Never Kiss A Stranger (A Hot Romantic Comedy)

by Logan Chance

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “Why did you?” I ask.

  “The flowers told me to.”

  I straighten up in my chair. “Ah. Haunted flowers?”

  Ellis smiles. “Yeah.” He taps the binder. “These flowers are all haunted, and you shouldn’t have any of them at your wedding.”

  “Well, that’s more for Marsha,” I say, without thinking.

  “Who’s Marsha?”

  “My cousin. She’s getting married too.” I look down at the binder and trail my finger along the edge. “My mom is in psychological warfare with my Aunt over which daughter has the best life. I’m losing.”

  “Ah,” he says as if he has completely grasped the entirety of the situation from that one sentence. “I find it hard to believe that Marsha could beat you in anything.” His eyes sweep over my face. “Don’t try to win someone else’s race.”

  This is getting very deep, and I’m sorry but…

  Henry—3

  Ellis—I can't quantify it.

  “We can’t kiss again, Ellis.” I get my serious face on, like when I’m reprimanding one of the puppies for pooping on the floor. “I’m getting married.” My voice is so low and serious, I almost don’t like the sound of it. But this has to stop.

  “I’m sorry. Won’t happen again. I should go.” He stands, and for a split second, I want to tell him not to leave. But, I don’t. I only watch as he walks back in the store. Sometimes, the right thing is the hardest to do.

  I flip the pages in the binder, but as hard as I try, I can’t focus on the flowers.

  “Sorry, it took me so long,” Alice says, bustling out the door and toward me with a smile. “Your friend said to give you this because he thinks it’ll be the perfect flower for your wedding.”

  She lays a bunch of blue forget-me-nots on the table. Of all the flowers, he chose this one. What are the odds? An ache settles in my chest as I touch the soft, blue petals. I’m not sure I can forget Ellis, no matter how much I try.

  Today, I finally got the call. Yes, the call. The goat has finally produced something for me. When I shoot a text to Poppi and tell her I’m on my way out to the farm, she offers to come along. I should be excited, but for some reason I’m not. Those flowers really were haunted. And now I am. Haunted by Ellis. He’s creeping around my mind, with his abs and forget-me-nots, and honestly, it’s starting to scare me.

  “Thanks for coming,” I tell Poppi when she picks me up at my house. Yes, I asked her to drive.

  Her blue Subaru is better than my big ol’ work van, but the real reason I wanted her to drive is I’m working on exorcising Ellis. The van and the trellis will only make me think of him more.

  “Lola says you all went out last night.” She plugs in the address to the farm into her GPS and turns on the radio.

  “Yeah, Henry wanted to set up his friend, Ellis, with Lola.”

  I can see the skepticism on her face. “Really? How did that work out?”

  I fiddle with the seatbelt. “Well, I’m sure he liked Lola.”

  She stops at a red light and faces me. “Are you disappointed?”

  “No,” I lie. “I saw him a few days ago to pick out flowers.”

  She tucks a long red wave behind her ear. “Kiki, what are you doing? Maybe you’re not ready to get married.”

  I stare out the window, watching the trees pass in a blur. “No, I am. I really am.” I think. Or am I inadvertently running a race for my mom?

  “It all happened so fast. Maybe you and Henry need a longer engagement. Like, what’s the rush?”

  “I’m not really sure.”

  “Do you love him?” She makes a left off the main road and onto a gravel road flanked by open grass. She parks her car near the entrance of the farm. “Like really love him?”

  “Of course, I do.” I think. I’m not so sure anymore.

  We exit the car and walk toward an open metal gate with wood-carved animals on each side.

  “Wow, this is beautiful,” Poppi says as we cross through the gate and into what feels like a different world.

  A mottled gray farmhouse sits quietly on a luxurious green field, dotted with cows and horses, and off to the left is a big red barn. It’s your typical farm everyone has read about growing up in storybooks. I’m more of a city girl, but I can tell Poppi is falling in love with the beauty surrounding us by the minute.

  And now I’m not sure if it’s the farm she loves, or the rugged cowboy headed our way. He steps closer, his eyes twinkling in the soft sunlight dancing through the leaves of the trees.

  “Howdy there.” He smiles, taking off his cowboy hat. “I’m Gavin. You must be here for the ring.”

  “Hi,” Poppi says, “yes we are.”

  “I’m glad Peter was a good boy,” I tell him.

  Gavin laughs. “Yeah, that little bugger took forever to produce that ring.” He holds it out.

  I reach for it, and then retract my hand. The thought of Peter pooping out my ring and what exactly that means never really crossed my mind.

  “Um, we disinfected and sanitized it really well for you.”

  “Uh, thanks.” I stare at the ring and then take it from Gavin’s outstretched hand. I slip it on my finger and gaze at the way the diamond reflects from the sun. My finger feels like it’s choking for air.

  “Want a quick tour?” Gavin asks us.

  “Yes, sure,” Poppi says and then introduces herself and me to him. She whispers to me as we follow him toward a fenced in grassy area, “I think I’m in love.”

  He stops outside a goat pen entrance, and I spot Peter immediately on top of a climbing contraption.

  As I watch Peter bounce around with his adorable friends, I immediately picture Henry. I swear, if Henry were a goat, he’d look like Peter. They’re like twins separated at birth. Is that bad?

  Poppy and Gavin chat about farm things and I rest my arms on the weathered wood, watching the baby goats climb and play. I try to gauge if one looks like anyone else I know—preferably Ellis.

  Gavin and Poppi walk off toward a section with chickens, and he calls for me to join them.

  “I love animals,” Poppi says, dropping a few seeds for some of the smaller chickens.

  “I love animals too,” Gavin says, looking into Poppi’s eyes. “Obviously. Hence the farm.”

  It feels a bit like I’m watching a mating ritual. I’m waiting for him to throw off his hat, lasso and mount her. I’m so close to asking for his number for her, but then I realize things shouldn’t be rushed. So, I hang back, feeding the chickens and glancing at my engagement ring that now feels a bit too heavy for my hand.

  Maybe Poppi is right. Maybe everything is moving all too fast. Maybe Henry and I should wait. I mean, why are we rushing?

  When he asked me, I was so happy. But, I think it was more the thrill of planning the wedding, having the husband, having it all—having my mother’s excitement. Now that I really think about it, everything is moving at supersonic speeds.

  I’m so confused, and I glance over at Gavin and Poppi as they make googly eyes at each other and think back if Henry and I looked at each other like that. Have we? I just don’t know.

  I can’t even remember anything right now.

  It’s that Ellis. He’s gone and messed everything all up. I can’t think straight whenever he’s around. Even when he’s not around.

  I’m haunted.

  I mosey back over to the baby goats. Wonder if Peter has a little girlfriend he wants to marry? Would baby goat weddings ever be a thing?

  I snap a picture of Peter as he shows me his teeth. I swear I think he remembers me.

  Ellis probably would’ve gotten a kick out of coming here today. If I had to guess, I think he likes animals. He was digging Georgia’s wedding. Unlike Henry who thought it was all one big joke.

  “There you are,” Poppi says, walking over to stand next to me. “Gavin asked me to dinner.”

  I raise an eyebrow. “Really?”
<
br />   Poppi glances over her shoulder to make sure we’re alone. “He sounds perfect. He opened this farm with his father and they’ve rescued over a hundred and fifty animals.”

  “That’s incredible.”

  “I was thinking we could somehow team up with their farm and Dog Spaw.” Poppi’s eyes glow with admiration. “I think we could do great things together.”

  I laugh a little. “I’m sure you’d like to do some great things with him.”

  She smiles. “Shut up. That’s not what I meant.” She nudges her elbow into my arm. “But that too.”

  Gavin makes his way back over to us, and before we go, he says, “I’m really sorry about the goat eating your ring, but it was nice meeting the both of you.” He lets go of my hand and shakes Poppi’s. “It was really nice meeting you, Poppi. I’ll call you.”

  She smiles. “I hope you do.”

  We leave Gavin behind, and on the drive home, Poppi says, “As your best friend, there’s a little something I need to get off my chest.”

  I turn to face her. “Ok.”

  “I kind of think you’re moving too fast with Henry. There, I said it. I would regret it, if I didn’t say anything.” She glances over at me. “I just want you to be happy, Kiki. And if you really believe Henry can make you that way, then I’ll back off.”

  I chew on the inside of my mouth. “I think he can.” But, do I? Do I really think Henry can make me happy? Do I make him happy?

  “Just think about it.”

  “I will, promise.”

  Little does she know, that’s all I’ve been thinking about.

  NINE

  Ellis

  Never dine with the enemy…

  “You better be there on time,” I text Urban.

  Realistically, I know I can’t avoid my father the whole time I’m here—even if that's exactly what I planned—so when Urban invited me to dinner with both Dad and Yasmin, I agreed. Every part of me would rather pick lint off the floor of my hotel carpet, but I still dress in the suit I brought along and head out for a dreaded family gathering.

  On the drive to the country club, Urban doesn’t respond, and I’m tempted to cancel.

  Sometimes you have to man up, so I turn the rental I’m driving into the parking lot of the Ocean Reef Club and head toward the valet. As he drives away, I kind of want to chase him down and say never mind. Got to man up, though. Before I enter the building, I send Urban another text.

  “Fancy seeing you here,” a male voice says behind me.

  I pocket my phone and turn to see Henry. “Hey. What are you doing here?”

  “Taking Kiki out to eat,” he says as we step through the glass doors. “We were supposed to meet my parents, but they backed out. What about you?”

  I deflate instantly at the mention of his fiancée. “Same, dinner with my father and brother.”

  The very second I mention my father, he materializes out of thin air, standing next to Henry. “Henry Faniki, it’s been so long.” My father shakes Henry’s hand and his smooth demeanor and ramrod straight back piss me off. I don’t know what it is about the man, but even the way he breathes pisses me off.

  Maybe because I wish he wasn’t.

  Yes, I should be punished for the way I’m thinking right now. And as if by magic, the woman I’d love to do the punishing walks toward us in a tight black dress that shows lots of delectable legs. Her hair is swept back off her neck in a low ponytail, and I stare a second too long at the exposed skin. What would it be like to touch her there? God, she’s stunning.

  “Ellis, hi.” Her brow furrows but she recovers smoothly with a smile. “I don’t believe we’ve met,” she says to my father. “I’m Kiki, Henry’s fiancée.”

  While my father gushes over their marriage, Urban and Yasmin appear.

  “Please have dinner with us,” I hear my father say. Before I can interject about how bad of an idea it is, we’re entering the dining area and tables are being pushed together for the six of us. I should have stayed in my hotel and counted the lint.

  “A bottle of red and a bottle of white for the table,” my father tells the waiter, like he has all the money in the world. He doesn’t.

  And I have no luck. Somehow, I end up seated between Kiki and my brother. It’s ok. I’ll just keep to myself and let my inner monologue entertain me.

  “So, she’s the one?” Urban leans over and whispers in my ear.

  “She’s not the one. But, yes, she’s that one.” The minute I turn away from my brother, Kiki’s leg brushes against mine under the table. My dick twitches from the contact.

  This is too much. I can’t deal with this. Why am I so attracted to her? Why does every little thing she does turn me on? It’s not like I can’t find someone who isn’t fucking off limits.

  “So, tonight’s a special night. My son is back in town, and we’re going to celebrate Henry getting married to this lovely woman beside him,” my father, obviously a tad bit drunk already, says as the waiter returns and fills wine glasses.

  I smile a polite, tight smile and raise my glass. “Glad to be home.”

  Yasmin decides to input her two cents, “We’re so happy you’re here, Ellis.” She assembles her collagen-filled lips into a smile. “Aren’t we, Richard?”

  My father nods, pretending he has the perfect family. I don’t know who he’s trying to impress. Henry? Kiki? The waiters? I’m sure it’s more the other members of the club, but I smile back like I don’t wish I had daggers to throw at him.

  I don’t want to make a scene with Kiki here. A man who throws a temper tantrum in public can’t call himself a man. I can act like an adult here.

  After we order, I reach for my water glass and bump hands with Kiki reaching for the same glass.

  “Your glass is on your right,” she says, leaning toward me a little, letting me get a whiff of her sweet perfume.

  Her scent transports me back to the afternoon I kissed her. “Right, sorry. Haven’t been in a country club in years.” I take a gulp of water. “I prefer something with less etiquette.”

  She smiles. “Yeah. I really only need one fork.”

  Exactly. This isn’t my life. And if I’m being honest, I don’t want it to be.

  Urban likes this lifestyle. He enjoys brunch on Sundays and playing golf. Me, I want more than superficial. I want to enjoy myself when I’m with my family, not put on a show for everyone to see.

  It makes me wonder about Kiki. Is this the life she wants?

  It’s obvious Henry fits right into this lifestyle. I bet he even hangs out at this club on weekends.

  I’m a silent observer as Yasmin makes small talk with Kiki about her business, while I drain my wine.

  “You do dog weddings?” Yasmin asks, lighting up. “I’d love to contact you about that for my babies.”

  Kiki hands over her contact information, and I silently wish her luck with the spoiled balls of fluff Yasmin totes around in a designer bag.

  “Speaking of weddings,” Henry says, “you up for eating some cake tomorrow in my place?” He stares right at me, waiting for my response.

  “No, no, it’s ok,” Kiki says. “I can go with Lola or Poppi.” The ring on her left finger reflects the light from the chandelier overhead and nearly blinds me. I guess she finally got it back from the goat holding it hostage.

  Urban laugh/coughs, and I give him a glare before turning my attention back on Henry. “Sure, I could eat some cake. But only if Kiki wants me to come along.”

  “You’re helping plan the wedding?” my father asks. “Watch yourself,” he directs to Kiki. “You’ll have a champagne disaster if he’s helping you.”

  I think back to his wedding to Yasmin, and how I tried to ruin the whole thing. I almost did, but in the end, they finally went through with it, and were married. But, like I said, not for lack of trying on my part.

  “It was just a few bottles,” I tell my father. “Excuse me.” I need a break from his phony smile. His phony life.

  From his
phony everything. Kiki looks at me with questioning eyes as I stand. If circumstances were different, I’d take her with me. I’d grab her hand and we’d run to the back, and I’d sweep her into my arms.

  She’d blush as I trace my fingers over her cheek. She’d moan as I lean in to kiss her.

  We’d leave from here, never looking back.

  But circumstances aren’t different, so I weave between the tables toward the back of the restaurant in search of somewhere to escape. I find something—a little hidden patio off the back.

  I step outside and breathe in the balmy night air. The ocean is close, I can smell the salty sea, and some of the stress leaves my shoulders.

  “That’s some major tension at that table,” Kiki says, joining me on the patio, overlooking the golf course.

  “My father and I don’t really get along.”

  She smiles. “Really? I hadn’t noticed,” she says with playful sarcasm in her tone. “Why not?”

  I perch on the half wall enclosing the patio. “It’s a long story.”

  She scoots a little closer. God, she’s beautiful with the moonlight dancing across her skin. “I kind of like long stories. I mean, it must be some major emotional baggage to kiss a stranger, just so you don’t have to see him.”

  I stuff my hands in my pockets, so I don’t grab her and kiss her again. “Sorry about that.” But, am I really sorry? Every part of me knows it was so wrong, yet, I don’t regret it.

  Although, I should. And that’s the most fucked up part.

  “I see you got the ring back.” I nod toward her left hand, changing the subject.

  She lifts her hand, staring at the ring on her finger. “Yeah.” Then, she turns to face me. “Is it bad every time I look at it I think about goat poo?”

  I can’t help laughing at her words. “That’s not a good thing.”

  She shrugs. “I know.”

  I gaze into her gorgeous brown eyes, letting the thought of her and Henry marinate for a moment. “What are you doing with a guy like him?” My gut says he just doesn’t seem right for her.

  She steps back, appearing off balance. “What do you mean? I love him.”