Follow Your Heart

by Ruth Kaufman

  They reached William’s apartment. She knocked. “William, it’s Joanna.”

  William’s heart surged with joy as he rushed to the door, tossing a blanket over the pile of dirty clothing in the corner. A rat scurried out from beneath the clothes and dashed under the bed.

  No matter, Joanna had forgiven him. He’d been up all night wracking his brain for nothing. The solution had come to him.

  A genuine smile on his face, he opened the door. “Jo—”

  His face fell as he caught sight of the man behind her. Though he couldn’t make out the man’s hair color or features in the dim light of the tiny entranceway, he could see the outline of his large shape.

  And knew this was the man John had spoken of.

  Shocked, William stepped back, allowing them to enter. The intruder was tall and sturdy, with a face women would consider handsome. His stern expression said, “Don’t test me.”

  William hated him already.

  The man scanned the room as if seeking sources of potential danger. He moved to the far side and leaned against the back wall, crossing his arms. What was he, Joanna’s personal guard?

  “Joanna?” William squeaked. Why couldn’t he control his voice? He’d sounded like the rat.

  “William, this is Sir Adrian Bedford. Sir Adrian Bedford, my brother, William Peyntor.”

  William appreciated the fact that Joanna introduced him first, instead of the higher-ranked Adrian. He clung to a thread of hope. “A new client?”

  Joanna and Adrian exchanged a glance. How well did she know this man that they could communicate with a mere look? William’s hatred exploded. This Sir Adrian connected with Joanna in a way he, her own brother, never had.

  “Adrian is my betrothed.”

  “What!” William was glad his legs continued to support him. He forced out a chuckle. “I never knew you to have a sense of humor, sister.”

  “There’s nothing humorous about this. We plan to wed as soon as we can. I thought you should know.”

  He didn’t know what to say.

  Sir Adrian came to stand beside her, but, William noted, didn’t put his arm around her or take her hand. Joanna stood, awaiting his response. She stood because he had nothing for her to sit upon but the unmade bed.

  Sudden hope surged through him. Joanna was marrying a knight.

  “I’ll be sorry to lose your talent, Joanna, but will come to enjoy the challenges of running the studio on my own,” he said. “Felicitations to you both.”

  “I’m not here to tell you I’m handing over the workshop. My marriage has nothing to do with my glass-painting,” Joanna said.

  William glanced at Adrian. The man looked as though he wanted to skewer him.

  “Certainly your husband will want you to cease your labors,” he said. “Won’t you be off to some castle?”

  “No, we shall remain in York. And I’ll continue my work. On my own,” she said firmly. “I also wanted you to know that.”

  Crushed. Like nuts under a mallet. That was how he felt. If there was no glass-painting for him, there’d be no money.

  No more fingers.

  What was that strange feeling, that nauseating twisting in his gut? Envy. Joanna had done quite well for herself. Sir Adrian wasn’t scrawny or fat or old like many of the gentry he had seen, but a knight who exuded power. The mixture of confidence and obvious strength made him a formidable opponent.

  Under other circumstances William might be happy for his sister. But Adrian’s very existence would make his own life a living hell. The chances of him getting control of the glass-painting studio were disappearing faster than his coin on a bad dicing gambit. He’d never have Joanna’s talent under his leadership. Never be able to prove his own worth. His hand burned, reminding him of the agony and humiliation awaiting him when his creditors came to collect.

  Jealousy, yet another sin, lurked within as well. Joanna, who never relied on her own brother, so easily trusted this stranger. How could she give herself to a man she barely knew? She’d live in luxury while he suffered.

  Unless….

  No man was perfect. There had to be some unsavory fact he could uncover about this man. Perhaps he kept a mistress. Or drank to excess, or gambled. Something, anything, to discredit Adrian in Joanna’s eyes and put him, William, back in her good graces. In gratitude for his saving her from a horrible fate, Joanna might make his dreams come true after all.

  He wiggled his fingers in anticipation of victory. All nine of them.

  Joanna’s heart sped as she and Adrian waited in Sir Reginald Langland’s expansive oak-paneled hall. Her design depicting Sir Reginald, his wife and his coat of arms, replete with glass jewels, would replace one of the bay windows overlooking the courtyard. She focused on not crushing the rolled cartoon in her hands. Did Adrian’s presence spark her uncustomary nerves, or were her palms moist because Sir Reginald would be the first client she faced since John and William spread their lies?

  “Joanna. You’re pacing. Sit beside me. All will be well.” He stood and pulled a chair out for her.

  His deep voice and courtesy were surprisingly reassuring.

  Sir Reginald, a tall, thin man with greying brown hair entered before she could sit.

  Her courage faded in the face of her glowering client. The damage John and William had done to her business hurt her, too. She hated that because of them she needed a man to vouch for her, but wouldn’t let them win. Nor would she let the fact that she wanted to impress Adrian add to her stress.

  Adrian stood as she made the introductions.

  Sir Reginald sat and crossed his arms. “Only on Master Petty’s suggestion did I agree to give you another chance and consider reinstating our contract. We shall see if having him and Sir Adrian on your side sways me to it. Or if I should return to a male glazenwright. Proceed.”

  “Thank you for meeting with me. Us.” Joanna maintained a pleasant smile as she rolled out the cartoon on the table and used candlesticks to hold the corners down. “Though this isn’t required in our contract, I wanted to show you the design and colors I’ve chosen.”

  She hoped she appeared calm on the outside. Because inside she was a molten mass of worry.

  “I can’t thank you enough, Adrian. I’d never have been able to accomplish this so quickly without you. Nor did I realize you could be so persuasive. You made the impossible possible,” his soon-to-be-wife said three days later.

  Their meeting.

  They stood outside her studio door, bathed in light from the winter sun. People hurried past, carrying various implements of their trades. Church bells rang out the hour. But all he noticed was how the sun illuminated her eyes. How she looked up at him with admiration.

  God had truly smiled upon him, to make her his.

  “Nobility, even tarnished as mine, has advantages,” he said. He wasn’t used to receiving praise. Yet it warmed him so he didn’t even feel the cold.

  “Your eloquence persuaded Sir Reginald, Edward of Wykeham and All Saints Church to reinstate their orders. Which made Master Petty agree to let me stay in the guild,” she said, smiling.

  Her smiles did peculiar things to his insides. He had to stop making her happy.

  “I never could’ve done all of that on my own, not within a week’s time for certes,” she finished.

  “That’s why we signed the agreement, to help each other,” he reminded her.

  He should thank her. He’d been focused on his own problems for so long he hadn’t realized how good it felt to help someone else. He also enjoyed the sense of accomplishment, instead of putting forth effort without succeeding.

  “Perhaps you’ll allow me to return the favor,” she said. “But for now, we have more work to do. I need to find a replacement for John Twygge. If you have the time, I’d like you to stay while I interview the candidates.”

  The memory of Joanna bent backward over her table when John slapped her flashed through his mind.

  “I’ll make the time,” he replied. />
  Joanna unlocked the door and they went inside. Removing her cloak, she said, “The first candidate should be here any minute.”

  Adrian nodded and sat on a stool.

  She was glad he’d agreed to stay. Not that she needed his help choosing her assistant, but she was afraid John Twygge might return. If he’d heard of her betrothal to Adrian, he could be desperate.

  For the first time in weeks, she felt a glimmer of happiness. As she’d hoped, Adrian had helped her restore her clients’ trust. Now she could concentrate on her work. On moving forward instead of dealing with problems.

  She wanted to concentrate on Adrian. She’d had the urge to throw her arms around him to celebrate their success. But the terms of their agreement prevented her from doing that, and from telling him how good it felt to have someone on her side. A few of the things she’d said bordered on personal. Would she have to weigh every word she uttered for the rest of her life?

  Moments later, a knock sounded. Joanna opened the door.

  The man who entered was so tall he had to duck under the arched door. To Joanna, Adrian was far more handsome in his dark, sensuous way. But this man’s light brown hair, bright aquamarine eyes, and patrician profile seemed the epitome of elegance. Sparks would surely fly if Margery met him. Perhaps that could be arranged.

  “Mistress Peyntor, I am Thomas Osbert.”

  “This is Sir Adrian Bedford, my betrothed. Master Osbert, I’ve heard kind words about you from your present workshop in Norwich.”

  “I’d be happy to remain there, but I want to live closer to my family. My mother isn’t faring well.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Here are my letters of reference,” he said.

  She took them and read through the glowing missives. “Let me show you some of my designs.”

  As Thomas reviewed the cartoons she piled on a table, she asked, “What do you think of working for a woman?”

  “Your work shows you are as good or better than your father. I’d be honored to learn from someone with your skill.”

  As they talked, Joanna noticed that Adrian’s frown grew deeper and deeper. Was he seeing a flaw in Master Osbert that had escaped her?

  After a few minutes, Joanna had the information she needed about her potential glass worker. “Thank you, Thomas. I have several more men to talk to, then I’ll make my decision.”

  “I await your reply. Again, it would be an honor to work with you.”

  The door had scarcely closed behind Thomas before Adrian said, “Absolutely not.” He crossed his arms to punctuate his decision.

  “Why? I’m interested in your opinion. However, I’ll make the decision as to which man to hire.” She started toward him, wanting to be close to him, then realized what she was doing. Without even trying, he drew her.

  Marriage is our profession, she reminded herself as she walked to her work table instead.

  “He is too…soft. He doesn’t look sturdy enough to work for you. Who’s the next applicant?” Adrian scanned several pieces of parchment on the counter, as though seeking a list of names.

  “Thomas’s credentials are above reproach. He has a pleasant demeanor, unlike John, and seems amenable to taking direction. He didn’t balk at the wages I offered. What more could I ask?”

  She turned around to find that he had moved closer to her. Were they like magnets, if one pulled away the other had to follow?

  “I will withhold final judgment until we see the others,” he said.

  “How gracious of you.”

  “There’s no need for sarcasm.”

  The next man was bulky and harsh, though he came with a good recommendation. She kept the interview short.

  “Too much like John,” Joanna decided.

  “Agreed.”

  The third was older, with a touch of gray at his temples. His experience, however, didn’t match either of the other two.

  “I’m not sure any of them is right for you,” Adrian commented as he perused their letters of recommendation.

  “If I had more time, I might continue the search. But Thomas can start immediately and meets my other requirements.”

  “There’s something about him.” He stretched slowly, almost as if to show off his excellent form.

  “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were jealous. He is a very attractive man, after all.”

  Their conversation bordered on the personal, yet remained directly related to her work.

  “You prefer fair-haired men, then? And those overly tall.” A rare smile followed that comment.

  A smile that made Joanna want to melt like glass left too long in the kiln. She couldn’t help smiling in return. Until today, she wouldn’t have been able to detail what she wanted in a marriage. But this was exactly what she hoped for: companionable conversation, working together, enjoying each other’s company. Maybe theirs could become more than a working arrangement after all. Each day she spent with Adrian she found herself wanting a true relationship more and more.

  “It’s not a question of preference, merely an appreciation of various kinds of beauty. My half-sister Margery would likely drool over Thomas. Perhaps I should introduce them.”

  He idly toyed with one of her curls. She liked that. Was he was finally going to kiss her? How she wanted him to breach his firm mien and—

  “Joanna, I have to talk to you.” William burst into the studio, destroying the moment. The door slammed against the wall and made her sheets of glass rattle. He stopped short when he noticed Adrian, then glared. “Alone.”

  “I’m sorry, but I don’t trust you anymore, William. You’re lucky I’m willing to talk to you after you and John conspired to destroy me. If you seek a bit of privacy, we can talk in the corner,” Joanna said.

  After a glance over her shoulder at Adrian, she moved to the corner. Adrian took his stool to the opposite side of the studio. He sat, then folded his arms across his chest as if he had nothing better to do than wait for them to complete their conversation.

  “If you insist.” William removed his threadbare cloak and dropped it on a stool. “I thought you didn’t want to be controlled,” he began softly when he joined Joanna. “But you’ve got this Sir Adrian following you everywhere as though you can’t complete a single task without his advice and approval. You didn’t want me, your own brother, to tell you what to do. Why him?”

  “What I do or don’t do with Sir Adrian is none of your affair,” she whispered back.

  “You’ll lose the studio to me no matter what,” William said in a falsely soothing tone. “I asked around, and learned that your Sir Adrian is no wealthier than we. Why make this sacrifice and bind yourself forever to a man you’ve barely met? How do you know he can be trusted?” He shook his head and sighed. “You look exhausted. Why struggle so hard, when with your beauty you can surely find a well-off man to wed and have children with? You shouldn’t be a craftsman. You should be like other women, content with hearth and home.”

  Joanna tamped down fury. She’d said everything she needed to in William’s rooms, and had hoped their lives could proceed peacefully and separately. Instead, she’d opened the door to more of his complaining. At least Adrian was there to prevent William from doing anything else…making threats, or worse.

  William stood, his black-gloved fists clenched by his sides. He resembled a belligerent child who hadn’t gotten his way. But in his tirade a good point or two surfaced, hitting on some of Joanna’s own concerns.

  “How dare you tell me I’m making a mistake?” she hissed. “Or try to undermine Adrian? I know full well ’twas you and John who lied to my clients and put my guild membership at risk.

  “Why would I take your advice? Every time it looks as though I’ll comply with the terms of Father’s will, you try to stop me.”

  She didn’t bother to whisper. She wanted Adrian to hear. Because of their agreement, he wouldn’t learn much about her through their conversations. How could you come to care about someone
you didn’t know? If he happened to overhear some information about her, his interest in her as a person might grow.

  Adrian hadn’t moved. Why had he insisted upon not discussing topics of a personal nature…because he feared they might become more than friends or business associates? What could be wrong with that?

  “I’m your brother, and if not for Father’s will I’d be responsible for your welfare. I want what’s best for you. When you refuse to accept that, what choice have I but to take action? I do it all for you!” His voice got louder with each sentence, as though he’d forgotten that he was the one who’d wanted privacy.

  “You gamble and drink for me, throwing your coin away on sinful pursuits?” Joanna replied. “You have no talent for, nor even an interest in glass painting. Worse, you only want the workshop because you think that, as eldest and male, you should’ve been the heir. You made so little effort to learn about the craft. How could Father leave his life’s work to a man who’d rather drink and wench than earn an honest living? Than follow in his footsteps?” Anger’s acid burned her stomach. “Father gave me this opportunity to prove myself because I worked hard while you didn’t, even when given many chances.”

  “If he was so convinced you should have it, he wouldn’t have added the part in his will saying the workshop would go to me if you can’t earn enough coin within the year,” William reminded her.

  “He wanted you to want it so badly that he opened a small window for you. But he knew I would succeed.”

  “This is not over, Joanna, I promise you.” William left in a huff.

  Joanna prayed he wouldn’t stir up more trouble.

  Adrian walked over to her. He put his finger under her chin. “Is the workshop worth it? I actually agree with William on one point,” he said softly. “You do work extremely hard.”

  Joanna relished the concern in his voice and gaze. Perhaps he’d come to regret their strict agreement.

  “Sometimes I wonder if glass-painting is worth giving so much of myself to. But seeing my beautiful windows in their new homes never fails to reassure me. It’s as if the light streaming through them shines on me to provide courage and strength,” she explained. “So I can’t give up. I won’t abandon the studio, no matter what.”