Teach Me Your Love

by Rita Hestand

  "We will see."

  He came closer now, making her back up, but he kept coming, staring into her startled face. His hand cupped her chin gently. "You will." He whispered, and he stared into her warm brown eyes for a second. She was a beautiful woman, and he wanted her! That fact shocked him.

  He walked away without another word!

  Chapter Two

  Naomi looked around the wickiup, there was a fire in the center, and a hole in the roof of it, where the smoke escaped. There were blankets everywhere and skins from animals hanging against the walls. Hatchets, axes, knives and a gun hung near the skins. Tools were there too, tools she didn’t recognize. It was well-maintained for an Indian lodge, Naomi realized. If this Red Elk lived here, he was neat and tidy.

  She tried to stand up, but her feet hurt so bad she sat back down.

  She thought about all Red Elk had told her. She liked him, and admitting it was hard.

  She had wondered how he could have such beautiful dark brown hair, that hung just past his shoulders, how his skin was so much lighter than others here. And his eyes a paler brown than most. He was also tall and lean and in very good shape. She had to admit, she'd never seen a better looking Indian. Maybe not a better-looking man.

  Then she thought about her white life. After seven months of slaving for the Comanche she finally had a moment to think of her past again. Not that the last four years had been good ones. They had been filled with challenges she never imagined. She should never have left her home in Missouri.

  Did looking back help? Yes, she could learn from her mistakes. Without her mother, looking back at her mistakes might prevent her from making more of the same. And she had made so very many.

  John married her nearly four years ago. It seemed so long ago. She remembered when she first met him at a dance. He didn't dance. Not that it mattered. She rarely went to dances herself. Meeting someone new at a dance, she was fascinated. His shy but friendly demeanor impressed her. He brought her a cup of punch, and they watched the others dance while they sat on the sidelines. He walked her home and told her he wanted to see her again. She'd been thrilled at the time. She'd never been courted so she looked forward to seeing him once more. For a week he paid court to her, and the last day he reached to peck her on the cheek and asked for her hand in marriage. When she found out he'd already spoken to her parents and they approved she accepted with only slight hesitation. It was certainly a whirlwind courtship. At the time she wished the courtship had gone on a little longer, for her sisters used to tell her, the best part of courting was that the men were so attentive and prone to nice gestures.

  Not one word about his religion came up that week.

  That news came slowly. Much too slowly.

  But Naomi was subjected to life on a Texas farm in the driest part of Texas. It was hot, hard work, tending to stock, helping in the fields and keeping the house. Although John was a clean man, he did little around the house to help except bring in firewood.

  Their wedding night had waited until they arrived on the three-hundred-and-sixty-acre farm. Even that became a disappointment. She thought he would kiss her and ready her for the moment for she was nervous and unsure of herself. But all he did was lift her gown and enter her. And because there were no words of love, no soft kisses, she wasn't ready. It was very painful for Naomi. He rolled over later and went to sleep without a word.

  Somehow, she expected a little more than that. How could people talk about something that only lasted a few minutes. So, this was a wife duty! She could see how it would get to be!

  She wanted to talk about it, but he would not talk.

  Every time was the same.

  Naomi could forgive the sex if he'd just be more attentive to her. He wasn't. He argued that there was too much work to be done around the farm. He intimated that if he had more help, the workload would be easier.

  She thought he was talking about hiring some men for the place.

  Naomi was stunned!

  He went to church, but he never took her with him. She wondered about it, but never objected. That first year hadn't been too bad except that he demanded much work from her. He expected her to keep the house, cook his meals and help him in the fields. He wanted children too, and made no secret of it, even though he only took her once a month. She wondered about that too. Was that normal, she didn't know, she had little to compare it to. She needed someone to talk to. She needed her mother. Since she'd never been married before she wasn't sure about anything. The first year she had listened and been obedient to her husband. She hadn't known any better.

  But oh, what an education she was about to receive. When he came home with his new wives one Sunday and announced it, she nearly fainted.

  The horror of what she'd gotten herself into stared at her.

  She had run into the house crying. How could he do this to her? Wasn't it unlawful to have more than one wife?

  Later after she fixed the evening meal, he approached her again, with intolerance of her little fit.

  "Naomi, it is the way of my people, do not be upset. I didn't tell you I was Mormon because I wanted you to get used to marriage first. In time, you will accept it, and understand. I wasn't going to spring it on you like this, but Helen and Martha's husband died, and I agreed to take them as my wives. It is a practice of our church, you understand."

  But she didn't understand.

  "So, this is the reason you never took me to church?"

  "Partly yes." He answered

  "I don't understand! It isn't legal for a man to have more than one wife." She looked at him strangely that evening as they sat down to supper, as the two young women stood waiting to be seated.

  "I've explained it is my religion."

  "That isn't good enough John. It doesn't change that it's against the law."

  The two women looked uncomfortable now. They were very meek it would seem, both of them older than she by at least five years. They showed no shock at seeing her. They were quiet and unassuming. She couldn't put blame on them, it was him. Him and his lies.

  "It's simple," he nodded for the other two to be seated while he explained. "I’m Mormon, these ladies are widows from our church, I offered to marry them and provide for them, as I do you. It is my duty, this is Helen, and Martha, you will work with them and help them any way you can. It will make it easier on you, you will share the chores and me."

  The way he so casually announced him sharing himself stunned her into a silence. Her heart hammered, not with love, but rebellion. He said it proudly. And everything in that moment changed for her. Everything.

  The growing list of things she did not like about her husband exploded now in her mind. How much more could she take from John? There were rules to everything according to John. He wouldn't take her to town, he wouldn't take her to his church, he wouldn't spend money on her clothing, he didn't approve of her embroidery work. He never smiled, he couldn't dance. She felt like a prisoner and now this… two women standing in her kitchen waiting to be seated, waiting to be accepted by her. How could she accept them, she couldn't even accept him now?

  "I'm sorry for my outburst, please sit-down ladies. It's just such a shock." She tried to explain her temper.

  "Thank you for understanding, Naomi." John nodded for the two to sit.

  Her temper flared for the first time since their marriage. Granted she'd been young when he took her to wed, but no amount of experience prepared her for this sudden intrusion.

  She hadn't been brought up this way. She hadn't known anyone to do such a thing as this. How could she live with it?

  Many things he'd done confused her. She knew he was a devout man, and she had at first been pleased about it, but nothing prepared her for this day.

  It wasn't a question, it was a fact. He was now married to three women. Not lawfully either.

  How could he have lied so long about himself. And the shame it gave her. How could she hold her head up around others?

  She was Christian an
d everything she'd been brought up to believe had her rebelling at her husband.

  She wished she could wipe it out of her mind, but it was there all the time. When a young boy came inside, she turned her head in question again.

  "Oh yes, this is Martha's son, Henry, he'll be part of our family too. He just put the horses and wagon away and brushed the horses down. He is an obedient young man, and very welcome to our new family. Shall we bow our heads and pray."

  She ran from the room, locked herself in her room and cried everyday for a week. It didn't change the reality of it all, but she was emotionally a wreck.

  Women didn't get divorced where she came from, but the thought of it certainly came to mind.

  From that moment on she quit sleeping with him and he made a white slave of her. His resentment of her growing every day. He was never mean or cruel, but the fact that he wanted more wives disturbed her greatly. And he let her know he intended to have many children from all of them, and possibly more wives. The very fact that she had produced no children in a year and that he reminded her of it daily made her sick.

  Naomi could not grasp this. What manner of man would take so many wives? They wouldn’t be a family, they'd be a community. How many would he take? How many would be enough for him?

  John made beds for them and the three of them slept in the same room. Once a week he would take one of them to bed with him in his bed in the other room.

  He would take them, and they would return the following night.

  Naomi never went to his bed again.

  She racked her brain trying to remember what she'd heard of this religion. She'd heard her father talk of them, that they were run out of some states for their beliefs. When her father had said it, she was young and felt it was unfair, but now she understood why.

  Appalled at the news, Naomi felt bereft. Why hadn't he told her parents about his religion? Why hadn't he told her in the year that they had been married? He hadn't confided anything. Must a marriage be filled with lies and deceptions?

  She realized how ill prepared she was for this marriage, but it was too late.

  Naturally, she had wondered why he didn't want her to go to church with him, but she never imagined this! She thought perhaps he might be Catholic and didn't want to tell her. Now she wished he had of been.

  She had learned to get along with the two other women, but she didn't speak of their marriage. They did help out a lot and the workload was easier with them there. But the fact that it did not disturb them to both sleep with her husband made Naomi angry inside. That anger festered.

  Unable to accept this life, she was miserable and sought some source of escape.

  Was she selfish? Yes, she was. She believed in only one wife, one husband.

  How could religious people do this? She didn't know enough about Mormons to understand it. What she knew about them was second hand.

  Henry was a well-behaved child and her husband favored him greatly. But John had wanted children. She hadn't given him any. Was having more wives the answer to him having children. She began to see it.

  She talked to the women as much as she could, trying to understand their ways and beliefs, but for the life of her, there was no understanding. It was wrong! And the worst part was, they didn't see it.

  One day Martha saw how lost she looked and tried to explain to her. "You'll get used to it. It's really not so bad. You only have to endure the taking every now and then, and the workload is much easier."

  "How can you share him?" she asked.

  "We are Mormon, it is the way of our people. We can see he did not tell you of his religion, and obviously you are not Mormon, or you would understand. For that I am sorry… It was wrong of him to keep it a secret, but I cannot say this to him. As he is the master of his household. And I will obey."

  Obey and endure the taking? That was a good word for it. Taking, not giving. But was his taking and love the same? Oh, how she wished her mother were here to help her understand. Her father would never have understood. He would have simply shot John dead.

  "Please understand me, I do not dislike you, either of you, but I'm not Mormon. And I'm not sure I can live like this. The fact that he wants many wives, I cannot sleep with him again."

  "Oh dear, I am sorry. We meant you no harm, but it is our custom when someone becomes a widow, one of the elders of the church is to take us as wives. John offered to take us as soon as our husband passed. Since his death was only a few days ago and since he'd asked me fist, then Helen. We've known him ever since he moved to Texas. We agreed, of course, as it is our custom. We liked being together as our first husband married us both. You will see in time that it is good. The work is easier, and the sharing… well, it is only a duty, as I see it, not a pleasure. Having relations with one's husband is for one purpose."

  "To have children," she repeated what John had said to her many times. Was that all he wanted in his life, children? Were women just a pawn, a means to attain that goal. Yes, they were.

  "You were married to the same man before, John?"

  "Yes, there were five of us. William was a good provider, a very strong man. But even he couldn't survive a gun wound. John offered to take the two of us."

  "A gun wound, you mean someone killed your husband?"

  "Yes, he was a neighbor, he found out William was Mormon and had five wives and hated him enough to shoot him dead."

  "I am sorry. So, tell me of the purpose?"

  "To have children, naturally, as God intended. That is the only reason to have relations. Didn't your mother tell you that?"

  "No, I'm afraid she believed differently." But she didn't see. "Was the neighbor arrested for killing your husband?"

  "He was taken into custody, but when they found out why he killed him, they let him go. Most don't accept our ways. That's all it takes when people find out our religion. They hate us. Perhaps that is why John did not choose to tell you about our religion."

  "I'm sorry. I wish you no harm… But what I can't understand, is why he married me in the first place."

  Naomi gasped. At least she wasn't the only one to find their religion hard to deal with. Although she would never agree to having more than one wife or husband, she meant these people no harm. The women were very nice women. Both were rather pretty in a plain way. Both worked hard, and they seemed to appreciate John for what he'd done.

  How could they believe this was right?

  How could anyone?

  So, John's 'taking' was not a pleasure, or even self-satisfaction, it was to have a child and nothing more. He'd told her that, but she wasn't sure she believed him. She felt ill with this news. All her conceptions of marriage were in an upheaval. Their intimacy was only for a child. But when she thought of it, there was no intimacy. How could they strengthen their relationship if there was no consideration for the wife? How could these women function so easily without love?

  There was no way out, these women went along with this so-called religion and she could not make them see her way of thinking. She was a prisoner here. She was the minority.

  She thought herself a free thinker, that people had the right to choose the kinds of life they led. But she didn’t choose this life.

  That in itself was a telltale sign this marriage would never work for her.

  If relations were a duty, was love even a part of her marriage? For not once had Helen or Martha mentioned love. And wasn't love the reason to marry in the first place? Had she gone insane, did everyone else have no feelings but her?

  Having relations with a husband was a duty? It astounded Naomi as her mother and father loved each other dearly. Naomi felt out of place suddenly. They were Mormon. Despite the fact that she was the first wife, she wasn't of their religion, and she didn't share their beliefs. She would never share them.

  If John had really loved her, he would have told her about it and let her choose whether she would marry him or not.

  She looked at Martha, a handsome woman of about thirty. She had blo
nde hair and blue eyes just like John. The woman had no understanding other than the Mormon ways.

  Helen too had blonde hair, a little darker than Martha's, and blue eyes. Had they intermarried so often that they often looked alike? That horrified her.

  "I'm not sure I'll ever see things your way. I've heard the Indians have more than one wife, but I knew of no white man having more… We call them savages because of this."

  "It is our belief, a way of taking care of widows and orphans."

  Naomi thought about this a moment. "I suppose in a way, that's very noble. But, why couldn't he be honest with me, in the beginning. It is unforgivable how he kept this secret from me for a year! He should have told my parents when he asked for my hand in marriage."

  "You'll have to ask him that, dear."

  "I will not sleep with him again. I will not have his children."

  "But child, your life will be so lonely."

  "So be it. I am not Mormon. And I will not convert. He deceived me. If he truly is religious, he should know better."

  "It is your choice of course, but your life will be filled with misery if you don't conform. I'm sure he didn't mean to deceive, but rather protect you until you could learn to understand. You are young yet, in time you'll understand. He is a good man. We know everyone does not share our beliefs, we accept that. But can you not accept us?"

  And did Martha know him so well? Obviously better than she did!

  A year with the man and she still didn't know him! How could she have been so blind? He bought her no wedding ring, no decent clothes, everything she did or wanted was a sin! She should have realized this wasn't normal, long ago!

  "I should leave him… "

  "Where would you go? What would you do?" Martha asked saddened that she could not accept the ways.

  "I don't know, maybe make a new life."

  Naomi came from Christian parents, and he'd told them he was Christian. But he didn’t inform them either that he was Mormon. If he had, she would never have married him, her parents would have forbidden it.

  One day she approached John. "I hesitate to talk of this, John, but I want to go home. Could you buy me a stage ticket, so I can visit my parents? As you well know, they are old now and I'd like to see them again."