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The Saga of Tanya the Evil, Vol. 7: Ut Sementem Feceris, ita Metes

Page 9

by Carlo Zen


  The worst part, laments Tanya as she runs the pros and cons through her head, is that…

  …I don’t have the right to refuse.

  The soldier Tanya von Degurechaff has been through General Staff training. In other words, her assignments are all decided on the General Staff’s discretion. She’s basically an employee who has signed a general office-worker contract.

  She can’t choose her boss, her subordinates, or her assignments.

  And the orders don’t come from a company but from an army. If she refuses, she won’t get off with simply being fired—it’s entirely possible that a firing squad would make an appearance. And she’s a civil servant, so she has no right to go on strike. Goodness, these are bad working conditions. Though she was already aware, reality is rough.

  “…If you don’t mind, I’d like to go over some of the practical issues with the operation.”

  “You should face virtually no practical issues. Almost immediately after I arrive, I’ll get sick and be sent back to the rear.”

  “So I’m the second-in-command?”

  “You’ll continue to command your Kampfgruppe. And the Salamander Kampfgruppe will probably be permitted to keep its name, since you’re below the Lergen Kampfgruppe in the order of battle.”

  “I see. So in the end, I’m the deputy commander of the nonexistent Lergen Kampfgruppe, and all I have to do is command the Salamander Kampfgruppe.”

  “Exactly. But…,” he trails off and gets a look on his face that says he’s sincerely sorry for what’s about to come next.

  “What is it, Colonel?”

  “There’s one thing you’ll just have to put up with for me.”

  “Put up with?”

  “Yes.” Lergen speaks with a mournful expression. “Publicly, your achievements will be reported under my name. So basically…” He bows his head, openly mortified. “I’ll be stealing your successes, if in name only. Of course,” he rushes to continue, “the General Staff is fully informed on this matter. I’m sure you’ll be given every consideration possible during performance evaluations. The catch is that it’s likely you won’t get the decorations and hammock number you deserve… I beg your understanding.” He bows low, and when he apologizes, it seems like he means it. “I’m sorry, but please agree to this.”

  This is what it means to sigh—Haaaah…

  Tanya isn’t disappointed. As she calms her leaping heart, the feeling she can’t suppress is relief.

  With this, Tanya now has someone she can nominally shove off all her accountability onto, and on top of that, the guys making decisions in Personnel will owe her one. Why would I turn down such a great opportunity? Anyone not morbidly obsessed with being in the spotlight would be thrilled.

  For Tanya, a rational modern individual endowed with incredible self-restraint, the answer is obvious.

  She takes a breath and comes up with some nonsense.

  “I…am a soldier sworn to serve my country.”

  Her position is clarified by something that’s plainly obvious.

  When specifying the scope of a job, nearly all explanations can be omitted by simply bandying the word responsibility.

  By definition, soldiers must obey orders. Unlike misguided self-proclaimed soldiers, Tanya is the officer of a regular army, so it’s natural what she would do.

  “I can’t say it doesn’t bother me in some ways, but I understand.”

  Tanya doesn’t forget to make her appeals, either. If she doesn’t want to be a convenient pawn, she’ll have to point out her devotion and contributions, albiet nonchalantly.

  Not properly emphasizing what a hefty sacrifice this will be and how much she brings to the table will affect her later promotions. Also can’t forget to inject some human emotion.

  “That said, it would be great if the peculiarities of my situation could be taken into consideration in the future.”

  She makes her demands simply. When it comes to compensation, be neither too bold nor too modest.

  “Honestly, I’m so relieved.”

  “Huh?”

  “I though you would shoot me.”

  “How funny you are.”

  “All right.” Lergen must have caught his breath. After shaking his head a couple of times, he speaks. “Your supplies will come with a little extra while the observer is there, for appearances. Not that we can make you a Potemkin3 unit, but…”

  Any offer must benefit both sides—at least on the surface.

  This isn’t the kind way to put it, but making a deal is a double coincidence of wants based on good sense. You can sell even hundred-yen water for five hundred yen. But someone who tries to sell it for ten thousand has clearly forgotten the word trust, which is required for a business deal.

  Investment is not speculation.

  Lergen said that this will be taken into consideration during her evaluations, so at this point, it’s simple to ask. To put it plainly, all Tanya hopes for are some modest material demands being met.

  “Then please see that I get coffee beans and chocolate, and some socks at the very least. Enough for the Kampfgruppe would be great.”

  “S-socks?”

  The colonel looking blankly at her is wearing a clean uniform, so he probably doesn’t understand right away—that on the muddy eastern front, a single missing sock is enough to give an officer headaches.

  “There’s a limit to what the standard uniform designed for use inside the Empire can handle.”

  “Still, I’m surprised to be petitioned for socks.”

  “I don’t know how it was before the war, but now, serving outside the country is the norm. It would be great if that could be factored into the plan.”

  “Got it.” Lergen nods, but he still seems perplexed. “We have asked for opinions from the front lines, though.” He sighs; it must have hit him that the surveys didn’t work. I’m sure it had something to do with whatever the overriding agenda was at the time.

  “Well…” Tanya is compelled to point this out with a wince. “It’s probably hard to bring up socks when asked about the war situation.”

  “I’m sure it is. But never in a million years did I think the day would come that a recipient of the Silver Wings Assault Badge would requisition socks. War is just full of the unexpected.”

  “Indeed.” Tanya nods in wholehearted agreement.

  She thought she knew what she was getting into when she joined up to build her career, thought she knew that war was a conglomeration of absurdities. Yet she never imagined she would have to use her connections to secure a supply of socks.

  Who could predict such a thing? That the gears of that incredibly elaborate precision war machine known as the Imperial Army would have such a struggle to supply its soldiers with socks?

  “Okay, I’ll leave all that up to you, thanks.”

  “All right. Then let’s hold a little show of turning over command later.”

  “Sure thing. Shall we do it with the battalion present?”

  Ceremony, ceremony, ceremony. That said, we’re zoon politikon. Political animals simply have to accept that these things are mandatory.

  “No, that won’t be necessary. The Lergen Kampfgruppe only exists on paper. I want to keep the number of people who know what’s going on as low as possible.”

  “So we’ll just be preparing documentation? Then should my adjutant, vice commander, and I control the information?”

  “It probably doesn’t have to be that strict. Although it’d be nice if it could stay among the officers.”

  Hmm. After thinking for a moment, Tanya voices her request. If there’s paperwork involved, it’ll be tricky to limit to officers only.

  “Could you allow for the soldiers attached to the command post as well?”

  “That’s fine. Well then, I appreciate you taking the observer.”

  “Yes, sir.” Upon accepting the job, she immediately raises her voice. “Lieutenant Serebryakov! Lieutenant Serebryakov!”

  “Yes, Colonel!”
>
  I call my adjutant back in and get straight to the point. If you have to ask someone an annoying favor, it’s best to ask someone you can trust.

  “Colonel von Lergen has instructions for us. Prepare to receive a guest on the double!”

  “Yes, ma’am! A guest? Prisoner camps aren’t under our jurisdiction…”

  “No,” Tanya snaps before she can stop herself. “Not a prisoner. This is a guest who needs to be served coffee and warm bread.”

  “Huh?”

  “A guest! You know, a guest!”

  “Y-yes, ma’am.”

  Her confused-looking adjutant is probably imagining nothing but prisoners. For a second, she doesn’t seem to get it, and a rare expression for her—only comparable to a frozen computer screen—appears on her face.

  “I’m talking about a real guest! There are people in this world who don’t shoot at us, you know!”

  “Yes, ma’am…” Her adjutant still doesn’t seem to understand at all, so Tanya realizes she has no choice but to break it down for her.

  “A military observer from an allied nation, Lieutenant. If we don’t have good manners, it could cause an international incident. Make sure there’s no trouble.”

  “Ohhh.” She starts to nod in understanding but then stops and looks at Tanya with questioning eyes.

  “What? What is it?”

  “Ummm, Colonel. What exactly should I do?”

  “Huh?” About what? Tanya starts to ask, but then Serebryakov shyly explains.

  “I mean, it’s our first time…”

  “Mm, oh, I see.”

  She doesn’t have to ask what she means.

  It’s at this moment that Tanya realizes why their communication is failing. A Kampfgruppe is an organization specializing in combat…

  “Manners are a whole other pain. And what about an orderly? Who’s going to keep him company…? Considering he should probably have some protection, too, it’ll be a good idea to have some magic officers or non-coms…”

  These guys aren’t much good at anything but brawling.

  Is this the harmful result of being overly specialized in all-military activities? It’s certainly a problem right now, and the fact that Tanya can’t give in to her despair and hurl the mission back up at her superiors is frustrating.

  “I’m pretty sure there’s a manual… Eh, I’ll have Major Weiss read it over. I want to review etiquette while we’re at it.”

  APRIL 28, UNIFIED YEAR 1927, EASTERN FRONT, AT THE SALAMANDER KAMPFGRUPPE’S CAMP

  She must have fallen asleep looking through the materials on how to do the unfamiliar job of accompanying a guest. When Tanya’s eyes open in her provisional bed, she understands why a few seconds later.

  “Warning! All units to battle stations!”

  An echoing call, the thudding footsteps of troops rushing around.

  Aaaah, damn it.

  “Seriously? Again? Shit, these guys are busy…”

  Why not sabotage your own side once in a while? Are they forsaking workers’ rights to get cheap labor? What are you guys even Commies for?!

  Regardless, Tanya is an officer and a commander. No one is going to accept excuses just because she has a sleepy face.

  She puts her cap on as she races to Kampfgruppe HQ, but awkwardly, she arrives last.

  “Colonel!”

  “It would seem I’m late. Sorry about that.” She bobs her head. “What’s the situation?”

  Her straightforward question gets a straightforward answer. An organization in which everyone understands their role is the embodiment of efficiency.

  “The aerial mage battalion members have assembled. They can leave at any time. The armor and infantry troops are at their posts. And the artillery is also in position.”

  “Nice work, Lieutenant. I appreciate it—oh, and this, too!” Tanya cheers with a smile. She didn’t expect some nice coffee the moment she woke up!

  How wonderful it is to have subordinates who give you what you want before you even ask! Despite being specialized in combat support, the wonderful First Lieutenant Serebryakov faithfully performs all her duties.

  Sipping her coffee, Tanya pauses. The enemy may be attacking, but preparations have been made. There’s no need to panic.

  That means I can have a moment of peace alongside my coffee. Teatimes and coffee breaks truly symbolize readiness.

  “Colonel, it’s Command at the base.”

  “Well, they’re quick. Okay, let me talk to them.”

  She takes the receiver, and the exchange hardly differs from those of a few days prior. If pressed to name a difference, perhaps it’s that Tanya’s superiors are getting a little bolder with their plans now that her unit has received reinforcements.

  Today’s mission is more aggressive than the last. Although I suppose it’s more that we don’t have to stick around defending a static position.

  “Attention, all units! Our mission as the Salamander Kampfgruppe is to support the main army.”

  “Does that mean we’ll be defending like last time?” Captain Ahrens asks in disappointment.

  He must really hate being on defense. Tanya doesn’t possess the burning desire to leap into battle, but she can understand the feeling of wanting to act assertively to break through a problem on your own terms. Obviously, relinquishing the initiative is never a pleasant experience.

  “That’s a good question, but no, we won’t be.” She continues, “Hmm. Remember this, Captain Ahrens.”

  I can’t say I like it, but the fruits of one’s experience should be displayed: On the battlefield, rough and ready trumps polished but slow.

  “If the outnumbered side stops moving, they’ll be swallowed up. Our only choice is to take the initiative. Our superiors at Command want to attack.”

  “Then you must mean…?”

  “Yes.” She responds to Ahrens’s eager look with a nod. “You’ll be going out, too. We’re deploying at full strength.”

  “That’s what I always hope for!”

  Very good. Tanya nods as she proceeds to briefly outline the operation. “The main forces will intercept. While they’re doing that, we’ll go around and tear into the enemy’s flank.”

  Ultimately, it’s business as usual.

  We’ll break through this issue with an appropriate concentration of forces achieved through careful application of the Imperial Army’s specialty, mobility. It’s a formidable way to move using the orthodox tactic of hammer and anvil.

  The grinning aerial magic officers must realize by now: Whether it’s the Rhine, Norden, the eastern front, or the southern continent, the task is the same.

  “You can call it a classic, textbook maneuver battle, but it’s also something we’re very familiar with.”

  Tanya expresses how little problem she thinks they will have completing this mission. She has full faith in them and their abilities.

  “I’m counting on you, Captain Ahrens,” she says, giving him a little slap on the rear. “We’ll open up a hole, then you and the infantry will cooperate to keep up the momentum. If anyone can do this, the Salamander Kampfgruppe can.”

  A proven track record, trust, and ability. Anyone in a management position thirsts for the precious gem known as reliable firepower. Especially so in war. Those without experience are incapable of imagining how rare a sure thing is amid the fog of war.

  “All right, Captain Ahrens, Lieutenant Tospan, I expect you to cooperate as best you can with troops of the main army.”

  ““Yes, ma’am!””

  “I’m putting Captain Ahrens in charge, as he’s the senior officer, but given the nature of the operation, you’ll probably be fielding requests from the other infantry units. Pay no mind to the rate of supply usage and just do as much as you can.”

  Regardless of how I feel taking advantage of other people’s resources, I hate having mine ground into the dirt. But losing the right to be picky is just one of the tough parts of war.

  “Captain Meybert! I’ll give
you Lieutenant Wüstemann’s company of replenishments as artillery observers. Have them do whatever you need them to do!”

  “Thanks, but are you sure?” He glances toward the eager young officer.

  Tanya thinks for a moment—Hmm—and then asks the man in question, “Lieutenant Wüstemann, how’s the replenishment company doing?”

  “We can go! I think we can handle the bare minimum of action.”

  Good intentions. But that answer doesn’t meet Tanya’s standards. What she needs is quality. Unless it’s a unit that can really move, they won’t be able to keep up.

  “All right, you stay here and support Captain Meybert.”

  “But, Colonel, we can—”

  “No, Lieutenant. I appreciate your passion. But we won’t be able to coordinate. For now, stay out of the way.”

  He looks somewhat disappointed, but he’ll make a good warrior someday. Not that Tanya can understand or sympathize.

  Anyhow. She refocuses and turns to her babies.

  “The battalion’s ready to sortie at full force,” says Weiss.

  “As always. All right, let’s move.”

  Major Weiss and the other members of the 203rd Aerial Mage Battalion acknowledge with a nod. How reliable! These are Tanya’s accomplished, reliable babies. Accomplishments and reliability really are important. And it’s also reassuring that she can trust her buddy, her adjutant, when they take off together.

  She’s also her partner in a little playacting.

  “Another maneuver battle, huh, Colonel?”

  “Yeah.” Tanya nods back at Serebryakov. An aerial mage battalion is worth its salt only if it can move; troops who don’t understand their job cause more harm than the enemy. The other way around yields a great advantage. “We’ve got the numbers of a normal battalion, but I expect the fight of an augmented one.”

  “You can count on us!”

  The two of them speak nonchalantly but under the assumption that everyone nearby can hear them. Her adjutant responds in an exaggerated way, her voice loud and clear.

 

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