Forever and Never

by Ella Fields

  “Idiot.” I looked at him then. “I am. I’ve been nothing but honest with you from the start.”

  His lips twitched. “The start means this is something. And yes, you might think you have, but it’s clear as fuck now that you might not even believe your own bullshit anymore.”

  I pulled away finally and opened the door before someone else snagged the ride.

  Lars climbed in before I could shut the door and gave the driver his address.

  “I’m not going home with you.”

  “You don’t have to, but you know you want to.”

  “After what you just did?” I scoffed. “No. Never again.”

  He scooted close, his breath stirring my hair. “All you have to do is say it, that you want this, and I’ll never do that shit again.”

  “I don’t do well with manipulation.”

  “You said so yourself.” His voice vibrated against my throat as he bent his head to kiss it. “I was proving a point.”

  “And what if I hadn’t stopped you?” My voice was all air, his tongue tracing the curve of my neck, the scruff on his cheek making my eyelids droop.

  “I knew you would.”

  “Really?”

  He huffed. “Okay, so I was ninety-nine point seven percent certain you would.” His mouth moved to mine, hovering over it as his hands framed my face, and his eyes implored. “I wouldn’t have kissed her.”

  “She was touching you.” The words escaped, and I immediately wanted to snatch them back.

  “Do you want to be the only person who touches me?” His question was a whisper against my mouth.

  In answer, I kissed him, my hands diving into his thick hair.

  He pulled away when the car stopped moments later and sighed out a ragged breath as he handed the older man a twenty. “Okay, how about this …” I frowned, watching as he stepped into the night. He then held out his hand. “If you come in, that answers my question. If you really don’t want this, head home. I’ll see you on Monday, and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to smile at you.”

  The driver glanced at me in the rearview, and I shifted in the seat, staring at that large hand of his. It didn’t waver, shake, or move for one whole minute. One whole minute where I felt my heart boom in every crevice of my body and water pooled in my eyes.

  When I looked up at him, unable to move or speak, he looked down, nodding once.

  The door shut, and the driver put the car in drive.

  “Wait.”

  “Jesus, just hurry up,” the driver grumbled.

  I shot him a glare, then scrambled over the back seat, opening the door and slamming it right as the car took off.

  Lars was unlocking the door, and when he bent to pick up the keys he dropped, I launched at his back, my arms and legs tight around him.

  Taken off guard, he laughed and grabbed me, turning me in time to keep me from being squished by his weight. I ended up on his lap, the moon and stars glowing in his dark eyes as they glittered up at me. “I don’t like labels, ultimatums, or games.”

  He swallowed hard before his head fell to my chest. “Noted.”

  “I still need to think about this.” I lifted his head. “Please, let me do that.”

  His brows pulled in, and though I knew he didn’t like it, he nodded. “Just don’t take too long.”

  Inside his bedroom, the door closed and locked even though his mom was at work, we lost our clothes. I let go of all my inhibitions and straddled him naked on his bed.

  His hands were everywhere. On my breasts, squeezing my ass, and brushing between my legs.

  His finger entered me, and I threw my head back as his teeth grazed my neck and his arm banded tight around my back. “Why do you lie to me when this piece of perfection begs to tell the truth?”

  “Lars,” I panted out.

  “She’s so hungry for me,” he said, his voice croaked air as he inserted a second finger. “She’s about to swallow my fingers.” He then began pumping them faster, and the sound of my want for him mixing with that of our weighted exhales had everything blurring.

  “Isn’t she?” he said, his fingers digging farther, and his teeth grazing my chin, finding my bottom lip and tugging.

  “Yes,” I finally said. Then I rose onto my knees, our gazes meeting when I grabbed his wrist, and his fingers left my body. “I’m on birth control.”

  He hissed when I pulled his cock toward my entrance, and his eyes flared wide as he hit my slick flesh. “Daphne, wait.”

  I sank down before he could stop me and almost screamed as I struggled to take all of him.

  He flipped me to my back and stared down at me, his eyes filled with worried torment, his shaft throbbing inside me. “Have you done this before?”

  “Only once,” I admitted, my eyelids fluttering as I tried to adjust to the invasion.

  “Once,” he repeated, his breath colliding in hot bursts with mine.

  I jerked my head. There was no way in hell I was going to tell him why or how. That I’d lost it purely to make myself ready for a married man.

  Remembering why and how it’d happened had never made me feel more like a fool.

  And it was after it was all said and done, my blood dry around a used condom and painting my inner thighs as that loser slept soundly beside me, that I realized what an idiot Ellis had turned me into, and then I’d put the brakes on.

  There shouldn’t have been any need to in the first place. We were never going to grow into something more, and we were never even going to touch one another in that way. But a lot can change in a year, and less than a year ago, I’d thought it was just a matter of time.

  Time was nothing but a lying bitch that’d continue to steal from you if you weren’t careful.

  And so I became careful.

  Perhaps too careful, I thought as I stared up at Lars’s pained expression.

  “I don’t need to be the first to take your body,” he whispered. “Your heart, on the other hand …” His hips jerked, arms flexing. “Have you ever been in love?”

  I had a sinking feeling that honesty, though it was the only option, would upset him. “Once,” I said, barely a sound, and watched his shoulders fall, the hope retreat in his eyes. “I thought I might’ve been.”

  “You thought?” he repeated.

  I nodded, my chest filling at the way his eyes relit. “But whatever it was, it wasn’t it.” Lifting my hands, I brushed my fingers over those sharp angled cheekbones of his, the stark lines of them that made an already handsome face that much more striking. “Move, Picasso.”

  “I’m hurting you.”

  “It’s a pain I’m welcoming,” I said as a genuine smile took shape on my lips. “I want to.” I swallowed when my finger reached the curve of his mouth, and he started rocking his hips. “This. With you.”

  He kissed my finger, his hair sprinkling onto his forehead as he lowered onto his forearms and laid his lips over mine.

  A warm breeze caressed the most inner parts of me as he kept moving, shifting, and whispering wicked and sweet things against my lips. The discomfort faded, and soon I was meeting his hips with mine, searching for more friction as he kept gliding deep against my walls.

  Every thrust had them clamping tighter, and every withdrawal had my legs shaking as he hit that perfect spot over and over again. “I think I’m going to come.”

  He rasped out a short laugh, his breath shaking over my face. “Even if I come before you do, I’m staying right here”—he kissed the corner of my mouth—“until I make you come all over me.”

  My heart thrashed, and a loud moan slipped out.

  “That’s it, squeeze me with that pretty cunt.”

  I fell apart, and he cursed, pumping fast before collapsing over me and spilling himself inside.

  Lars

  “Fuck that. I told him I’d give him ten dollars and my third born.”

  “Why your third born?” I asked Raven, taking a sip of beer.

  He took a drag of his cigarette.
“Because who has time for three kids?”

  We all laughed, shaking our heads.

  Lights were strung around the ginormous pool, and some people from school and Peggy’s family lingered around it.

  I had to hand it to them, this was probably one of the tamest yet still decent parties I’d been to in a while. And the cocksucker walking around said pool, picking up trash, was the biggest reason.

  There was no way in hell Dash would let anyone fuck with Peggy, let alone in her dad’s home and on her birthday. So if that meant he walked around like some pussy-whipped maid for hire, then so be it.

  We all watched him for a minute, laughing some more.

  “Fifty bucks says he finally bangs her tonight,” Raven said.

  “Nah,” I said.

  Jackson smirked. “I’ll spot you if you lose, Bradby.”

  I flicked ash on his jeans, and he cursed, swiping it into the black material before it burned, leaving white marks behind. “That won’t be necessary.” I slouched back in my seat and drained my drink. “They won’t get their shit together anytime soon.”

  Raven stroked the dark stubble on his chin, squinting at me. “Those sound like betting words, my friend.”

  “Whatever.” I stood and stretched my arms over my head. “I’m going to find more booze.”

  Jackson snorted. “Good luck with that. Danny’s brother had to buy most of it, so I doubt you’ll find anything but soda.”

  He forgot how easily his kind could get their hands on something if they really wanted it.

  I ignored him and trudged over the lush green grass. I wanted another drink, yeah, but I also wanted to find my girl.

  My girl. It thrilled me to no end to call her that, not that I’d dare say it to her face.

  Daphne was coming around slowly but surely. She’d even let me kiss her goodbye after school in the middle of the front lawn.

  She’d had her period this week, so we hadn’t fucked again since last weekend, but fucking her brains out all night had satiated me enough to last months, if not a lifetime. That night alone still had me jacking off every time I took a shower or woke in a cold sweat with a raging hard-on.

  She’d come over a few times but hadn’t stayed the night, which Mom approved of, being that they were school nights and all. Her words, definitely not mine. I’d had to work some afternoons but finding her already there when I got home, chatting with Mom, made the exhaustion and the grease and grime slathered to every part of me all drift away.

  She hated to cry and be afraid but loved cry your heart out romantic movies and old-school horror flicks. She was one extreme or the other, though she’d rarely let you know which unless she allowed you close enough to see.

  And after these past weeks, I was beginning to think I could spend a lifetime with her and still find new things to appreciate about her. She wasn’t the type to be unveiled in one sitting but, rather, would make you work to peel each beautiful layer off.

  Mom was still a little skeptical, but I think that had more to do with me getting my balls too busted and my heart too broken than any dislike she had for Daphne.

  She didn’t dislike her at all, and I would’ve found it annoying, the way they’d exchange books and talk about them over coffee for half an hour at a time, if it didn’t make both of them smile.

  Since the first time I’d laid eyes on her, I’d known there was always something more than meets the eye to the most popular girl in school, and I’d crushed on her ever since.

  However, I never expected it to turn into more than that. I had no idea what to call what I was feeling now, but as I stood in the doorway to Peggy’s dad’s family room and watched her dance with Willa to some Spice Girls song, I decided to take a page out of her book.

  It didn’t need a label.

  It was enough that it existed, that we did, together, and that I was pretty sure she felt what I was feeling, too.

  With just a look at me, she left Willa and crossed the room as though she knew what I wanted. “Wanna go?”

  I nodded, and she took my offered hand, allowing me to pull her through the long halls of the house, around small groups of people, and outside into the twinkling night.

  We left her car in the driveway, and I set two slices of toast in the toaster as soon as we’d walked inside. “Think Peggy will care that we bailed early?”

  Daphne peeled off her high-heeled boots and carefully set them beside the dining table. “Nope. I saw her head upstairs with Dash a second before you appeared.”

  I grabbed the butter and a knife, then two glasses of water. I wisely chose to keep my mouth shut about the bets the guys were taking, but damn if I wasn’t shocked. “You think they’ll work it out yet?”

  “Not yet,” Daphne said with so much certainty, I glanced over at her. She plucked at the small braid in the side of her hair, her lithe fingers unweaving the inky strands. “What?” she said. “It’s Peggy and Dash. Think about it.”

  I bobbed my head, slathering a thick layer of butter over the toast.

  “How the hell do you stay in shape when you eat so many carbs?” Daphne glared at my stomach when I handed her a slice.

  “Don’t know. Maybe heavy lifting at work. Riding everywhere.” I shrugged. “The occasional swim.”

  Unimpressed, she tore off an angry chunk and chewed.

  I laughed and slid my finger under her chin. “Your ass is unbelievable, but I wouldn’t complain if it was bigger. Eat the bread.” I kissed her, felt her melt, and kissed her some more.

  “What made you decide to work at the garage anyway?” she asked, wearing a T-shirt of mine and her panties as we crawled into bed.

  “What makes most people decide to work somewhere?” I asked, then smothered my yawn by turning my head into my pillow. I’d had to work before and after school today due to a fuckup with someone’s car. “Money.”

  “So you don’t like working on cars?” Daphne tucked a hand beneath her cheek, turning to face me.

  The childlike action from this young woman who seemed far older than her eighteen years made my heart clench. “I like it enough. The problem-solving aspect can be interesting.”

  My eyes were drifting closed, struggling to stay open and staring into her greens when she said in a soft voice, “Would you draw or paint for a living if you could?”

  “Yes.”

  “Will you try to one day?”

  I tried to dampen the dryness to my voice. “Won’t happen. I’m thinking more along the lines of civil engineering.”

  Absorbing that, Daphne was quiet for a long while, and before I let myself drift away, I tugged her closer. Close enough to lay my lips over her warm cheek and feel her breath even out with my own. “What about you? What do you want to do?”

  “I have no idea.”

  I could tell by the sound of her voice that she didn’t like not knowing. She was a girl who knew herself, who knew what she wanted and what she didn’t want. “You’ve got time, Cotton, and many options available to you.”

  Her lips hit my cheek, pressing gently and staying there as my mind turned to fuzz. “I think that’s the problem.”

  Golden rays graced the room via the gaps in my curtains, ghosting over my face and waking me.

  I had to go to work at eight, but having Daphne’s head tucked beneath my chin and her body half draped over mine made the thought of moving anywhere fucking absurd.

  My cock was rock hard, but for once, I was content to let it suffer, to let myself suffer. I wouldn’t move for anything at that moment.

  Her hand had crawled beneath my shirt and kept twitching over my side—grabbing then releasing, wiggling then stilling—as she mumbled something in her sleep.

  I’d come to notice during the times she’d slept over that Daphne often mumbled in her sleep right before she was ready to wake up. As if she was arguing with her brain.

  I smiled and held her tighter, my eyes closing while dawn spread its wings over the walls of my room.

  A pho
ne blared what felt like seconds later, and it probably was. I groaned, wondering if I’d left mine in my jeans pocket. My jeans were on the floor.

  Daphne snuffled and shifted to her back as the sound finally reached her, and I rolled over to find her phone lit up on the nightstand. “Who is it?” she asked, groggy.

  I grabbed it, glancing at the screen, and then, as though someone had dumped a bucket of ice over my head, I stilled. Froze completely.

  “Lars?” She reached over me when I said nothing, her scent and hair tickling my arm and nose. “Shit.” Snatching it from me, she silenced it when it rang again, and then chucked it to the other side of the bed. “I guess I should go.”

  “Because him is waiting for you?” I asked, my tone colder than I’d intended for it to be.

  “What? No.” She laughed. “Because it’s seven thirty, and I need a shower, and you need to work.”

  “Who was that?” Her silence had me running a hand down my face, my throat constricting. “Answer me, Daphne.”

  “It’s only going to cause a fight. We’ll talk about it later, okay?” She tore off my shirt and pulled on her bra and the dress she’d been wearing last night.

  I was so shocked I couldn’t even stare at her tits, just her face, angry fumes of disbelief burning my tense muscles. “Why would we even need to talk about it?”

  Daphne sighed, combing her fingers through her hair. “Don’t. It’s seriously not worth it.”

  “Was he the one you fucked before me?” I was on a roll, but I couldn’t be stopped. Didn’t want to be.

  “No,” she said. “We’ve never …” She stopped and shook her head. “Look, it’s kind of complicated, and stupid, and it honestly doesn’t even matter.”

  “Doesn’t matter to who? Because it still matters to him. Otherwise, he wouldn’t be calling you at seven thirty in the damn morning, would he?” With the sun streaming down on her stiff expression, it dawned. I stood and prowled toward her. “Wait a fucking minute. You mean to tell me this whole time you would only let me halfway in because some other probably rich asshole takes up the rest of your time?”

  Her lips parted. “It’s not like that. It never was.”