Susannah's Garden

by Debbie Macomber

  “Hmm.” Vivian wondered if it was time for another pain pill.

  “Any more visits from your dead husband?” George asked. Resting his crutches against the wall, he sank down onto the lone chair in the room and made himself comfortable.

  Vivian shook her head sadly. “I thought for sure he’d come and see me, but he hasn’t.”

  “It might be more difficult these days. They have restrictions on the other side, you know?”

  Vivian had guessed as much. All she knew of heaven was in the pages of her Bible, and the descriptions there were somewhat limited. George hadn’t told her anything, but then he’d never spoken. That apparently went against the rules.

  “Did anyone ask about me?” Vivian inquired. “At Altamira?”

  “Several folks. Your friend Sally. None of the nurses knew how you were doing, so I decided to find out for myself.”

  Vivian blushed; his attention flustered her. “I’m glad you did.”

  “Me, too.” He gently patted her hand, and she felt herself grow warm. Oh, my. This George was a handsome man and she—

  “Mom?” Susannah stood in the doorway holding a vase of roses. She wore the oddest look, as if she wasn’t quite sure she should trust her eyes.

  “Susannah!”

  George struggled to his feet.

  “George, this is my daughter, Susannah,” Vivian said, rushing the words in her embarrassment. That look of her daughter’s made her feel guilty, although she hadn’t done anything wrong.

  “Hello, George,” Susannah said. “Have we met?”

  “No, but your mother’s mentioned you many times.”

  “I see.” Susannah set the flowers down on the bedside stand and leaned close to kiss Vivian on the cheek.

  “George isn’t my boyfriend or anything,” Vivian said firmly. She wanted that understood right away. Boyfriend was such a silly word. In her day it would’ve been suitor. Or maybe gentleman caller.

  “I’m not?” George said, and to her delight he sounded downright disappointed.

  “We’re friends.”

  “Right,” George concurred. “Friends.”

  Susannah seemed to be in a good mood if that smile on her face was any indication.

  “I suppose I’d best be getting back to Altamira,” George muttered, reaching for his crutches.

  “Please don’t leave on my account,” Susannah said.

  “The shuttle driver’s waiting. I told him I wouldn’t be staying long.” He patted Vivian’s hand one last time. “You take care, you hear.”

  “I will,” she promised and then because she wanted to be sure he wouldn’t disappear the way her George sometimes did, she stretched out one hand and touched his face.

  Surprise filled George’s eyes. “Hurry back home,” he whispered. “I miss you.” Then, expertly wielding his crutches, he swung out the door.

  “Mother,” Susannah said. “You do have a boyfriend.”

  “I most certainly don’t,” Vivian denied hotly. She rolled her head to the side to examine the flowers. “It’s very thoughtful of you to bring me roses.”

  “You’re avoiding the subject.”

  Vivian sighed. “I don’t want you to be upset with me.”

  Susannah stepped closer to the bed. “Why would I be upset?”

  Lowering her lashes, Vivian felt it was time she told the truth. “You were so angry with your father not long ago, although I don’t remember what it was about….”

  “I’m beginning to think I might have misjudged Daddy,” Susannah said in a low voice.

  It gladdened Vivian’s heart to hear that. “I told you I’d ask your father, but he didn’t come. I waited up half the night, and then I was afraid he didn’t know I’d moved.” She spoke quickly in her eagerness to confess what she’d done. “I wanted to talk to him so badly and he didn’t come.” She dared to glance up and to her astonishment, Susannah had tears in her eyes. This was what she’d feared most, that Susannah would be upset with her again.

  “I’m so sorry,” Vivian murmured.

  “Sorry about what, Mom?”

  “I told George—the George you just met—that you were angry with your father and that I was waiting for him to visit. When your father didn’t show up, he suggested I tell you I’d spoken to George, which I had, of course, only it was a different George, and that anything your father did was because he loved you.”

  “He did love me, Mom.” The tears in her daughter’s eyes glistened. “I don’t know why it took me so long to understand that.”

  “Do you understand now?”

  Susannah nodded. “I’ve learned a lot in the last few days….”

  “It wasn’t a real lie. I did talk to George,” she said, returning to the subject of her small deception. “It wasn’t George, your father, but George my friend.”

  Susannah offered her a gentle smile. “It’s all right, Mom. I’m not angry.”

  “Good.” Vivian was tired then, really tired. After waiting most of the day, she had to assume her husband wasn’t coming. Maybe tonight, but she wasn’t holding out much hope.

  “I think I’ll close my eyes,” she whispered.

  “You go right ahead, Mom.”

  “Will you be here when I wake up?”

  “Maybe,” Susannah said. “But if I’m not, it’s because I have an errand to run.”

  “That’s fine, dear. Go ahead and do your errand.”

  “I love you, Mom.”

  Vivian smiled, glad she’d told the truth. She felt so much better now that Susannah knew.

  She must have drifted off then, because when she woke, the room was dark and silent. The night-light shone from the bathroom.

  She sensed she wasn’t alone and turning her head, she realized she was right. George stood beside the bed.

  Her George. Defying death, he’d come when she needed him most.

  CHAPTER 41

  A raucous country-and-western song was booming from the Roadside Inn when Susannah drove into the gravel parking lot. She’d left her mother, who appeared to be resting comfortably; now she was about to meet Troy. She had the money to pay him off. It was with more than a little trepidation that she’d decided to play his game.

  As before, the tavern was filled with truckers. The smoke was thick and the odor of booze and stale perspiration permeated the place. Troy sat at a table with the same blonde Susannah had seen earlier. He’d told Chrissie this “old friend” was named Jenny something. The woman looked adoringly up at Troy, her arm wrapped tightly around his waist. She wore a skimpy halter top and her breasts threatened to spill out.

  Troy turned and stared at Susannah as she walked through the door. He said something to the blonde and disengaged himself from her embrace. His gaze holding Susannah’s, he motioned with his head toward the bar.

  As on her previous visit, Sharon was bartending. Susannah saw her former classmate stiffen at the sight of her. Susannah went rigid, too, still not sure she was doing the right thing.

  Troy moved down to the far end and Susannah met him there.

  “You have the money?” he asked coolly.

  Clutching her purse close to her body, she nodded. “I have a few concerns we need to discuss first.”

  His eyes narrowed as he studied her. “Don’t try to screw me over,” he said in a heated whisper.

  “I’m not. You’re asking for a lot of money and I want some guarantees.”

  “Like what?”

  “How do I know you won’t contact Chrissie at a later date?”

  “Forget it,” he scoffed. “I’ve got other fish to fry.”

  “You mean you make a practice of this sort of thing?”

  “No,” he said as though her questions bored him. “I’m tired of her. What’s that old saying—out of sight, out of mind? She’ll go back to Seattle and that’ll be the end of it.”

  This was what Susannah hoped would happen. “There’s no guarantee Chrissie will leave Colville,” she said.

  Troy dism
issed her concern with a shake of his head. “She will.”

  Susannah wasn’t convinced. Her daughter was stubborn and might just decide to stay. In which case, everything could explode in Susannah’s face.

  “Are you changing the ground rules?” Troy asked, leaning one elbow against the bar.

  “No, but I want Chrissie to go home where she belongs.” She paused. “More precisely, I want her back in school.”

  Troy shrugged indifferently. “Works for me. I sure don’t want her hanging around here. She’ll go home, don’t worry about it.”

  Susannah was worried. “She doesn’t know anything about this, right?”

  “You think I’d tell her?”

  Susannah had the feeling Troy would do whatever it took to get whatever he wanted. If that meant disclosing the fact that Susannah had paid him off, she wouldn’t put it past him. She couldn’t help wondering if her father had experienced the same doubts when he’d paid off Jake’s. Had he wondered if he was doing the right thing? Had he questioned his own judgment? Like her, she suspected he had. “I don’t want Chrissie finding out I was involved in any way,” she said sharply.

  “Fine. Now give me the money.”

  “Not yet.”

  “Listen, I don’t have time for this crap. Give me the money or I’ll screw up your sweet little girl for the rest of her life.”

  Susannah didn’t take his threat lightly. She sensed that Troy would derive real pleasure from hurting Chrissie out of spite.

  Figuring any further discussion would do more harm than good, Susannah set her purse on the scuffed bar and unzipped it. Taking out a stack of twenties and fifties, she handed it to Troy.

  He grabbed the money and thumbed through the bills. A minute later, he raised his hard eyes to lock with hers. “This is only half of what we agreed.”

  “The other half is at the house. You’ll get it after Chrissie leaves for Seattle.”

  He clearly wasn’t happy about it, but he didn’t have any choice. Susannah wasn’t about to give him everything at once and risk being cheated. This was the only recourse she had and she intended to use it.

  He seemed to deliberate, then slowly nodded. “Fine. But you better come through.” He stuffed the money in his wallet, which was connected to his jeans by a chain. Without another word, he walked back to the table where he’d been sitting and pulled on the blonde’s arm. Hands linked, the couple walked out of the tavern. Jenny, if that was her name, swayed her hips provocatively. Susannah would’ve been embarrassed if that was her daughter.

  “He’s a handsome man, my son, isn’t he?” Sharon sauntered up. “He looks more like his father every day.”

  Susannah ignored the comment. While it was true that Troy did resemble Jake, he lacked every other quality Susannah felt was important in a man—dignity, honor, character. All were missing in Troy and apparently in Jake, too. That made her more sad than angry. She’d honestly felt they’d shared something special. She’d been far too stubborn—not unlike her own daughter—to realize how right her father had been to get him out of her life. All the years she’d harbored this resentment against him and now…now she understood and it tore her apart. She’d wasted all those years, bitter and angry about the way he’d manipulated her life, and here she was, doing the same thing. She was doing it out of love, just as her father had.

  “The minute you left for France, Jake came to me.”

  “That isn’t true.” For her own sake, Susannah wanted to believe otherwise—wanted to believe what his letters had implied.

  Sharon laughed contemptuously, but Susannah didn’t care.

  “Jake was never interested in you. Not like you were in him.” She held her ground, unwilling to let Sharon rattle her.

  “Think what you want,” Sharon said, as though it was of little concern. “Troy is all the proof I need.”

  The woman had a point, although Susannah would never concede it. “I’m sorry you have to lash out at others, Sharon,” she said. “Jake must’ve hurt you very badly.” Then she turned and walked out the door. By the time Susannah got to the car, her hands shook so badly it was difficult to push the remote that would unlock the vehicle.

  Troy, of all people, had taught her one of the most valuable lessons of her life. She was her father’s daughter.

  As she inserted the key in the car’s ignition, Susannah recognized that she’d risked her own relationship with her daughter in doing this. Her marriage, too. Having gone behind Joe’s back again, she wondered how he’d react once he learned what she’d done and why. All she could do was hope he’d understand.

  This summer she’d begun to view their relationship with fresh eyes. Through the years, Joe had proven himself. They’d shared hopes, made plans and borne each other’s sorrows. He’d seen her at her best and her worst. Joe was the one who’d always been at her side. Not Jake. He was a fantasy, a long-lost love, a dream that had turned out to be false.

  Considering all these revelations, Susannah drove home. The house was dark—did that mean Troy had already made good on his word? Was Chrissie with him? It struck her then that she’d paid this dreadful man twenty-five hundred dollars to break her daughter’s heart. Just like he said he would…

  Somehow, Susannah made it up the steps and into the house. Her eyes swam with tears and she could barely see. All those years she’d carried her anger toward her father, like a shield that could never be pierced. She’d held him off, refusing to let him close. Even recently, at the cemetery, she’d ranted at him, charging him with not loving her. But he did love her, more than she’d ever known, as much as Susannah loved her own daughter.

  She’d been wrong about so many things.

  Her father had loved her and she loved him. Joe had been right all along. As hard as she’d tried not to have any feelings for him, she did. Because of her anger toward him, she’d been unable to grieve normally. Instead, she’d revisited that time in her youth, reliving her outrage, her sense of injustice. Was that so she wouldn’t have to deal with the emotions surrounding his death?

  She missed her father, she loved him, and she was sorry. So sorry. Now she’d give anything, anything, to tell him how deeply she regretted her refusal to see his side. She buried her face in her hands and cried until there were no tears left.

  When she felt she could speak again, she walked into the kitchen and reached for the phone. Thankfully, Joe answered.

  “Susannah, what is it?”

  “I—I need you. Please come… I can’t do this without you anymore.”

  Her husband didn’t hesitate. “I’ll leave within the hour.”

  His simple acceptance of her need, not asking a single question, tore at her. “Joe, oh, Joe, I love you so much.”

  “I know, Suze. I love you, too.”

  “Joe, I’ve done something so foolish. Please hurry.”

  “I’m on my way. Don’t worry. We’ll discuss everything when I get there.”

  The road back to herself, to the person she used to be, wanted to be, led directly to her husband, Joe Nelson.

  CHAPTER 42

  Susannah had composed herself by the time Chrissie returned. As she expected, her daughter was devastated. Sobbing, Chrissie ran into the house and without a word flew into Susannah’s waiting arms. With all her heart, Susannah prayed her daughter would never learn of her part in this.

  “What is it?” she asked, cradling Chrissie’s head against her shoulder.

  “It’s over,” Chrissie managed between gasping breaths.

  “With Troy?”

  Her daughter nodded, hugging Susannah close.

  “Can you tell me what happened?”

  Chrissie shook her head. “I want to die.”

  “Oh, sweetheart.”

  “I loved him. First Jason, and now Troy. There must be something wrong with me.”

  “You can’t honestly think that,” she murmured soothingly. She stroked the back of her daughter’s head and made soft reassuring sounds as she told Chriss
ie that she was a lovely young woman and would meet the right someone soon.

  “Troy kept putting me off about helping if I moved to Colville and now I know why. Mom, oh, Mom,” she cried. She leaned away from Susannah and covered her face with both hands. “He’s got a woman living with him. It’s that Jenny—the one he said was an old friend. She’s been there all along.”

  This didn’t come as any surprise to Susannah; foolishly the other woman was willing to ignore Troy’s indiscretions.

  “What am I going to do?” Chrissie sobbed.

  “Everything will be better once you’re home.” Home sounded good to Susannah, too. A month earlier she’d been eager to escape. Her marriage had felt stale, her life in a rut. Now it would take several large volumes to list all her blessings.

  “How will I get there?” Chrissie sobbed more loudly now.

  “Dad’s driving over tonight.”

  Chrissie wiped the tears from her cheeks. Her eyes were bright and moisture clung to her long lashes. “Dad’s coming?” This was apparently the best news she’d heard in some time, because she gave Susannah a wobbly smile.

  Susannah nodded. “Dad and I will finish the packing, and we’ll hire Martha to do the cleaning. I’ll go home with him, and you can drive my car back if you want.”

  “I do. Then everything’s better between you and Dad?”

  “Yes, much better. He was upset with me and rightly so. We all make foolish mistakes, Chrissie. The thing is, we need to learn from those mistakes and move forward.”

  “I’m going to,” she vowed.

  Susannah hugged her again. “Like mother, like daughter.”

  Chrissie’s attempt to laugh sounded more like a cough. “That’s not funny.”

  Susannah hadn’t meant it to be.

  Sniffling, Chrissie retreated into her bedroom. A short while later, Susannah heard her talking on her cell phone and was half afraid Chrissie had contacted Troy. She needn’t have worried. Within a few minutes, she realized her daughter had called a girlfriend in Seattle.

  At ten Susannah noticed the light was off in the bedroom and a quick check assured her Chrissie was asleep.