I’m not sure how to put down the words that I want to say here. You’ve been my best friend for so long, that I don’t know what I would do without you. I don’t think that I’ll ever get you to understand what I’m going through right now. And that’s okay. It’s my struggle to get through and you shouldn’t have to worry about me. I know you don’t agree with me, but I never thought that you would turn against me either. How am I supposed to be okay with you being so mad at me? You’ve always been there for me, just like I have for you. But now you’re not. If our roles were reversed, I know that I would support you in whatever decision you would make. But the second that things got hard and I decided to go down a different path that you didn’t like, you just turned your back and abandoned me. Even Lane didn’t do that. He’s sticking by me, like you should be doing. I’m sorry that we’re at this place, and I know it’s my fault. But I’m hurting right now, and you don’t even see it.
I’m going to miss you when I’m gone. You truly are my best friend and I’ll never forget the amazing times that we’ve had over the years.
Don’t come looking for me.
I love you,
Abigail
I read over my note a few times until I decided that it was good enough. I grabbed an envelope out of my desk drawer and sealed it inside. I sat there for a few minutes, my heart feeling heavy in my chest. Then I straightened up, determined not to think about it anymore. I could do this. I had to. I hid the envelope in my desk drawer, saving it for Friday night when I would leave it out for Whitney to find when she got home from work. Until then, I would try to talk to her and hope that she answered me.
That night I was out in the living room watching television when I heard the door unlock and open. Whitney came in, talking on her phone. When she saw me sitting on the couch, she narrowed her eyes and went into her room, shutting the door behind her. I didn’t expect to feel so hurt by that small action, but I was. I didn’t know what the best thing to do was to solve this problem.
Sighing, I picked up my own phone, texting Lane. I felt bad about ignoring him over the weekend.
Me: Hey, you busy?
Lane: No, I’m not. What’s up?
I cocked my head, trying to figure out what tone the text was sent in. I couldn’t tell if he was really mad at me or just didn’t care anymore. Or maybe I was reading too much into it.
Me: Just wanting some company
Lane: I can be there in twenty minutes
Me: That’s perfect
I started to set my phone down but then brought it back.
Me: I really miss you
Lane: I miss you too Abby. This weekend has been hell without you
I smiled softly at that, feeling happy butterflies in my stomach at his words. At least I had Lane, even if only for a few more days. The smile slipped from my face. Just a few more days. That’s all I had with him. I pushed the thought out of my mind, not wanting to start crying. I got up and started picking up in the living room, straightening things out to tidy up the place for when Lane arrived.
Going into the kitchen, I took a beer out of the fridge, hoping to calm my nerves. There was no reason to be nervous about Lane coming over, but we hadn’t spoken since that I had told him I believed in the note. Ignoring his phone calls and messages had been a lot easier than talking to him about it.
Right on cue, there was a knocking on the front door. I went and opened it, feeling a flutter inside as I looked up at Lane. Not seeing him over the weekend, and only for a short while last night, had seemed to make him even more handsome than I remembered him to be. He had a shadow of growth on his face, giving him a rough look that I found incredibly sexy.
I moved my hand without realizing it, softly rubbing it against his beard. “I like this,” I murmured.
He covered my hand with his own. “That’s good. The last few days have been…rough, and I didn’t feel up to the task of shaving it off.”
I frowned. “I’m sorry, Lane. I’m a terrible person.”
He smiled, shaking his head. “No, you’re not. You’re just going through a stressful time. It’ll be okay. We will be okay.”
I think I gave some semblance to a smile, because Lane relaxed. No need to inform him of my plan. He would only talk me out of it and try to stop me. The realization that I only had three more days with Lane depressed me more than I wanted to think about.
I stepped back so Lane could come inside. We went to the living room and sat down.
“Can I get you a drink or something?” I offered.
“Sure, I’ll take a beer if you have one.”
Nodding, I got up and went to grab him one. Popping the cap off, I brought it back and handed it to him. Then I sat down next to him, feeling the awkwardness of having not seen him in days coming at me.
Whitney opened her door and stepped out. She stopped when she saw us sitting there and I could see her practically rolling her eyes at us. I narrowed my eyes back at her, tired of the hostility I could feel pouring off her.
Lane looked back and forth between us before clearing his throat. “Hey, Whitney. How are you?”
Whitney tossed her hair back and looked at Lane. “I’m fine. How are you?”
Lane’s face was starting to flush. “Um, I’m good, thanks. Do you want to join us?”
Whitney shook her head and looked at me. “No thanks. I’m good in my room, by myself.” With that, she turned around and shut her door harder than necessary.
Lane looked between me and Whitney’s door a few times before turning to me. “Have you guys not talked since last week?”
I shook my head. “No. I’ve tried a few times, but she’s not having any of it. She just doesn’t want to talk to me and she keeps blowing me off.” I blinked away a few tears that were threatening to fall, not wanting to go down that path. “Five years of friendship is gone. She’s my best friend and she won’t be there for me now.”
Lane scooted closer and gathered me in his arms, hugging me to him tightly. “Hey, it’s okay. I know it’s hard, but she’s going to come around. Maybe not soon, but eventually she’s going to stop being hurt over this and be your friend again.”
I sighed, loving the reassurance even though I knew that there wouldn’t be time for Whitney to get over her anger.
As if she could hear us talking about her, Whitney opened her door and came out, purse in hand.
“You going out?” I asked, trying to be friendly.
“Yup.”
I looked at Lane, and he nodded at me to keep trying.
“You want company?”
“No,” came the short reply.
My frustration was almost to a breaking point, so I decided to cut it short and let her go. “Well, have fun I guess.”
“Thanks.” With that, Whitney walked out the door, slamming it shut.
“God, she hates me,” I said, rubbing my hands over my face.
“No, she doesn’t. She doesn’t understand what you’re going through right now and that you need her friendship more than ever. She’ll come around. Don’t worry about it.”
I leaned over to hug him again, rubbing his back with my hands. The feeling of his muscles was enough to relax me and make me believe him. I adjusted my position until my face was leaning into his neck. Breathing deeply, I inhaled Lane’s scent again, loving the manly smell that was mixed with his laundry detergent and body wash. I kissed there, wanting him to know how much I appreciated his strength and commitment.
Lane breathed in harshly, before turning his head to cover my mouth with his. His kiss pulled me under, sending me into a place of ecstasy that I hadn’t experienced before. I drew back to look at him. He had a look of desire smoldering in his eyes, and I’m sure that it was mirrored in mine. I was breathing heavily and then I crashed into him like a wave kissing the beach, desperate for more. I pushed him back onto the couch and straddled him, laying on top of his chest. My heart hammered in my chest, resounding in my ears.
Lane moaned, and I
could feel the air brush over my lips. His hands wandered greedily over my back and thighs. I reached under his shirt and feathered my hands over the muscles of his stomach, feeling them jump beneath my touch. I smiled against Lane’s mouth, enjoying the effect that I had on him. In fact, I could feel the effect I had on him pressing into me.
My hands reached for the buttons of his shirt, undoing them as they made their way down to his waist. I skimmed the boundary that his jeans made, just barely reaching my fingertips inside them, sliding them left and right. Lane’s hips bucked a little under me, pushing me forward onto him more.
Faster than I could think, Lane had us flipped over, my legs wrapped around his waist. I gasped, and Lane pushed his tongue toward mine, tangling them together in a dance. I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him in closer, wanting every gap between us to be filled. Lane pulled me up, lifting me against him as he stood up. I wrapped my legs around his waist and kissed up and down his neck, not wanting to break the connection we had.
He brought me to my room, laying me down on my bed. He kicked the door shut and collapsed down on top of me. I pushed his shirt down his arms while he tugged mine up and off. Lying there panting, I stared at him while he gazed back. Smiling, I ran a finger from his chest down his stomach, stopping at the button on his jeans.
“Are you sure about this?” he asked.
I nodded, biting my lip. “I am if you are.”
He groaned and drew me in closer. “I’ve wanted you for a long time now, but I’ll wait until you’re ready.”
I breathily answered him in-between kisses. “Yes. I’m sure. I want this, Lane.”
Our pants disappeared quickly after that, leaving us in our underwear, hands wandering over previously forbidden territory. My heart was beating quickly, excitement quickening my breathing as I kissed Lane, my hands roaming south toward his boxer briefs.
I gripped him through the front of his underwear, relishing his gasp as he thrusted into my hand. He rolled me over so he was on top of me and unhooked my bra, dragging it down my arms and throwing it carelessly on the floor. Drawing back, he looked down, taking in his first sight of me, almost at my most vulnerable. I was tempted to cover myself up, growing shy under his adoring gaze, but I managed to keep my hands down.
Lane looked at me and smiled, leaning down to kiss me. “You’re beautiful,” he whispered.
I smiled, kissing him back. “So are you.”
I pushed his boxers down, using my feet as they lowered around his knees. Lane followed suit, hands cupping my ass before he pulled my underwear off. I lifted my hips and pressed them into Lane’s, taking pleasure in the warmth as our bodies touched. Moaning, I brought his head down to kiss him again.
Lane moved down, trailing kisses down my neck to my chest, reaching my breasts. He cupped them in his hands, bringing them together to kiss them, drawing my nipples into his mouth. I gasped, arching my back toward him. I grabbed his head, keeping him where he was, not wanting him to stop.
Lane laughed softly and kept going down to my stomach and then to my waist. He scooted down, bringing his mouth to my thighs, licking and sucking as he moved higher to reach my center. He kissed me there and I let out an explosive breath, delighting in Lane’s mouth showing me just how talented he was.
A tingling started low down, building up inside me before I gave into it and cried out, grasping Lane’s hair to hold him in place. As I came down from my high, I looked down and saw Lane grinning at me.
“Wow,” was all I could manage.
“You are wow,” he said, climbing back up to be face-to-face with me.
We kissed a moment longer before I wrapped my legs back around his waist, feeling his erection pressing against my center. I rubbed back and forth, feeling the tip of him against me. Lane reached down to the floor for his jeans and grabbed a condom out of his wallet. When I arched an eyebrow at him, he smiled at me and said, “Just in case. I like to be prepared.”
He rolled the condom on and laid back down over me. Pushing into me, we both groaned at the contact, savoring the feeling of the deeper connection we had just made. The fullness made me feel complete and I relished in it. Finally, Lane pulled out and started moving into me again.
We breathed together, faces side by side, kissing when we had the chance. Lane moved his head down and nibbled on my neck, thrusting faster and faster. I felt the familiar sparks building again as he reached a spot inside me that I hadn’t yet discovered.
Lane reached down and grabbed my hips, tilting them up. I cried out as he hit that delicious spot inside, drawing my climax out of me. Lane brought his head down, kissing me as he groaned and then stilled inside me. We lied there for a few minutes, gasping for air.
I turned my head and smiled at Lane. “That…was…wow,” I said, still trying to catch my breath.
Lane rolled over, pulling out of me. I got up and grabbed a towel for us to clean off with and got back into my clothes. Lane did the same and then came over and pulled me in for a hug. I sighed, relaxing into him, wishing I could stay here forever.
You could stay here forever, I thought to myself. Just don’t go through with your stupid plan on Friday and you could be here with Lane having amazing sex every night.
I pulled back, feeling guilty for not telling Lane what I was going to do. I looked up at him, smiling. “That was better than I had imagined.”
He chuckled, rubbing his nose on mine. “I sure hope so. I love thinking about how you were imagining it though.”
I playfully pushed him and laughed. “Stop! There was no ‘imagining’ going on!”
Lane laughed. “Okay, okay. Are you ready to get some dinner?”
“Yes! I’m starving! What do you have in mind?”
“How about some Chinese? I’m in the mood for some eggrolls.”
I grabbed my purse off my desk. “Sounds delicious. Let’s go.”
**********
After dinner, Lane decided to stay the night. I still hadn’t seen Whitney since she had left earlier. I wasn’t even sure if she had come back or not.
I flopped down onto the couch, wishing I could pull my pants down and let my belly hang out from all the food I had eaten. But I knew with Lane there that I couldn’t do it. He might have seen me naked now, but there were still boundaries that I wasn’t ready to cross.
Lane sat next to me, pulling me in close. Leaning down, he kissed the top of my head.
I sighed, almost feeling like the world was complete. Almost. If only I could forget that my world had turned upside down.
Right as I was about to say something, I heard keys jingling in the front door. Sitting up straight, I turned to look as Whitney came inside. She looked over at us and rolled her eyes, going into the kitchen.
Looking at Lane, I wondered what I should do. He smiled, understanding in his eyes. “Go to her. Make her talk to you.”
I nodded, standing up. I could do this. I could do this. Shaking my hands to get the nerves out, I entered the kitchen. Whitney was leaning up against the counter, eating leftovers out of the container.
“Hi,” I said softly.
Whitney didn’t say anything, only putting more food into her mouth.
“Look, I want to talk to you. Please.”
Huffing, Whitney looked up at me. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Yes, there is! You’re my best friend and we haven’t talked in days! Why? Because we disagree on something? Because my world is falling apart around me, and you can’t support me in my decisions?” I started yelling, waving my hands around to emphasize the point.
Whitney pointed a finger at me. “Because you are not okay, Abigail. You are going completely insane, and you need help! If your little boyfriend out there isn’t going to help you, then someone needs to.”
I could feel my mouth gaping as I stared at her. “I am fine, Whitney. Just because I have been having problems lately does not mean that I’m going insane. I’m doing the best that I can.”
S
he shook her head. “You are falling down the rabbit hole, Abigail. You are so far down there that you don’t even realize you’re there anymore.”
My anger was dissipating, turning into calmness that flowed through me. “There is no rabbit hole, Whitney. All I need is for my friend to stand by my side. To support me in whatever decisions I make!”
“Oh, so if I made the decision to sleep with Lane, you would support me in that?” Whitney sneered at me. “Because, you know, that’s what friends do. They support decisions that are being made.”
I reached out before I could even think what I was doing and slapped Whitney, her face whipping to the side from the force. I gasped and took a step back, cradling my hand. Lane rushed in and stood between us, hands spread as if he was going to hold us apart from each other.
“Whitney, I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
She held her cheek, the flaming red blooming under her hand. “Do. Not. Speak. To. Me. We are done here. You and I, we are done.” With that, she walked out of the kitchen, her room door slamming shut a few seconds later.
“Oh my God, Lane, what did I do?” I said, still stunned. I had never hit anyone before, not with the intent to hurt them. “I hit her, Lane, I really hit her. I’m a horrible person.”
Lane stepped in front of me, rubbing my arms. “You’re okay, Abby. Whitney said some horrible things. I could hear them from the living room. You reacted on instinct and lashed out. It happens. And you apologized. That does not make you a horrible person. If you had enjoyed it and wanted to do it again, then you would be a horrible person.”
I nodded, trying to take in his words. “I should give her some space. I know she won’t want to talk to me anytime soon.”
Lane nodded. “I think that’s a great idea. Just give her a few days, and maybe you guys can talk then.”
A few days. Except that in a few days I would be leaving everyone here behind. But if she wasn’t real anyway, then should I even care? Or should I just let it be and deal with the consequences on my own?
Feeling the aftermath of the highs and lows of my emotions, I turned to Lane. “I think I need to go to bed. Go lay down or something.”
Invisible Future Page 15
