“All right, let’s go.”
I took his hand and led him down the hall to my room, shutting the door softly. The bed was still rumpled from our earlier activities. I grabbed some pajamas out of a drawer and changed clothes quickly before jumping into bed. Lane took off his jeans and shirt, leaving his boxer briefs on before climbing in.
He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me into his body, his chest to my back. I rested my head on his arm, holding onto it for comfort. His other arm wrapped around my waist, keeping me secure. I loved the feeling of being secure in his arms. Lane made me feel safe. Something that I had sorely needed the last month and a half, ever since I had discovered the note that changed my life.
Taking in a deep breath, I savored Lane’s smell before letting myself drift off into sleep.
Chapter Eleven
The next day was tense between me and Whitney. I only saw her a few times and one of those times she had a small duffel bag packed with some of her things. It saddened me to think she was going to such lengths to ignore and avoid me. All I really wanted was to talk to her. My time was running out and I didn’t want to leave things on such a bad note between us.
Friday morning, I reached into my desk drawer and took out the note that I had written for Whitney. I read it again a couple times, making sure that everything I wanted to say was in there.
What I wanted to put in there was a giant list of all the amazing memories that we had made. Or how I had been there for her through her numerous breakups with her stupid boyfriends. I didn’t want to leave like this. But there was nothing else I could do. She had made up her mind and wasn’t giving me the chance to change it.
Sighing, I stood up and put the note back in the drawer. I would deal with that later. Right now, I had to get ready for tonight. I was meeting Lane for lunch in a few hours and Whitney was at work all day. She would probably be gone tonight too. I was sure she wasn’t coming back to the apartment, not while she knew I was there.
I took my time getting ready, wanting to look my best for the last time I saw Lane. Tears kept running down my face, and after a while, I stopped trying to wipe them away. This was my goodbye to him, even if he didn’t know it.
As if on cue, Lane knocked on the front door. I grabbed my purse and went to meet him. Opening the door, a sense of déjà vu hit me. I realized this reminded me of our first date. He came to pick me up and I remember being so nervous. And Whitney…Whitney had helped me so much that day. More tears threatened to fall as I stood there looking at him.
He noticed and moved in, hands cupping my face, giving me a gentle kiss. “Hey, it’s going to be okay. She’s going to come around. She can’t stay mad forever.”
I bit my lip and nodded, not wanting to try to speak in case I started weeping. I wasn’t about to correct him and tell him my tears were for him and not for Whitney.
We left and went down to Lane’s car and drove to a restaurant that had a laid-back vibe to it. With all the decorations adorning the walls, it was hard for me to unwind. It seemed that every clock I saw was blaring at me, forcing me to countdown in my head how much time I had left.
Ten hours
The buzzing of everyone around us was becoming too much. I couldn’t focus on anything Lane was saying. What a horrible way to spend my last hours with him.
Nine hours
“Do you think we can go home?” I asked him. “I mean, back to my place? I’m not feeling well right now.”
Lane’s brow furrowed as he looked at me, concern all over his face. “Yeah, sure. Just let me get the bill and we can go.”
I wiped my mouth off with my napkin and stood up. “Do you mind if I wait outside? I think the fresh air will help me out.”
“Sure,” Lane said slowly. “I’ll be right there.”
I got up and hurried outside. Letting out a breath I hadn’t realized I was holding, I sucked in more air, hoping it would settle me down. Calm yourself! I thought. You can’t break down now.
Looking up, I noticed that the sky was darkening. Clouds were moving in, matching my dark mood. I didn’t want to see sunshine right now, so the storm coming in was perfect for how I was feeling at the moment.
The door behind me cracked open and Lane’s arm wrapped around my shoulder while he bent down to kiss my temple. “Are you okay now?”
Nodding, I plastered a fake smile onto my face. “Yeah, a little better. You ready to go?”
“Yeah, let’s get going.”
We drove in silence, holding hands across the center console. I rubbed my thumb back and forth over the back of Lane’s hand, taking the time to appreciate how firm and strong it felt. These hands have wiped my tears, held my own hands, and worshipped me as we lied in bed. They have protected me, and they have supported me. What was I going to do without him?
Reaching the apartment, we went upstairs, and I turned on a movie on the television. Sitting down, I cuddled into Lane’s arms, savoring the feel. I never wanted to forget this feeling.
I jolted up, rubbing my eyes. What time was it? What happened? Thunder rumbled, and I realized that was what had woken me up. Outside, it was beginning to thunderstorm. Lane shifted under me, groaning as he opened his eyes.
“Did we fall asleep?” I asked.
Lane stretched, rubbing his face. “Yeah. Good thing I’d already seen that movie.”
Seven hours
I had wasted the afternoon. Wasted it! Anger and resentment welled up inside of me. “This is not okay,” I whispered.
Lane sat up, confusion on his face. “Abby, it’s fine. We didn’t miss anything. We’re fine.”
I shook my head back and forth, hiding my face in my hands. “We missed everything.”
“Abby, you’re not making sense.”
Taking a shaky breath, I looked up at Lane. “I’m sorry. You’re right. I think the nap just…disoriented me or something.”
Lane smiled at me, rubbing my back. Telling me he would be right back, he stood up and went down the hall to my bedroom. I stood up and started pacing back and forth. What else did I need to get done before tonight? Whitney. But there was only a tiny chance that she would come home while I was there tonight, let alone come home at all.
Whatever. I had a note I was going to leave her. There was no need to get even more worked up over it. As she loved to point out lately, she’s not real, so there’s no point in being mad. I rolled my eyes at the thought.
Lane came back in and pulled me in for a hug, affectively breaking me out of my thoughts. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been acting a little…off today.”
I nodded, hoping that my face looked normal. “I am. I just wish I hadn’t fallen asleep. It just feels like it’s messing up my day. Makes it harder to go to sleep at night if I take a nap during the daytime.”
“I get that. Sometimes it messes me up too. Anyway, I got a call from Kent. He needs me back at the house to help him fix something. Are you going to be okay here by yourself?”
“Yeah, I’ll be okay.” I enveloped him in a hug, holding him tightly to me.
He kissed the top of my head, hugging me. “I love you, Abby.”
I looked up at him, trying to memorize his face before he left. “I love you too, Lane. So much.”
His gaze softened as he looked at me. He leaned down for a kiss that I deepened, enjoying the feel of him on me. Pulling back, he grinned at me. “I love that, too. Can’t wait to do more of that with you later.”
I tried to smile and managed to pull the corners of my lips up in a resemblance to one. “I can’t wait either. Now, go help your brother. I’ll see you later.”
Lane gave me a smile that melted my heart as I watched him go. Then I heaved in a breath as the door shut behind him and I slid down the wall to the floor, sobs wrenching me as I cried my heart out. The pain I felt at him leaving was nothing that I had thought I would feel. I would never see him again. That was it. My last time talking to Lane, touching Lane, kissing Lane. It was done. Over. He was gon
e. That thought brought a fresh round of tears to my eyes and I slumped down, pressing my face into my hands.
I sat there for what seemed like forever. Eventually, my mind seemed to come back to me and I took a deep breath. Sitting up, I swiped my hair back from my face, straightening it out. Wiping my tears off, I stood up, dusting off as I steadied myself. I looked around the apartment, trying to memorize every detail.
Six hours
Walking down the hall, I entered Whitney’s room. I knew I shouldn’t have, but with her acting how she was, I just wanted to remember her as she used to be, as my best friend. I looked at the framed pictures she had hanging up on the walls and sitting on her desk. I was surprised to see that quite a few of them were of us. I had figured that she would have thrown away anything that reminded her of me.
I sat on her bed, holding a frame of the two of us. We had our arms around each other and were laughing at something one of us had said. It was taken about a year after she had moved in and we had become such close friends since. Tears escaped my eyes as I closed them tightly, wanting to savor the good memories and not those of the last few days.
Okay, I had to get out of here before I withered away from crying so much. I stood up, setting the picture back down before I left. Continuing to my own room, I went inside, shutting the door behind me. I took the note that had changed my life out of my bag and looked at it, smoothing it flat. Reading it again, I thought back to how this tiny thing had turned my life upside down. Was it a blessing or a curse? I still wasn’t sure.
Five hours
Time was flying by. Like that saying, time flies when you’re not looking forward to doing something. I was really not looking forward to this.
I went back to the living room and turned on the television, not paying any attention to what was on. I left it on some reality show while I sat there contemplating what was going to happen.
Four hours
It was going too fast. I started pacing the living room. I wasn’t ready. I couldn’t do this. This was insane, whose idea was this anyway? My idiotic idea, of course. No, I could always change my mind. I didn’t have to do this. I could stay here with Lane forever. I could tell Whitney I had temporarily lost my mind and I was wrong and she was right. I could make this work.
But at what cost? Didn’t I owe it to myself to figure out the truth?
Yes. Yes, I did owe myself the truth. I couldn’t keep lying to myself about what was going on. I had to know.
Three hours
I could swear I was wearing a trail into the apartment floor. I couldn’t stop myself walking from the kitchen to the living room, down the hallway and back again, only to start the cycle back over.
Two hours
Should I pack something? No, that was stupid. Why would I bring something with me? I was going to wake up, there was no logical way that I could bring something with me for that. I sighed, going into my room. Picking up a picture of Lane and myself, I could only stare at it, running a finger over Lane’s half. I could feel the tears threatening to spill, the hotness pricking at my eyes. Drawing in a deep breath, I pushed them back, not wanting to be dragged into another cry-fest tonight.
One hour
What the hell? How was the time passing so quickly? I started pacing again, worrying about everything that could go wrong. The car might not show up. What if it didn’t hit me hard enough and nothing happened? What if it hit me and I just died? I shuddered to think of that. There were so many what if’s that I could feel myself backing out of the plan.
What if?
What if…
What
if?
This was destroying me. Do I or don’t I? Yes or no? I hid my face in my hands and sat down on the couch. I had to stay strong. I had to do this. I was going on such a downhill spiral already, if I didn’t do this, the hallucinations would just keep going and ruin me.
It was time.
Drawing a deep breath, I stood up and looked around, making sure everything was in its place. I walked to my room and got my note for Whitney and walked to her room with it. I brought it to my mouth, gave it a kiss, and laid it down on her bed, propped up on her pillows. I wanted to make sure that she would see it first thing. I just prayed that she came home before I finished my plan, so that she would have time to see my note and know how much I had come to love her as my best friend and how much I relied on her.
Going into my room, I changed my clothes, trying to get more comfortable. Pulling on jeans and a t-shirt, I grabbed a pair of shoes and sat down to tie them. Looking out the window, I saw that the rain was pouring down harder than it was earlier, so I grabbed a hoodie and pulled it on, shielding myself against the onslaught I was about to encounter.
Breathing deeply, I left the apartment, locking the door behind me. I ran down the stairs, not wanting to wait on the elevator, then I burst out of the front doors. The air was rushing in and out of me, giving me a bit of a high that I only just now realized that I needed.
The rain beat down, my hair clinging to my face and shoulders. I laughed, raising my face to the sky, relishing in the cleansing that I was experiencing. It was like all my sins were rinsing off me and I could turn a fresh face onto the next portion of my life. I turned to face the direction that The Den was in. That was where I needed to go. I could only hope that the rain didn’t change anything for me.
Three blocks had gone by before I heard my name being yelled. Turning around, my stomach dropped as I saw Lane chasing me down the street, calling for me.
“What are you doing Lane?” I yelled over the rain.
He stopped right in front of me, breathing hard. “Me? What the hell, Abby? Whitney just called me, and she was all bent out of shape about some note that you left her saying you were leaving or something? What are you doing?”
My insides warmed a little at the thought that Whitney had gotten my note and had cared about what I said. I had to shake it off though; I couldn’t let feelings get in the way of what I needed to do.
“It’s fine, Lane. I’m doing what needs to be done.”
Lane walked closer and put his hands on my arms, holding me in place. “What exactly are you planning, Abby?”
I shook my head, not looking at him. If I did, I would only start crying again. “Please, Lane, don’t worry about me. Just go home.”
“Go home? I can’t leave you if I think you’re going to do something stupid.”
“It’s not stupid! It’s going to finish everything for me!”
Lane looked at me, incredulous, raindrops clinging to his eyelashes. “Finish everything? What exactly are you doing Abby? Tell me!”
I shook my head, tears pouring down now. I wiped at my face before I realized that the rain wasn’t helping matters. My face was wet whether it was from the rain or from my tears. “You don’t get it! My life is in ruins right now! I can’t keep going on like this! I have to stop it!”
I tried to turn around to keep walking, but Lane grabbed my arm, yanking me back around to face him.
“Abby, stop! You are not going to do anything like what I think you’re doing! What about Whitney? What about me?” The pain in his eyes caused a crack in my heart, pain pouring through it. “We were made for each other, Abby. You know that, and I know that! You can’t just leave me like this! It’s not fair to me!”
I covered my face with my hands. “I know it’s not! I know, okay!” I looked at him. “It’s not like I want to leave you. I don’t. But I have to do this!”
“Do what?”
I didn’t answer him right away. I just looked at him, getting in my last glimpses. “I have to finish the note. I have to wake up.”
“And how are you planning to do that?”
I exhaled and wiped the hair back from my face. “I don’t want to tell you, Lane. Please, just drop it.”
“No,” he said forcefully.
Anger surged through me. “No? You can’t tell me what to do Lane.”
“Maybe not, but I love you Abby
. Doesn’t that count for something?”
“Of course it does! But not with this!”
“You either love me or you don’t! Which is it, Abby?”
More tears came out, flowing down my cheeks as I tried to keep my breathing even. “Of course I love you, damn it! But this isn’t about you! It’s about me!”
“No, it’s about us! I matter here too, Abby. I matter too! Why didn’t you try to talk to me about this?”
I huffed out a laugh, shaking my head. “I did! I told you and Whitney both what I was thinking, that I thought the note was real. What did you think would happen?”
Lane ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know! But not you stopping anything. What does that even mean?”
I couldn’t answer him. I didn’t want to see the disappointment on his face when I told him what I was planning to do. I couldn’t let Lane down. He was my everything. Thunder crashed, causing me to jump a little, my heartbeat speeding up.
He stepped closer, wrapping his arms around my waist to hold me close. “Tell me,” he whispered. “Please, don’t shut me out.”
I laid my head down on his shoulder for a minute, inhaling his scent, letting it stir up the memories that I loved. Lifting it, I looked him straight in the eyes. “The car.”
I could see the moment when Lane understood what I meant. His forehead was scrunched up, confusion in his eyes. After a few seconds, it cleared up, horror replacing it. He opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Backing up a few steps, he shook his head, rubbing a hand over his jaw like he could force himself to bring out the words he wanted.
I took the opportunity to take a few steps back, trying to head toward my goal. I didn’t want to have this conversation. I didn’t want to break Lane’s heart like my own was broken. This was why I had left a note. This was why I had tried to sneak out.
“Don’t leave me, Abby!”
I froze and realized I had turned around to start walking. I looked back, and Lane was reaching out to me, panic written on his face.
He ran to me and wrapped his arms around me, whispering frantically. “Don’t leave me, please don’t leave me. Abby, I love you, stay with me.”
Invisible Future Page 16
