Home Torn

by Tijan

  Julia stood and Dani led the way. Both knew they were center stage, all eyes on them, but neither cared in that moment. Finding a private corner between two horse trailers, Dani turned. “When did we become enemies? Sometime in our childhood? When Mom died? When?”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “I don’t know,” Dani admitted. “Maybe because I’m tired of hating something, but not knowing what I’m supposed to hate. Maybe because I’m tired of this supposed ‘fight’ between us. I don’t hate you, Julia. You’re my sister.”

  Her words hung in the air. She repeated them, “You’re my sister. We share…so much.”

  “Like what?” Julia snorted.

  Dani sighed and saw her sister. For the first time, she saw her older sister in pain.

  “We both lost our mother. We both lost a sister. We both weren’t taught how to love each other. And we both loved the same man.”

  Julia looked away and turned her back. Dani saw her arms wrap around herself. It took a second, but she heard, “I love him.”

  “And I remember my love for him.”

  Julia’s shoulders arched upwards. Dani heard the soft sniffle from behind. Her sister was crying. Her supposed heartless sister was crying.

  “I don’t want Jake back.” Dani took a breath. “I left that night and he and I, we haven’t gone through the process of seeing each other again, not together. You know? I’ve thought about him with Erica, but seeing him…that’s another story. I’d imagine it’s the same for Jake, but I don’t want him. I don’t love him anymore.”

  “But you used to.” Julia turned back, her hand to her nose, as if just waiting to swipe another tear before it trickled past.

  “Yeah. I did.” She had loved him, so, so much. “It took a year, Julia. It took an entire year before I didn’t think about him when I started the mornings. A year.”

  “I can’t—I can’t touch what you had with him.” Julia gave her own confession. “I just can’t. I know it.”

  “You will.” Dani was sure of it. “You’re going to be his wife. You’re going to have his children. What I had with him was in our past. We were children. You’ll have children with him. Do you not get that?”

  Julia stopped the tears as she stared at Dani. She choked out, “It was supposed to have been Erica.” A sniffle. “It was supposed to have been Erica who had his children. He loved her, not me. He loved you, Erica, but he never loved me.”

  Dani pulled her sister into her arms and whispered, “He loves you now, Julia. I know he does.”

  “He loves you.”

  “Yeah, he does.” Dani affirmed and pulled back. She said, “He should because he and I were together for ten fucking years. Ten years, Julia. I, sure as hell, hope that he loves me. A person doesn’t stop loving someone when the break-up happens. It takes a long time and I’d hope that Jake would always love me.” She grasped Julia’s face, a hand to both sides, and said fiercely, “But he’s not in love with me. He’s in love with you.”

  “He loved Erica.” Julia broke down again. Against Dani’s shoulder, her voice muffled, she continued, “I’m not Erica. I can’t be Erica for him and sometimes,” a hiccup, “I think he wants me to be her. I don’t laugh like she does or make the same jokes. I don’t even cook like her. I’m a good cook. Erica was awful and I feel like Jake wants me to burn the lasagna. I don’t want to burn the lasagna.”

  Dani couldn’t contain a laugh. Erica had burned, destroyed, or exploded anything she baked and cooked. Julia had been awarded championship for baked goods eight years and running.

  She patted Julia’s head. “You shouldn’t have to burn your lasagna. You have really good lasagna.”

  “I do.” Julia’s hands curled into fists with Dani’s shirt. “I felt like I needed to go to confession when I burned the toast.”

  “Consider it done.”

  Julia broke again. A fresh cascade of tears. “And they had this ritual where Erica would start telling a story and Jake would finish it for her. They spoke their own languages, Dani. How can I do that? I have no idea what he’s going to say sometimes. I tried to finish a sentence for him and I swear, I felt like he hated me in that moment.”

  Dani cracked a smile, but soothed, patting Julia’s hair, “Julia, you can’t be Erica. You can’t have the same traditions that they did. You and Jake are you and Jake. It’s not Jake and Erica. It’s not even Jake and me. You’re you; you’re different. Jake’s with you because of you.”

  “I want him to love me,” Julia cried into her shoulder.

  “He asked you to share the rest of your lives together. He loves you.”

  “He still loves her.”

  Dani held her breath; her own realization came to light. “Jake is still mourning her. And he has to deal with me being here. We know what it’s like, Jules. We both knew Momma was dying, but it was different when she died. It was like a whole other sort of grief. I remember it.”

  Julia sniffed, but moved back. Tears had stained her cheeks and had swollen her eyes. But her eyes shone clear and bright. Clear and bright. “Aunt Kathryn’s dying, Dani.”

  “I know.”

  “I can’t do it again. I can’t—it’d be the third time. I just can’t.”

  “I’d like to help, if you’d let me.”

  Julia stepped away.

  Dani held her breath. “Unless Aunt Kathryn doesn’t me to be a part of it.” Julia looked away and Dani whispered, “Aunt Kathryn doesn’t want my help? She doesn’t want me around?”

  Julia tried, “It’s not…it’s like…you don’t know. Aunt Kathryn, she, I mean…it’s stupid, really. You don’t want to be a part of it. I mean, it’s hospital visits, checking her blood, making sure the nurse aides do their job. It’s not fun.” She shook her head. “You wouldn’t want to be a part of it.”

  Except she would.

  “Yeah, I would,” Dani said simply, her eyes haunted. “She’s my aunt, Julia. We’re different too. You knew Erica when I didn’t. You know Aunt Kathryn and I don’t. I know Aunt Mae and you have no idea. No idea.”

  Both were sisters and both had been separated, swept on different sides of the impending river. One remained on the north bank while the other was stranded on the south bank. A water of family secrets, lies, and stories separated them. Kept them adrift from each other.

  Dani saw it all in a brief moment and she murmured, “That’s okay. Tell Aunt—tell Aunt Kathryn that she’s in my prayers.”

  She didn’t have to turn her back. Dani had walked the valley of death. She was just numb as she held Julia’s stricken gaze.

  “I will,” Julia murmured, her head bent, she brushed past. Her shoulder touched Dani’s briefly. An accidental pass.

  She heard the crowd clapping in the background. The act, the second, (Dani had lost count) must’ve been a hit. The crowd loved them and roared their approval.

  As she stepped back to the main arena, just behind the crowd before the stage, Dani felt all eyes on her. They had waited, seeing Julia’s return.

  Dani’s face was impassive. She’d been trained, schooled by the school of knocks. Dani knew to keep her calm in a crisis.

  She heard Kate’s momentary pause in speech as she introduced another act and Dani knew that even Kate had noted the O’Hara disappearance and reappearance.

  Dani steeled her gaze and she looked up. She met Jake’s gaze, his of an emotion Dani had still to name. She met Jonah’s unreadable eyes. None stood and crossed to her, but she hadn’t wanted it.

  Dani could stand on her own.

  The show went off without a hitch. A few acts had stumbled, but Kate and Aiden had covered, a smart joke delivered tongue in cheek. The last act finished with a bang and the crowd clapped politely. Small town politics. They’d only stand for the acts they’d played Barbies with at age four. Dani suddenly realized how lucky she was. She had been invited and even recruited to one of those exclusive cliques. As the winners were announced, Dani moved off to meander through some of th
e animal barns. She hadn’t had the time to visit the night prior amidst the beer and angry outbursts.

  As she turned into the beef barn, she saw Jake waiting at the opposite doorway. He stood, leaning against the doorway, hands shoved in his pockets. He was in plain clothes and he looked good. As she walked to him, slowly, Dani saw why each O’Hara had fallen for him.

  His heart was on his sleeve, given purely to who held it in captivity.

  The straw crunched underneath her feet as she stopped before him. The barn fans whirred in the background, shooting streams of air through the barn. Even though it had been chilly and raining, the barns’ insides were overheated from machinery and each animal’s mass.

  Just behind Jake, a tiny Jersey calf laid her head down. Her long, oval, doe-like eyes closed and her gleaming rubbery nose nestled against her momma’s leg.

  “What’d you say to Julia?”

  “I said,” the calf opened her eyes and looked up. Straight at Dani. “I said a little about some stuff and nothing about a lot.”

  “You’re not going to tell me?” Jake sighed. “Julia’s in a mood. We were supposed to go to Mae’s Grill tonight, but now she wants to go home. She wants to get the house cleaned for Kathryn tomorrow. She’s returning from the clinic.”

  “Julia and I are fine.”

  “Then how come she’s been twitching like she’s got Tourettes?” Jake rubbed a hand over his jaw.

  “Julia’s guilt has nothing to do with me.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “You can think on it.”

  “Are you going to be at Mae’s Grill?”

  “Probably. Maybe not. I haven’t planned my evening.”

  “That group of yours is going to be there.” Dani heard the tone. He wasn’t talking in a general sense; he was talking about someone in particular.

  Dani grinned. “If you’re hinting at me being there with Jonah, then I wouldn’t know. I haven’t talked with him tonight.”

  “Not yet.” He bit back the jealousy.

  “Maybe, maybe not.” She leaned forward. “It’s not really any of your business, Jake. Your job is to make Julia happy, so go make her happy.”

  “Way she’s going, she’s just going to work herself into a frenzy. All sputtering about and moaning and groaning.”

  “Well, you’ll do what you do and you’ll calm her down. That’s your role in life, right?” She had enough. “See you around, Jake,” Dani threw over her shoulder and moved out amongst the crowds. The talent contest was done and more than a few had similar notions as herself. After she pushed and prodded her way through three too-crowded barns, Dani surrendered. There’d be another afternoon.

  She headed for the beer gardens and Kate spotted her first. Laughing, she waved her arms dramatically, nearly standing on her stool and yelled out, “Over here! Over here!”

  Across the room, Dani heard Aiden laugh, “You’re going to fall down. Get down. Ooh, I shouldn’t have had those drinks in between the acts.”

  Dani saw Bubba curl an arm around his wife and tease, “It added entertainment. I liked it.”

  She sat on an empty stool between Kate and Lori. Kate poured beer into an empty cup and pushed it in front of Dani.

  “Drink up, girl! You’re behind!”

  Taking a sip, Dani asked, “When do you work, Kate?”

  Aiden tipped her head back and giggled. Bubba’s arm kept her seated.

  “During the days, during the days,” Kate chanted. “I have the night off. Jake’s on-call so he can’t drink, but I sure can. We have two new officers training tonight. Gus takes care of the recruits.”

  Kate snorted and announced, “Everyone look.” Across the room, they saw Jonah beside the entrance, as a tanned and toned brunette literally rubbed herself up and down his body. Jonah remained still as he leaned against the wall and watched. Her coy smile added in the seduction, but Hawk and another friend seemed to enjoy the show more.

  “Oh god,” Aiden groaned. “Where do these girls come from?”

  As if by some unspoken agreement all heads turned in Dani’s direction. Dani didn’t notice, she sat frozen, her eyes glued to a person who pushed his way inside, following a group of four or five tourists. Dani paid no attention to who was a tourist and who was a local. She tuned her friends out as they asked what was wrong and followed her eyes.

  Boone had just walked into her beer gardens. He looked happy, whistling a tune, and his hand held another woman’s.

  Dani felt her world shut down. Literally. She couldn’t breathe and her arms started to tremble. Lori grabbed her hand and held it firm.

  It wasn’t one of those moments when a person feels the eyes. He didn’t look up and just sensed her presence, but he looked up and skimmed the room. His gaze passed over her. Dani watched as he crossed the room, heading into the parallel corner of where she sat. An empty table opened and his group quickly nabbed it. The redhead sat beside him and caressed his arm. When her hand slid to his waist and moved south, Dani shot out of her chair. She pushed through the door, knowing Jonah was startled by her speed.

  Just outside the door, she heard him call, “Hey. Wait up.”

  Dani ignored him and sprinted for her car. Just as her hand grasped the door handle, Jonah grabbed her other arm and whirled her to him, her back now against her car.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I can’t.” Dani tried to shove him away, but he grasped her other arm and leaned against her, paralyzing her movements.

  Now trapped between the car and Jonah, Dani tried to slide out the side, but Jonah trapped her again as he settled his legs on either side of her. Every inch of his body was plastered against her own.

  Dani’s chest rose up in short breaths.

  “What happened back there?” His breath teased her ear and Dani couldn’t suppress the full-body shiver. “Dani.”

  “Let me go.”

  “No. You’re going to run and I don’t want you to run. Tell me what happened in there.” His thumbs started caressing her arms and slid down to mold with her own.

  “I’m fine.” She didn’t even believe herself. “Really. I’m fine.”

  Jonah cursed. He tipped his head back and met her gaze. Then his eyes slid to her lips and Dani suddenly realized she was hot allover. She felt the cut of his jeans, his hands in hers, his abdominal muscles. She watched him, her body responding on its own. Jonah slid one of his hands up her arm and curved against her back, moving its way underneath her shirt against her naked skin.

  Dani glanced from his eyes to his lips and back.

  His eyes never moved; they were steady on her lips. His other hand had started a slow pattern on her back and Dani closed her eyes, feeling his hand brush against her shoulders and back down to circle her waist. It moved to the front and rested atop her stomach.

  She sucked in her breath.

  Jonah touched his lips to hers. Gently, they tasted each other. A slight nip and then another. Dani tasted back and felt her arms move of their own volition as they wrapped around his shoulders. He deepened the kiss and she felt his tongue slide inside. Her insides were melting, but a sudden burst of laughter brought them both back to reality.

  Jonah moved back as Dani let go.

  She raised her fingers to her lips. “Oh god,” her voice ripped from her throat. She had forgotten about Boone.

  “Not really, but close.”

  “Not that.” Dani flushed. “It’s…my fiancé is in there.”

  “What?”

  “My ex-fiancé is in there. He just walked in with another woman. I don’t even know how he knows I’m here. We never talked about our histories.” It all came flooding in. Everything. Her last night in the hospital, when Boone had whispered his love. He wanted to help her, if she’d let him. She’d repaid him by leaving a note on the kitchen counter as he was out celebrating their engagement.

  “What is he doing here?” Her mind was buzzing. Her lips were still tingling. She wanted more, but Boone. He didn’t
have his ring.

  “Do you want to go talk to him?”

  “No.”

  Jonah chuckled and stepped away from her. “You should probably not come to the fair anymore.”

  She needed her mind on something else, something that was hers in the first place. “I want to steal something. Want to help?”