I Only Have Eyes For You

by Khardine Gray

  Jake was still laughing and now struggled to catch his breath.

  Hiroshi had to be the only CEO who got treated like this. Like he was a child, a deviant child.

  “Ah jaakuna majo,” he yelled into the phone.

  He was in hell. He had to be. It was the only way he could explain everything.

  “You know Bernie will come up in here and strike you down if she heard you call her an evil witch. A God-fearing woman like that. Really Rosh?” Jake continued to laugh and shook his head.

  Hiroshi looked at Jake. “How did you know that’s what I said?”

  “Oh please, we’ve only been friends for what? Six years? That and the fact that I work for a Japanese company and I travel to Japan a couple times a year. Rosh I’m practically native man.” Jake held his palms out and shook his head questioningly. He then leaned his head to the side and gave Hiroshi a thoughtful look. “What’s with you? You haven’t been yourself since we left Japan. For the last two days, you’ve been Mr. Grumpy meets Mr. Silence.”

  Only two days. Was that really how long it had been? It felt like forever since he’d last seen Savannah.

  The memory of waking up and finding she’d left him still depressed and hurt him to no end. It left him feeling lost and aimless because he thought they were okay. He thought they were more than just okay after the night they’d spent together.

  But, clearly, they weren’t.

  Now he didn’t know what to do. What to think, and what to do. One thing was certain, she didn’t trust him.

  She didn’t trust him, and he didn’t know how to get her to. Or if he should even try.

  Every time he considered just calling it all a day, he thought of how he felt about her and it drove him crazy. It put him in this mood he couldn’t shake off, and he honestly didn’t know what the hell to do.

  “I’m fine,” he decided to say.

  “Really?” Jake didn’t bother to hide the sarcasm in his tone.

  “Yes.”

  “Did something happen between you and Savannah?”

  Yes, but he couldn’t exactly talk to Jake about that.

  “Did you see Jade at the fundraiser on Saturday?” It was better to talk about that.

  Jake bolted upright and glowered at him. “What? You mean in Japan? Rosh, she went to Japan?”

  He nodded. He’d guessed that Jake hadn’t seen her because he would have said something.

  “What happened? Oh wait, I take it you had a run in with her.”

  “It was more like Savannah that had a run in with her.”

  “Really.” Jake looked intrigued. “What else happened?”

  Hiroshi sighed not wanting to talk, but decided he needed to get the worry off his chest.

  “Savannah doesn’t trust me, Jake.” Saying that outside of his head hurt more than thinking it.

  “Did she say that?”

  “She didn’t have to. It’s understandable.”

  “Rosh, have you given her any reason not to trust you?” Jake looked concerned.

  “Jade.” The answer was simple. Savannah hadn’t distrusted him until Jade turned up. Chances were Jade could turn up again, too, despite his warning, but he couldn’t worry about that now. If that day came, he’d deal with her.

  “Jade what?” Jake bit the inside of his lip.

  “Jade made it sound like we’d arranged to meet in Washington. Then she kissed me in front of everyone and Savannah saw.” He leaned onto his desk as distress overwhelmed him. This was exactly what he’d feared, except that he thought he’d managed to fix it by telling her how he felt about her.

  “Where was I when all this happened?” Jake looked astonished.

  “Doing the chicken dance.” Hiroshi couldn’t even joke. This whole situation was getting to him.

  “Oh no. But, you did set Savannah straight, right?”

  “Yes. But she didn’t believe me. I didn’t even get to say goodbye to her.” He’d just about built up the courage to leave the flower for her, and even then he didn’t know if that was the right thing to do. When he saw Jake’s tentative expression, it worried him even more. “I should call her?”

  The only reason why he hadn’t called before was that he didn’t think he could handle hearing her say that their night spent together was a mistake and that she didn’t want to see him anymore. That would just crush him.

  But, maybe calling her was best. Then they could clear the air, and he wouldn’t have to wait for all of nearly two weeks to speak to her. Last week had been bad enough. But then they were in a different place in their relationship.

  “No.” Jake shook his head. “Maybe just use this time to give her some space, and time to think.”

  That did not sound good. As he knew, when people had time and space to think they could end up thinking all kinds of things.

  “Savannah tends to get confused when she has to deal with anything serious,” Jake offered. “She got like that just before she quit working at the newspaper. I know it’s not the same thing, but time to think can be a good thing for her.”

  “Yeah.” Defeat slumped his shoulders.

  Maybe…time would be good for him, too. He’d been obsessed with her for months and hadn’t been able to think straight.

  Right now he had a lot to sort out with the company, and even more so with the training center. Maybe he needed to go back into his no distractions way of thinking.

  So much for getting a life.

  * * *

  When Savannah’s phone rang, and she saw it was her mother, she considered not answering. She was in the middle of writing her Kyoto article, and in the writing zone where the words poured out of her head. She tended to write her best pieces when she was emotional. Happy or sad.

  Her little phone rang out, stopped and started to buzz again against the notepad it rested on. She should answer it since she hadn’t spoken to her mother in a few days. It would be mean to make her worry unnecessarily.

  “Hey, Mom.” She tried to put on her best chirpy voice and spun around in her chair as she pushed away from the desk.

  She caught a glimpse of herself in the wardrobe mirror and scowled at her disheveled appearance. Her hair looked awful, even in her fail-safe high bun, it looked like something ragged she’d just plunked on top of her head.

  And her face, that was another story entirely. Now she saw what she looked like with bags under her eyes.

  “Sweetheart. I hope I haven’t caught you in the middle of something.” Her mother’s good-natured warmth surprisingly eased her.

  “No, I’m good to talk. I’m sorry I didn’t get to the phone quick enough when you first called.” Her voice quivered a bit there, so she pulled in a breath to clear her head and calm herself.

  “That’s okay. I understand you must be busy.”

  Busy? For the last few days she tried to be busy, but mostly her mind wandered to Hiroshi, and every time it did her heart ached.

  He’d been gone for a week now, and the fact that she hadn’t heard from him confirmed that they were over. She’d thought to contact him but didn’t think saying, “Sorry I left you after an amazing night of passion,” would quite cut it.

  She’d acted like it was some kind of one-night stand, where neither party expected to hear from the other ever again. Not that she would know.

  “I’m just writing my article. It’s on Kyoto.” Better to talk about work. At least that was one thing she had going for her. Brian was thrilled with her, and the subscribers were still pouring in, gearing up for the next issue. All good stuff if she ever hoped to have a chance of being hired on a full contract.

  “Sounds great, sweetie, Kyoto is full of culture and history. But…you don’t sound too happy.”

  “Oh, I’m fine,” she lied.

  “I’m your mother, Savannah, and I tend to know when you aren’t happy.”

  Savannah didn’t know what to say to that. It instantly made her think about how unhappy and depressed she’d been at the Bay. No one seemed to not
ice then, and she was like that for years.

  “Maybe I’m tired.” That was true since she hadn’t slept properly since she spent the night with Hiroshi.

  “No, your tired voice sounds different to this.”

  She took a moment to marvel at that and was impressed her mother could tell the difference.

  “Also the voice you use when your hiding something.”

  There was something amidst here.

  “You think I’m hiding something?” She rested her hand on the edge of the chair and swiveled back to face the desk.

  “Well, to hide something it would have to be hidden. If it’s no longer hidden, then there’s nothing to hide,” her mother replied with a slight chuckle.

  The only thing Savannah got from that was the revelation of where Jake truly got his quirky ways from. It wasn’t just from their father; it was their mother, too.

  “Mom. I don’t know what you’re saying.”

  She laughed and drew in a breath. “A little bird told me about a possible date you might have had with a friend of the bird’s.”

  Oh no. She knew about her date with Hiroshi. So, this was probably going to be a lecture, or some warning for her to not mess things up for Jake because he’d worked so hard to get to where he was and was doing well for himself.

  “The bird shouldn’t have told you anything.” She was certain Jake meant no harm in doing so, but she still wished he hadn’t said anything.

  “Why not?” Her mother sounded surprised.

  “Because it was just one date, and please don’t worry I’m sure there won’t be anymore, so you don’t have to worry about me ruining things for Jake. I doubt that a little thing like a date will affect any future promotions,” she ranted, unleashing all her stress and allowing her deepest thoughts to pour out.

  “Savannah, this has nothing to do with Jake.” There was a hint of anguish in her voice.

  “Isn’t he the bird, Mom?” she exhaled sharply.

  “Yes. But I don’t understand what you’re saying.”

  Okay, she’d make it clearer. “You don’t have to worry that I’ll do something to affect Jake’s progression, in any way.”

  “Why would you think that?”

  “Mom, you and Dad think I’m this…. You think I’m a loser. It would tend to make sense for me to worry that you’ll think I’ll mess things up for your non-loser child by dating his boss. Also, Hiroshi is the kind of guy you would most likely hate. He drives those cars you can’t stand, and he’s covered in tattoos.” She’d discovered two more tattoos that you could only see if he was naked. There was one high up on his thigh and another right near his groin.

  A long, awkward silence filled the space between them. It was so long that Savannah thought her mother had hung up. It wouldn’t have surprised her if she had. She’d never spoken to her like that before, and never in that tone either.

  “You aren’t a loser,” her mother eventually said. “I can’t believe you could think that we consider you as such.”

  “Mom, when I chose to do journalism you lectured me for weeks and tried to get me to study law. When I picked UCLA, you tried to get me to go to Brown, even when I told you about my specific reasons for choosing them.” They had a really good campus paper and connections with National Geographic magazine. “Then when I quit the Bay News, you and Dad believed I had no ambition in life. Mom, you can’t blame me for thinking how I do, because that’s how you’ve acted. I’ve worked so hard, and it’s not like I haven’t worked for some big names, but you’ve made me feel like a complete outcast.” Tears spilled down her cheeks.

  The silence came again and then she heard her mother pull in a breath before she said, “I’m so sorry, sweetie. I…really and truly am. Please, don’t cry.”

  Savannah wiped her cheeks, but more tears came. She couldn’t stop them. She was crying for everything, and she was mentally exhausted.

  Her mother sighed. “You are completely right. We did treat you like an outcast.”

  What? Was she actually admitting something here? Her mother, Judge Susan Cavenaugh—the all-knowing and wise Supreme Court Judge—was actually admitting and agreeing with her daughter.

  Savannah had to stand up for this.

  “I guess our desire for the best for you came out the completely wrong way. We felt that you’d do better by pursuing law because it was more promising. You’d never need money or have to go through most of the hardship your father and I had. We had it so bad at times that we don’t know how we actually got by. I suppose we saw journalism as one of the hardest careers to get into, and we didn’t want you struggling in any way. What we should have done, however, is have more faith in you, and believe that you’d make it because you’re talented.”

  Her breathing stilled, and she wiped her cheeks as she absorbed what her mother had said. She had to wonder if she’d somehow fallen asleep because she couldn’t imagine ever hearing those words in real life.

  “You, think I’m talented?” Her voice shook as she spoke.

  “Of course, your father and I have read your Savannah’s Travels page, and we both absolutely love it. We subscribed,” she chirped. Savannah brought her hand to her chest in surprise.

  Her parents were part of her subscribers? The thought itself gripped her.

  “Your words would make anyone want to book themselves on the next flight there so they can see what you see. Compared to what you used to write for the Bay News, this is a hundred times better. You can feel your passion for the place.” Her mother sighed. “I’m really, really so sorry we made you feel like a loser. Also,” she laughed a little, “I wasn’t surprised to hear you went out with Hiroshi because he couldn’t take his eyes off you that night when you first met.”

  Savannah sat down again and rested onto her elbows, pressing the phone to her ear. That night seemed like eons ago now.

  “It’s a shame there won’t be more dates. Maybe you guys could work out whatever it is that’s preventing that from happening.”

  Savannah closed her eyes and wished for nothing more.

  She wished for him. She wished she wasn’t so conflicted, and there wasn’t so much to consider.

  At the very least she owed Hiroshi an apology, and that was something she had to do in person when he returned to Japan.

  The following week was the longest week of her life, and her stomach was twisted in more knots than a macramé on the day Hiroshi was scheduled to come back. She’d waited for what seemed like forever, not knowing what time he was actually getting back to the house, and she was too anxious to ask anyone.

  The thought crossed her mind to call Jake, but that was a bad idea. She worried he might say or do something ridiculous. Like pass his phone to Hiroshi for her to speak to him. That was definitely a Jake thing to do.

  Instead of socializing with the others she waited in her room all day, thinking it was best for her anxious state. Twice Yumi came by inviting her to come down for food, and then when she didn’t, she came back a third time with a tray full of some of her favorites. There was also a large bar of chocolate which she figured must have come from Sakiko.

  Yumi must have had some idea that things weren’t exactly great with Hiroshi, because both she and Sakiko had been overly nice to her since he left. Their concern had been quite evident. She figured that Sakiko must have felt sorry for her after seeing Jade at the fundraiser.

  Of course, no one knew what had happened after.

  When night approached and there was no sign of him, she became more miserable. She watched eight o’clock come, nine, ten, eleven, and twelve, and still no sign. By then sleep overwhelmed her. Her focus diminished, and it was a battle she could no longer fight. She’d sat on her bed and just seemed to drift out of consciousness without even knowing it.

  It was the sound of a car door slamming shut that made her jump out of the deep slumber that had overtaken her.

  One of the good things about her room was being close to the main entrance. She could alway
s hear when someone arrived. She listened closely and could just about hear some conversation.

  Hiroshi’s voice, she could hear it. He was back.

  She glanced at the clock and saw that it was three am. It was too late, or rather too early to talk.

  What should she do? There was no way she could go back to sleep now knowing he was here. For sure he’d think she was crazy if she went to see him now, no matter how eager she was. She waited for a while wondering what to do. Then it came to her.

  A note. She could write him a note. She could just slip it under his door, and when he woke up, he’d see it. She got off the bed, tore a piece of paper off from her notepad and wrote:

  Please can we talk

  She folded it in half and made her way to his room, being careful not to make a sound. There was a light on in the study, and she could hear shuffling around, then some conversation. She stifled a gasp. It was Mr. Fujita. He was talking on the phone in Japanese. He said something about the signal in his office being bad. The last thing she wanted to do was alert him and have to explain what she was doing sneaking around near Hiroshi’s room at this hour.

  Savannah held her breath and tiptoed up the stairs leading to Hiroshi’s wing. She made it up the stairs with relief, but then froze when she got to Hiroshi’s door.

  What was she thinking? This was a terrible idea. She couldn’t leave him a note. What if he got offended that she left him a note? Also, he’d probably been in for at least fifteen, maybe twenty minutes at most. What if he saw the note being pushed under the door and then opened it and saw her?

  How silly would she look?

  This was too much for her nerves. Her tiredness had thrown her off her game and she wasn’t thinking properly. Maybe she should call her friends. Breana would know what to tell her. She needed to go back to her room and re-strategize.

  She got to the end of the corridor but stopped in her tracks as she heard his door open. Turning around slowly she saw that he’d come out and was standing outside his door, watching her.

  Her heart lifted when she saw him, and all she wanted to do was run over to him and bury herself in his arms forever, but she’d lost that right when she left him last time.