Indiscretion

by Anderson, Callie

  “I’m sorry.” Her eyes were glassy with unshed tears again.

  “Don’t be. I can’t force you to testify against him or give me that check.” Propping my elbows on the table, I let my palms hold my chin.

  “I’m sorry, Katherine, but it will destroy my father’s career. He will disown me.”

  “I don’t know your father, but do you think any person would disown their child for putting a rapist behind bars? Do you think your father would hate you so much that he’d disregard the fact that you’re giving Natasha—an innocent woman—her job back, her chance at a normal life again?”

  “Can I think about it?” She looked down at her watch. “Oh, shit. I’m going to be late for work.” She pulled her wallet out of her purse, but I stopped her.

  “It’s okay. I got it. Just tell me you’ll think about it?” She nodded and smiled at me before she left.

  I left Johnny Boy’s hours later, buzzed and with my phone attached to my hand. I kept willing it to ring. My feet moved along the concrete pathway as I walked through Central Park and found myself praying out loud to my phone. “Please ring. Please, oh pretty please ring.” Mackenzie had said she would think about it, and I needed to believe that she would do the right thing.

  I sat on the green grass at Central Park, looking up at a blue sky filled with white fluffy clouds and skyscrapers. I placed my phone on my chest so I could feel it vibrate as I leaned back on the grass, my hands behind my head.

  My phone buzzed, and I jumped to answer it. I shook it twice, making sure I wasn’t hallucinating.

  Mackenzie Adams: Hey. I’ll do it

  She was going to help. We would prove that Natasha’s accusations were true. My hands shook so much that my thumbs missed letters when I tried to reply.

  Me: Come by my office Monday. I’ll explain the process to you. I’ll text you the address later.

  I couldn’t contain my joy.

  I had done it.

  I had proven that I was somebody who could make a change in the world.

  Looking up to the clear blue early summer sky, I closed my eyes and thanked God. The dirty Manhattan air filled my lungs before I opened my eyes. I really wanted to tell Cole. Case or not, I needed to see him.

  My flats pushed against the concrete as I made my way across a busy Fifth Avenue. I pushed through the glass revolving door, and the cool, air-conditioned air hit my skin, causing goose bumps.

  I smiled at the doorman as I held the phone to my ear. “Come on . . . Pick up, please.”

  “Katherine?” His voice did things to my heart.

  “Hi. Will you send me the elevator?” I paced back and forth. I hadn’t thought this out properly. What if he says no?

  “It’s coming down now,” he said.

  A million emotions ran through me as I waited for the cart. The butterflies in my stomach flapped their wings, and containing my excitement was difficult. Standing tall in my buzzed state, I felt proud of myself. I was about to prove someone’s guilt, and I was going to fight hard to make sure that the rat bastard would pay for what he did. I let myself feel anger, and I couldn’t stop the tears from forming.

  I wasn’t stupid.

  I was a kick-ass soon-to-be lawyer who was going to put an evil son of a bitch behind bars.

  24

  Katherine

  I paced Cole’s kitchen as he tended the bar. Unknown rage and excitement ran through me. I didn’t know how to tell him. The elevator door opened, my hands were shaking, and my breathing irregular. Shocked by my appearance, he offered me water, but I needed something stronger. It probably wasn’t a smart choice, being as I’d had a few extra cocktails after Mackenzie left, but I needed the liquid courage.

  He placed the glass of wine and the bottle on the island before stepping in front of me, forcing me to stop pacing. “What happened? You’re all over the place right now. Here.” He reached for the glass. “Drink some and breathe.”

  “He’s going to jail. He’ll never be able to hurt anyone ever again,” I blurted.

  “Katherine, look at me. What the fuck happened?” He grabbed my cheeks. “Please, you’re scaring me. Tell me what’s going on.” He placed his lips lightly on mine.

  Since I had received Mackenzie’s text, every possible emotion had entered and left my body. I was pretty certain I was having an anxiety attack. My heart raced, my palms were sweaty, and my feelings swam inside of me, but when his lips touched mine, it all vanished. My fear, rage, happiness, and sorrow were replaced with something much more powerful. Lust? Love? It was definitely love.

  I looked up at him with fresh tears in my eyes, and he kissed my forehead. It wasn’t only an emotional attachment I had for him anymore, but under the circumstances, I couldn’t see clearly.

  “Hi,” I whispered as the first tear dripped from my eyes.

  Catching my tear, he wiped it away with his thumb. “Tell me what happened.”

  “Can you be Cole? Can I talk to you and not the defense attorney?” I sniffled.

  He placed his hands under my arms, lifting me so I sat on the island countertop. “Talk to me.” He placed himself between my legs, taking his cup in his hand. I watched as the wine hit his lips.

  “Mackenzie Adams has what I need to win Natasha’s case and potentially put Evan behind bars.” I beamed at him.

  “Kat, I thought we didn’t discuss work.”

  I took a swig of my wine and replenished my cup. “I need to tell someone, and I really want to tell you. Please, come Monday morning you’ll receive an email about her. I’m not asking you to give me anything on Evan, and I won’t even go into details. Just please let me have this moment. I did it. After all my neurotic stalking, I found the truth.”

  Cole smiled, and I knew by the look on his face he was proud of me. He slid me off the countertop and placed me in front of him, his face serious. “Can I ask you something? What is your obsession with the rape charges? Your client is suing Evan, not claiming she raped him, so why have you insisted on following up with every past relationship he’s had?”

  I inhaled deeply filling my lungs with the air it desperately needed. . His strong hand took mine and led me to the living room. He placed both our wine glasses on the coffee table, then sat down on it across from me and took my hands in his, waiting for my response.

  Though my mind was screaming for me to keep my mouth shut, and walk away, my heart was telling me something entirely different. My teeth grazed the chapped skin off my lips, and I weighed my options. I wanted to share things with him that only a handful of people knew.

  I sighed and swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat. “There’s a lot about me you don’t know,” I finally had the courage to admit.

  He grabbed my hands tighter, and lowered his face so I was forced to look at him. “I know that, but that’s because you haven’t let me in,” he teased in a low, sexy voice.

  I nodded. He was right, but I didn’t let anyone in. I had been a locked safe my entire life. I spent most of my life feeling less than what I was intended to be. When my stepfather stripped me of my innocence, I closed off to the world, and what happened in college opened a wound that had been infected for years. I spiraled down a dark hole and fought like hell to climb out, and only a handful of people knew the skeletons that were stuffed in my closet.

  The sun was setting over Manhattan, and orange rays shot into his house and colored the furniture. I looked away from his expectant eyes to watch its descent, still debating whether or not to tell him. If he knew everything, would it ruin what he saw in me? Would it ruin us?

  Devon could very well know and already unveiled my monsters to him. Whether that was the case or not, I would tell him my story. “I was born in Ohio, not in Boston.” His puzzled face told me Devon hadn’t said anything to him yet. “My dad left us when I was two, and my mom moved to a little town outside of Boston her family lived in.” I looked out the window again. “She didn’t have a college education, and her parents didn’t come from mone
y, so she remarried quickly. When that husband didn’t work out, she remarried again.”

  I swallowed back my emotions. “My mother’s third husband, Gary.” I paused hating the way his name slipping out of my mouth. “When I was almost ten years old, he would come into my room in the middle of the night while my mother was asleep.” I pulled my hand from his to take a sip of my wine realizing it was the first time I’d said Gary’s name in a long time.

  “Fuck. I’m so sorry.” Cole moved from the coffee table to sit next to me. He wrapped his arms around me and held me close.

  “He would ask my mother to have a drink with him before bed and then slip a sleeping pill in hers, so she wouldn’t hear my cries.” I shook my head, trying to push away the memories.

  “How long did that go on?”

  “A few years,” I whispered, and his arms tightened around me. “Until I was fourteen and and he was no longer interested because I was too old.”

  I inhale a deep breath, and looked around the apartment, allowing the tears to swim in my eyes without falling. “My mother wasn’t bad. She did what she could given the situation she had. But because she worked late hours to help with the bills, by the time she got home, I was in my bedroom hoping he would want her that night instead of me. I went from being the little girl who had all these friends to the girl who was getting in trouble in school. I lashed out and didn’t care about anything. My mother noticed something was off but said it was teenage hormones. I spent many nights trying to find the courage to tell her. I wanted to yell that she was married to a monster, but he said that no one would believe a slut, or that if I told her, he would leave and take all his money. He said it had to be our secret. That I needed to pay up for all the food I consumed on his dime.”

  I took a breath and lowered my head so my chin was touching my chest. “By the timeI found the strength to tell my mother he was gone. He’d left for work one morning and never came back.” There was a heavy pause as I collected myself and let Cole absorb what I’d told him.

  “He got away with it?” he asked tentatively, and I nodded.

  “I never had the courage to say anything.”

  “That’s why you looked into Evan’s exes?” His concerned voice melted the pain from my heart. This was not the Cole I was used to, not the Cole I had been sleeping with for the past couple of weeks. Or was it? I’d been so focused on keeping him away that I never gave him a chance to show me who he really was. He had tried, I realized. He had shown me moments of vulnerability, but I wasn’t ready to accept those moments. I wasn’t ready to reciprocate. I was now.

  Tell him, Katherine. The whole truth.

  If there was ever going to be a chance between us, I needed to let him know everything.

  Why I had turned to pills to numb the pain.

  Why I used sex to regain my own control.

  Why I could never let my guard down with him.

  Why I needed to have every rapist bastard behind bars.

  “Did you know I originally wanted to be a pediatrician?” I asked, knowing he had no idea. “I love kids. In high school, I babysat so many that I knew I’d be a great doctor, and until I started working for Mr. Goldstein, I was a nanny for the Smiths.” Cole nodded, and I continued.

  “When I was accepted into Northeastern, my mother was thrilled. She had moved on from Gary, I thought I was over what he had done to me. My mom had also moved on to husband number four, the day I moved into college she said I do.”

  I had a fresh start, and I worked really hard to get my grades up. Lila was my roommate, and our friendship was instant. Everything was going just as I planned. I had crazy, fantastic friends, I studied really hard to get good grades, and I never got caught up with boys. My past didn’t follow me, and I felt free.” My body began to shake.

  “Katherine, where are you going with this?” He rubbed his hands up and down my arms.

  “It was late in August, right before our sophomore year. Lila and Caleb had just started hanging out, and she wanted to have this big bash before we all went back to school. I was sick and skipped the weekend in the Hamptons. Instead, I went back home to visit my mother. She had bought this little cottage that packed into a park.”

  Like Mackenzie during lunch, I needed to continue until it was all out. Reaching for my glass of wine again, I took a big gulp. “I sat at her kitchen table and looked out the window. There were kids playing in the hot summer day, but I felt my body freeze when I saw him. Gary.” My throat tightened up.

  “The memories flooded me. How I would first hear the door close because I never had the courage to look at him. How his breath was warm on my skin.” Shaking my head with my eyes closed, I tried to fight the images in my head. “How I’d try to scream, but he’d grab my throat to stop me. His beard rubbed against my ear, and the stench of cheap liquor oozed from his pores. He’d always shush me, the way you would a baby to keep them quiet when they’re fussy. Every night, I let the tears fall, scared to death of what was happening.

  “When I was younger, he was nice. He’d take me to the park and then for ice cream, those nights he was tender, and would only pet me. But as I grew older, he wasn’t as gentle.” I wiped the tears away, drinking more liquid courage. “All the memories that I’d spent years trying to forget flooded into my mind as I spotted Gary at the playground with two little girls. He had stopped molesting me, but I knew he was now doing it to those sweet innocent girls.”

  Cole’s fingers brushed through his hair before his eyes met mine. “Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Cole shot up from the couch and rage flashed across his face. “Look at how we met. How could you not have told me?” His voice was loud and ragged as he paced in front of me. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” He reached for a decorative pillow and threw it across the room.

  I stood and walked toward him, wrapping my arms around his waist as I tried to calm him. “Sit back down, please. Let me finish the story. Only a few people know, and it’s hard enough to tell it. I can’t have you freaking out.”

  His arms wrapped around my shoulders as he led me back to the couch. I placed my hands in his. I wiped my tears away. “I knew then, if I told anyone, no one would believe me. I was too afraid to tell my mother what had happened to me. So I did nothing. And every night when I went to bed, I saw him and those little girls in my dream. It was then I spiraled out of control. Sex became a game for me, and I popped painkillers like they were candy. My mom had no clue about any of it, but Lila was the one who helped me get sober. She and Ben worked round the clock to help me, and when I did get clean, I decided I would fight till the end, but I would make sure that no one got away with raping someone else. That I’d fight to put every scumbag like him behind bars. That’s why I can’t let go of the mysteriously dropped rape charges against Evan.”

  He wiped the tears from my face. “I’m sorry I was such an asshole when I met you. I can’t believe I asked you to come home with me.”

  I grabbed his hand on my face, and shook my head, reassuring him. “You did nothing wrong. I wanted you that night. Since then, what you and I have . . .” My words were stuck in my throat. “Sex with you has never been meaningless. For the first time, it actually feels the way it was meant to be. I don’t need to get high, or fuck till I’m numb. You took something that was horrific and made it pure and sensual. You saved me, Cole. You’re my savior.”

  Cole reached for the blanket on the back of the couch and pulled me closer before laying us down and holding me in a tight cocoon. “Do you want to tell me about Mackenzie, or have you had too much for one day?”

  With my head on his chest, I listened to his heartbeat, the soothing sound comforting me. I looked up at him, at the sad smile on his face. “I think I’ve had enough for one day.” He would know her side of the story and what she had on Evan soon enough.

  “I’m sorry I made you cry, Katherine.”

  I closed my heavy eyelids and shook my head. Right now I wanted to take comfort in his arms. In him.

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nbsp; * * *

  I opened my eyes slowly. I noticed the dark, unfamiliar room before I realized I was still lying on Cole’s chest, the light from the TV flashing behind me. He looked down at me as I cracked my neck, and his breathtaking smile appeared on his handsome face.

  “Hi, sleepyhead,” he whispered before he kissed the top of my head. I felt my face flush from his comment. Burying my face in his chest, I hid the effect he was having on me.

  “Hi.” His hands began to tickle my ribs. “Cole, no . . . please, don’t tickle me.” I couldn’t contain my laughter as my body twisted, his long fingers playing my rib cage like a grand piano.

  “Ticklish, are we?” He released me from his dangerous fingers.

  “Come on, that’s not fair. I was taking a little catnap.” I stretched my arms above me, my toes pointing.

  “Catnap? It’s almost midnight.”

  I snapped my head up, looking around for a clock. “It’s not midnight. It can’t be.”

  He retrieved the remote from the coffee table and hit the channel guide button so I could see the time. “See, almost midnight.”

  “Crap. Why didn’t you wake me?” I threw the blanket off. “I have to go.”

  Gripping my hips, he held me in place. “It’s late and dark outside. Why don’t you spend the night?”

  My heart pinched. Though I still had feelings for him, it didn’t mean he still had them for me. “I don’t . . . I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  He released my waist, I stood and located my shoes, which had been kicked under the couch. Cole turned the TV off and put the remote back down. “It really wasn’t a question.” Before I had a chance to respond, he threw me over his shoulder.

  “Coleman Hunter Rhoades, what are you doing?” I smacked his butt repeatedly, pinching each of his cheeks.

  “Woman, if you don’t stop that this instant, I’m going to withhold sex.” The authority in his voice awakened my core.

  “You’ll be punishing yourself.” I laughed, pinching his butt cheek once again.