The Dead House

by Dawn Kurtagich

  And there she was. The dead girl, grinning at me as always, only her grin was sad and empty and more… sympathetic. But she was fading, Dee, as though some omniscient artist was erasing her in front of my eyes. And she was still dripping wet.

  And that was when I knew what she had always been trying to tell me.

  The Dead Sea.

  The door.

  The exit.

  All this time, looking for a door, I had never once considered that it might not be a conventional entry point at all. As soon as this idea lit itself in my mind, a window to the right of me, a little way down a darkened corridor, bent and twisted itself into the shape of a door, just big enough for me to fit through.

  I looked back at the girl, who was now no more than an outline; saw myself as I currently am—an emaciated thing, an empty vessel, a lost cause—and I smiled.

  “Thank you. For telling me to escape Lansing. For giving me Carly’s journal. For showing me the way.”

  She continued to grin as she faded away. Was she some residual part of Carly? Was she some unconscious part of my own mind—a bit of my sanity, slowly decaying until she had served her purpose? Was she you, Dee, leaving me? A warning of Carly slipping away? Or was she a little bit of mercy from God, who maybe hadn’t quite forgotten me in the shadows? I don’t think I’ll ever know.

  I walked over to the little window-door calmly, stepped through into the outside and the awaiting mists, and heard the great rushing Dead Ocean.

  Elmbridge’s roof seemed so small, compared with where I then stood, looking down over the edge of the crumbling cliff. I looked out at the raging waters, which crashed violently, but slowly, dark and fathomless.

  And

  I

  leaped.

  The waters rushed up to meet me.

  I will not utter a word of what lies beyond, only to say this: I see. You tricked me for long enough, and I see. I bet you’re afraid. I bet you’re reading this right now and shuddering.

  And you should be afraid. Because I’m coming.

  104

  The following entry was presumably written shortly after the previous entry, as the ink is identical.

  Diary of Kaitlyn Johnson

  Date, Time, and Location Not Noted

  Her dear, sweet voice! My little sister—she sounds so sad and alone.

  “Kaitie, where’s Carly? I want to see Carly!”

  Maybe it was a mistake to call her from Scott’s phone, but I had to ground myself, and she’s the last thing left.

  “I’m going to find her,” I said. I didn’t lie. I am going to find her.

  “Take me with you,” she begged.

  No. She can’t come with me, because I know the end already. Haji was right, Dee—I knew it all along.

  105

  The following diary entry is written in an almost illegible hand, and is difficult to fully grasp at first. This copy of the first paragraph has been included as originally written, in order to demonstrate her state of mind, following which the entry has been transcribed.

  There never was any choice I know that now but Dee my soul is burning! I want to cast off my skin and throw it into the flames and walk around in my bones because then maybe this all will go away. Maybe my bones will turn to dust and I will float away, on the breeze, free like I have always wanted.

  [Transcription]:

  There never was any choice I know that now but Dee my soul is burning! I want to cast off my skin and throw it into the flames and walk around in my bones because then maybe this all will go away. Maybe my bones will turn to dust and I will float away, on the breeze, free like I have always wanted.

  I know, I’ll try, but it’s so hard, it’s so painful. Everything is over, I just want it to be over, I don’t know why I am here to suffer like this, do you find it funny? Is that what I am? A joke? An experiment?

  Ari was in the chapel on the hill and somehow I knew he would be. I didn’t know what was going to happen but I knew I had no choice. My feet carried me up there without my brain engaging because it was simply the way it had to be.

  Because, Dee, it suddenly made so much sense. I had to talk to him, find out. Because it wasn’t John, you see? Because John is gone now and this is still happening. John… I’m so sorry. My friend, my brother—you were trying to save me, for so long. I’m sorry I couldn’t see it! I’m sorry you ever had to see me in Masqued, that I was ever here to taint your life. You were innocent.

  It wasn’t Scott either, because Scott has been with Naida, and I still feel the school pulsing its filthy energy into me. And it’s not Haji because he’s the one who warned me in the first place, and he’s gone away. Brett is dead—oh, God, so much death. And that leaves Ari.

  Ari, who hung the bind Haji gave me. Ari, who comforted me and told me everything was going to be okay. Ari, who told me I was his forever and who kissed me and touched me and—

  This whole time Ari has been the link.

  It was Ari.

  I couldn’t believe it at first, but I had to know. So I went to talk to him. Just to talk, you understand? I think he was expecting me, because he was different. He was so happy, smiling, almost laughing. I remember it all so clearly please God I wish I didn’t.

  He said, “Oh, Kaitie,” and I said, “Yes.” I said, “It was you all along, right? You’re the Shyan.” He smiled gently and said, “It’s not that simple.” My whole chest was concave. He said, “It’s just a technicality.”

  “A technicality? What do you mean?” I said. He said that nothing was ever that simple and that “all is fair in love and war.” “Why are you doing this?” I asked, and he laughed and said he wanted me. “I want you. I love you; can’t you see that? I want to free you. Why else all this trouble?”

  “Trouble. Is Carly trouble?” I said. “Is Juliet trouble? What about John and Brett and Naida? Are they all trouble too?”

  “Yes.” He said yes. So simple. So blunt. I couldn’t believe I was talking to my Ari. “I’m sorry, Kaitie. I don’t mean to sound so glib. Not at all. But I had to free you. You were trapped. They were keeping you hostage in your own double life.”

  “What happened to you?” I said, but the words barely left my mouth.

  “I am what I am,” he said, “and I love you more than anything.”

  “No. No no no.” I told him that over and over but he just stepped closer and closer and whispered “yes” over and over and it was pointless and also important.

  “I don’t understand. How did you know about all this stuff?”

  “Army brat,” he said, smiling in a way that was not joyful, not at all. “Remember? I’ve lived in so many places I’ve lost count. When I went to the Orkney Islands, I met an intriguing woman. She used to live on Fair Island and knew Naida’s grandmother—had studied under her. She taught me a lot. I dabbled in witchcraft for a while, and some voodoo as well.” He smiled, as though remembering fondly. “But when I heard about Mala, I was intrigued. It’s much more ancient, much more potent.”

  “What about the Grúndi? How could you mess with that stuff? How could you even think of using dirty conjurings like that?”

  “That woman, Naida’s grandmother’s pupil—she had broader interests than Mala rituals. It’s the reason she left the island. She was the one who opened the door to Grúndi to me. I learned what she knew, and then it was time to move, yet again, and this time we moved to London. Grúndi central, if you know where to look.”

  “How could you not tell me?”

  “Would you have understood?”

  I couldn’t reply. I was so confused.

  “But… why take away Carly?”

  “She was a parasite, Kait. She was a leech. She was draining you. Stealing half your life, making you miserable. We could barely be together. You were always hiding, always in shadow, always so sad and trapped and—you were a hostage. I tried… I tried to switch you first. Make her the night half for a change. I tried to keep things simple, knowing it would hurt you to lose her
entirely. But you can’t do things halfway. It didn’t work. I had to go deeper. Do more.” He paused, his eyes intense. “Free you.”

  Could someone love me like this? Could someone do so much for me because he really, truly does love me? Me for me, and not me for Carly?

  “Ari,” I begged. “Stop it. Please stop it.”

  He smiled sadly, stepped closer, touched my arms. When my dad told me we were moving to Somerset, I chose Elmbridge. I thought it was for Naida, and then I met you… You turned the world around. I knew in that moment, I would love you. Then: Carly is gone. “Carly is gone. You’re free.”

  He didn’t know. He didn’t know that I had already found the door to that place beyond and walked through it and come back. Somehow this seemed important.

  “I don’t understand,” I said. “Why me? Why Carly? What do you want her for? And the others? Explain it to me.”

  He smiled patiently, and I wanted to hurt him even as I felt my love for him stubbornly refusing to die. “The others are expendable, for you. Everyone is, for you. I was trying to reach you. To give you what’s yours.”

  I shook my head, struck dumb.

  “You’re ready, Kait. You’re ready. Everything that was in your way is gone. You’re free, just like you always wanted. We can have a life together. We can be together. Do everything you want. Go to London, go to university. Have a life!”

  I wanted to vomit, wanted to scream. He was so excited. I wanted it.

  “And Carly?”

  “She’s not what you thought, Kaitie. She’s weak, but she’s also selfish.” He broke off, sighing. “I don’t want to hurt you, but you have to know what she did.”

  “Tell me the truth.” I couldn’t believe him.

  “Last year Naida taught a few minor things to Carly—Mala things.”

  I knew this was true. Naida herself had told me. I nodded.

  “She entered into a pact that she thought would bring you both freedom. I could see it the second I met you. You had a debt on you. I could see it, almost like a curse. It’s hard to explain. I didn’t know anything about you, but I was intrigued. It was clear, the more I got to know you, that you didn’t believe in anything like that. But Carly… I spoke to her too. I got to know her. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but I knew you wouldn’t understand. Not yet. But when I asked her questions… asked about Mala and about Grúndi… she talked about freedom—for both of you. She talked about wanting a life, about worrying for you. She was an open book until I asked her what she had done. She got uncomfortable. Stopped talking to me. Avoided me. I knew she had tampered with something outside of her control. But you don’t make deals with It. You simply pay up.”

  “Carly wouldn’t… couldn’t. She wouldn’t know how. I don’t know how.”

  “Oh, come on, Kait! Google will tell you how to do just about any kind of black magic you can think of. She was desperate. She was hurting you.”

  Who was I speaking to? This wasn’t the Ari I knew. This wasn’t the Ari I fell so hard for. I was looking at a stranger.

  “Naida opened the door to Mala, and she abused it.”

  I didn’t understand. “When did this happen? Last year? During the summer? At the beginning of the year?”

  “I don’t know that, Kaitie. Before I came along. Before the chapel, for sure. You were already cursed when I met you.”

  “I don’t…” I could feel myself getting dizzy.

  “The power inside you… you’ve felt it… she put that there. She had no idea what she was doing.”

  “The Olen,” I said. “You infected me with it.”

  “No, I didn’t. It was Carly who opened the door. And it’s not an Olen.” For the first time, he looked worried. “It’s a demon.”

  I stumbled backwards. His words floored me. That sleeping thing inside the Dead House—inside me—was a demon. A real demon. A demonic entity. Had I known this before I heard Ari tell me?

  “I control it,” Ari said quickly, as if reading my fears. “I can control it for you. I know how. You don’t have to worry about it, okay? I’m going to contain it. I’m going to keep you safe.”

  And he was a fool, and he was wrong, so wrong. He controlled nothing. Nothing, and he didn’t know what he was doing. And I loved him.

  It was all so much, I felt the world closing in around me, a big dark veil. But somehow I saw clearly too.

  “And Juliet? Where is she? Did you kill her?”

  I couldn’t believe I was asking my Ari that question. Did. You. Kill. Someone. This wasn’t Ari. This had to be a dream—a nightmare. I wanted it to stop. I wanted him to stop. Stop playing tricks on me, be Ari again.

  He flinched. “Please, just leave it alone. Let it be. Let me contain the thing inside you now, so we can be together. Finally free together. Don’t ask me questions. I can’t… I can’t lie to you anymore.”

  And I saw that this was Ari. How could I have missed it? This thing in his eyes? This rage in his words? How did I not see?

  I persisted. “Ari, did you kill Juliet?”

  “No. I didn’t kill Juliet.” He released a breath that was trying to contain some deep emotion. “You did.”

  It was like the air in my lungs had suddenly become lead. Plumbum. “No,” I choked out. “No.”

  He had every reason to lie, didn’t he, Dee?

  Liar, liar, liar.

  I plugged my ears; could still hear him.

  “It was the thing inside you. It wasn’t you. That’s why I have to bind it. Soon.”

  Innnnn… sssssiiiidddde… yyyouuuuu…

  I could hear the snake.

  “You’re overthinking it. Just stop trying to get all the answers. They’ll hurt you, Kaitie. Just… just let me take you away from here. Let’s just go away. Together.”

  I started to cry. “How could you do this to me?”

  He thought I meant Carly. “I know,” he said, taking me into his arms, kissing the top of my head. “I’m angry with her too. But she’s gone now.”

  I don’t know anymore. I didn’t know! I don’t and didn’t know anything! I was in a room of mirrors, each one bent and distorted, none of them true, but all of them accurate, and all of them laughing glassy laughs that screamed and shattered all around me.

  I pushed away from him. “And Brett? Did the thing inside me kill him too?”

  He shook his head. “Please leave it alone, Kaitie.”

  “Tell me. Right now, tell me.”

  “Brett wasn’t a good guy. Did you know he attacked Carly? And then he zeroes in on you like you’re some kind of target? Always around you. Always with you. And then that kiss…” He made a guttural sound deep in his throat. “It sickened me.”

  I sobbed. “You killed Brett.”

  “You need to be free from the people who are hurting you, Kaitie.”

  “And Haji? My God, Ari. Did he even go home?”

  Ari’s voice was very quiet. “He was going to put her back.”

  I just sobbed. I sobbed and sobbed because he loved me so much but he was so sick, and I loved him, so much it was tearing me apart inside, and I had to go. I had to get out of there and away from him before I threw myself into his arms and forgave him.

  I turned and ran, as fast as I could, and in my head I kept hearing the snake that was the demon inside me, inside the Dead House, calling me Killer Killer Killer. I heard them painted on the walls, saw them dripping blood there.

  I

  Killed

  I

  Killed

  I

  Killed

  Juliet. And. John. And. I Was Happy That My Mother. My Father. Were Both. Dead. Too.

  A page of the journal has been torn out.

  it’s okay, dee. it’s quiet.

  you can come out now.

  he will never hurt you again.

  106

  On 1 February 2005, Kaitlyn paid a visit to Naida in the hospital, but precisely what was said can never be known for certain. A nurse—Sister Winnie Sholto of M
usgrove Park Hospital—gave a statement to the police. It has been copied below.

  Witness Statement, Winnewa Sholto, Sister at Musgrove Park

  Hospital, Attar Wing

  Interviewer: Please state your name for the record.

  WS: Winnie Sholto.

  Interviewer: Please tell me, in as much detail as you can, what you saw.

  WS: Eh… girl come into the hospital to visit the patient in room 204. She was so small, so sick-looking. She stayed for maybe ten minute, I don’t hear them talking, only the girl holding the patient’s hand. I go do my round, come back; the girl and patient they hugging and crying. I wanted to go in to see if everything was okay, but seem like nice moment and patient didn’t ring bell, so I go. Girl leave room, and patient did not ring the bell, she standing by window holding IV pole, so I go on my round again. Have cup of tea with girls and then back to the ward. When I get back, patient still standing at window, not moving. I don’t know what is wrong, but she doesn’t want to get into bed. She stand at window all night long during shift. When I go off shift, she sitting in chair, still by the window.

  Interviewer: Did the girl say anything to you?

  WS: No, she left. Didn’t speak. Maybe she lost tongue like patient, eh? [Laughter]

  [End of statement]

  107

  3 hours before the incident

  Diary of Kaitlyn Johnson

  Tuesday, 1 February 2005, 10:21 pm

  Attic, Green Sofa

  Stay here, Dee. Stay safe.

  Thank you for holding my truth.

  108