Holding On

by A. C. Bextor

  Shame and I are dancing again tonight, apparently he intends to make up for all our lost dances throughout the years and that is fine by me, the man still makes me swoon when he holds me this close. He has his hand on my back, lifting just underneath my shirt stroking my skin with his calloused hands. I lose myself in his touch as the music continues to keep the room quiet. I wonder if this will always be so effortless, feel so natural. We’ve gone through our share of drama early, maybe now all we have to wade through is deciding what to do on a Saturday night. Could it be so easy?

  “Sweetheart, are you falling asleep on me right now?” I look up to him and give him a blank stare. “I hope not cause I’m tellin’ ya now I had plans for us tonight. Hem and Sadey won’t be at the house, so was thinking you could give me some love… roughly.” Oh God, does this man have any idea what those words do to me?

  “Well, I am kinda tired. Rain check?” I’m so not serious but baiting him before rough love always helps the cause and I’m supportive, anything I can do to help he can count on me.

  “Are you being serious? Cause if you’re serious darlin’ I think I’m going to cry.” His face has no expression so I can’t judge what he’s thinking.

  “What if I was? Would you persuade me? Well I mean, I know you could try to persuade me, would you? Do you think you would even be up to that?” He’s staring at me and still I have no idea what he’s thinking.

  “Mace.” I see him start to smirk but I holdfast. I have serious baiting left in me, it’s been a few weeks since I’ve goaded him into rough love.

  “Shame. Look honey, I don’t want to hurt your feelings here okay?” I put my hand on his chest and push him back for dramatic props. “But I want to be honest, I’m a little nervous about us always... ya know... I mean you can’t have that many years left of...being able to... ya know...”

  Oh shit. The caveman has now awoken and exiting the cave.

  He jumps back from me and I can see the silver outline in his eyes blazing, challenge accepted! “I’m going to beat your ass, Mace. I’m not even going to consider pink as an option.” He’s breathing heavy in my ear, trying to frighten me. This just excites me more. “You want me to prove something here? Let me show you what I have… left… you spoiled spoiled spoiled woman!” I won’t lie now, I’m a little nervous but damn I’m excited.

  Grabbing my hand in his and whipping me around he uses his body to propel me forward directly out to the back patio. I can feel he’s aroused because he’s hard when my backside comes in contact with all of him. He’s still breathing heavy and I’m starting to rethink my baiting idea. Damn though, if the thought of challenging this castle of a man doesn’t turn me on. We’re walking outside now and we can still hear the party continuing inside, there’s a definite spring chill in the air however I can’t feel it much. I can see it in our breaths and Shame is breathing into me something fierce.

  He stops us as we round the back of one of the work sheds, I’m vaguely aware that not far from here was the horrific scene with Ace and if I study each shed and patio setting I could probably figure out where it was but Shame has me currently pinned against this particular shed and he’s not about to let my mind wonder long. Thank hell for that because I can feel my inside clinch knowing what I’m doing to him.

  “Wanna play, Sweetheart?” Fierce.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Honey.” Calm.

  “Shut the fuck up, you had jokes just a bit ago. What’s funny now?” Just as he says that he takes his hand and brings it down my thigh then slowly grabs the hem of my skirt and brings it up so I can feel his hand on my panties. It is pitch dark where we are and all I can see of him is the moon reflecting behind him. He doesn’t look so angelic right now though, he looks more like a wolf hunting... me!

  “Spread your legs for me, Mace.” Instantly I feel my piercing come alive and blood starts to rush to its surface. His tone is lethal and sexy as hell. I spread my legs while holding my face up to his, unmoving. He hasn’t kissed me or shown me any sort of endearment contact really since we left the dance floor.

  Within seconds he has lifted my skirt around my waist and has his finger inside me, pushing for entry. I tilt my pelvis to him, asking for his attention. He doesn’t move. His other hand is now reaching up underneath my shirt and grabbing for the cup of my bra and roughly has taken it down. My back still pinned to the shed and standing here I’m powerless.

  “Tell me Mace, what game you want to play? I have one in mind but I’m not sure I want to share actually wait, I’m not sure I have enough years of this left to share. Isn’t that what you said? You referred that maybe I’m too old to fuck you how you want to be fucked?” He sounds completely turned on, but still he’s slightly angry.

  “I… I didn’t...” I can’t finish because the same time he is rolling my nipple between his fingers roughly, he is also pumping two fingers in and out of me with skill, roughly. I’m about to see stars. Just then he brings his mouth to my neck and bites, roughly. Jesus I’m in a whirlwind and I’m about ready to let go, then he moves... fast! He has removed himself completely from my touch and I’m left holding myself up against the shed. What the fuck?

  “Nope. This is my game, you want to talk the good game Sweetheart you had better play by my rules. Get on your knees.” I gasp in surprise but sad as it is, I’m completely slick with want. I love when he plays rough.

  Immediately dropping to my knees I reach for his belt and jeans. He steps back again shaking his head back and forth. He’s telling me no? Damn it! “Tsk tsk. She doesn’t know the rules. Unfortunately baby, at my age I need time to warm up. I’m going to need some motivation. Sit on your knees, open your legs, and touch yourself. I’m going to watch.”

  “Shame!” He cannot be serious. He’s taking this shit pretty far. Pouty little bastard!

  “Shut up, you started this so you can finish it. Or not, we can take a ‘rain check’ maybe?” Oh he is really pissed about me laughing at him. Fine, I can play.

  Pushing him back by this thighs are he stands above me, I lift my skirt making sure the moonlight hits me so he can see every inch of my exposed skin and flesh. I rip my thong off my body and sit on my knees and ankles, as he instructed. Then I start to move. My fingers delve into my folds and I rub the piercing with fast quick motions and roll my head back while I touch my chest, creating the center to pebble. I start to moan then I hear his growl.

  “Move your fingers inside, Mace. I want to see your fingers slick with your own juices.” Dear Lord, this is insane. Why won’t he just give in and touch me! Again, whatever. I will play.

  I continue to assault my piercing with my thumb but move my fingers and pump in and out of my body. My eyes are open watching Shame and he is starting to breathe heavily, never removing his eyes from my hands. I actually start to lose focus on him and more on what my hands are doing to me. I’m starting to feel a climax building and I’m allowing myself this moment to just get lost in it. I’ve got so much build up that now I have no intention of stopping.

  Before I can get another thought in or finish my descent to self-satisfaction I feel Shames hands on me. He’s grabbing my arm pits lifting me up roughly, slamming my back into the shed. I was so focused on what I was doing for myself I missed him unzipping and freeing himself from his leathers.

  “Fuck you, Mace. You want to get off, you do it on my cock. Let me feel you squeeze me. Grab hold of me tight baby, this will be hard and fast. You still want to question this, baby?” He’s slamming into me as my feet are lifted off the ground and wrapped around his hips. “This what you think I’m not able to do for you, Princess?” He’s panting in my neck between nips and licks. “Don’t you dare fucking cum without me, do you get that?”

  He’s drilling hard and fast into me and I can’t hold out much longer. He’s pumping the spot deep in me with every thrust. One more move will send me over. I start to clench, then again he stops. He still inside me but breaths heavy in my neck.

&
nbsp; “Say you were wrong and you are very sorry for saying it or so fucking help me Mace, I won’t let you cum for a fucking week.” He releases my ass with one hand long enough to grab my hair and tilt my head back so he can see me eye to eye, letting me know he isn’t kidding.

  “Are you serious?” I’m scared now, not of him but of his ability to be so stubborn that he will follow through on his threat if he doesn’t get what he wants.

  “Babe, I got my cock in you and I’m a hard as fuck. I’m still willing to walk away right fuckin’ now to teach your ass a damn lesson. Say it or your punishment starts tonight. I’m going to finish regardless but I could certainly leave you out of it. This could be a long week, baby. Pick your poison. Apologize now or…”

  Oh. My. God. He is being completely unreasonable, but I know Shame. He means everything he says. He rarely smiles, never jokes so I know he’s completely serious about this. As much as I want to teach his ass a lesson I know I’ve pushed him too far this time.

  “Shame, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…” DAMMIT! I didn’t even get to finish my apology!

  He’s moving so fast right inside me I can only hope he brings me up before he finishes his ride! He is pumping furiously and the buildup in me starts again and I’m thankful he’s giving me my time to enjoy this. I can feel my inside clenching down on him so I squeeze my legs harder around his hips. I’m so close now, just a bit more.

  One quick movement and once Shame bites down on my shoulder and that is all it takes to send me out, reaching my climax. I start to come down and then I feel him taking his as he stills, moans my name, and shouts obscenities after he sucks my earlobe and nips it just underneath.

  Coming down, he’s still holding me up against the shed. While breathing heavy he tells me, “Do not ever make another joke like that again, Mace. I swear to you right now woman, I will make you regret it. That was your warning. You wanna play that game, you had better bring both barrels.”

  He’s won. Damn it! I start to replay my bait earlier so that I can remember to avoid it, then he pulls out of me and sets me down.

  “Woman shut down your shit and don’t overthink it. Lesson learned, yes? Don’t fuck with the sex master” Then he smiles, dimples and all.

  “Sex Master? Did you mean to say that out loud?” I am about to burst out laughing, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings again, I like sex with Shame too much.

  “I did. Maybe more of a Mace Master though, fair to say?” I roll my eyes and turn around to fix my dress but he grabs me, hugs me, and gives me what I’m always looking for. “I love you, baby.” I let out a heavy sigh, a heavy sated sigh actually. I can’t help but giggle. I love hearing him say that, even if he’s thrown in something about being my sex master.

  He wraps his arm around my neck, pulling me into his side. “C’mon, I want to go home. I have something for you.” He sounds secretive.

  *****

  Hours later we are at my house, sans Sadey and Hem. I’m unsure what Sadey had planned for Hem tonight and I’m trying not to even think about it. I don’t know if it’s because my girl is pregnant and her hormones are completely off balance but all she has talked about the entire time we planned this wedding was this honeymoon and how happy it was going to make Hem. Her morning sickness is all but gone so she says she’s having more ‘satisfying’ sex with my brother, my BROTHER.

  Shame and I are relaxing at home enjoying the quiet and laying in my bed. I look at the clock and see it is already 3 o’clock in the morning. He has yet to give me whatever he said he has for me, but to be honest it probably isn’t his fault we got side tracked.

  After our session outside of the Club which included Shame finding himself a new pat on the back nickname, we came back here and at that time I decided it was time for me to be branded a nick name. I was terribly unsuccessful in my endeavor, only because I couldn’t focus on what I was trying to accomplish. The man seriously owns me and after tonight I did admit that he has earned the ‘Mace Master’ title. I’m not even going to whimper about it.

  Shame is staring at the ceiling still regulating his breath from our third go at it tonight. Finally he turns to me, “Want your present now? I know it’s late but I got you something for your birthday. I was going to give it to you this morning but with all the wedding activity I couldn’t enough time alone to do it.”

  “Honey, I’m pretty tired and I won’t deny I’m sore. You win. You are the ‘Sex Master’ or ‘Mace Master’ or whatever superhero you want to be. I can’t keep up.” I am serious. My body is whipped.

  “You think I’m a superhero? I think I’m a superhero, but hearing it from you just confirms it.” He smiles wide, childlike. “Mace thinks I’m a superhero.” I love it! He rarely smiles and it is beautiful. He looks so young and carefree right now.

  “I didn’t want you to get me anything for my birthday, Shame. I have everything I want, really I do. This has been the best birthday I’ve ever had and I mean that.” I’m laying down next to him and I have my hand propped on my elbow so I can study him. In all these years of knowing and loving Shame, never once have I tired of looking at him. His eyes are dancing right now though. He’s excited about something.

  He bounds from the bed and it dips before he exits completely. He leaves me with a good view though, I stare at his ass in awe as he makes his way to his bag. He pulls out two gift wrapped presents. Every birthday since I can remember, Shame has always giving me something personal. He calls them ‘memory anchors’, I never understood the term until I was older and in college, missing home.

  Last year, even though I was with Greyson he had given me a locket with a picture of me and him. Greyson complained every time I put it on so I just left it in its box in my jewelry case, taking it out only to look at it whenever I felt lost and needed to remember better times. In that picture, he had to have been about 20 I think, he was wearing his cut from the Club, a pair of beat up black jeans, and his black motorcycle boots. I was standing in our treehouse that he and Shame had built for Sadey and me. His hands were extended up at the time because he was trying to get me to jump, telling me ‘Jump Sweetheart, I will catch you. Don’t be afraid, now jump Mace.’ I’m afraid he will never really understand how precise those words related to our relationship all of my life.

  “These are for you. We’ve never been…together… like this before so I was kind of nervous to choose just one, so I got both.” It’s fairly dark in here right now but I can see his serious expression in the moonlight casting in from the window.

  He walks around to my side of the bed, turning on the bed side lamp then hands me the wrapped gifts. I tilt my head to the side as I examine the wrapping, hiding a smile. He’s in such a good mood that I can’t help but rib him a bit.

  “Did you wrap these yourself, superhero?” I’m staring at the yards of scotch tape he used on one of the gifts, okay that’s fine. Then I look to the bigger gift and it looks like he just said the hell with it and went straight for the thick long carpenter tape. I can’t hide a smile.

  “If you don’t shut up and open them Princess, I’m taking them away. If you must know then yes, I did wrap them. Fuckin paper wouldn’t stick, it does now though doesn’t it?”

  “Um, I’m going to need some help.” I’m still grinning because seriously I don’t think I could get this open without a knife.

  “Oh fucks sake woman, tear the front. Jesus I thought women were good at presents, leave it to me to find one that wants to argue even this!” He runs his hands through his hair. My man is nervous for me to open.

  “Okay, don’t cry. I’m going to open the big one first.” I start to tear it in the front and I can feel his eyes on me, reading my expressions as he rests his forearms on the bed and his knees on the floor beside me. I get the wrapping off and look at it and then I lose my breath.

  Shame has framed a picture of the four of us at the lake when we were young. I remember that summer because Sadey came back from France after vacationing with her parents a
nd she was covered in freckles. Her light auburn hair had nearly turned red while she was gone. It was the summer before our sixth grade year, we were about 12. Shame and Hem were standing behind us, the lake was our background.

  Shame was behind Sadey and both his hands were on her shoulders. She was looking at me and laughing, I was looking at the camera. Hem was standing behind me but he had his head bent and leaning into my shoulder. He was grinning and my smile was so wide that my eyes were nearly closed. I was sun burnt from being out all day in the heat and water.

  Suddenly I remember who took the picture. Mom had been yelling at all of us to get out of the water, even the grown boys. She used to tell us that our skin would melt if we didn’t add lotion every hour. She finally had yelled at Hem and Shame long enough that they had come storming in the water grabbing Sadey and I and pulling us out.

  In remembrance of my mom and this memory, I start to get emotional. I can’t take my eyes of the photo. I wish Mom had been in the picture with us.

  The picture is outlined in a white border and along the edges they have all signed it. Sadey making some smartass comment about her hair. Hem telling me he loved that day because we were all together. Shame just wrote what I would only expect Shame to write ‘I love your face, baby.’

  I put the picture down in front of me and as I turn around I climb into him. He’s holding me tight, he can’t see my face. I start to sob a bit, losing control of emotions. This soft man loves me, fiercely. It is all I’ve ever wanted and I’m so glad we are here.

  He uses a gentle whisper and says into my ear, “Baby, it wasn’t meant to make you sad. Do you like it?”

  I pull myself from him so we are now eye to eye. “Shame you love me and I couldn’t ask for anything more than that. Thank you, I love it.” I kiss him briefly and get situated again on the bed, legs crossed and pull for the other gift.