by A. M. Myers
“Holy shit, please tell me you’ve been on a date since she left you…”
“I said shut up, Smith,” I snap, interrupting him and he blows out a breath.
“Oh, this is such a bad idea.”
My gaze flicks to his and I glare. “Now you tell me this. Five minutes ago, you were calling me a pussy and egging me on.”
“Five minutes ago I didn’t know how fucked you were.”
“Thanks, asshole.”
He shakes his head. “It’s okay. We can fix this. Just ask her questions about herself and don’t delve into religion, politics, or shit like that. Keep it fun.”
“I’m not a goddamn idiot.”
“I have to cover all my bases,” he answers, picking up his fork again before remembering how terrible the food is and dropping it onto the table with a sigh. He looks at his phone and nods to the coffee shop. “You should get going.”
“I hate you,” I tell him and he laughs.
“No, you don’t. Oh, if they have pastries, please bring me one. I’m so fucking hungry and this food is inedible.”
I shake my head. “Not a fucking chance.”
“Come on, Fuzz,” he pleads as he stands up and I laugh, shaking my head again.
“Nope. Enjoy your stakeout.”
He continues to plead as I walk away from the table and I feel a little bit of satisfaction over the fact that he’ll have to sit there hungry while I get this stupid date over with. Then again, maybe I’d prefer to sit there hungry. When I step outside, I suck in a breath and lean back against the brick wall of the restaurant to relax. I already know I’m a moody fucking bastard and if I go into that date pissed off, the poor girl will be miserable. As I glance up at the cafe, I release a breath. It hadn’t occurred to me until Smith said something that I haven’t actually been on a date in ten damn years and I don’t know how I let so much of my life get away from me. Jesus, I’ve pissed away so much time being angry at Piper that I haven’t lived but that just infuriates me more.
How did it all come to this?
Dropping my head back, I run my hand through my hair and blow out a breath. I can still remember the first time I laid eyes on Piper Robichaud like it was yesterday even though it’s been twenty damn years since that day. She had just come to live with her aunt Myra who was my next-door neighbor and even at ten years old, when I looked at her, I felt something I never had before. The look in her eyes… it hit me right in the chest and I just knew, with the innocence of a boy, that she was different than any other girl I’d ever looked at before. We hit it off like a house on fire and I rarely spent more than the eight hours my parents required me to sleep away from her. Three years later, I asked her to be my girlfriend and the rest is history.
That girl, she fucking owned me, heart, soul, and body and even though I was still too young to fully grasp the magnitude of our feelings for each other, I still knew that she was it for me so the night we graduated from high school, we drove out to the river and under the full moon, I dropped down on one knee and asked her to marry me. Right after that, I joined the Marines and we got married down at the courthouse with my parents and a couple of our friends watching on before I shipped off to boot camp. They stationed me in North Carolina and shortly after we arrived, I had to break the news to her that I was deploying. Leaving her was hands down one of the hardest things I’d ever done and as terrified as I was, I knew I would make it back to her safely. I had to. With Piper in my life, I had too damn much to live for to die in the desert and I would never leave her like that. Too bad I never saw the real threat coming.
Shoving off the wall, I shove my hands in my pockets, pushing thoughts of my ex-wife out of my mind as I start crossing the street for my date but her memory is fucking persistent. It always is and thoughts of her always leave me feeling the way I did ten years ago when she walked out of my life. What the hell is wrong with me? I was supposed to be relaxing so I could go on my damn date but I feel more agitated now than I did before I stepped outside and I am already feeling sorry for poor Shiloh. Any woman I want in my life deserves a hell of a lot better than a messed up man with trust issues.
Jesus Christ, Landry.
Get your shit together.
“Wyatt?” a sweet voice calls and I turn, taking in the curvy blonde walking toward me. Damn, her pictures didn’t do her justice and the way her jeans hug her hips flips a switch in me. She smiles and I straighten my shoulders as I pull my hands out of my pockets.
“Shiloh?”
She nods as she reaches me and I extend my hand at the same time that she goes in for a hug. I awkwardly wrap my arms around her and pat her back like she’s a fucking child before rolling my eyes at myself.
For fuck’s sake.
I can almost hear Smith laughing his ass off at me from across the street.
“Nice to meet you,” I tell her as I pull away and her smile widens.
“You, too. Are you ready? I’m dying for some caffeine.” She motions to the cafe and I nod before gesturing for her to go first before placing my hand against the small of her back and leading her inside. I don’t know how I look but everything I do, every movement, every word I utter, feels so goddamn forced and awkward and I barely resist the urge to apologize to her for what is sure to be a terrible date. As she steps up to the counter and orders her latte, she reaches into her purse for her wallet and I shake my head, stepping forward to lay a twenty-dollar bill on the counter.
“I got this.”
She shakes her head. “Oh, you don’t have to do that.”
“I insist,” I assure her with a smile. I may be a little rusty at this dating thing but I still know that my mother would kick my ass black and blue if she found out I didn’t pay for a date. Shiloh flashes me a grin as she moves off to the side for me to order. The barista, a teenage kid with big, bug glasses, looks up at me expectantly as I scan the counter, my stomach growling at the sight of the donuts and muffins. “Cup of coffee, black, and a blueberry muffin.”
Once I pay and we both have our orders, I let her lead me to a table along the back wall and sit across from her as she stares out the window for a second before laughing.
“So, I have a small confession.”
I nod. “Okay. Let’s hear it.”
“This is my first date after signing up on the site and I’m so nervous.” Color rushes to her cheeks and I smile as she ducks her head. Fuck, she’s cute. Okay, so maybe I haven’t dated in a long time but I’ve got this. Shaking off some of my nerves, I reach across the table and grab her hand.
“If it makes you feel any better, this is my first date, too.”
“Really?” she asks, her gaze flicking up to mine and I nod. Tension seeps out of her shoulders and she takes a deep breath before taking a sip of her coffee. “Okay. Now I feel a little bit better.”
I pull my hand back. “Glad I could help.”
“So, Wyatt… tell me about yourself.”
“What would you like to know?”
She tilts her head to the side as she studies me for a second before leaning forward and meeting my eyes. “Actually, there is one very important question I have for you.”
“Shoot,” I answer with a nod.
“What are you looking for out of this?”
I arch a brow. “Our date?”
“Yeah, ‘cause I’ve talked to a couple other guys on the site who were looking for something different than I was and I don’t want to waste my time, ya know?”
My stomach sinks as I nod. “And what is it that you’re looking for?”
“A good time. I mean, I’m only twenty-four and I’m certainly not ready to settle down anytime soon.”
“Oh,” I mutter, trying not to grimace as my mood plummets. “Unfortunately, we are looking for different things.”
She purses her lips. “I was afraid of that… but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a good time together until you find what you’re looking for, does it?”
“Actually, it does.
I’m sorry and I hope you find what you need,” I say as I stand and grab my coffee and muffin from the table. Between my sour mood earlier and the disappointment coursing through me now, I don’t have the patience for anymore of this. I nod at her, ignoring the shocked expression on her face, before turning and walking out of the cafe. After tossing my stuff in a trash posted right outside the door, I pull my phone out of my pocket and open the dating app. This was a bad idea from the jump and I never should have let Smith talk me into going on this date. In the settings menu, my thumb hovers over the delete account button as a message pops up on the screen from a woman named Violet and I pause, studying her photo.
Again, what the hell is wrong with me?
Apparently, I am a glutton for punishment because instead of deleting the account like I damn well know I should, I open her message and reply.
Chapter Four
Piper
“Pip-Squeak!” Eden calls as the door to my apartment opens. “You home?”
I poke my head out of my bedroom on the second level and glare at her as she pulls her keys out of the lock and shuts the door behind her before turning to me. “How many times have I asked you not to call me that?”
“Dunno. Why don’t you try a few more?” She shrugs as she walks into my apartment and sets her purse down on the kitchen table before waving the thick folder in her hand. “Come down. I have something to show you.”
“Fine,” I grumble. She drops the file onto the table with a thud as I walk down the stairs and I arch a brow. What the hell is in that file? She turns and walks into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge. Since the day we met, we’ve always had an open door policy with each other when it came to our apartments and most days, I absolutely love it but I didn’t sleep well last night, haunted by nightmares, and my patience is wearing thin today.
“What’s with the briefcase?” I ask, nodding to the file as we meet at the kitchen table. She takes a sip of her water before grinning at me.
“Sit down and I’ll show you.”
“You’re so damn bossy,” I grumble as I pull the chair closest to me out and plop down in it. She sits across from me, flips the file open, folds her hands together, and flashes me a look that honestly terrifies me a little.
“What the hell are you up to?”
She grins. “Do you remember last week when we talked about you having a baby?”
“Um… I remember saying I would think about it.”
“Perfect,” she replies, slapping her hand on the table in front of me before grabbing the top paper off of the stack and placing it in front of me. “We’re thinking about it.”
Arching a brow, I pick up the paper and roll my eyes. The title is “Your Reproductive Health and Your Growing Family” and I don’t need to read anymore. “Are you kidding me? Is that whole folder about having a baby?”
“Yes. I found lots of good information on the internet.”
Jesus take the wheel…
“Edie… I think this is a little premature. I haven’t even decided if I’m going to do this yet.”
She scowls at me as she slaps another paper down in front of me. “But how can you decide without all the information?”
“With my heart?” I ask, squinting because I know that is never going to fly and she scoffs before slapping another paper down in front of me.
“Read.”
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”
She shakes her head and I sigh as I grab the latest paper she put in front of me. Scanning the headline, I turn to her with narrowed eyes.
“I am not over thirty,” I say, shaking the paper all about how fertility starts declining after thirty. “I’m twenty-nine, Eden.”
Shrugging, she takes a sip of her water. “Close enough. Your birthday is next month and you can’t be too prepared.”
“I’m not doing this.” I drop the paper on the table and scoot my chair back, ready to get up and go back to what I was doing before Eden barged in but she reaches out and grabs my hand, stopping me. I meet her gaze. “What?”
“Just read the information, Piper. You need to know this stuff before you make your decision.”
I shake my head. “Why? Why do I need to know all this stuff?”
“What if you decide you want to have a baby and then start researching only to realize you can’t for one reason or another? Then your heart is going to be broken and I don’t want to see you get hurt so read,” she orders, pointing to the paper in front of me and I scoop it up.
“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this shit,” I whisper, thumbing through the papers Eden shoved in my hands. I eye the large stack of papers still in the file as I blow out a breath. She may claim that she wants me to consider the possibility but considering the massive amount of information on alternative ways to get pregnant in this folder, I would say she has moved past the “let’s think about this” phase. I read through the three pieces of paper and just before I finish the final one, she sets a stack down in front of me. Looking up at her, I sigh. Am I really going to let Eden talk me into this? This is insane and without the husband and the family, is this really what I want? Closing my eyes, an image of a baby pops into my mind and warmth spreads through my chest and a smile crosses my face. No, I definitely do want to have a baby but doing it alone isn’t exactly the dream I had for myself.
On the night of our wedding, Wyatt and I drove out to the river where he proposed and talked for hours about everything we wanted, the life we wanted to build together, and our dreams for the future. Having a couple kids running around the house was at the top of that list and even though we’re not together, even thinking about doing this without him feels a little bit like I’m betraying him. Back when we were together, I used to dream about the day I could finally tell him that I was pregnant, that we were starting a family together. Now, as I think about doing this by myself, his absence in my life and in this whole process is immense. I suppose that’s nothing new though. Since the day I left, I’ve carried around this huge gaping hole where my heart used to be but it’s just something I have to live with now. I made so many mistakes and I can’t ever take them back.
“Hello?! Earth to Piper!” Eden says and I blink as I meet her eyes.
“Huh?”
Her eyes roll back in her head. “I asked you what you thought.”
I glance down at the paper in my hand and shake my head before looking through some of the other papers. After flipping through page after page on reproductive health, pregnancy statistics, and other options for starting a family, I sigh.
“I can’t focus on this much information at once, Eden. It’s like gibberish and my mind is running at a hundred miles an hour.”
She nods and pulls a notepad out of her purse before tossing it onto the table in front of me. “I thought you might say that so I made bullet points.”
“You had this the whole time and you’re just now giving it to me?” I ask, picking up the notepad and waving it around. She nods.
“I wanted you to have everything you might need to make this decision.”
I do a quick scan of the information printed on the front page of the notepad before looking up at her. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Of course.”
“Why is this so important to you?”
Her eyes shine with unshed tears as she looks down at the table. “Because I love you and you have this tendency to live in fear. You let it paralyze you and until someone pushes you, you don’t grow or move forward. I know how badly you want to have a family and so I’m going to push you because I think, in the end, you’ll thank me for it.”
“Eden,” I whisper as a tear streaks down my face. I wish she wasn’t one hundred percent correct but I know she is. After everything that I’ve been through, it’s the way I protect myself but I know I need people like her in my life to push me past what feels safe. “Okay. Lay this out for me?”
She nods as she grabs the notepad an
d sets it on the table between the two of us. “So, as far as I can tell, your options to have a family without a man in your life is to use a sperm donor or adoption.”
“I figured as much but the real question is what is the cost?”
Wincing, she flips to the second page of the notebook and slides it across the table to me.
Adoption:
$35,000 - $50,000
“Jesus Christ,” I snap, glancing up at her with wide eyes as she nods, looking guilty.
“I know. When I saw that number I about passed out.”
My heart drops and glance back down at the paper. “There is no way in hell I can afford that, Eden. Like ever.”
How does that make any kind of sense? There are children who desperately need homes and I want to give them that and all the love they can handle but I still can’t adopt a child unless I take out so many loans I’ll never recover or win a small lottery.
“Just keep reading,” she instructs and I take a deep breath as I move to the next line.
Sperm Bank & IUI:
$4,000
Well, I guess it’s not impossible but it’s still a large amount of money for me. Eden and I do well with our studio but we’re not rich by any means. Wringing my hands together, I shake my head.
“Maybe I could squeeze that. I’d have to save up for a little while, though.”
“Well…” Eden squeaks and my head jerks up.
“What?”
She winces again. “That number is per cycle of IUI and the chances that you’ll get pregnant are only about twenty percent, at best.”
It’s fucking impossible.
“Are there any other options?”
“Um… yes… there is IVF, which has a higher success rate but… it’s way more expensive.”
