come up with anything that makes the relationship feel real or anything.”

  His smacks had stopped, well paused at least. “Let you lead? I did that and look where it got me!” Another heavy-handed whack actually caught the skin on her thigh.

  “That hurt!” she hissed.<
br />
  “Sorry, not sorry.” He let her go though and flopped into a chair.

  Candy rubbed her bottom. “Feel better?”

  Rowan rubbed his face on his sleeve. “A little, to be honest I do, but it doesn’t solve the problem at hand. I don’t know what to do, I really don’t.”

  “What’s to do, Rowan? Relax and have a good time.” She yanked her tee shirt over her head and then undid her bra.

  “What are you doing now?”

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to have my wicked way with you. Your virtue is safe.” She grinned at his discomfort. “I’m getting my swimmers on.”

  “Oh.” He looked at his bag and nodded, then delved in to find his own things to change into.

  “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry that I let my mother believe we were together. Does that help?”

  Rowan shrugged. “I shouldn’t have come here, but I did and if I leave I’ll have to explain why and in the process ruin everyone else’s Christmas.”

  “Geez, do you have tickets on yourself much?”

  “I don’t have tickets on myself. I’m just not a natural liar.”

  “Do you want to go for a swim?” She tied her bikini strings behind her neck and then turned so he could do up the back. “I’ll introduce you to the others. She shrugged off her shorts and panties and slipped on the bottom of her swimsuit.

  Rowan was silent.

  “You’re checking out my ass, aren’t you?” She dropped her head back and laughed.

  “Now who has tickets on themselves?”

  “Are you going to stay here or not?” She really wanted him to stay; not just because of a trick on her family. She was enjoying Rowan’s company and didn’t want their time together to end so fast.

  “I don’t really have a choice, do I? So, here’s the way we’re going to do this. You will follow my lead. If I have to be in a fake relationship with you, then I will be the man.”

  She kissed his cheek, surprising herself as much as him. “What else would you be but the man? Now another very small favour—”

  “Jayzus, what now?”

  “You don’t have to yell. I only wanted to know if you have a spare pair of board shorts in that bag of yours. Some idiot put a big hand print on my thigh.”