One of These Days (Prairie Town Book 4)

by T. E. Ridener

  “There’s so much I want to tell you,” he admitted. His voice became rough and deep, and she liked it.

  “Then tell me,” she replied breathlessly. Rolling onto her back, she met his gaze. It didn’t matter that he’d smoked her stash—the one Benji referred to as ‘emergencies only’. What mattered was the way he was looking at her.

  His gaze wasn’t that of a man staring at his next meal, but a man who felt things...something real.

  She was grateful to be on the bed already, because her knees would have surely given out on her.

  “I want to tell you, but I’m scared.” Dipping his head, he kissed the corner of her mouth and she whined in protest. She wanted his lips on hers so badly it almost hurt—since when did that become a thing?

  “You don’t have to be scared of me, Jeb.”

  “I’m not scared of you. Never...” His voice drifted off as he lifted his head, his eyes wandering across her face as the corners of his lips turned upward. “I’m scared of what will happen if I say things to you.”

  “Things?” Her heartbeat thundered in her ears as his fingertips brushed across her thigh. Gods, she needed him to touch her. She needed him to do anything and everything to her, all at once.

  “Yeah, things,” he repeated. Shifting to lie comfortably beside her, his hand stilled against her stomach and for a moment, she feared he wouldn’t say anything else. That was her luck though, wasn’t it? To be this close to such a glorious moment and have it ripped away by none other than cannabis.

  She seriously had a love/hate thing going on with marijuana right now.

  But much to her delight, he found his focus again and leaned in until his lips were against her ear, his voice ever so soft. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in love, until now.”

  Oh, gods.

  He was in love with her?

  That should have been the moment the angelic choir began singing in her mind; a memory she’d forever hold close to her heart as she rejoiced in the fact she’d finally snagged a keeper. But in the place of that joy, she could only feel guilt as she began thinking about her past.

  Plus, there was the whole Agnes-slowly-driving-her-insane thing.

  I’m no better than that stupid Mia girl.

  But that wasn’t true, right? Mia had done terrible things. She’d hurt him and his family. Having a dark past tainted with mistakes was totally different from being a psychotic bitch with kidnapping tendencies...right?

  “Say something, Ags,” he whispered, snaking his hand up to cup the side of her face. “Anything.”

  “Anything?” Her voice cracked, thick with emotion. Her throat began to ache as guilt bubbled in her stomach, burning like acid. She never imagined she’d feel nauseous over a guy professing his love for her.

  “Yeah, anything. Is this...do you feel the same way?”

  Tears blurred her vision and she tried her best not to break down. It would be the worst thing to do, and she definitely didn’t want him to feel like she was rejecting him.

  If anybody deserved to be rejected at the moment, it was she.

  ‘Yes’ was on the tip of her tongue. It wanted to spill over her lips and straight onto his, but something held her back.

  What?

  Why?

  How could she possibly deny herself this happiness that she’d wanted for so long?

  I really don’t deserve him.

  It was an inner battle she’d never intended to fight. Gran had told her, over and over again, that she was worth loving, but what if she was wrong?

  “Aggie, please.” The mattress groaned beneath his weight as he shifted, sitting on his knees and gazing at her with worry in his eyes. He was nervous, and she understood.

  She was nervous, too.

  And scared.

  And angry with herself.

  Covering her face with her hands, it became impossible to control her quivering lips. Even her chin trembled as the tears began to fall.

  She was so unworthy of his love. Yes, she was unworthy of anybody’s love, but especially his.

  “No. Why are you crying?” His tone became strained with panic as he gently gripped her arms and pulled her to his chest. Embracing her tightly, she felt the roughness of his beard as he buried his face against her neck. “Why are you crying, Aggie? Did I say something wrong? I’m so sorry...”

  “You didn’t,” she promised, voice breaking. “Gods, Jeb. You could never say anything wrong, it’s just...well...”

  “Tell me. Please.”

  “I don’t know how to.”

  And that was the truth. Where, exactly, would she begin? All the way back at the very beginning? That was too painful and she feared it might trigger something. But she also knew she couldn’t talk about the middle part of her story either. Even though it involved meeting Gran and the gang, it also risked exposing who she had been and what she had done before cleaning up her act.

  “Try?”

  Oh, she wanted to. He really had no idea how badly she wished she could cut that wound open and let it heal properly, but she was too afraid to think of the consequence—especially now that he was a factor.

  I don’t want to lose him.

  Again, she was being dumb. Somewhere in that messed up head of hers, she knew she was being a foolish child about everything, but it was difficult to be so open and honest about her life when she’d worked so hard to put it all behind her.

  That girl from the dysfunctional family wasn’t her anymore, and hadn’t been in a very long time. Jeb didn’t need to meet her, and he was better off not knowing about her existence.

  “Aggie.”

  “I want to—I really do. I just can’t do it,” she confessed, rolling away from him. Tears slid down the side of her face and threatened to drop into her ear, but she quickly wiped them away. Sniffling quietly, she closed her eyes and willed the ache in her chest to go away. “I’m sorry.”

  “What have you got to be sorry for?”

  His question made her snort in amusement, but it wasn’t really all that funny. No, she reacted like that because she was purely disgusted with herself and she was ashamed.

  Why was it so fucking hard to just let him in?

  If he really was in love with her, he could accept every imperfect piece, right?

  He’s only in love with me because he doesn’t know about those pieces.

  She was only fooling herself, she knew this, but it was hard to believe that any man could possibly accept her. And even if such a man did—like Jeb—what would happen when he discovered everything going on in her head?

  Crazy didn’t bring all the boys to the yard.

  It took a good five minutes to calm down, and then another five minutes for her mind to stop reeling. In instances such as this, her brain became a chaotic place and she had to fight to find her way back.

  Sucking in a deep breath, she glanced at her Jareth poster, as if he’d somehow give her strength, and then rolled back over to face Jeb.

  He was fast asleep.

  It figured.

  Smiling faintly, her fingers found his hair and ran through the soft strands slowly. What she wouldn’t give to spend an eternity gazing at his face, admiring the beauty of the creature known as Jebson Ray McIntosh. He held her heart and he didn’t even know it.

  Or maybe he did.

  “I want to be with you,” she whispered, resting her forehead against his. “You are wonderful and the greatest human being on this planet. I’d give anything to be yours, Jeb. But,”—she swallowed the lump in her throat—“There’s just too much about me that would ruin it, and you deserve better than that. I’m not the housewife type. Hell, I’m not really any sort of type. I don’t know what I am.”

  His soft breathing, so steady and relaxed, gave her the courage she needed to keep going. Maybe there was a place in his dreams where he would hear her and understand.

  Maybe.

  “I do love you, Jeb. I’m so deeply in love with you and it scares the shit out of me, but.
..it could never work, not truly. There are things about me that I’m ashamed of; parts of who I’ve been that I hate so much. I don’t ever want you to see who I used to be...what I used to do. The truth is, Jeb, I did things I’m not proud of. At the time, they seemed to be my only option and that’s probably true, but I also know they’re things that would break your heart and I can’t live with that. I refuse to see that pain in your eyes because of me and my sins.”

  Pressing a kiss against his open mouth, she released a shaky breath. “I do love you. Don’t ever doubt that, please.”

  Quietly and carefully, she slipped off the bed and tiptoed out of the room.

  There had been so many instances in which she’d wanted to run away, and had done so, multiple times.

  But none of those instances compared to this.

  Chapter 11

  Jeb

  It was the sound of his phone ringing that finally pulled him into the land of the living, and God, he regretted it.

  He wasn’t sure why he thought drinking and smoking weed went hand-in-hand, but he wished he could go back and undo it. His head hated him for it at the moment, and for some reason, his eyes would not quit burning.

  Taking a few seconds to work out his surroundings, he shot up like a rocket when he realized he was in Aggie’s room, on her bed, and she wasn’t anywhere to be found.

  She’d been there at some point, right? He remembered...well, sort of. To be honest, he was lucky he’d made it through the night without killing himself.

  His phone, which he still hadn’t located, stopped ringing for all of three seconds before it began ringing again. It was Lydia’s ringtone—he really needed to answer it. She didn’t call back-to-back unless it was important, and his mind immediately went to his father.

  “Aw, shit.”

  Carefully placing his feet on the floor, he stood from the bed and prayed to God he wouldn’t fall. Then again, he probably deserved it. Though he was only getting bits and pieces of what had happened during his little ‘trip’, he definitely remembered seeing Aggie with tears in her eyes, and that caused him great grief.

  What had he done to make her cry?

  Finally, after an eternity of searching—at least it seemed that way—he located his phone on her vanity. Grabbing it, he glanced at his reflection briefly and made a face.

  Jesus Christ, he looked like death warmed over.

  No more drinking and smoking at the same time for me, he thought, sliding his thumb over the call button.

  “Hey, Lyds,” he said, his voice rougher than nails. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “What’s up?”

  “Jebson!” Uh oh. That tone was never good. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been trying to call you for hours.”

  “You...have?” Rubbing at the back of his neck, he glanced towards the large window and frowned. It sure did look awfully dark out there.

  “Yes, I have,” she replied. It was obvious she was speaking through clenched teeth, and again, that was never good. “Damn it, Jeb. I was worried sick! Are you okay?”

  “I’m fine, Lyds. I must’ve fallen asleep,”—it wasn’t a lie—“I’m sorry.”

  She sighed heavily and he could just imagine what she was doing at the moment; probably pacing back and forth and shaking her head, wondering where their parents had gone wrong with his up-bringing.

  “It’s fine, Jebby. I just...it’s been a really long day and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed.”

  Protective brother-mode kicked in as he exited Aggie’s room and made his way down the stairs. “What’s wrong, sis?”

  “What isn’t wrong?” She asked.

  He could hear the tears in her voice and it made him feel like shit for having not been conscious to answer the phone until now. What kind of brother was he?

  “She died, Jeb.”

  “What?”

  “Shannon—she passed away this morning.”

  He was stunned into silence. That definitely had not been part of the plan.

  “I thought she had more time?”

  “We did, too, but we were wrong. Byron...he found her in her bed, and she was already gone.”

  “Damn.”

  That had to be the worst thing a kid—no, anyone—could ever see in their lifetime. He hated the thought of losing one of his parents, but to discover their body like that? He’d be scarred for life.

  “Callum’s freaking out, and I don’t know what to do. He never freaks out.”

  Unless he’s really buzzed and watching Nightbreed, he thought.

  But now was not the time nor the place to be cracking jokes. All he wanted was to be there for his sister and his best friend, but how could he do that when they were so far away?

  “Do you need me to come to you?” He asked. Standing in the center of the living room, he switched ears and glanced towards the dark kitchen. Where the hell was Ags?

  “No. I mean, yes, it would be nice, but this is something Callum and I have to deal with. I guess I just really wanted to talk to you, Jebby.”

  “You can talk to me anytime, sis. You know that,” he said softly, smiling to himself. “But it really ain’t no problem if you want me to drive down there. I can get Aggie to come with me.”

  “That’s really nice, but it’s not necessary. It just means we’ll have to stay in Kentucky for a little longer, get things sorted out.”

  “I understand.”

  “Thanks, Jebby. Speaking of Aggie—I tried to call her a few times, too. She never answered. Is she asleep?”

  For whatever reason, dread stabbed his chest and his body tensed up.

  “She isn’t answering?”

  “No. Can you go check on her for me? I know it sounds dumb, but I worry about her, too. She’s like a sister to me.”

  He wasn’t sure it would be a good idea to inform Lydia that Aggie definitely wasn’t in her room, and the last thing he wanted to do was give her something else to worry about.

  “I think she’s in the tub,” he lied, immediately hating himself for it. “Want me to have her give you a call when she gets out?”

  “Yes, please. I’d like that very much.”

  “All right. I’ll have her call as soon as she’s done doing whatever you girls do in the tub.”

  “Jebson!”

  “I didn’t mean it like that,” he replied, forcing a laugh.

  Remain calm. Pretend everything’s cool.

  “Sure, you didn’t,” she said, laughing. At least he could get a chuckle out of her—that had to be a good thing, right? “Okay then. I’m going to go check on Callum and see if he needs me to do anything before we send Byron to bed. The poor kid is beside himself in grief.”

  “I bet he is. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this, Lyds.”

  “I’m sorry, too.”

  “Call me if you need me, okay?”

  “I will, Jebby. I’ll keep my phone with me so I don’t miss Aggie’s call.”

  He winced. “Sounds good. Bye, sis.”

  “Bye, Jeb.”

  As soon as the call ended, he released a slew of profanities his mother would have smacked his mouth for. He couldn’t help it though, because he was worried about Aggie’s whereabouts—and worse, what would happen if Lydia found out, once again, he was responsible for chasing her off.

  “Shit,” he muttered, wiping his hand down the length of his face. “Double shit.”

  Where did he even begin? What if she didn’t want to be found?

  I won’t let that be an option, he decided. It’s my fault she left.

  The image of her crying was still fresh on his mind as he hurried back to his room and put on some clean clothes. He pondered what could have happened during those hours in which he was on cloud nine; what did he do to cause those tears?

  I have to make it right.

  She meant the world to him and probably didn’t even know it. He had to find her and make sure she was okay—that she wasn’t upset with him. Having her upset with him would be worse t
han, well, anything else that could possibly happen to him.

  Dialing her number as he exited the house, he lifted it to his ear and listened as it rang.

  “Come on, Ags. Pick up,” he pleaded softly, jumping off the next-to-last step. He instantly regretted it as his toe began throbbing. “Please pick up.”

  What if he had said something awful to make her leave? What if his dumb-ass self had pushed her away for good?

  “Hi, this is Ags! Leave a message and I’ll call you back.”

  “Damn it.” As much as he enjoyed hearing her voice, he didn’t enjoy hearing her voice mail when he needed to talk to her so urgently.

  Voicemails were the work of the devil.

  He called her again when he made it to his truck, and again it went to voicemail.

  “Lydia is going to kill me,” he said aloud, groaning. “I’m an idiot.”

  Just then, his phone started ringing in his hand and he nearly dropped. Glancing at the caller ID, he couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed when Aggie’s number didn’t show up.

  It was Benji.

  “Hey, man,” he said, releasing a small sigh. How dumb it was to get startled by a phone, of all things. But he couldn’t necessarily help it at the moment; he was all out of sorts over that girl.

  “Hey, Jeb. Did I catch you at a bad time?”

  “No, not really.” Well, kind of.

  “You sound a little off tonight. Everything okay?”

  “Mostly.” And that wasn’t a lie.

  “Mostly?” Benji chuckled. “Well, uh, I don’t want to keep you if you’re doing something else. I was just calling to check on you. Aggie said you finished a whole bag of my stuff on your own.”

  His heart skipped a beat. “You’ve talked to her today?”

  “Well, I’d hope so. She was over here a few hours ago. Her and Laney went grocery shopping together.”

  He tried to imagine what was going through his friend’s mind when he paused and his stomach twisted into knots. Was Aggie avoiding him now? Did Laney know why she was upset with him?

  “Jeb? You still there?”

  “Yeah. I’m still here.” Resting his forehead against the window of the driver’s side door, he closed his eyes and tried to convince himself it wasn’t as bad as he thought. Maybe he hadn’t said anything dumb to make her cry; maybe it was all in his head. That happened more often than not.