“Ivy…” He didn’t finish, because what could he say to convince her? She was right…they hardly knew each other, and after what she’d been through, expecting her to give up a secure future for him was a big ask.
“And we both know what the situation is between supernaturals and humans. How can I leave the Association and come to you, when tomorrow, your kind might turn against me?”
“They wouldn’t touch you.”
“You can speak for every single one of them, can you?” When he didn’t respond, “We’re both adults, Junaid. We know what the score is. If things ever kick off between supernaturals and humans, it will be even more difficult for us to be together…and if it didn’t work out, I’d be out on my own with not even a dime to my name. At least, this way, there’s no chance of me being left alone and with nothing. Eventually, I will inherit dad’s property, and I’ll be able to look after myself.”
Money had never mattered to Junaid, and now he wished it had. If he’d invested like Blade and the others, he would have owned more than his apartment…the way things were now, he had little to offer Ivy. But he had plenty of money to invest, and all he needed was time… “What if I can ensure a financially secure future for you—”
“I don’t want anything from anyone else. I only want my rightful inheritance. And I want to feel safe…something I will never feel with you. When I was a child, I used to shiver thinking humans might come through the door. I don’t want to be in a situation where I’m scared of supernaturals coming after me. The only way I can be sure I won’t have to face that is if I keep my position within the Association—”
I’ve lost her.
He turned around and slammed his hand on the table, staring down at the wood.
And then the pressure pounded inside his head, warning him that the beast wanted to emerge. No. He didn’t need to remind her of what he was, not when his nature kept him apart. But his lion wouldn’t be subdued, and his voice came out as a deep growl. “You are mine, Ivy.”
“I have made my decision.” Her words came out on a sob. “I’m really sorry, Junaid…you’ve no idea of how I wish things could have been different...that we could have been together…”
When the door handle clicked, indicating she was about to open it and walk out, leaving him forever, something inside him took over. Before he could stop himself, he turned to her. With a shifter’s strength, he took her by the shoulder with one hand and pressed her against the wall as he locked the door with the other.
“Junaid,” she whimpered. When he glanced at the hand on her shoulder, her eyes followed. His fingernails were now claws. He should let her go before the image of his beast was imprinted on her mind…but frustration raged inside him, taking his head to a place where he didn’t give a damn anymore.
All he knew was that he wanted this woman before him.
“Ivy…” His voice was dangerously deep. “I need you.”
Her gaze landed on his mouth, and her eyes widened. Fuck, his fangs.
She pressed her hands against his chest, but he didn’t budge. He took both her wrists in his hand and pressed them above her, and with the other, he took her waist and brought her against him. Madness overtook him as he kissed her, careful not to hurt her with his fangs. And when he trailed his tongue along her bottom lip, she arched against him, a small murmur leaving her mouth. He bit her bottom lip with a fang, soft, and she gasped. “Junaid…”
And then she kissed him with a hunger that matched his own. When he felt her soft lips moving against his, his lion took over. He should let her go. She was right; with that organization, at least she would be safe. But damn it, he just couldn’t. He had to be with her.
He clawed at her blouse buttons with one hand as he pulled her skirt up with the other. Her fingers went to his shirt, her own behavior almost animal-like as she pulled at the material until the buttons were forced open. And then her hands were all over his bare skin, moving down toward his trouser waistband to open his fly.
Keeping one hand on her breast he moved the other to between her legs. When he trailed a claw along the inside of her thigh, she whimpered against his mouth. She enjoyed his touch, even when the beast was with him…
The knowledge made him bolder, and he dragged his claw higher, using it to slice through her panties. At the tearing sound, she moaned, loud. “Junaid…”
He shifted his lips from her mouth and took them down to her exposed breast. Keeping one hand on her other breast, he sucked her nipple before scraping it with his fang. She enjoyed that, too, her hands going to his head and pressing him tighter against her breast. He lifted his face to glance into her hooded eyes as he edged his knee between her legs, pressing them apart. When he placed the tip of his cock against her entrance, her lips parted in anticipation, back arching. He pressed into her, filling her. As he pulled out and pushed back in, hard, she gasped.
Both his hands were on her breasts as he shoved into her. Her head fell back against the wall as her fingers went inside his shirt to grip his bare shoulders. Her nails bit into him, and she cried out with each thrust, her hips rocking as she demanded more. “Junaid. Harder.”
This wasn’t enough for him, either. He took his arms around her, bracing her so he could thrust up into her, deep and strong, the pleasure overwhelming. Her breasts pressed against his bare chest, her nipples hardening into tight peaks that only increased his need. Fuck. He could never get enough of her.
As he pumped into her, going as deep as he could, his control snapped.
Loud growls left his mouth as he shoved into her, frantic. Her nails scratched across the back of his shoulders as she cried out, driving his beast wild. Her inner muscles tightened around his cock, and as she pushed against him, her movements matched his own frantic rhythm. The intensity was unbearable, and tension coiled inside him as he moved inside her with hard strokes. Her breathing was as heavy as his own as she clutched at him.
His beast became frantic with the need for release as the ache intensified into desperation. He now stared into her eyes as he pumped between her legs. Their eyes locked, the deep green pools of hers pulling him in. His fangs were still elongated, but it made no different to her desire for him. She still wanted him, even after seeing his beast, and that knowledge brought fresh surges of heat. As her body quivered against him, nothing mattered but the fact they were together.
Her breath shuddered with each thrust of his cock, and he felt the small spasms rock her body as they pulsed against each other, driving each other toward release. As they both came together, a shout escaped his mouth. Shudders rocked his body as his beast roared with relief. He rested his forehead against the wall, waiting until his claws drew back as his breathing returned to normal. Ivy still had her arms around him and her mouth was on his neck, kissing softly. Once his fangs had retracted, he placed his palm against her cheek. “Ivy. I can’t be without you.”
And what just happened between them proved that despite his nature, they could be together.
She turned her cheek so she could kiss the hand that rested against her face. A tear dropped onto his fingers. “I want to be with you, Junaid, but I can’t. Please understand.”
She couldn’t mean it. After all that had passed between them…what they’d shared…she couldn’t leave him and marry another. But as he stared into her green eyes, full of pain, he realized that this was it. It was over.
And with that realization, he wished he’d never set eyes on her.
Something gripped him inside…something so cold that it sent ice rushing through his veins. He stepped back from her warmth. “In that case, leave. I don’t want to see you again, Ivy.”
“Junaid—”
“No! You do not call me again, and you do not ask me to meet you. I’m fucking done with you. I won’t let you mess around with my head anymore.”
As she rearranged her clothing, her voice trembled. “I didn’t mean for things to end up like this, Junaid. Please believe me.”
“Ju
st leave. I’m done with you treating me like your bit of rough…good enough for you to fuck, but when you want anything more meaningful, you go for someone clean-cut and with money—”
“It’s not about the money. It’s about the security—”
“I don’t want to hear it. I’ve had enough of your bullshit and never want to see you again. Just get out of my life and stay there.”
Her stricken face turned pale, and his lion urged him to comfort her, but he couldn’t cope with this anymore. Since he’d met her, it was as if his emotions had become a tornado, thrown around, squeezed and bashed until he felt as if he could not feel anymore.
She would never leave Michael and come to him, and he wasn’t going to be that idiot who would be there for her whenever she needed him, to comfort her and do the things for her Michael couldn’t.
“You think you’re better off without me, Ivy? Well, I’ve just realized I’m better off without you, too.”
And with that, he turned his back to her and leaned over his desk.
The sound of her sobs came to him again, and as his claws extended, he gripped the table, scratching it and closing off his heart so he wouldn’t be tempted to go to her.
She waited…for him to tell her he didn’t mean what he said? But he’d meant it. Every word.
She opened the door and walked out of his life.
Good bye, Ivy.
He loved her, but he’d have to learn to live without her.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
* * *
IVY STEPPED BEFORE THE LARGE mirror in her bedroom, looking at her reflection through dead eyes. The white dress was a visual reminder of her apparent sin. Of what she had done with Junaid, not once, but many times. But when she was with the shifter, it had felt right. There had been no guilt…only acceptance and bliss. What they shared only became a sin when she returned to this environment.
Was she to spend the rest of her life seeking forgiveness for anything that brought her pleasure?
She forced a smile to her face. She had a part to play, that of a blushing bride. There would be important Association guests at the ceremony, and she couldn’t let people down, not any more than she already had.
She tried smiling again. Yes, the line stretched in the mirror, but it made no difference to the numbness inside her. She didn’t care about anything—she didn’t even care that she was marrying Michael or that she would be sharing his bed tonight, where they would prepare to procreate and bring more children into this fucked up world.
Nothing mattered apart from the fact that she was not with Junaid. With him and that passion gone, life was an empty shell, the way it had always been. The only difference was that she now knew and had nowhere to hide from the misery.
The door opened, and mother entered the bedroom, dressed in a blue silk dress, black jacket and a hat set off with large white roses. She gasped when she saw her. “Dear…you look absolutely beautiful.”
The beautician had done a great job. Ivy’s hair was in a chignon, set off by small white roses, and a bridal veil was arranged over it. She wore that embroidered shrug jacket for modesty over the strapless gown that fit beautifully, its skirt flowing out at her hips and skimming the floor; a little step was all it took for the material to swirl around her heels.
Mother frowned. “Are you all right?” Ivy stretched that line a little wider across her face to reassure the woman before her. “No, dear. A little less, please. That’s going to look terrible in the photos.”
She did as mother directed her. Photos made an impression, and what could be more important than that? She needed to be perfect for Michael, John and the other members. Perfect enough for her own mother to accept her.
Only one person had accepted her as she really was…even loved her for it…Junaid…
Now mother pressed a little metal vial in her hand, her voice low. “You remember what I told you, don’t you, about what you need to do when you lay with Michael?” She glanced around the walls, even though there was nobody in the room with them. “You must pretend to be in pain. As he beds you, keep this vial in your hand and release the hook on it. Blood will pour on the bed. When the sheet is displayed before Association members, you will be absolved of any guilt.”
“Don’t worry. I won’t shame you.”
Mother brought a hand to her face, stroking it. “I know it is difficult, my dear, but you will get used to it.”
“It’s not difficult.”
It wasn’t anymore, now that she felt nothing. Junaid’s love had turned to hatred that day. As he told her he never wanted to see her again, something broke inside her.
Fareeda’s voice came from outside the room. “We need to leave for the hotel.”
“We are coming,” mother called out. She then held Ivy’s face between her palms and leaned in to kiss her on the forehead, but Ivy stepped back, unable to bear contact with her.
“Let’s go,” she whispered as she picked up her white beaded pouch.
Pain flashed across Pearl’s face, but she covered it with a smile almost as fake as Ivy’s own as she fussed around her, holding her skirt from the back to make sure it didn’t trample under her heels as she went down the stairs. It was a strange world where people worried about the cleanliness of clothes over that of their own souls.
At the bottom of the stairs, Fareeda was in a suit that mother had purchased for her, just for the wedding. A lilac two-piece and a hat. Her mouth was open in wonder as Ivy descended the stairs. “Darling…” And now she wiped her tears away with a handkerchief. “You look so dazzling...”
“Thank you, Fareeda. You look beautiful.”
And she did, yet it was as if that subservience was embedded in her, and she carried it around with her, even in this outfit.
At the front of the house, a luxury limo decorated with white roses awaited them, and mother, Fareeda and she got into the back of it. Inside the vehicle, Pearl chatted to Fareeda. Ivy got the feeling that mother didn’t want to talk to her, as if she thought her daughter might crack at any moment and expose her real feelings.
Ivy stared out of the window as the chauffeur drove. Some pedestrians smiled at the decorated car, and a child waved at her. She gave him the same lifeless smile that she’d fixed to her face this morning.
Finally, they reached Phoenix…and now something pricked at her…a hint of emotion as she remembered the last time she came here, and how Junaid and she had been together. Even after she’d seen his beast emerge, it didn’t matter. Nothing had ever mattered in the face of how much he loved her and how she felt about him…
Inside the gate, the hostess waited for them…Shereen, the lady in white who she met at her first visit here. She seemed somber today as she took in Ivy’s appearance. When she held her hand out, it was an unexpected gesture, but Ivy automatically held hers out, too, touching her. A warmth spread through her, and memories came of Junaid…of how he’d held her against him that time in the hotel at Eclipse, when they’d truly been together for one night.
Was that night all they were to have?
Her chest clenched, and she suddenly wanted to cry. She didn’t care who was watching or the fact it would ruin her makeup. She wanted to release the pain stuck inside her. When she pulled back her hand, Shereen frowned. “I’ll take you into the building through a side entrance,” was all she said. “That way, none of the guests will see you before you enter the hall.”
Pearl turned to Fareeda. “I’ll go with Ivy. Could you check with John if any help is needed with anything?”
“Mother,” said Ivy. “Fareeda is here as our guest—”
“It’s all right.” Fareeda spoke quickly, as if worried about causing an altercation. When she smiled at Ivy, her eyes were bright. “The main thing is that I am here for your special day.” And with that, she scuttled away.
The hostess walked ahead of them both. They entered the building through a side entrance and then she led them through a corridor. Ivy’s heart clenched as they passed t
he office where she had been with Junaid a few days ago, and for a moment, she wondered if he was in there. But no, he’d meant it when he said he didn’t want to see her again.
Shereen led them both into a spacious room. Crystals were used to highlight the glass mosaics on its walls, and white wood furniture with soft pink cushions was spread around it. There were comfortable sofas and even a couch where one could lie down. “This is the relaxation room for brides,” she announced. “The ceremony will start in just over an hour, and someone will come to guide you to the main hall. I’ll arrange for snacks and drinks to be sent in.”
“That would be wonderful,” said mother.
The hostess indicated toward a button embedded in a panel on the wall. “If you need anything, press that button and I will be here.”
“Thank you.”
The hostess glanced between them both, her eyes landing on Ivy. “There is still an hour to go.” And with that, she turned and left the room.
Mother was still intent on avoiding talk, because she went to the window and pulled open the blinds. The faint sound of Association blessings spread around the garden outside, declaring its ownership over this area for today. A celling of white roses had been created and under it, in the middle of the garden, was a customized ice creation…a lifelike sculpture of Michael and Ivy. A few guests stood around it now, mouths open in amazement as they took photos. That sight would please John and his son no end.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” asked mother.
“If you say so.”
Mother closed the blinds again and came to sit on the sofa. They both sat in silence until a liveried waiter arrived with refreshments. Savory snacks and miniature cakes plus tea and coffee. He placed everything on the table, and mother gave him a tip before he left. She then glanced at the spread, the enthusiasm in her voice forced. “Doesn’t this look lovely? Everything is so perfect.”
Lion's Heart (Blood Moon Book 4) Page 15
