Hate Struck: (Maddison High School Book 1)

by Nikki Ashton

  “Are you okay?” I asked and dropped a kiss to her neck.

  She nodded but didn’t speak; she was breathless and boneless as her arms dropped to her sides.

  “I’ll take that as a fucking hell yes.” I laughed and lifted myself on to my forearms, not wanting to crush her yet wanting to keep her beneath me for as long as possible.

  She giggled and looked up at me. “That wasn’t what I expected.”

  “Good,” I replied and slowly pulled out of her, taking a hold of my dick and the condom as I did so. “That means it was like nothing before, which also means in time we’ll wipe away those memories.”

  She stilled and I wondered if I’d said the wrong thing by mentioning what she’d been through.

  “Hey, I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

  Sarah frowned and shook her head. “You didn’t, it’s just that you said in time.”

  I sat back on my haunches and looked down at her, startled when my heart flipped over. She looked beautiful and she’d been fucking amazing, but the feelings that were wrapping around me were weird. I had a strong desire to cuddle and kiss her all night and I knew this was so much more than my usual hook ups. I felt like I needed to put a label on us, and it needed to be written in indelible ink.

  “Yeah, in time we will.”

  “So, you want to do this again?” she asked.

  “Yeah, don’t you?”

  “Of course, but it depends.”

  “On what?” I asked shrugging one of my shoulders.

  I knew I was being a dick about it and should just go right out and say it – ‘yeah and I think you should be my girlfriend’ – but changing your personality from prick to reasonable human being doesn’t happen overnight.

  Sarah eyed me warily and then with a little huff, leaned up on her elbows and gave me a spectacular view of her tits.

  “You really are an idiot at times,” she sighed.

  “What?” I reared back and subconsciously thought about the condom still on my dick. “Any chance I can get rid of the wrapping before we have our first argument?”

  Sarah sat up fully and crossed her arms over her chest, which pissed me off, because I no longer had my spectacular view. “No, you can’t. Just be honest with me, Adam. Do you want me as a fuck buddy or something more?”

  “Will my answer make a difference to your answer?” I asked and tried hard not to smirk. Like I said, there was still an element of dickhead in me.

  “Yes,” she snapped. “You know it will. You know that no matter how amazing sex is with you I can’t just be a fuck buddy. I told you before I will not be a member of your cock sucker gang.”

  I just didn’t know when to quit. “Officially you’d be part of my sex gang. Oh, and noted that the sex was amazing.”

  “Oh my God, you fucking loser.” Sarah threw a cushion at me and it hit me right in the face. It was a bloody good throw too because it knocked me onto my back. “Well that was the first and last time, so suck that you knobhead.”

  Sarah scrambled off the sofa and reached for her clothes. Before she’d got very far, I snagged her around the waist, pulling her back until she was flush against me.

  “Shit, Adam, your dick is still wet and its touching my bum,” she cried.

  I couldn’t help the laughter that rumbled from deep within my stomach, and when Sarah jumped up and started wiping at her backside with one of my mum’s cushions it just got louder.

  “Stop laughing,” she said and threw me a glare.

  “I can’t help it, but make sure you don’t leave too much jizz on my mum’s soft furnishings.”

  She stopped and looked down, horrified. “Oh no, your Mum is going to kill me,” she squealed and dropped the cushion like it was a hot potato. “We need to wash it before she gets home.” She paused and looked at the clock on the mantlepiece. “What time is she due home? I need to get dressed and go. Oh my God, she’ll think I’m one of your cock sucker gang and that I’m the easy new girl that drops her knickers just to make friends. She’ll—”

  I was up and in front of her, taking her mouth with mine, before she had chance to get herself more anxious. The kiss was everything I never thought a kiss could be; it was sweet, warm and welcoming.

  “I still think you’re a prick.” Sarah pouted, breathless as she circled her arms around my neck.

  “I know and I’m sorry.” I did something I’d never done before and rubbed my nose with hers. I thought I’d feel stupid doing something like that, but it felt good and intimate. “You’re just too easy to wind up.”

  She blinked quickly three times and I figured I was about to get blasted again, so jumped in quickly with another apology.

  “Again, I’m sorry, and to show you how much I mean it I’ll tell you exactly what I want for us.”

  Sarah swallowed hard and I saw the worry pass over her face. I hated that I had been such a bastard in the past that she would think I’d do something shitty after the amazing sex we’d just had. I forged on, desperate to put her mind at rest.

  “I want us to do this again and again, but not as fuck buddies or a weekly hook up. I want us to go out, be together, mutually exclusive. Girlfriend and boyfriend.” The words out of my mouth surprised me, and I had to admit to feeling a little unsure. I’d never wanted to date anyone, let alone be exclusive. It wasn’t me, but Sarah made me want it, but only with her.

  I expected her to smile or at least say okay, but she just stood there and stared at me. Her fingers knotted together, but I felt a huge sense of relief that she wasn’t rubbing at her wrist; the scar of her pain.

  “Sarah, say something.”

  It was my turn to feel anxious and I was shocked at how much I wanted what I’d offered to her. If she said no, I wasn’t sure how I’d react—probably like a dick, because I was after all a work in progress.

  “You do?” she asked, her voice soft and low.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  The moment that she smiled was the moment that I knew I really was gone for her. The relief was almost on a par with that I felt the day Eric walked out of our lives; that was how important I knew Sarah was going to be to me.

  She threw herself into my arms and hugged me tightly before smacking a hard kiss to my lips. When her hands crept toward my hair, I groaned and gently pushed her away as I’d already figured out that this was her tell when she was horny.

  “Sarah, we have to stop.”

  “Why?” she asked and looked at the clock again. “Oh, shit will your parents be home soon?”

  “Nope, but my cock is wading in a balloon full of jizz and I think the pizza is here.”

  As she pulled away from me someone banged on the door and we both turned towards it and burst out laughing.

  I grabbed my sweatpants and threw Sarah her shirt. “Kitchen is through there, plates are in the first cupboard on the left, and there’ll be some cans of Diet Coke in the fridge. I’ll go and pay, while still wearing the fucking condom I should add.”

  She smirked and saluted me, and I watched her walk into the kitchen, pulling her shirt over her head, as she gave me a glorious view of her arse.

  27

  Sarah

  I couldn’t help smiling as I watched Adam eat his pizza, he was a typical boy and had the all the finesse of a Gorilla at feeding time. Almost a whole piece was stuffed into his mouth quickly followed by a mouthful of coke.

  “Ugh,” I groaned. “That’s gross.”

  “What is?” he said around a mouthful of pepperoni.

  “Drinking while you have food in your mouth. My dad used to eat chocolate and drink coffee at the same time. He said it helped to melt the chocolate and mixed them together.”

  Adam smiled and reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

  “You don’t really talk about him much.”

  I smiled as I thought about my dad, the twinge still there in my heart.

  “It hurts you know. Plus, it’s not really like we’ve been best
friends since I got here.”

  Adam took another swig of his drink and his eyes considered me like he was studying one of those picture puzzles where there’s a hundred cats and you have to find the one rabbit.

  “What?” I asked and wiped at my mouth with my serviette. “Do I have food on my face or something?”

  Adam shook his head. “I’m just trying to figure out why I even thought I could break you. You’re so fucking strong and brave, anyone can see that.”

  He pushed the pizza box away from us and reached out to pull me onto his lap. His strength meant he lifted me like I was a toddler and when he placed me down to straddle him, I felt my stomach swarm with the recently hatched butterflies of a new relationship.

  We’d had an amazing afternoon, once Adam had told me his family had gone away for the weekend and had left him behind, and that I didn’t haven’t to worry about his Mum finding us. There’d been two rounds of sex, which meant we had to reheat the pizza, but mostly I’d enjoyed just talking and getting to know each other better.

  “I’m glad you think I’m brave, because I’ve got to be honest, I don’t feel it most of the time.”

  “I know,” Adam replied as he linked his arms around my waist and gave me a quick squeeze with his forearms. “But the fact that you tried to hide it proves you actually are. You’ve had so much shit thrown at you this last year and yet you tried to battle with me every step of the way.”

  I let out a long sigh and snuggled closer to his warm body. “I couldn’t let myself be dragged under again. I had to take control of my life and not let another man manipulate me.”

  Adam startled and pulled back from me. “I’m nothing like him, he’s a fucking rapist.”

  His voice was low and hard and his eyes dark with anger and disappointment as he spat out the words. His face was curled into a sneer of displeasure and I wondered if the fine gossamer thread that tethered his goodness to him might have been snapped, allowing the blackness back inside. Concerned that I’d ruined things between us, I gave Adam a soft smile and placed a hand against his cheek, and when he visibly relaxed, I felt relief and empowerment in equal measures. This boy said I had him tied up in knots, but I was beginning to think we were tied together from some other past life. Everything had happened so quick between us. Maybe it was too much and we should have stayed friends for a while longer, but I couldn’t see how anything could be better than the now.

  “That wasn’t what I meant,” I said with my eyes still intently on Adam’s face. “And you know it, and if you don’t, then maybe all this was too soon.”

  “No,” he replied quickly. “It’s not too soon and I do know, it was just with you talking about us both in the same sentence, it shocked me.” He paused to take in a deep breath. “Do you think that’s how people see me, as some sort of monster?”

  His eyes were shadowed with guilt where usually there was confidence and defiance and I knew that the manipulative bully had all been a pretence to hide the Adam I was seeing today. As I’d pretended to be brave, Adam had pretended to be someone no one would dare challenge. There was that link again; two sides of the same coin.

  “I think people will see what you want them to see,” I replied and kissed him gently on his lips. “You want me to see the real you so that’s what you give to me, I just hope more people get to see that too.”

  “One thing’s for certain,” Adam sighed. “We’ll certainly shock them at school on Monday.”

  “About that,” I said tentatively, wanting to voice a thought that I’d been mulling over. “The fact that until a week ago we were pretty much sworn enemies, do you think people will think I’m easy for having sex with you? Do you think I’m easy? Oh my God, do you think they’ll think I’ve joined the cock sucker group?”

  Adam rolled his eyes but said nothing as he watched me trace my finger around his eagle tattoo. I was fascinated by the delicate intricacies of the bird’s feathers. Its talons, so life like, looked as if they really were clutching a football.

  “Don’t overthink it,” he said and lifted my chin with his finger and gave me a gentle smile that only a few weeks ago, I’d have never thought him capable of. It warmed me and eased my worries and insecurities. “And, no, I don’t think you’re easy. I know how hard that must have been for you.”

  “But that’s just it, Adam, it wasn’t,” I replied. “Having sex with you felt so natural and easy. At no point then or in the alleyway did I get a flashback or a memory to make me want to stop. I know it’s been nine months and I’ve been having therapy, but was it wrong for me to want you like that? You’re my first sexual experience since then and it felt right, should it have?”

  I had no idea, so I wasn’t sure how Adam would know, but I was being truthful when I’d said nothing had worried me or made me want to stop. In fact, my thoughts of Joshua Mills had been far more infrequent the last couple of weeks. I hadn’t even thought about the fact that he was living in the town I’d practically been hounded from. I didn’t feel scared anymore, because I was confident my mum would keep me safe, I was confident I would keep myself safe. More than that, I was confident Adam would keep me safe.

  “Why would you think it was wrong, hmm?” He kissed my forehead and then wrapped his arms tighter around me, encasing me in security right at that very moment.

  “Because…” I struggled to say the words, not because I couldn’t find them, but because I was worried that he might believe them to be true. “Because if I was happy to have sex with you, wanted to have sex with you, does that mean that I enjoyed what he did to me too? Was it not so bad if I could do again just months later?”

  Adam’s arms around my body got firmer. We were so close I could practically hear his heartbeat. I could definitely feel it under my fingertips at his chest. The steady, strong beat was the matching rhythm to my own heart and I marvelled once more how we could we be so in tune with each other. We were carefree together, which was a miracle after what had passed between us, and what we’d both had to endure?

  “The difference this time,” Adam replied as he toyed with a strand of my hair. “Was that it was consensual, and you had some control in the situation. We went at your pace and if you’d said stop, I told you I would have, right away.”

  I looked up at him and grinned. “You’re actually quite a nice person. You should let more people know.”

  Adam’s eyes narrowed. “Not a fucking chance. This is reserved for you, babe and no one else.”

  As Adam’s family were away for the weekend, I went home to sleep on the Friday night, but only because my mum would never have let me stay over. She thought I’d been at the library catching up on schoolwork, it didn’t occur to her that I had all the textbooks I needed in my backpack and a Mac and the internet at home if I’d really wanted to study. Adam had joked that I should tell her I’d been studying biology because that way it wouldn’t be a lie. He’d suggested that one just before I went home, while he was doing things to me that I’m sure would have horrified my mum.

  Saturday morning came around and I was up earlier than was acceptable for a weekend, but I was standing in for Clarice and doing a Street Dance class for her while she took a break to visit her parents in Birmingham.

  Mum was still sleeping, which wasn’t a surprise as it was only six-thirty, so I crept around the house after I’d showered and dressed, gathering my things together including a change of clothes as I was going over to Adam’s afterwards. I’d actually told Mum the truth about that, to a point anyway; she thought a few of us were going over to do a history project. Again, it wasn’t a total lie, Adam and I might discuss the map we had to create of Napoleon’s most famous battles, but it was unlikely. I was excited to think that there might be more biology lessons on the agenda for the day.

  We were in the first couple of days of February with cool early mornings, so when I stepped outside and zipped up my jacket, I was surprised to see Adam’s car parked at the end of our driveway. He was leaning against the bonnet
and looking down at his phone. His hair was blowing in the breeze, but he looked warm with his Eagles hoodie on underneath his trucker jacket and I would have done anything to go to his house and snuggle up with him on the huge sofa in his living room.

  “Hey, you,” I said as I approached the car.

  “Oh shit, I didn’t hear you. Sorry, I was texting Ellis.”

  I frowned. “At quarter to seven on a Saturday morning?”

  “Yeah, he wanted to go into Manchester and get a jacket he’d seen in a magazine. We were going to leave at eight-thirty to get there early so he could get back to help his dad with something.”

  “Oh okay, that’s fine,” I replied, a little disappointed but trying to hide it. “You didn’t have to come to the house to tell me not to come over later, you could have texted me.”

  He smiled and shook his head. “I was texting him to say I’m not going. I’m going to spend the day with you instead.”

  I took a half-step back not sure I’d heard him properly. “Say again.”

  Adam grinned and pulled me to him by the ends of my scarf, until I was between his legs.

  “I’m spending the day with you. I told you I would, so that’s what I’m going to do.”

  “Didn’t you promise Ellis first though?”

  He shrugged. “It was kind of a loose arrangement. Kirk’s going too and I don’t want to be in his company.”

  My heart sank because I might have Adam in my corner now, but I really didn’t want to make an enemy of Kirk or be the reason he and Adam stopped being friends.

  “Hey,” Adam said stooping down to look me in the eye. “It was dangerous what he did, and then to mouth off about it afterwards, well that was just a dick’s trick. But stop worrying, we’ll be fine in time. Now come on let’s go, you’ve got a dance class to give.”

  “Oh God, Adam,” I gasped as he pumped into me, his fingertips digging into my bum. “Don’t stop.”