Ryder

by L. A. Casey

  “You know what I mean,” I angrily stated. “You’re quiet around your brothers, and you never voice a problem if we have one. You wait till we’re alone to go all cave man on me.”

  “I’m a private person,” Ryder shrugged, not allowing his eyes to stray from mine. “Anything between us will always be private so if I have to cuss your sexy ass out, or spank it and kiss it better, it will all be in private. I’m a patient person, you can piss me off all day and I’ll smile and nod… until we’re alone, then your ass is mine.”

  I shuddered. “I don’t doubt you.”

  “Good, never doubt me.”

  I frowned. “I never have.”

  “I’m sorry about tonight, okay? I regretted what I said the instant it was out of my mouth. I knew it, and so did my brothers. It was Dominic who told me to go and kiss your ass until you forgave me and took me back, you know?”

  The brother I physically whacked?

  I blinked. “Dominic? Really?”

  Ryder nodded. “You impressed him tonight, and not many people do that often.”

  That pleased me because I wanted Ryder’s brothers to accept me, but I didn’t want him to know that so I shrugged it off like it meant nothing to me.

  “I impressed ‘im by punchin’ ‘im in the face?”

  Ryder grinned. “Yes.”

  “You’re all so weird.”

  “Trust me,” Ryder chuckled. “I know.”

  I thought about my sister and said, “She’ll really be okay?”

  Ryder nodded. “He’ll tuck her into bed and they’ll go to sleep, I’d put my life on it. Dominic would never hurt a woman. He’d never hurt anyone unless he had no choice. He isn’t a bad person, Branna, he just has to do bad things.”

  Has to? That wording worried me.

  “Tell me what you mean about him,” I pressed. “So he likes me sister, big deal, millions of people like other people and—”

  “She is the first person he has ever taken a liking to.” Ryder cut me off.

  I blinked. “How can that be possible? He is gorgeous. Surely out of all the girls throwin’ themselves at ‘im one would have ignited these feelin’s within ‘im.”

  Ryder shook his head. “Dominic is focused, and he believes women are a… distraction. To a point, he is right. He fights, and he cannot afford a distraction when he fights, so he distances himself from women until he… needs one.”

  Disgust must have shown on my face, because Ryder sighed and rubbed his face with both hands.

  “He has sex with women, lots of women, and don’t let his age fool you. He has fucked women older than you.”

  I swallowed. “That’s disgustin’, he is only a baby!”

  “It is what it is,” said Ryder with a shrug of his shoulders. “When he wants to have sex, he finds a willing woman, and he has sex, but that’s the extent of things.”

  “So what’s his deal with me sister then?” I questioned. “She isn’t willin’. She doesn’t even like ‘im so I know she won’t have sex with ‘im.”

  Ryder snapped his fingers at me. “That’s exactly it. He took an instant attraction to her, and she instantly shut him down. That’s never happened before. I don’t mean to sound conceited, but me and my brothers, it’s never been a task to hook up with someone we set our sights on.”

  I grunted. “Yeah, you’re all genetically blessed, I get it.”

  Ryder’s lips quirked. “You think we’re genetically blessed?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You’re all gorgeous, and you all bloody well know it.”

  Ryder had the decency to slightly blush. “Yeah, well, genetics didn’t help Dominic with your sister.”

  I shrugged. “From what she has told me, he is an arsehole. Why would she want to hook up with an arsehole?”

  “You’d be surprised how many women dig the asshole vibe, most think they can be the ones to finally straighten out the bad boy.”

  I frowned. “That’s not me or Bronagh. If you’re an arsehole, then that’s it. No matter how good lookin’ you are, nothin’ will shine brighter than your dickhead personality.”

  “It’s why Dominic is struggling with Bronagh. He is demanding by nature, so when he orders her about, or his hard on her, she comes out swinging and he has no fucking clue how to deal with a female like that. It’s why he screws up so much with her, he just doesn’t know what to do when sex isn’t involved.”

  I frowned. “That’s kind of sad, Ryder.”

  He nodded. “I know it is, but it is…”

  “What it is,” I finished.

  His lips twitched and he took a step towards me. “You don’t think I’m an asshole, do you?”

  My own lips twitched in reply. “The jury is still out on that one.”

  Another step.

  “Branna,” he murmured, his eyes locked on mine.

  I locked my knees together to avoid them buckling from under me and quickly lifted my hand and held is out in front of me. “Stop lookin’ at me like that, we aren’t finished talkin’.”

  His hands went to his belt buckle, and so did my eyes.

  “Aren’t we?” he asked as he popped the buckle.

  The sound sent a shiver up my spine and—No, Branna, be strong!

  I cleared my throat and lifted my eyes back to Ryder and narrowed them. “No, we aren’t.”

  Ryder sighed when he saw I wasn’t backing down. He let go of his now undone belt and placed his hands on his hips. “Okay, talking it is,” he said. “What else do you want to talk about?”

  “You said before that all of Dominic’s behaviour isn’t his fault, you said it was your upbringin’. I want to know what you meant by that.”

  Ryder set his jaw so I pointed my index finger at him. “This isn’t up for debate, I want to know exactly what you meant by that or I’m leavin’.”

  “Don’t threaten me,” Ryder said, his voice low.

  Shit.

  “I’m not threatenin’ you, I’m promisin’ you. Talk or I walk.”

  Ryder stared at me for a long moment, and I knew he was thinking about whether I was worth telling the information that he was purposely trying to keep private. That told me it was a secret, a very important secret.

  “Last chance, Ryder,” I warned. “Talk, or I’m gettin’ me sister and neither you or your brother will have anythin’ to do with us ever again.”

  He curled his lips up in frustration. “I’m trying to think of a way to explain it to you without scaring you.”

  I blinked. “Why would it scare me?”

  “Because,” he began, “my life is a world away from yours. You have no idea the things I’ve done, or that I’m still doing.”

  I took a hesitant step back and it made Ryder grin.

  “Does it scare you to know I’m not straight laced like you think I am?”

  What the hell did that mean?

  My heart began to beat faster as I recalled the many conversations we’ve had about his job. I never got any information when I asked questions about it, Ryder would seduce me and all would be forgotten.

  “You don’t scare me, Ryder,” I replied honestly.

  An emotion flashed across his eyes, and his shoulders sagged, his tough demeanour vanishing.

  “I know, sweetness, and that’s why I want to word what I have to say correctly. You’re very important to me, and I don’t want you to be scared of me. Not ever.”

  I tilted my head to the side. “So ease me into it.”

  He snorted. “This isn’t a conversation you can ease someone into, all of it is… heavy.”

  I sat down on his bed, and patted the empty spot next to me.

  “I’ve got all night.”

  Ryder came to my side and settled down on the bed next to me. He reached over and took my hands in his. “Before I say anything, please know that I don’t want to do what I do, I just have no choice.”

  I didn’t like the sound of that, but I nodded in understanding.

  “Back in New York, my brother
s and I, we were raised on a compound run by gangsters.”

  I was waiting for a laugh, or a ‘gotcha’ to follow that bizarre statement, but nothing followed.

  I blinked. “Wow.”

  Ryder gauged my reaction for some indication of what I was thinking, but I knew he would draw a blank because I didn’t even know what I was thinking.

  “My father was one of those gangsters,” he continued. “And he was co-boss along with a friend of his called Marco Miles. Both of them built up their empire from scratch, and by the time I was twenty they had a hand in everything from prostitution to drugs and weapons. You wouldn’t think it, but it was a very secure business they had going as nearly all law enforcement was on their payroll. The Feds were the only ones not under their thumbs, and when there were a few runs in with honest cops, a payoff to the chief of the NYPD cleared that up quickly. It was a surprisingly safe environment to grow up in, but it was in no way normal. A prime example would be for the twins’ thirteenth birthday me and my brothers gifted them escorts because we felt bad about them having to jerk off all the time.”

  I felt my mouth fall open, and Ryder winced.

  “I know, and honestly, it’s as bad as it sounds, but that was the norm for us. Girls, girls and more girls. Guns, drugs, violence, verbal abuse… it was all we ever knew because we were exposed to it twenty-four-seven.”

  I blinked. “You’ve done drugs?”

  Ryder didn’t look proud of it, but he nodded. “Yeah, I’ve dabbled in a lot of different ones… probably any major one you can think of, but I never hit up enough to form an addiction. I only did it once in a while at parties or some shit like that. I gave it up after a while and was a hard ass about it with all of my brothers to make sure they never touched the stuff, and they didn’t. Thank God.”

  I knew the relief he felt, because for years I prayed that I raised Bronagh right so she would know never to touch drugs, and I was blessed that she was a good kid who steered cleared of that mess.

  “While I was using, I was very careful about what I consumed, that natural paranoia was instilled in me from an early age. I was aware of everything around me, and I noticed everything… it’s why Marco picked me for my job after my parents… died.”

  I knew his parents died, I just didn’t know how, it was something Ryder was also mute about. I didn’t want to pry because I knew from personal experience how that felt.

  “You don’t have to talk about them if you don’t want to.”

  “I do, it’s just hard talking about all of this shit.” Ryder rubbed his face with his hand. “Right, okay. There’s no casual way to say this, but they were murdered by Marco.”

  I stared at Ryder again, not being able to believe what he was saying was truth, but I saw in his eyes that he wasn’t joking. A family fucking friend murdered his parents! I couldn’t begin to imagine what that must have been like to go through.

  “Oh, my God!” I gasped and instantly reached out and pressed my hand on his arm. “I’m so sorry, sweetheart.”

  Ryder looked at my hand then back up to me. “It’s okay, don’t feel sorry for me… my parents—let’s just say they weren’t like yours.”

  I furrowed my brows in confusion and it caused him to sigh.

  “My mother cared more about materialistic things than she did her sons’, and my father’s only interest in us was when it was to talk about us joining the ‘family business’.”

  I shook my head in shock. “I am so sorry, I can’t imagine what that must have been like for you and your brothers’.”

  Ryder shrugged seemingly like it was no big deal. “We leaned on one another when things got tough,” he explained. “It’s why we’re so close, Branna. We aren’t a normal family, we would die for one another without hesitation.”

  I blinked. “I’d die for Bronagh without hesitation so I’d say it’s normal.”

  Ryder’s lips quirked. “Not many people feel that strongly about their siblings, but mine are all I have and I’d do anything to protect them. Any. Thing.”

  I understood that.

  I nodded. “I would, too.”

  “Keep that in mind for what I have to say next, okay?”

  Oh, shit.

  “Okay,” I said warily.

  “I never thought I’d have to explain this to someone,” he murmured before training his gaze on me. “My parents were murdered by Marco for crossing him. They got greedy and wanted more money than they already had, so they double-crossed their business partner and friend. Understand that in our life, loyalty is everything. Every. Thing. In the compound, we were a family, and you never betray your family. If you weren’t loyal, you were nothing.”

  It seemed a little over the top, but I didn’t live his life, so I nodded in understanding.

  “When they died, it wasn’t like me and my brothers didn’t feel anything.” He admitted, rubbing his fingertips over his knuckles. “No matter how they treated us, they were still our parents’. That being said, we accepted their death pretty easily considering what they did, and I know that sounds inhumane, but it was what it was. Damien though, he took their death hard. He always held out hope that they would both change and become affectionate towards us. It’s my fault he is so soft hearted, I coddled him and Dominic too much to make up for what our parent’s never showed I guess.”

  I couldn’t imagine what it was like to yearn for affection from your parents, but that was probably because I freely basked in it from mine.

  I frowned as sadness hit me. “Poor Damien.”

  Poor all of them.

  Ryder kept his face expressionless as he nodded. “He had a cute girlfriend at the time called Nala, her dad was involved in the business too, but she was like the twins. She hated what he did, but accepted it because she had no other choice. Marco’s nephews, Trent and Carter, were kind of close to the twins because they were the only ones around the compound in the same age bracket. Dominic and Carter never took great interest in Nala, but Trent did.”

  “What happened to Carter and Trent’s father?” I asked, wondering why their uncle seemed to be the one in that position.

  “I don’t know, I don’t even know if they have the same father, I just remember Marco always being the dad figure for them since they were babies. Marco’s little sister was their mother, but she died from a drug overdose shortly after Carter was born so Marco stepped up and raised them.”

  I whistled. “That’s pretty admirable.”

  Ryder humourlessly chortled. “Not when you come to realise Marco raised those boys to be exactly like himself. They were evil little bastards, and I argued with my brothers to stay away from them, but the twins got bored easily and Trent and Carter provided a distraction to that boredom.”

  Ryder sounded like he instantly became the parental figure to his youngest brothers, like I did with Bronagh when our parents died.

  “How old were the twins when your parents’ died?” I quizzed.

  “It happened a couple of weeks after their fourteenth birthday.”

  I gasped. “Oh, my God!”

  Ryder nodded. “I know, it was shitty timing.”

  Very shitty.

  “Don’t get me wrong.” I stressed.” I’m glad you’re here and that I’ve met you, but if you’re so loyal to your compound family, then why are you here in Ireland?”

  Ryder’s eyes averted from mine for a moment. “We’re here on a job. Dominic’s last job, actually.”

  I levelled him with a stare. “Explain.”

  “I’m trying to,” he assured me. “Marco’s nephews have to be explained before we get to why we’re here, they’re directly involved in why. I promise.”

  I nodded, and closed my mouth so he could continue speaking.

  “A very long story short—Trent got a little too close to Nala and my brother called him out on it. My brother was only a kid, but we were raised around the mentality that no other person touches what is ours, and that included chicks. Damien was already on the edge f
rom our parents’ murder, so when Trent moved in on his girl, he snapped.”

  I hugged myself with my arms knowing this story was going to go from bad to worse real fast.

  “I don’t like where this is goin’,” I mumbled.

  Ryder tensed as he continued telling me what happened.

  “Trent snapped, too, and he threw my father’s betrayal in Damien’s face, and he said he deserved what he got. As you can imagine, fighting ensued. Damien can handle himself very well, but Dominic lost it when he saw Trent hit him. As brothers, we’re very close, but naturally Dominic and Damien’s bond is unbreakable, and Dominic beat the shit out of Trent for laying a hand on him. The beating prompted Trent to pull out a gun he stole from his uncle, and he trained it on Damien.”

  I gasped so Ryder reached over, took my hands back in his and stroked his thumb over my knuckles, which instantly relaxed me.

  “Nala came to Damien’s rescue, she jumped on Trent’s back and knocked the gun from his hand. Damien picked up the gun and pointed it at Trent when he had already pushed Nala away. My brother ignored Dominic’s pleas for him to put the gun down, he focused on Trent and when that little prick brought our father back up, Damien didn’t hesitate. He shot him.”

  My eyes almost popped out of my head.

  “Damien shot someone?” I asked, my shock evident.

  “Yes,” Ryder said as he watched my face as if trying to grasp what I was thinking.

  I knew, again, he wouldn’t be able to guess what was going through my mind, because I still had no idea what to think. The information he just fed to me seemed too impossible to be real. I knew Damien, and he was sweet, caring, and his only bad trait was his womanising. He never ever came across as the kind of person who could shoot another human being.

  “What happened then?” I hesitantly asked.

  Ryder cringed. “A lot of bad shit.”

  “I’m listenin’.”

  “You’re so persistent,” he mumbled.

  I shrugged. “If I’m goin’ to be with you, I need to know all of this. I can’t be with you and be blind to your history.”

  Ryder gave me one sharp nod before he said, “Trent died.”