by Helen Brooks
‘Dear God!’ Jack seized her hand again. ‘If I’d known in time I would have paid Dawn off and married you right away, Kate.’
She snatched her hand away. ‘Not the ideal way to start a marriage, Jack.’
‘Better than letting you go it alone!’
She gave a mirthless little laugh. ‘Ah, but I didn’t go it alone. Far from it. Liz guessed my little secret right away and seized her chance to acquire the child she couldn’t have herself because, she informed me, she’d had to look after me instead of having a child of her own. This was payback time.’
Jack sat back, his face haggard. ‘No wonder she slammed the door in my face when I came looking for you. She was afraid to let me see the baby.’
Elizabeth’s plans were cut and dried before Kate returned to London that terrible weekend. The Suttons would bring Kate’s baby up as their own on condition that she obeyed their rules.
Jack looked sick. ‘Don’t tell me they sent you off to some kind of home!’
Kate shook her head. ‘Nothing so dramatic. Elizabeth merely insisted I live with them in the new house in London. She wanted to make sure I took vitamins and received regular medical attention so that “her” baby would be a perfect, healthy specimen. She had no qualms about the father. She went off you big time when you married someone else, of course, but from a breeding point of view the Logan genes were perfectly acceptable.’
‘I’m so glad my pedigree came up to scratch,’ said Jack savagely. ‘Did you manage to keep working?’
‘Yes, thank God.’
Kate had always been slender. And, because morning sickness and misery over her situation killed her appetite, her shape altered so little her condition went unnoticed at work. She was passionately grateful for it. Her job was the only thing that kept her sane. She worked well into her sixth month, and by buying clothes a size or two larger than usual managed to disguise her not very considerable weight gain and keep her secret.
‘I managed to carry on keeping my secret,’ Kate told Jack, ‘because at that stage I developed a kidney infection and had to take time off. I also suffered from depression, and sank into such depths of hormonal despair Liz and Robert decided to move to another part of London where no one knew us.’
Jack frowned. ‘Surely neighbours must have noticed you were pregnant?’
‘I never met Elizabeth’s neighbours. Or wanted to. Besides, I was ill for quite a while, and even when I got better I never went out except to the antenatal clinic and for a daily walk in some park Liz drove me to, as far from home as possible. I felt like the skeleton in the closet!’ Kate smiled grimly. ‘It was around then that the sleepwalking started. Eventually Liz was so afraid I’d fall and harm the baby that Robert put a bed in the dining room on the ground floor, and I slept there until Jo was born.’
Jack closed his eyes for a moment. ‘God, what a life! You must have hated my guts.’
She shook her head. ‘No, Jack, I missed you and grieved for you, but I didn’t hate you. After all, I was the one who left you and opted for a clean break. I could hardly object when you found someone else. Anyway the sleepwalking phase didn’t last long because I went into labour a month early.’ Kate looked away. ‘I had a Caesarean section, which is why I wouldn’t let you undress me that day. I didn’t want you to see my scar.’
Jack grasped her hand so tightly she protested, and he lifted it to his lips in apology. ‘Go on, darling. Tell me the rest.’
Kate faltered slightly at the endearment, but went doggedly on to talk about the deal with Liz, which meant handing the baby over the moment it was born. But when Kate went into labour both Suttons had such heavy colds they were barred from the maternity ward.
Kate sighed deeply. ‘So I was the first to see her, and I loved her so much, Jack. I used to stand gazing at her for ages in the baby unit. She had to stay there for a while because she came early, and I had to go home without her. It was such a terrible wrench to leave her behind that I told Liz the deal was off. I wanted to keep my baby after all.’
‘What changed your mind?’ asked Jack with compassion.
‘Liz was the only mother I ever knew, remember, and a pretty forceful personality. She played on the guilt angle that responsibility for me had kept her from having a child of her own, and this was a perfect way to repay the debt.’
Kate tried to sound dispassionate as she told Jack how her sister kept hammering on that to support a child Kate would have to work full-time and pay a child-minder. If she did that, Liz threatened to wash her hands of her. Kate would be forced to bring up her baby on her own in some poky bedsitter and farm her out to strangers so she could keep working. At that point post-natal depression hit Kate so hard she was in a terrible state by the time Joanna was discharged and Elizabeth took full advantage of it.
‘I was in no condition to look after a child, physically, mentally or financially, she told me. She, on the other hand, could give my baby a good home, constant care and attention, and when the time came Robert would pay for a good school.’ Kate took in a deep breath. ‘In desperation I finally caved in, totally brainwashed about the good of my child, but I had to stick to Sutton rules. I was forbidden to give my baby her bottle, or bathe and change her, or even pick her up when she was crying in case she bonded to me and not Liz. But I dug my heels in and made two rules of my own. I insisted that I was made Jo’s legal guardian, and that I chose her name. But I had no say in it when they sent her to boarding school at the age of eight,’ Kate added bitterly.
Jack got up and paced round the room like a restless tiger. ‘Did they keep you shut up in a downstairs room again after the baby was born?’
‘No, of course not. But I went back to work far sooner than I should have because it was such torture to watch Liz do all the things I should have been doing for my baby girl. And, in the end, even though it broke my heart to leave her, I answered Anna’s advertisement for a flat share.’
He frowned. ‘Does Anna know about any of this?’
‘No. I told her I was recovering from a broken engagement, which was no lie, Jack. And Anna finds it quite natural that I’m so attached to my “niece”, because she is,too.’
He looked at her questioningly. ‘What do I tell my father?’
‘The truth, what else?’
Jack sat on the end of the chaise and took her hand again. ‘Once Dad told me about meeting Joanna I realised why you won’t marry me. But what I don’t understand,’ he added,‘is why you brought her here to live. You must have known I’d meet her one day.’
Kate shrugged. ‘I thought it didn’t matter if you did. I never saw a photograph of your mother, remember, and Jo doesn’t resemble you or me in any way, except for my kind of body shape. I had no intention of turning up on your doorstep and confronting you with your love child,I assure you.’ She looked down at their clasped hands. ‘Personally, I wasn’t keen on coming back here. Even after all these years I didn’t relish the idea of seeing you play happy families with Dawn. But Joanna was desperate to get away from London after Liz and Robert died,and there was this house, just waiting for us to move into it. Jo fell in love with it, so here we are.’
Jack was silent for a while, then got up and stood over Kate, his eyes implacable. ‘Right. This is what we do. Now I know the truth, you and I simply get married and—’
‘Live happily ever after?’ She shook her head. ‘There’s nothing simple about it. You’re not thinking straight.’
He sat down again, his eyes boring into hers. ‘One thing I do have straight. We must tell Joanna.’
Kate’s eyes blazed. ‘And just what are “we” going to tell her, Jack? That her Daddy married someone else the minute my back was turned, and I gave my baby away like a pound of tea because I couldn’t face life as a single mother? Something,’ she added with bitterness, ‘I’ve regretted every single day of my life since.’
‘Then it’s time to change things.’ Jack’s hand tightened on hers. ‘Surely Joanna could cope with th
e facts if you explained them to her?’
She gazed at him in anguish. ‘How can I do that to her, Jack? She’s just lost the people she knew as parents. It would be like taking them away from her all over again.’
‘She has two real live parents to take their place.’
‘I can’t take the risk.’ Kate shivered. ‘If I tell her the truth she might hate me. I won’t do it, Jack.’
‘Better than having her find out by accident.’
‘I don’t know. Maybe you’re right. But Jo’s so vulnerable right now.’
‘Does she know anything about me?’
‘Only that I’ve been seeing an old friend.’
He shrugged. ‘Then she’ll think it perfectly natural if you keep on seeing me.’
‘So she can get used to having you around?’
‘I want a whole lot more than that!’ He touched a hand to her cheek. ‘These past few weeks I’ve tried to prove to myself that I can live without you, Kate, but only proved that I can’t. On the way home from London today, hours before I knew the truth about Joanna, I decided to play it your way, as your friend or anything you want. But you know damn well thatI want to be husband—and your friend.The two are not mutually exclusive. For God’s sake, Kate, I love you. And, in spite of my past sins, I know you still love me.’ He pulled her up out of her chair and held her by the shoulders. ‘Are you going to tell me I’m wrong?’
She stared up into the compelling eyes for a long moment, then shook her head wearily. ‘No. You’re not wrong, Jack.’ She leaned into him, her cheek against the soft wool of his sweater. ‘But Joanna comes first.’
‘Then I’ll do my best to make her like me.’
‘She likes your father.’ Kate looked up at him with a wry little smile. ‘And she fell madly in love with Bran.’
‘Ah!’ Jack’s eyes gleamed. ‘Does she know he’s mine?’
‘Yes.’
‘Good. I’ll use him as my trump card. When do I meet her?’
‘I’m fetching her from Worcester on Tuesday, so come to supper on Wednesday, if you like. It would help pass the time for her until Saturday.’
‘What’s happening on Saturday?’
Kate told him about the disco and, to her amusement, Jack scowled in disapproval.
‘You’re letting her loose among teenage boys?’
‘She’s thirteen, Jack. And Ben will be on hand to help Jim Carey fend off gatecrashers, so she won’t come to any harm.’
‘I’ll ring Jim and offer my help—’
‘No, you will not, Jack! Get to know Joanna first before you start acting the heavy parent.’
He smiled reluctantly. ‘All right. You win—this time.’ He picked her up and sat down on the chaise with her on his lap. ‘You do realise what this means?’ he said, his eyes inches from hers.
‘What does what mean?’ she said unevenly.
‘If you refuse to tell Joanna I’m her father I’ll just have to marry her aunt and become her uncle.’
‘No way. Living a lie isn’t easy, Jack—I speak from experience.’
‘I thought you’d say that,’ he said with satisfaction. ‘Then we revert to Plan A and get Joanna so used to having me around she’ll probably start asking my intentions.’
‘You haven’t been around at all lately,’ she reminded him tartly.
His eyes smouldered. ‘Do you blame me? You turned me down for the second time, Kate.’
‘Don’t tell me you were heartbroken, Jack Logan,’ she retorted. ‘I happen to know you went back to your haunts in London!’
‘Yes. For all the good it did me.’ He held her closer, smiling ruefully as he told her about the unsuccessful evening with Hester Morris. ‘You can laugh if you like.’
She shook her head, secretly so delighted she wanted to hug him until his ribs cracked. ‘I didn’twant to turn you down, Jack. You can see, now, why I did. Besides, I didn’t turn you down flat the first time either. I just wanted to work in London for a while before getting married.’ Kate sighed. ‘I took it for granted I’d see you every weekend once you realised you couldn’t live without me.’
‘Which is exactly what happened,’ he said grimly. ‘Only fate—in the shape of Dawn—intervened.’
‘And what a shape it was,’ Kate retorted. ‘No wonder you couldn’t resist.’
Jack kissed her suddenly, holding her still when she tried to protest, and after a moment or two Kate gave up protesting and kissed him back. He raised his head, his eyes gleaming as he smoothed a lock of hair back from her face. ‘It was nothing to do with her shape,’ he said huskily. ‘I was like a kid wanting comfort, and Dawn provided it as bait to hook a husband. Not that I’m blaming her—it was mym is take.’
‘You paid through the nose for it, Jack!’
‘You paid a far higher price than me. But we can’t go on paying, Kate.’ He kissed her again, his hands sliding into her hair to hold her still. She leaned into him and he smoothed a hand down her face, his forehead against hers. ‘I want you so much,’ he said hoarsely, and she clutched him closer, aroused by the note of desperation in his voice.
‘Have you left Bran outside in the car?’
‘No.’ He put her away from him to look into her face. ‘He’s staying with Dad again tonight. Why?’
‘I just wondered.’ Kate relaxed against him again. ‘I’m so glad you know everything, Jack. It’s been desperately hard to keep the truth from you.’
‘You’ve never told anyone else? Not even the banker you were engaged to?’
‘Not even David. While Elizabeth and Robert were alive I couldn’t tell anyone.’ She paused. ‘Besides, you’re the only one I ever wanted to tell, Jack.’ And right now she also wanted him to pick her up and carry her upstairs to bed. She was trying to find a way to tell him that when Jack set her on her feet and stood up.
‘I should be going. You look tired, Katie.’
She pulled a face. ‘You mean I look like a hag.’
Jack smiled. ‘You look so much the opposite of a hag I’d better go before I do something you’ll regret.’
Kate looked him in the eye. ‘Do you want to stay the night?’ she said baldly.
With a groan of pure relief Jack picked her up and sat down with her on the chaise. ‘Of course I want to stay the night!’ he said roughly and rubbed his cheek against hers. ‘Not just to make love, though God knows I want that so much I ache for you, Katie. But I need to hold you in my arms all night most of all, to make up for all those other nights when you weren’t there.’
‘My thoughts exactly.’ She grinned as Jack stood up with her and set her on her feet. ‘Only my version had you carrying me up to bed. But don’t try it. The stairs here are too narrow.’
‘No romance in getting you black and blue,’ he agreed. ‘You go up first so I can enjoy your back view.’ He gave her a tap on the bottom and Kate gave him a smile of such radiance his eyes blazed in response.
‘I’ve missed you, Jack.’
‘I’ve missed you too.’
‘Then why did you keep away?’
He smiled crookedly. ‘Because I’m a stubborn idiot. I had to prove that I could, I suppose. But I’m here now.’
‘Only because you wanted to show me your mother’s photographs,’ she reminded him as she started up the stairs.
‘I had other reasons.’ He followed her up so closely she could feel his breath on her neck. ‘Some of them very pressing,’ he added huskily as he picked her up on the landing. ‘Even shorter journey this time,’ he said with satisfaction, and carried her into the bedroom. ‘In college a girl told me that carrying a woman to bed was the best foreplay of the lot.’
‘So that’s why you do it!’ Kate chuckled as he sat down with her on the bed, holding her on his lap. ‘And did it work with the lady in question?’
Jack shook his head regretfully. ‘I never tried it. She was a gorgeous Amazon, built on generous lines. Think of the damage to my ego—and other parts—if I’d dropped her halfwa
y!’
Kate let out a snort of laughter as she hugged him close. ‘She was right, though. It does appeal to the female in a woman.’
‘It helps when the female is a featherweight. Like you.’
‘You mean skinny,’ she said, resigned.
He undid the buttons on her shirt and peeled it off, then turned her away from him to unclasp her bra. ‘Definitely not skinny—just fine, delicate bones covered with silky skin,’ he said unevenly, and kissed the back of her neck as he caressed her breasts, taking deep satisfaction in her hurried breathing. Kate endured the exquisite torture for a moment, then twisted round and flung her arms round his neck and, with a relishing sound, he kissed her fiercely. Her hands slid under his sweater, tugging at it until he yanked it over his head and pulled her against his chest.
‘Wait,’ said Kate hoarsely, and stood up to kick off her suede boots and undo the zip of the tailored trousers she’d worn for the trip to Worcester. Holding his eyes, she slid them off, removing the strip of lace beneath at the same time, and Jack went down on his knees to kiss her scar. She stood as still as she could under the gentle caress, but the hurried frantic rhythm of her breathing gave her away as his lips moved lower and lower until his tongue penetrated moist heat to find the tiny secret part of her that quivered, erect in its hiding place, so exquisitely sensitive that when his caresses homed in on it she gasped and stiffened, her hands fisted in his hair as waves of sensation swept over her.
Jack got to his feet and laid her on the bed, looking down at her in such triumphant possession Kate felt a throb of fiery response in the place where he’d just caused such havoc. He stripped off the rest of his clothes and joined her, uttering a visceral groan of pure pleasure as their bodies came into full naked contact.
‘Firstly, I’ve now seen—and kissed—the famous scar,’ he said against her mouth.
‘Not only the scar!’ She thrust herself closer, her eyes gleaming in triumph as she felt his erection nudge against her.
