Teach Me Your Love

by Rita Hestand

  "Exactly!" Naomi burst out, then slapped a hand over her mouth for saying it.

  "Naomi, I tell you this because I want you to understand. When I was still young, I met a white whore at Fort Defiance once. She was older, and very pretty. I was perhaps sixteen or more. She taught me how to kiss, and to make love. I thought I loved her until I realized she too was just a whore, with experience. It was enlightening to be with her as she knew so much. She said she seldom got to make love, but sex was an everyday thing for her. I will always remember her kindly. But Naomi, marriage is for making love, you are right to seek it."

  He stared at her curiously now. Then a slow burning smile played on his lips.

  "What happened to her?"

  "She died of a disease."

  "Oh, I'm sorry."

  "I wasn't in love with her either. I was a kid, but like I said, I was grateful for the lessons in love."

  "Have you ever loved before?"

  He stared at her now, "No… "

  He's so handsome! My heart flutters when he smiles like that!

  "Are some women better than others?" she asked.

  Red Elk studied her face for a moment, then smiled, "Yes… " Then he added with a sexy smile, "And some men are too."

  "Oh," she was flushing now.

  "Did you find it pleasurable with John?" he asked out of the blue.

  "Should we be talking about this?"

  "I don't see why not. We are married now, we can talk of anything, I would think."

  Her mouth opened but she couldn't find the words, she merely shook her head. A few minutes later she blurted, "Isn't that shameful? You see, John thought sex even with his wife was sinful." she finally found her voice. "He couldn't separate his religion from out relationship. He was one of those that simply got on and got off. And since I found no pleasure in it, I was glad it was only once a month, and quite brief."

  "There is nothing sinful between a wife and her husband. And it should be very pleasurable. For it is a gift from God himself. He would not have made it so, otherwise. It is the taking of two bodies to make one."

  She felt so lost in this conversation. "Well, I can tell you this, there was no making one. Perhaps in a good marriage. John believed the only reason to have relations was to seek a child. But you said Painted Dove enjoyed it."

  "She thought herself a great lover, but in reality, she offered little for a man. Painted Dove is very pretty, but she thinks of herself that way too, she is very conceited and thinks a man should be proud to be with her."

  She went silent then murmured. "John prayed before taking me every time. He never looked at me, I mean, that way, he never wanted to. It made me feel ugly…. He just lifted my gown, took me and rolled over and went to sleep. I thought there would be more between a husband and wife. Even a simple kiss might have been welcome. There was nothing pleasurable about it. I guess what really bothered me, what I felt was wrong between us was that we never came together in love. We were never one as the bible talks about. I felt cold and stiff when he touched me. It was not pleasurable as you say. The first time hurt badly. But I got over it. I began to dread it, after that, but it wasn't as painful. But I suppose I was lucky in some ways. I've heard many women say they dread it. That it's a duty. His other two wives thought of it as a duty. I had hoped at first that there might be more, but there wasn't. Never."

  "Lucky?"

  "He wasn't a drunk."

  Red Elk stared startled. "He didn't want to feast his eyes upon you, admire you, pleasure you?"

  "No."

  "By all that's holy, he took you only for a child? He didn't kiss you and make you ready for him?"

  "Ready?" she turned her head in question.

  "To make love one must indulge the senses first, kissing, looking, loving… even talking sweet talk a little."

  "No there was none of that… once a month… regular as clockwork he'd get on and off."

  "That's the reason!" Red Elk announced loudly. Throwing his hands in the air, he made a fist.

  "And when I met you, I thought all men must be the same."

  "Oh, I have failed you miserably."

  "What are you talking about?" she frowned.

  He shook his head. "God sanctions a marriage Naomi. When a man and a woman come together it should be because they want to express their feelings, to share each other in love. To be one as God intended. Having sex is not the same as becoming one with each other."

  She couldn't believe an Indian was telling her this. Deep down in her heart she believed it too, but she could not tell him this, could she? But she wondered what pleasures a person could derive from the getting on and getting off.

  True, looking at Red Elk was pleasurable. He was so handsome. But could a man and woman come together and enjoy it? She'd probably never know.

  "You too wanted only a son." She reminded him.

  He hit the side of the floor. "I did say that, didn't I?"

  "Yes, I thought you very clear on the matter."

  He slammed his hand to his forehead, "Like John, oh my. I have misled you."

  "I understand, you want a son. You were honest. You said this woman taught you to kiss. Hadn't you seen others of the tribe kissing?"

  "No, it is something new to our tribe, but many do it now. Before I kissed a slave and she told others and kissed others and it was like a disease, everyone was doing it." He chuckled.

  "Your tribe didn't kiss?"

  "No."

  She smiled. "Well, that makes me feel a little better, knowing there always things to be learned."

  "Did you find it pleasurable?" she asked.

  "Yes, did you like my kiss…?"

  She cleared her throat…"You kiss very well… I must confess, it wasn't like any I'd ever had before. "

  "Thank you," he smiled. "I'm glad you enjoyed it, so did I?"

  "You did?"

  "I don't know if you know it or not, but your lips were not still, Sweet One."

  His endearment shocked her. Her face colored she could feel the flush. "They weren't."

  "No… and I enjoyed it, more than I can tell you." His eyes sought hers now.

  She stared breathless. "You did?"

  "I did."

  Silently she wondered what kind of husband he would be. Sex had been secondary in her life. John wanted children too, and part of him taking two more wives was to conceive a child. Perhaps Red Elk would be like John, just get on and get off. Would it be so bad to let him?

  Or would she be so disappointed because she found him so attractive. Strangely she found her hands wanted to touch him, her eyes wanted to look at him, and her heart wanted to feel something. She wanted to break the coldness inside her and find the warmth.

  God, had she just thought that? She was changing, getting comfortable here. And she knew her feelings for Red Elk had grown.

  She thought about John, he was a thin, tall man with a strange wholesomeness about him. He had blonde hair, and blue eyes and had he dressed better maybe she would have thought him attractive. He wore pants, suspenders and a shirt, every day of his life. His hair was cut like a bowl had been placed upon his head.

  John never smiled. She couldn't remember him smiling about anything. And Red Elk smiled all the time. She liked the smiling. She liked his music, and she liked the talking between them.

  Relations hadn't been something she sought. Although John had been gentle with her, he hadn't been loving. He rarely kissed her, rarely touched her. His religion had been first, his work second, and his attention to her last. She had learned to respect John, but there was something very cold about their marriage, something missing.

  She remembered the kiss she shared with Red Elk, it had been so very different. It had stirred her, almost like awakening her to something she had only dreamed about in private. It made her curious as to whether there could be something more between a man and a woman. She hadn't allowed herself to think about the kiss, as it sent a strange sensation through her to think on it. A pleas
urable sensation. John had taught her that pleasure was not of the flesh. It was sinful to think so.

  She had to forget John and the word sinful. He was no longer a part of her life.

  She had to quit thinking about him. Quit using him as a guide or shield. John knew nothing of love, and neither did she!

  His words messed up her thinking, her dreams, her hopes. Before she met John, she had dreams of marrying the man she loved and living happily ever after. But that hadn't happened. It was nothing more than hard work and little enjoyment.

  All the women she knew grunted about their sex life, thinking it a chore. Even she, if she were honest thought so.

  But that kiss from Red Elk made her flounder, wondering if there was something more to love than a man taking a woman, and wanting a child.

  She had rebuked Red Elk from the start because he wanted nothing more than a child. It brought back her relationship with John, as that's what he sought too. She didn't want the same kind of relationship again. She sought a solution to marriage that could make her happy.

  Chapter Eight

  The next day Red Elk prepared to leave-= early. He put on his white clothes to go, and she watched him as he came up to her as she was fixing his breakfast and he tucked his shirt into his pants. Except for his hair he looked like any other cowboy.

  She smiled. "I really ought to cut your hair."

  "Why?" he asked.

  "So, you'd look whiter." She smiled.

  "Maybe later." He smiled. "My long hair offends you?"

  "No! Not at all. Actually, I kind of like it."

  She saw his grin.

  He ate breakfast with Naomi and was about to go when suddenly he turned to her.

  "Want me to bring you back anything?"

  "No, nothing, but thanks for asking." She smiled at him.

  "You do not ask much for a woman."

  "I'm not used to having much." She answered.

  "I make money from all those soldiers, some is pay, some from gambling with them, you can have whatever I can afford, just ask."

  She opened her mouth but didn't say anything.

  He came up to her and bent his head to kiss her on the cheek. It was a slow, tender kiss, as though testing her reactions. Oddly it wasn't like the ones John gave her on the cheek. It was more moving, more intense somehow. She couldn’t explain it. There was a big difference and she couldn't find the words to describe how it felt, although she enjoyed it. Red Elk was an extremely good kisser, she decided. The white whore taught him well. And oddly enough she wondered what else the woman had taught him.

  She lost breath, her cheeks pinked.

  "I'll be late getting back." He told her when he raised his head and looked into her eyes.

  She nodded, shocked.

  As he was heading out, he heard her murmured, "Be careful."

  "Always, it is a good day to be alive," he smiled at her.

  She watched him ride away. "Yes, it is," she murmured.

  Something inside her sighed a little heavily. She knew she would miss him. For she knew she sought his companionship too. She was surprised how much she enjoyed talking to him. She'd never had so many conversations with a man, and she liked it. He certainly wasn't the dumb Indian she'd pegged him as, in the beginning. He could talk about almost anything.

  She liked her new husband. To be fair, she decided that day to quit comparing him to John in everything he did. It wasn't fair. They were two entirely different men. But she did wonder if he compared her to Painted Dove. Not that she'd been intimate with her new husband, but he was always positive when he was around her, always saying nice things. That was something Naomi certainly wasn't used to. Yet she found it strangely uplifting to be sweet talked by her husband.

  She often wondered if God sanctioned the coming together in the marriage bed. She didn't feel her marriage to John had been sanctioned in any way. Could her marriage to Red Elk be more than what she'd experienced?

  Today she would visit Chosen One, perhaps she could enlighten her more about her new husband.

  "I'm so glad you came, I was thinking of you. I'm making some baskets for my niece and you can help, you can take one home to Red Elk."

  "That would be wonderful." She told her, Naomi's excitement bubbled over. Having a good friend to talk to would improve her disposition too.

  Chosen One showed her the material she worked with, how to make a design in the basket and how it was to be woven. Naomi laughed, for her first basket was crooked and didn't come out right but Chosen One was very patient with her and showed her how to keep it straight and tight. Naomi tried to make another and did much better.

  When they were done, Naomi compared her work to Chosen One. "I think I need some practice. But I'm going to give this to Red Elk, so he'll know I'm trying."

  "That is good. I imagine he will love it."

  "It is not beautiful like yours." Naomi told her.

  "Perhaps, but you are learning, and Red Elk is a man that appreciates that. He will treasure it."

  As they were putting up the supplies Naomi sat down with her to talk.

  "So, how do you like it here in our village?" Chosen One asked curiously.

  "It's very peaceful, I only wish I knew more words in your language, so I could talk to the women more. I want them to know I like them and would enjoy getting to know more of them. But even what Red Elk has taught me has been difficult for me. Perhaps I can gradually learn to say a few words to people, greeting them so they know I like them."

  "Some of them know a few English words. Try to talk to them, if they understand they will let you know."

  "Oh, alright, I will."

  "I will teach you our words, but they are difficult, you come by every chance you get, and I will teach you a word each time. It might take a week to learn one word, but you have lots of time, before long you will be able to say Good Morning, thank you my friend, and many more things."

  "Oh, you don't know how I'd appreciate it. Even back in Texas, I enjoyed talking to strangers and getting to know them. Learning about new things, new ideas, new ways to do things, is fun for me. I found it strange that everywhere I went, it was so different. Of course, I'll admit, I didn't try to learn much in the Comanche camp except how to tan hides and I watched them make the baskets, they never let me try. It was hard work there."

  "It is important to communicate with others you live around. But I have found the Comanche hard to get along with. They are not usually a happy tribe. They think more along the lines of war, and power than happiness. So now tell me, how do you like being married to Red Elk?"

  Naomi studied the ground a moment before speaking. She didn't want to say the wrong things to his friends. "He's a good man. We are companions."

  "I see…" Chosen One stared, but there were questions in that stare. "You do not have relations with him?"

  Naomi glanced at her, "No…. but please, don't tell anyone, as he wants the tribe to think we do. We need time to get to know each other. We are strangers. He wants a child from me and I'm not sure I can give it."

  "Why are you not sure?"

  "I tried to with John the first year we were married. It never happened. Of course, since we only had relations once a month, there were only twelve chances of me getting pregnant. I have heard when someone wants a baby they must try more often."

  "You only had relations once a month?" Chosen One looked astounded.

  "Yes, do you have relations more often?"

  "Of course, almost every night. Forgive me for being so bold to say so, but I want to be in Big Hands arms every night. I want to make love with him. He is an excellent lover. I have loved him forever too. Even as a young girl. I would seek him out. At the time I was an annoyance, but he soon got used to me."

  "So, you've loved him a long time, then?"

  "Yes, and Red Elk too. Red Elk would help me flirt with Big Hand, he knew how I felt about him."

  "So, the three of you grew up together."

  "Yes."

>   "Did Red Elk have a lot of girlfriends when he was younger?"

  "No, he was a breed and the girls would stay away from him, except the ones like Painted Dove."

  "I can't imagine that. He's so handsome," Naomi blurted before thinking.

  Chosen One smiled at her, "Yes, he is."

  Naomi knew she was out of her depth talking about romance and love. She'd never had much of it. For being a lover was not something she knew much about. "Oh! I did not realize." Naomi blushed. "I admit I was glad it was only once a month with John."

  Chosen One lifted a brow at this news.

  "I think the man is just as responsible as the woman if there is no child. And I don't mean to pry, but did you not want to be in his arms?"

  Naomi blushed, hung her head and shrugged, "At first, yes. But I was never in his arms. He did not make love to me."

  "No?"

  "We had relations yes, but I cannot say I wanted to be in his arms. John had relations for one purpose?"

  "Which was?"

  "A child. Chosen One, our relationship or lack of was not very personal. His only reason for coming to my bed was to conceive a child, nothing more. He would pull my gown up enough to fit himself inside me, do what he wanted, and get off. There was nothing else. He didn't talk, he didn't kiss me, he just took and got off. We did not make love. At least I hope that was not what others call making love. When he was through, he would roll over and go to sleep without a word. I just didn't look forward to that much."

  Chosen One's brows met, "He did not make love to you—ever?"

  "I'm not an expert on this subject, but we didn't make love, as far as I know ever."

  "You had relations, but not love?"

  "That's about the size of it, yes. And truly I don't think he was too pleased with me as a woman, as I did not have a child. In the white world the woman is always blamed for not having a child, like in the bible it says she is barren. And if I am, then I am no use to Red Elk and he should find another. For he wants the same as John, a child."

  "You seem a bit troubled about it."