Aileen smiles slightly as her eyes flutter open briefly, wincing slightly when she moves to turn over. Her mind replays last night and her smile gets wider. When she turns to look at Cayson, his expression makes her smile fall instantly.
“What’s wrong?” She glances around confused, why does he look so hurt?
“I should have left last night before I even touched you.” Cayson moves, climbing out of bed and getting dressed while Aileen stares at him shocked.
“I’m sorry, last night was so bad you hated it and wished it never happened. Don’t worry, you can walk away, I won’t beg you to stay.” Aileen feels tears threatening to escape her eyes.
“Don’t be so overdramatic; you know I don’t mean that! Look at your body Aileen, why the hell would you let me do that?! Why aren’t you mad at me?” He should have just left once he’d made sure she was okay. Aileen glances down, seeing the bruises which remind her of last night. It was amazing, she hadn’t realised in the moment he was using so much force and pressure, it was a thing that she marvelled in and found herself getting lost in. Her eyes flick to her hips seeing the tiny, curved cuts from his nails, a slight smile on her face as her mind replays last night again, almost feeling the sensation of Cayson grasping her hips.
“I enjoyed it. I didn’t feel pain, Cayson; seeing you like that seemed to pull me in and make me want more. I have no issues with last night. So I have marks, it isn’t like you hit me. It wasn’t out of anger.” Cayson shakes his head, sitting down. “What happened, Cayson? Last night was so different, I could feel it.”
Cayson laughs, looking at her like she is crazy. “So you knew and just indulged it!”
Aileen feels her eyes roll. “You didn’t answer.”
“All my emotions were heightened. That moment I lost contact with you pushed me closer to the limit, and for some reason the more I was with you the more intense my emotions grew. Whenever I feel like that, Aileen, I go, I shift and I wait until I’m calm. One wrong thing, one slight thing and I would have shifted here in the house and hurt you, or worse.”
Aileen stares at him shocked, she didn’t know. Her head falls slightly, feeling guilty.
“It’s not on you. I had choices and didn’t choose right. I could have left until I calmed down, or explained things to you. Having sex just heightened everything and that’s dangerous.” He could have, seriously hurt her and that’s just in this form. Without shifting, using too much force could have hurt her.
“It’s both our faults, I felt it and didn’t say, and neither did you. Look, though, I’m fine, Cayson. A few bruises are totally worth last night. You have more control than you think. Last night was amazing.” She moves to kneel behind him, wrapping her arms around his neck.
“I’m sorry, I panicked when you weren’t answering, then when Camille said you weren’t there and Zander wasn’t answering I panicked more. Then it was like I was blocked from sensing where you are. That usually only happens for two reasons; you’d died or you’d been turned.” Aileen nods, kissing his neck.
“Let’s go out somewhere and get breakfast, okay? Well, more like dinner as it’s late. Come on.” Kissing him she moves and gets ready, Cayson following her through to a small café and avoiding talking as they sit waiting for their food to arrive.
“Tell me about vampires, Cayson. I know there are three types and what they eat but really, what changes them?” She smiles at him, maybe a change in topic will help?
“Morgelantous are very much human. The women can have babies; they can eat food and everything like humans. They can also drink blood, but most choose not to. Ceprimora and Monventla are very similar. Both males can reproduce, but only Ceprimora women can become pregnant. Monventla vampires can’t. Their bodies change.”
Aileen glances to him, confused.
“How? How do their bodies change?”
“Monventla still have a lot of their human DNA. Monventla vampires can change their physical appearance through the normal ways: exercise, starvation, eating too much, whatever, but it’s hard. However, for the women, for some reason it is like they can’t conceive, the males can but women can’t.”
“So, what? They don’t have wombs?” Is that what he is saying?
“I would say they do but no-one really knows. It’s just that there’s never been a case of a pregnant Monventla woman. Some women who were pregnant before becoming Monventla carried their baby to term, but never have I heard of one becoming pregnant while a Monventla.”
Aileen nods, more confused than before.
“Look, all the vampires, their hair grows. They can cut it and it regrows, just like human hair. Many people think vampires are dead: no beating heart, no human DNA, wipes every human response they have from them. That isn’t true. Morgelantous of course have far more of a human connection than Monventla, but they all still have human in them.”
Aileen nods, her mind reminding her of Yasmine. She glances to him; she needs to ask about her. She needs to know why he didn’t tell her the full story.
“Zander was talking to me about things last night, asking me if I am worried.”
Cayson nods, smiling. “I know, the risk for you been near a vampire is massive Aileen.”
She laughs slightly, shaking her head.
“Not for me, for you. He asked if I was worried about if it happens and you have to go through all that again.”
Cayson looks at her confused.
“It would be worth it. I’d rather do this and go through it again than never be with someone I want or settling down with a woman I have no connection to.”
Aileen nods, wondering if he will mention it or if she’ll need to bring it up herself.
“Did you ever want to settle down with a family?”
Cayson shakes his head slightly. “No, it would require me to stop shifting or to be with a female werewolf. I like shifting; I like the werewolf part of me.”
She nods slightly. “Is it enough, though? Wouldn’t you ever want kids, someone to carry on your family bloodline?”
Cayson shakes his head slightly. “I’ve never really thought about it, to be honest. Maybe if I decide to stop shifting I will, but right now no.”
Aileen nods.
“It’s just unusual, I guess, that you’ve lived so long and you haven’t considered having kids and a family.”
Cayson laughs. “What are you aiming at here, Aileen? Is this you trying to find out if I want kids because you do?”
Aileen looks at him shocked, her head shaking far too quickly. Cayson’s raises an eyebrow suspiciously.
“This is you asking because Zander said something, and now you’re waiting for me to mention Yasmine.”
Aileen nods slightly.
“What do you really want to know, Aileen?” He looks at her waiting. What does she want to know? A lot, a hell of a lot, but she doesn’t know how to even begin to ask.
“Why you didn’t tell me the whole story. Why you act like you didn’t kill your child, and how the hell you didn’t know she was pregnant.”
Okay, she shakes her head slightly, too blunt and cruel.
“I didn’t tell you because I don’t tell anyone. Most people don’t, Aileen, because what was the alternative? We can’t lock a Monventla in a cage until she has the baby. Would she even have it? Let’s say we did lock her in the cage, no Monventla has those human feelings. To her that baby was food and nothing more, what chance would it have of surviving once it had been born?”
Aileen looks at him shocked, her head shaking, no one could know what would have happened.
“No werewolf could be in the room when she had the baby, no witch. This was at a time when werewolves and witches weren’t on speaking terms, Aileen. She would likely have had the baby and killed it instantly for food, or for fun, or to get revenge on me. The baby would have been in more pain had we tried to keep Yasmine locked away from the world until she gave birth than if I had just killed her there and then.”
Aileen’s eyes wide
n in shock. “You knew?!” Cayson nods slightly, Aileen looking at him sickened.
“Yes, I knew, and because I knew I delayed it. My delaying it got witches and a werewolf killed because she wanted revenge. She was maybe four weeks pregnant. How could we lock a Monventla up, Aileen? You tell me, for nine months, how would that be possible? Monventla can only drink blood directly from a person. I wasn't willing to throw people into a room and watch them die to try and save a baby which she would have killed eventually anyway.” Cayson’s head drops, he had wanted to save it. Every part of him said he could do it, but letting her kill that many people to try and save his baby was wrong.
“She knew she was pregnant, Aileen. The first thing she did when she was turned was kill my best friend, then the witches who she saw as the issue. The ones she knew spoke to me, said she wanted to hurt me. She had no connection to the baby Aileen. She said it herself, if I could rip the thing out of me now I would. Those were her words when I tried getting her to calm down so I wouldn’t have to kill her.”
“So you just killed her?”
Cayson shakes his head slightly.
“No, I walked away and said I couldn’t. The werewolves were not allowed to; it was on me as no werewolf could be expected to be blamed for her death. The witches couldn’t because she was too powerful; as I said, she was one of the strongest witches at that time. The pack were out, patrolling, and I saw her go for Jess. Jess had just had her fourteenth birthday when she turned. She was with us purely to watch.” Aileen nods watching him as his head shakes.
“I stood, I told myself I had a choice and refused, that more people would die because of Yasmine wanting revenge on me. I could have watched Jess die and had to live with that guilt, and see her father’s pain every day at losing his daughter so soon after his wife. Or, I killed Yasmine and lost my baby with her. Yasmine knew the werewolves couldn’t kill her so if she attacked they were defenceless; I had to protect Jess.”
Cayson’s head drops slightly.
“Cayson.”
He shakes his head. “What sort of monster would I be, Aileen? Choosing to let her live in the hopes she didn’t kill our child while I watched her wipe out the witches and werewolves, including innocent children who did her no harm? I’d be a bigger monster than her, a selfish beast.”
Aileen stays quiet, her eyes on Cayson, she didn’t know.
She hadn’t considered those who were dying and those who would have died if Yasmine hadn’t been killed. She didn’t consider how the werewolves would survive if she attacked them when they were unable to fight back. She also didn’t consider how Cayson must have felt; she had just thought it was wrong that ending Yasmine’s life had to end the baby’s life, too. Cayson looks at her, his head shaking.
“This is why I don’t tell people; why I didn’t tell you. See you around.” Standing he walks out, Aileen staring at the door shocked. She couldn’t speak because she was still processing everything. She had to make sure what she said next was right and wouldn’t cause trouble. She throws some money on the table and leaves, going back to the house. Zander smiles at her as she walks in, his expression changing to apologetic when he sees the tears that threaten to spill from her eyes.
“I’m sorry, Aileen, what happened?”
Glancing around she doesn’t see anyone, so she sits down, Zander sitting next to her.
“I tried getting him to admit the truth about Yasmine and the baby. He explained, and by the end he walked out and said he would see me around. I think the fact I struggled to find something to say made him think I saw him in a bad way, but I just didn’t want to say something without thinking and end up upsetting him.”
Zander nods. “He may just need time. He likes you, Aileen; this is my fault, I should never have said it.”
“It isn’t your fault, I pushed and pushed and sounded disgusted. The fact he seems so sure he doesn’t want to stop shifting and have a family scares me. I want kids, he clearly doesn’t, and how would that work? I’m not a werewolf; I’m going to age.” Zander looks at her, her eyes rolling at his expression. “I know I have the power to stop myself getting old as quickly but I don’t want to. I want a real life, living the number of years I am meant to, watching my kids grow.” Her head falls slightly.
“Maybe tell Cayson? You can’t know how he’ll respond, Aileen. You have time; you just met- or kind of, anyway. Will you really be happy and comfortable sat here knowing he might think you hate him? If you won’t go and see him, at least text him or something.”
Aileen shakes her head. “I can’t; I am scared he’ll tell me he doesn’t want that, and then I’ll never be able to see him again.”
Zander laughs.
“He won’t tell you that; trust me, Aileen. If there’s one thing I know it’s that if you asked him to stop shifting he would. If you asked him to grow old with you he would. He turned his back on the werewolves for you in so many ways, Aileen. More than he did with Yasmine. Go and see him. Everyone here is fine, Camille is behaving, so go and see Cayson and sort this out.”
Nodding she leaves, walking to Cayson’s, and when she gets there she stands at the door for a moment before she knocks. Her mind tells her the words she needs to say. She needs to be careful; one wrong word and things won’t go well.
“Unusual, that’s all I am saying Cayson. Something blocked you out, either her or another witch.” Aileen listens to Gwenael as she lifts her hand to knock on the door. Cayson opens it, looking at her confused. She glances to his face. Has he been crying? Gwenael is almost snarling at her, but Cayson gives him a look and Gwenael rolls his eyes before leaving the room.
“Can we talk?”
Cayson looks at her, obviously debating it in his head, before nodding and stepping back to let Aileen in. She stays standing by the door as Cayson sits down, waiting for her to explain why she’s here.
“I don’t know where to start, Cayson.” She glances to him as he avoids looking at her. “I guess I should start by saying that the reason I didn’t respond to you was because I wasn’t sure what to say, and I had so much I wanted to say. Nothing bad, though, after you explained I understood, Cayson. I understand that you had no choice, and that ultimately you acted to save lives.”
Cayson laughs humourlessly. “You looked at me like I was a monster.”
She winces.
“I’m sorry about that, I am. But it was because we all are in our own ways, Cayson. At the start, yes, I thought you were a monster, but by the end I understood. I went quiet because the reality of all the stuff we spoke about scares me.”
“What do you have to be scared of? Seriously, Aileen? Turning into a vampire and forgetting every bit of pain, every bit of hurt and walking free? You still get your life. I have to face the reality that any day now I could lose the person I love; I could be forced to kill them again. That any day now I could be killed. I can’t be turned into a vampire, Aileen, the only thing waiting for me is death.”
Aileen nods, she knows that. While it scares her that she could turn into a vampire, she knows that if it does happen her vampire-self won’t care.
“I’m scared that what I say next will end this. Something tells me what I’m about to say won’t get me the response I want and need in life.”
“Then say it and leave.”
Aileen looks at him, shocked. “What is wrong with you? I am here trying to talk, Cayson and you’re just waiting for the right moment to push me out of that damn door.”
Cayson laughs slightly.
“You already said that what you say next ends this. I’m trying to survive, Aileen, I’m not getting dragged back in only to be kicked out again.” She looks at him nodding, she can understand that. “Only the werewolves know about it, Aileen, know that I knew about Yasmine being pregnant before I killed her. I let you in on so many levels and it feels like you’re just making excuses to cause an argument and walk away. So I’m sorry if I’m acting cold, but right now, more pain won’t end well.” He can’t do this
. If she’s going to walk she needs to just leave.
“You talking about shifting and never wanting to stop scares me, Cayson. How will we work? I’ll get old while you stay young? I want kids, Cayson, a real life. One where I watch my children grow, and I grow old and die with the person I love. I don’t want to be old and looking like I’m dating my grandson with no life to show.” Cayson glances to her confused. “I love you, Cayson, more than I loved Dan. Part of me is saying I should sacrifice the kids and the growing old with a partner, just to have you. But it hurts to consider a full life gone with no real achievements.”
Cayson shakes his head. “I never wanted kids.”
Aileen nods, smiling slightly. “Which I understood from when we spoke this morning; I knew you wouldn’t agree. So where does that leave us?” Cayson stands up and walks over to her, his hands pulling her up so they’re face to face.
“For now we stay us, and just see how things go.” Aileen shakes her head.
“How is that solving anything, Cayson? I can’t just carry on and pretend like I don’t want that life and then in ten years feel resentment towards you for not agreeing.”
Cayson laughs slightly. “Aileen, please. You want an answer right now when I can’t give it. Not because I don’t want to, because believe me, I do. I just don’t want to agree until I know where this is going. I don’t want to give myself the hope of a family for you to walk away from me again tomorrow.”
“Technically, it was you who walked out today.”
Cayson rolls his eyes and a giggle escapes from Aileen’s mouth.
“Either way, we’re constantly on and off, Aileen. Can we get settled and then discuss it? This isn’t me saying no, just, let’s find where we fit in with each other first.”
Night Shadows Page 15
