by Nikki Ashton
“Well you make sure you do and I want everyone to know the facts. I will not have my husband’s name tarnished in this way,” Mum replied her tone harsh and low. “I’m taking Sarah home for the rest of the day.”
“No, Mum.” I grabbed at her forearm. “I’m not letting whoever did this win. I won’t be shamed into going home. I already had to leave one school.” I felt the colour rise in my face and glanced over at Miss Daniels. “I won’t be pushed out of another.”
“Are you sure?” Mum looked over at Miss Daniels, defiance in her eyes. “Because if you want to go home for the rest of the day, it won’t be a problem.”
“Honestly, Mum. I want to stay.”
And I did. I would not let Adam Hudson and his gang of boys shame me into hiding away at home in my room.
Mum gave my hand another squeeze and then looked back to Miss Daniels. “Anything else happens here to upset my daughter and I will go to the education authority about it. Do I make myself clear?”
Well go Mum.
I had never heard her so angry before. When everything happened with Dad and then Mr Mills, she collapsed under the weight of it all. It wasn’t until we’d got the court date for my rape trial that she’d finally came out of the fog that she’d been in and started to act like a mum again.
“Would you like me to call Alannah and get her to come and collect you?” Miss Daniels asked.
“No thank you, Miss Daniels. I’ll be fine.”
I wasn’t. My hands were shaking. I had a pain in my chest, and my stomach was churning, but I had to appear unafraid, just like Dad told me.
“You can do this sweetheart. Just don’t ever show your fear, because as soon as you do, they’ll see your weakness and try and dominate you.”
Mum gave me a hug and asked me again if I was sure, but I waved her away and left her with Miss Daniels, no doubt giving her more shit about what had happened.
The corridors were empty now, but it didn’t make walking along them any less intimidating, knowing that only a couple of hours earlier they’d been filled with pupils all whispering about me and gossiping about a bunch of lies.
I stepped tentatively as my Converse squeaked on the polished floor, wanting to get to my class unnoticed, knowing that if I could get through English and then lunch, the rest of the day would be easier.
As I turned the corner, I jumped and screamed when Adam stepped out in front of me. His face was a hard mask of anger, his fists clenched at his sides.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine.
You make me-
“This wasn’t me,” he snapped, thrusting the paper at me. “I know you think it was, but it wasn’t.”
My limbs wouldn’t move. I couldn’t get my legs to work to walk away from him or shift my arms to push him away. I couldn’t even catch the paper that drifted to the floor and crunched under Adam’s foot as he took a step closer to me.
“I know how painful it was for you, so I wouldn’t use it against you.”
I didn’t respond but stood statue still, counting up to ten in my head and hoping that he would give up and leave. After a period of silence, Adam scrubbed a hand down his face.
“Say something, Sarah.”
“Like what?” I shrugged.
“Like, you believe me.”
I had only seen a handful of expressions on Adam Hudson’s face – superior, cocky and… I thought of his face the night before when he’d come all over my hand, his face then had been filled with pleasure which had only enhanced his beauty, but I’d never seen the expression he was wearing now. It could have been guilt, maybe sympathy or even sadness, but whatever it was it was new, and it surprised me.
“Why would I believe you, Adam? Isn’t this what you do?” I hissed. “Use things against girls to embarrass them, to shame them, to turn the rest of the school against them.”
Adam’s nostrils flared and he exhaled sharply three times before pinning me with a stare.
“It wasn’t fucking me.” His answer ground out through gritted teeth.”
“It doesn’t matter whether you printed the pages out and posted them in everyone’s locker yourself. You told my greatest pain to whoever it was that did do it, and I’m guessing that person was one of the idiots that hangs on your every word.”
My throat prickled and my nose twitched as I tried so hard to hold back the tears. They were tears of anguish, of fear and of disappointment. I had so wanted Adam to be the boy I’d seen a glimpse of the night before. The one who made me forget. I had known deep down, even in the throes of my orgasm, that this would happen, but I had desperately wanted to be wrong.
As Adam stared me down, I could feel the constriction in my lungs growing as the pain started to increase and threatened to drown me. My wrist tingled and I shoved my hand up the arm of my shirt and started to rub at the raised skin.
“Sarah, stop.” Adam grabbed a hold of my hand that was on my wrist. “I’ve seen you. I know when you do that. You’ve got nothing to be scared of me for.”
He was wrong. I wasn’t scared. It was too late for that because he’d already done his worst, and I hadn’t been as strong as I thought. When he put his fingers inside of me, I’d silently dared him to do something to bring me down and he had. He’d done something that stabbed like a knife into my heart with far more hurt than anything Joshua Mills had done to me, but I couldn’t let him win. I would not let him.
I inhaled and took a deep calming breath.
“Just leave me alone, Adam.” I whispered. “You’ve done what you had to do, now go and pick on someone else.”
I pushed past him, my shoulder barging into his hard, muscular arm and with shaking legs walked away from the boy who I’d hoped might be my saviour.
My mum had messaged me to say she was going to pick me up at the end of school and we were going for a pizza for dinner. My feelings towards her were thawing somewhat and I tried to push aside the thoughts that it was a little too late; she was trying which was good.
The last time I’d seen Alannah had been first period after lunch, so I had quickly sent her a text to say that I didn’t need a lift home. She’d messaged back to say she’d see me in the morning same time as usual, but about ten minutes later I got another message to ask if I could stop in at the sports hall first as she was struggling with one of the moves for the new routine – it appeared that after an hour of debating the night before, the team, as expected, had said yes to the choreography.
I’d texted Mum to say I’d be about ten minutes late and made my way to the sports hall. When I got there it was deserted, there was no sign of Alannah anywhere, not even her bag was in its usual place next to the big speaker she used. I groaned. I really didn’t have time to wait for her but didn’t want to let her down because I believed I owed her. I guessed that she had some feelings for Adam despite what he’d done to her, I’d warned her to stay away from him and then ignored my own advice. The guilt I felt was immense. I knew I’d have to tell her eventually, I just hoped that she still wanted to be my friend when I did. It may have only been a couple of weeks, but I liked being around her, and in that time she’d been more supportive than any of my old friends had ever been. They’d all turned on me pretty quickly when I’d reported Mr Mills, despite us knowing each other since nursery school.
I waited around for a couple more minutes and then sent Alannah a message to say I couldn’t wait but we could catch up later if she wanted to. When I watched for the dancing dots nothing happened. I figured she must have been busy and got delayed, so decided to go and meet Mum. I was just about to leave when I heard a noise coming from the changing rooms. I wondered whether it was Alannah, so decided to go and find out.
As soon as I pushed open the door to the girl’s changing room, I was faced with Adam Hudson for the second time that day. This time though he wasn’t standing in front of me asking me to believe he wasn’t responsible for trying to crush me. This time he was leaning back against the wall, his jeans pushed down
and his hands on the shoulder of the dark-haired girl kneeling in front of him and blowing him like a pro. Her hand was between her legs and she was making noises worthy of a porno.
I gasped and as I did, Adam lifted his head and glared at me.
“Fuck off,” he snapped.
The girl didn’t even stop and her head continued bobbing up and down.
I didn’t move but held my breath and looked into Adam’s eyes. They were devoid of any emotion whatsoever. They were empty and vacant, and his features were like a solid mask.
“Seen enough?”
The girl hesitated, evidently realising they weren’t alone, but Adam pushed a hand onto her head and encouraged her to carry on. When she did, I couldn’t help but gasp, almost in awe at the power he had over girls. One touch from him and this girl was happy to degrade herself in the changing room. The thought caused me to give an ironic smile. I’d been this girl the night before, allowing him to have his fingers inside of me in a place where we could have easily been seen.
“Yeah.” I exhaled on the word. “I’ve seen plenty.”
Adam let out a short laugh and I knew then that he was not the boy I needed him to be. I turned around to leave, with my heart thudding in my throat, and ran across the sports hall to the doors. As I pushed them open, Alannah appeared in the corridor, walking in my direction.
“Hey,” she said, flashing me a huge smile. “I thought you were meeting your mum.”
“You asked me to meet you here.” I choked over my words as air caught in my throat.
Alannah frowned and shook her head. “No, I didn’t. I’ve been helping Marnie to get the choreography down. Tessa’s grandpa died and her family are going to Wales for a week, so Marnie has to step in.”
I sighed, not really wanting to get into an argument with her, but I hated it when I was right and was challenged. I pulled out my phone and showed her the text.
“I didn’t send that,” she said, peering closely at the screen. “It definitely came from me?"
I showed her and she gasped. “What the hell is he playing at?”
“Who?” I put my phone back.
“It has to be Adam. He borrowed my phone in maths because he said his phone had died. He must have sent it.”
It all made sense, me turning up and there being no sign of Alannah and then finding Adam and that girl in the changing room. He’d wanted me to see them. It had all been part of his twisted game for me to see him being blown by a girl less than twenty-four hours after I’d wanked him off.
“I told you, Sarah,” Alannah whispered as she put a hand on my shoulder. “He has you in his sights and you need to be careful.”
She looked genuinely worried for me and it made my guilt ramp up another level.
“Alannah, it’s fine. He’s not interested in me.”
“This morning, that had to be him, and now this. I’m scared for you, Sarah. You have no idea how manipulative he can be.”
I chewed on my lip as I wondered whether this was the time that I should tell her, but as I opened my mouth, Marnie, a small bouncy girl with deep auburn hair, came running down the corridor.
“Sorry, sorry, sorry,” she called as she skidded to a halt next to us. “Miss George kept me behind in French, apparently my accent is more comedy character than native French person.” Marnie laughed and nudged Alannah with her shoulder. “So, shall we start now?”
I glanced over my shoulder at the sports hall and wondered whether I should warn them at what they might find, but at that moment the door opened, and Adam and the dark-haired girl walked out. Like some shit porno film, she was wiping the corners of her mouth while Adam adjusted himself in his jeans.
“Ladies,” he said with his usual smirk.
We all ignored him and as they passed us, the girl looked over her shoulder and gave a sly smile.
“Who’s that he’s with?” I asked as I tried to ignore the clenching feeling in my stomach.
“Mackenna White,” Alannah hissed. “She’s his latest plaything.”
“I heard she’s on borrowed time,” Marnie added as she turned back from watching them disappear down the corridor. “Jessica heard Tyler say that Adam was getting bored with her and was ready for a new toy.”
Alannah eyed me warily and grabbed my hand. “Okay, Marnie we should go, we have a lot for you to learn. I’ll see you in the morning?”
I nodded. “Yes, thank you. Usual time.”
“Night, Sarah.” Marnie waved and skipped off to the sports hall.
“Please be careful,” Alannah whispered with one eye on Marnie. “You don’t need his shit, Sarah.”
“I’ll be fine, I promise.”
I gave her a small smile and then instinctively gave her a hug and told myself that I’d tell her soon about what happened with Adam, once I was sure I wouldn’t let it happen again.
19
Adam
From the minute the crowds had gathered around the edges of the pitch, and the girls had done their new cheer before the game, the noise had been louder than I’d heard at any game before. It was a week after all the shit with Sarah had gone on, and we were playing, Sexton High, our closest rivals in both distance and ability and it was currently three two to us with only three minutes of added time to go. We were definitely playing better than them; winning fifty-fifty tackles, being first to any loose balls and jumping higher for headers.
The whole team had put a hundred percent in, and I’d had one of my best games of the season. I’d scored a goal, had one cleared off the line and had put in a cross from my position on the right wing that had landed perfectly at the feet of our striker, Dante Duncan. He’d been fucking awesome and was no doubt Man of the Match. He hadn’t stopped running and tackling from the kick off and the second of his two goals, had pretty much silenced the Sexton High fans. It had been a screamer from about twenty yards out. Maddison High supporters were going crazy, our subs and Mr Jameson were already celebrating, led by Kirk chanting ‘Maddison… Eagles… Maddison… Eagles’ and the cheerleaders were shouting just as loudly. This was going to be one our best wins of the season and I was pretty sure the party that our central defender, Brady O’Connor, was holding later would be carnage.
I wasn’t in the mood for any party though and already had half my concentration on how I was going to get out of it. All I wanted to do was get the game won, get showered and go home. Getting my head back into what was happening on the pitch, I saw that Ellis had the ball in his hands and knew if he could kick it to me I was onside and in a shit load of space. There was only about half a minute of added time left, and Mr Jameson would probably scream at me to head for the corner flag, but fuck it, their keeper was off his line and I knew I could chip him. I pulled away from their left-back and screamed for the ball. Ellis saw me and kicked the ball from his hands, whipping it over the top of Sexton’s midfield and with a shimmy around their central midfielder, I let the ball bounce and then hit a sweet half volley over their keeper and into the back of the goal. I’d known it was going in as soon as the leather left my foot and sailed through the air with a satisfying swoosh. When the net bulged it was only seconds before the rest of my teammates were jumping on top of me, thumping me on the back and kissing me like a bunch of girls with a puppy.
“Come on you lot,” the ref shouted. “Back to kick off or I’ll book the lot of you.”
With high fives all round, we lined back up in our positions and waited for the whistle. Sexton High kicked off, with their striker passing to their left-winger and just as he was sizing up a pass to the overlapping striker, the final whistle blew.
Euphoria rushing through my veins, I let my head fall back, looked up at the sky and slapped a hand against my chest, where my Maddison Eagles tattoo which I’d lied about my age to get, lay underneath my maroon and gold shirt. Everyone went crazy. At four two we had beaten our biggest rivals.
The bench and Mr Jameson wasted no time in storming onto the pitch to back slap us and haul Dante
onto their shoulders for his performance. I didn’t think I’d ever seen everyone so fucking happy about winning a match before. It felt good to beat Sexton High, and it felt even better to watch them slope off the pitch towards the changing rooms, not looking as damn cocky as they had when they’d arrived on their minibus earlier. We hadn’t beaten them, home or away, in two seasons, mainly because they had a striker and a goal scoring midfielder who were scouted by more than one professional club. This season they’d both gone to the same EFL League one club, and Sexton were back to being average.
A hand slapped my back and I looked around to see it was Roger. I’d known he was there because I’d searched every face in the crowd, plus he was at every game to support me, usually without my mum, just like tonight.
“Great game, Adam,” he said and gave me a quick smile. “That last goal was amazing.”
“Yeah, thanks,” I replied feeling unusually magnanimous towards him. “I saw an opening and took it, although Mr Jameson was probably shitting a brick that I wasn’t keeping possession.”
“Well, it was great.” He shifted his feet and looked over his shoulder. “I’ll get going and tell your Mum and Lori the good news. I take it you’re going to the party.”
I frowned wondering how he knew. We always told our parents we were headed to TJ’s after a game.
“I was on the team when I went to this school, Adam. I do know what happens after a win, especially against your biggest rivals.”
Someone jostled him, pushing into me, and he had to hold onto my elbow to steady himself. I wanted to snap at him to get his hands off me, but I really was feeling like a pussy.
“You okay?”
