Waiting for April

by Jaime Loren

  “I guess I’m not hungry after all.”

  “April, don’t—”

  “Goodnight.” She turned and left the room.

  I couldn’t lose her.

  Not like this.

  Not again.

  Catching up to her at the bottom of the staircase, I pulled her back by her elbow and sought her mouth, my entire world crashing against me in the shape of a girl. My heart thundered as our lips met. It had been far too long, but her mouth was just as soft as I remembered. Just as sweet. I knew this was a bad idea, yet I was unable to stop. My body burned, yet sought more heat from hers. This one moment breathed more life into me than I’d experienced in over sixty years. I kissed her softly, my determination fading into longing, and hoped against hope she would feel how much I wanted her to stay.

  How much I needed her to stay.

  After a moment I pulled back to tuck her hair behind her ear. When a tear rolled down her cheek, I wiped it away, my fingers shaking. “Please, don’t leave me.”

  Her eyes locked on my lips as I took her face in my hands and leaned in to kiss her again. But then she whispered, “Lavender,” and everything came to an abrupt halt.

  I froze. My heart skipped a beat, then another. She took a step back.

  Did she … did she remember?

  She placed her fingertips against her lips, her hand trembling. I reached out to touch her cheek but her free hand slapped me hard across the face. I turned away and closed my eyes.

  It was only then that I realized she hadn’t responded to my kiss.

  “I’m so sorry,” I whispered.

  When I heard her door close upstairs, I lowered my head.

  Chapter 4

  (April)

  After closing the bedroom door behind me, I slid down the frame until my bottom hit the floor.

  Holy shit, he was good at that. He was really good.

  My lips were still tingling. My heart was racing. The heat spreading through my body was going to take a long while to subside. Oh God, Rowan! I pulled my knees to my chest and banged my forehead against them repeatedly. What the hell was Scott thinking? Why would he do that? What the hell is going on?

  I stood and paced the room.

  My mother’s words echoed in my ear from the first day I’d met Scott. “Good-looking young man, isn’t he?” she’d said.

  My response had been, “I hadn’t noticed.”

  Blatant lie. Of course I’d noticed. I wasn’t blind. But I was realistic, and it had always been clear to me that Scott didn’t like me in that way. He’d never shown any romantic interest in me. But now … now I didn’t know what to think. I could still feel his lips against mine, and his hands on my cheeks. My body still hummed with burning adrenaline. What scared me most, though, was that I was about to let him lean in and kiss me again. I’d actually wanted him to.

  But then there was the vision of lavender, so real I could smell it.

  It had felt like a memory, but that wasn’t possible. Scott had never kissed me before, let alone made out with me in a field of lavender flowers.

  I closed my eyes, a little delirious, only to jump when my phone vibrated on the bedside table. “Macho Man” rang through the room, and my heart skipped a beat. Rowan.

  I held it for a while before answering. “Hi.”

  “Did I wake you?”

  I ran my hand over the Egyptian cotton cream quilt. Incredibly expensive, no doubt. “No. I was just lying down.” Fighting the ridiculous urge to go back downstairs and see whether Scott would try to kiss me again.

  “Oh. I guess you’ve had a full-on day.”

  I sighed. “Yep. What about you? Did you win the game?”

  “Nailed it, babe. Even hit a home run. I can devote all of my attention to you now.” I could hear the smile in his voice.

  I squeezed my eyes closed, but I couldn’t erase the memory of Scott holding me, those gorgeous blue-green eyes searching mine …

  “April? You there?”

  “I’m here.”

  “I hope you’ve secured us a great spot by the lake.”

  I looked over my shoulder and through the wall of glass that overlooked the expanse of water. “Oh, it’s great all right,” I said, standing to approach it.

  “Just try not to get eaten by mosquitoes, okay?”

  I closed the curtains. “No chance of that.”

  “And say hi to Scott for me. Is he taking good care of my girl? Because if anything happens to you while I’m gone, there’ll be hell to pay.” Rowan laughed, which made me feel worse—if that was possible. I pressed my palm to my forehead. Oh God. Rowan would kill Scott if he knew what’d just happened.

  “I’ll tell him.” If I ever have the courage to look at him again.

  “Babe, are you sure you’re okay? You sound different.”

  “I’m fine.” I took a deep breath.

  “I’m about to hit the hay now,” Rowan said. “I’ll try to squeeze six hours’ sleep in and leave around four-ish. Should be there by around ten, I think. But I’ll be thinking of you while I’m lying in bed, all alone.”

  In bed. Alone. Scott in bed alone. Scott in bed …

  “Red?”

  I shook my head clear. “Yeah, I’m here. Just … get here soon, okay?”

  I needed him to remind me I was taken. To wrap me in his track jacket and reclaim his girl. I closed my eyes and remembered the night, last fall, when he’d filled his backyard with flowers and hooked up a projector. We’d cuddled up and laughed all night, spilling popcorn while watching rom-coms. Not many guys would go to those lengths for their anniversary.

  I dragged my feet back to the bed, furious that Scott had started unraveling my feelings with a simple kiss.

  “Okay. Love you, babe.”

  I rubbed my temple. “Bye,” I whispered, my heart sinking over the fact that after two-and-a-half years I still couldn’t say “I love you” back.

  I hung up and threw my phone on the bed. It was only eight o’clock. I had at least fourteen hours before Rowan arrived. That was fourteen hours I had to avoid Scott. Fourteen hours I had to pull my shit together so I could actually look at Stell.

  The carpet was soft on my bare feet as I got up and walked to the door. What was Scott doing right now? Was he still in the living room? Was he wondering what had come over him, too? Was he wishing he could rinse the taste of me off his lips?

  I pressed my forehead and hand against the door. I couldn’t believe I’d slapped him. I wished I could take that back. And if that was the only time he was ever going to attempt to kiss me, I wished I’d kissed him back—which was something I should not have been thinking. But there was no ignoring what had passed between us tonight. He’d pressed his lips to mine … and I hadn’t hated it. Not one bit. In fact, I wondered what his tongue would feel like.

  Whether he’d moan if I kissed him back.

  Another rush of heat left me breathless, but the guilt hit back with full force, stripping the pleasurable sensation that was building deep inside and replacing it with a curdling shame.

  I was with Rowan.

  Stella was my best friend.

  I shouldn’t want him like this.

  As my body fought against logic, I pushed away from the door, shuffled over to the bed, and crawled under the covers. The next thing I heard was The Beatles “Can’t Buy Me Love” blaring from downstairs.

  Seriously?! He honestly thought this was about him having money? He really thought I was that shallow? Ugh! I pulled the pillow over my head, wishing it would also drown out my thoughts, because I couldn’t shake the memory of his lips. The warmth of his breath. His hands on my cheeks.

  With a ton of jealousy welling up from deep within, I now understood exactly what the girl who’d written that letter had meant about his touch.

  With one kiss, I was now officially one of Scott Parker’s sleepless girls.

  Chapter 5

  (Scott)

  I stood outside April’s room with my forehead pre
ssed against the door and my knuckles poised to knock. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to caress her cheek and feel her breath against my lips. I wanted her to tell me why the word “lavender” fell from her mouth, and what it had meant to her, because I sure as hell knew what it meant to me.

  Our very first kiss.

  But I couldn’t bring myself to knock. I didn’t know what I’d say if she did open her door, and feared I would only make things worse. She had every right to be angry with me. We’d been the best of friends, and I’d kept secrets from her. Many secrets.

  The sound of Rowan’s car was the only thing that lured her from her room the next morning. When I opened the door to greet him and Stella, April breezed past me to run up to Rowan.

  His grin was almost as wide as his arms when he caught her. “There’s my girl!”

  She held him tight, and my heart ached. I forced a smile for Stella and moved forward, meeting her halfway. She pushed herself onto her toes to kiss me on the cheek and wrap her arms around my neck.

  “Hey,” she said.

  “Hey yourself.”

  She drew back and rubbed my arm. “How have you been?”

  I blew the air from my cheeks and shook my head.

  She gave me a melancholy smile. “That good, huh?”

  “I’ve been better.”

  She glanced over her shoulder and lowered her voice. “I take it you haven’t told her yet?”

  I sighed. “Still haven’t found the right time.”

  “Look, I know Rowan’s the jealous type, but April would understand. It’s just a big misunderstanding. If we just tell them my situation, they won’t hold it against you.”

  I peered over Stella’s head to see April and Rowan, his tongue down her throat as he squeezed her backside and lifted her from the ground. What the hell? He could’ve at least waited until they had some privacy!

  “Scott, I know April better than anyone,” Stella continued, and I wanted to laugh. “The longer you leave it, the more pissed she’ll get. Besides, they’re here now. It’s not like they’re going to turn around and go home if we tell them we’re not really together.”

  Oh, yes they would. Rowan would be furious I’d talked him into letting me bring April out here yesterday by herself under the ruse I’d never make a move because I was dating Stella. I often wondered whether Rowan and I would be good friends if it weren’t for April. I could tell by the look in his eye that he considered me the biggest threat to his relationship. It was unsettling how most guys held their girlfriends tighter whenever I was around. It wasn’t like I wanted any of them. Just one.

  And she would be furious I’d kept another secret from her.

  Rowan placed April back on the ground, but she didn’t let go. “Jesus, Parker, I thought we were slumming it in tents,” he said, roughing up his short brown hair. The similarities between the two of us ended with our height and build.

  I bobbed my head. “A change of plans.”

  He laughed and pulled free from April, who shot me a quick look; her cheeks were deep crimson. Rowan picked up his bag and patted me on the shoulder as he walked past. “A welcome one.”

  I walked toward April, who sidestepped to avoid me. I took Stella’s bag from the car, then went inside.

  *****

  She lay motionless, face down in the grass. The sight made my heart ache.

  “April?” I carefully rolled her over. Her face was expressionless. There was no movement as she lay in my arms. Panic rose in my chest, traveling up to my throat to constrict it. “Oh God, please, no.”

  The corner of her mouth turned up, and she laughed. I was filled with a mixture of relief and anger, making my heart skip a few beats. When she opened her eyes, I wasn’t sure which emotion she saw, but she stopped laughing and sat up, bringing our faces closer together.

  Her eyes filled with regret as she placed her palm against my cheek. “I’m sorry.”

  I clenched my jaw, furious. “Don’t ever scare me like that again, do you hear?”

  She shook her head. “I won’t. I promise.”

  Neither of us made a move to let go. Her eyes wandered to my mouth and my anger subsided almost immediately, replaced with an urgent need unfurling deep within. The need to be closer to her. To hold her. To touch her in a way I’d never touched her before.

  A way I’d only dreamed of touching her …

  I swallowed hard. April’s breath quickened, and she leaned forward. A burst of heat rushed through me. With our mouths only an inch apart, and my body burning, I struggled for restraint. Be gentle. Take it slow. Don’t scare her. I nudged her nose with mine and brushed my lips against hers, soft and warm.

  She closed her eyes …

  A whistle caught my attention, a tune I hadn’t heard in a while. I looked up to see Rowan strolling toward me, playing air drums on his way. “Schooooooool’s out … for … spring break!”

  I raised my brow. “Nice.”

  “Thanks. I made it up myself. Do you need a hand?” he asked as I loaded the boat with fishing rods, bait, and nets.

  Today held all the promises of great weather: blue sky, gentle breeze, warm sun.

  “No, it’s all organized.”

  “Okay, great. Well, I’m ready when you are.”

  I stood up straight. “April’s not coming?”

  “Nope.”

  I swallowed my disappointment. She was avoiding me, which was the last thing I wanted, but I could understand why. I also dreaded the thought of being out on the lake alone with Rowan, with no one there to stop me from pushing him overboard.

  “All right then, let’s head out.”

  We spent the rest of the morning on the water, exchanging pleasantries. It was clear Rowan only ever made an effort with me for April’s sake. I wondered how he would react if he knew I was doing the same. He did mention, however, that April wanted to go home early. The sooner the better. He didn’t say why and, considering he hadn’t taken a swing at me, it was safe to assume that last night’s kiss hadn’t been brought out into the open.

  Rowan was reluctant to leave after having only just arrived, and asked if I would step in to talk her out of it. I told him I’d do my best, but wondered how I would even get her to look at me, let alone listen to me.

  When neither of us ended up catching anything worthwhile after a couple of hours, we returned to the cabin. Stella was sitting on the couch reading a novel when we walked in. April was nowhere in sight.

  Stella looked up from her book. “Did you catch anything?”

  “Tons,” Rowan replied. Stella raised her eyebrows. Rowan exhaled. “But they all got away.”

  She laughed. “I’m sure that’s exactly what went down.” She swiveled to face me. “Scott, I was wondering if you wouldn’t mind me borrowing your truck?”

  “Why? What’s up?”

  “April and I would like to go into town to get a few things.”

  “Well,” I said, glancing at Rowan, “what if you write down what you need? I could take April in to pick it up. That way you could get some more reading done.” Rowan nodded in agreement. A drive into town would give me time to convince April to stay.

  Stella chewed her lip and eyed her phone.

  The thought occurred to me that she might want to sneak in and see her boyfriend, but I didn’t see how that’d be possible if she was planning on taking April.

  “Perhaps you and I could go in?” she asked.

  I took a deep breath and kept my voice low as I sat down beside her. “Actually, I really need to talk to April. She wants to go home already.”

  Stella sat up straight. “Why? We just got here.”

  “Exactly,” Rowan chimed in.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know why. But the run into town would give me the chance to talk her into staying. Otherwise our vacation is going to be cut extremely short.”

  Her eyes skimmed to her phone again in contemplation before she conceded. “Okay. Yes, of course. Go.”

  I nodded. “If we
leave now, we should be back by mid-afternoon. You can help yourselves to anything in the fridge for lunch.”

  All I had to do now was convince April to go with me instead, and that was going to be no easy feat.

  I ascended the staircase, only to bump into her halfway up. “Hey, change of plan. Stell’s going to stay here while we go into town.” I held my breath in anticipation.

  She maneuvered past me. “Thanks, but I’ve changed my mind.”

  I frowned at Rowan. He met her at the bottom of the staircase. “Please, Red? Stell and I are pretty wiped from the drive.”

  I took a few steps down to stand level with her. “There’s a chocolate shake in it for you.”

  She pressed her back to the rail and eyed me suspiciously.

  “Thanks, babe.” Rowan leaned in and kissed her before turning back for the couch.

  I reached for April’s hand while Stella and Rowan weren’t looking, but she crossed her arms and shot me a glare.

  “Please,” I whispered.

  She softened, but mouthed the word “don’t,” and looked over at Rowan. My chest tightened. I wanted to take her face in my hands and make her look at me, not him.

  “Oh, and babe?” Rowan said, “Can you buy me some beef jerky? Thanks.”

  April sighed and marched toward the door. She knew she didn’t have a choice about coming if she didn’t want to make a scene. Stella passed me a shopping list, and I shoved it into my pocket as I followed April out. Rowan shrugged at me in apology for April’s bad mood. Little did he know, I was the reason for it.

  When we reached the truck I opened April’s door and held out my hand, but she stared at me, incredulous, and climbed in without touching me. She buckled her seatbelt and pulled her knees to her chest to rest her chin, staring straight ahead. She didn’t even flinch when I slammed her door closed.

  As we pulled onto the road, I glanced across at her. “You’re not going to talk to me, are you?”

  She exhaled on the passenger window and wrote a big fat “NO” with her finger.