Indiscretion

by Anderson, Callie

Julian's raises his hand. With one swift motion it collides with my face, tossing my head to the side. My cheek burns, and for a second I can't see.

  “I’ve told you not to ask me anything. The job I have. The things I do, I do them for you.”

  Exhausted and emotionally drained, I walk back to my bed. Minutes pass before the comforter on the bed is pulled back. I hold my breath. I can’t stay here. I refuse to live like this anymore. I don’t want to leave my home but if Julian is ever going to change, I need to face my fears.

  I need to see Nathaniel.

  ***

  The following morning, the sun peers through the window and warms my skin. I squint and notice that my bed is empty. Of course he’s gone. Wiping the sleep off my face, I look at the wall. It is no longer blank and empty, but vibrant red. I shake my head and immediately regret it as a piercing headache blurs my vision. Why did I think alcohol would help?

  My body aches as I roll out of bed and notice Julian’s clothes from last night piled on the floor. My stomach turns as I’m reminded of his scent. Dashing to the bathroom, I wash my face and pop two Advil into my mouth to soothe my headache.

  I emerge from the bathroom dragging my feet, and stop at the wall. This is the moment of clarity. No. I shake my head in disbelief. I can’t—no, I refuse—to live like this.

  For ten years I’ve avoided my past. For ten years I’ve given Julian my all. But enough is enough. I’m going back. Though it will kill me and open wounds that have never fully healed, Nate is the only one he will listen to.

  I inhale all the air my lungs will take. With my head high and my shoulders back, I march into my closet and pull out my suitcase.