Home Torn

by Tijan

  Nanery screamed as a sudden wave splashed onto her. Dani saw her slipping before Julia or Nanery had time to scream again. Surging across the boat and nearly capsizing them from her sudden movement, Dani clamped a hand on Nanery’s leg and quickly wrapped the anchor’s rope around it.

  “Ahh!” Nanery screamed as her body was lifted from the wave’s force and slammed back down as the anchor refused its hold.

  “Grab onto a rope and wrap it around yourself. We have to stay in this boat—”

  “Unless it capsizes right here and now,” Julia shouted back. “Go, Dani. We don’t have a lot of time and we have to get there.”

  Dani didn’t ask where, Julia wouldn’t answer her, so she turned the boat and gunned the engine.

  All of them were thrown back and forth from the waves that were just increasing in height and force, but she kept driving.

  The last wave nearly sent Dani flying from her seat, but she held on and stayed firm—until she looked back up.

  Wave after wave was crashing their way. Dani was forced with the truth.

  “We’re going to capsize, Julia. We need lifejackets. We need—”

  “No!” Julia screamed against the wind. “We need the anchor. Where are we, Dani? Do you know where we’re at?”

  “We’re in the middle of very angry waters. That’s where we’re at.”

  “No, where are we? You knew how to find us before, look! Do you know where we’re at now?”

  Nanery screamed again and gasped, “I think I broke a rib…oh god!”

  Dani glanced around, nearly frantic and blind, but her eyes caught sight of a tree. One lone tree that stuck up from the rest and her heart suddenly pounded to life.

  “Oh god,” she murmured, dazed. She stood up, now frantic for action, “You’re right, Julia. We need the anchor. We need—there should be small heating packs inside that compartment. Grab them all and put them in a closed pocket, something that can be zipped closed.”

  “…my ribs…”

  Julia scrambled up, “Where are we?”

  “There’s…it’s a cave. I’m going over to that tree and we can follow it down to the cave. We’ll have to swim around, but there should be an air pocket inside that cave. I left a blanket and flashlight in there from last week. Oh my god…”

  “Oh my god,” Julia gasped and sat down, perplexed. “She was right. She…I didn’t think we had any…”

  “We don’t have time to talk about your cryptic talk. Move. Grab the warming packs.”

  “Okay.”

  “…I can’t breathe…” Nanery gasped hoarsely. “My rib is broken. I can’t hold my breath for that long.”

  “You’re going to have to,” Dani said sternly. Tough.

  “I’m not going to make it,” Mrs. Bendsfield spoke, now calm and accepting. Dani knew what she was feeling. She’d felt it nearly the entire time, but now she didn’t want to die. She wanted to fight and she wouldn’t give up.

  It wasn’t a hero’s way.

  “You can try, Mrs. Bendsfield!” Dani yelled.

  “Nanery,” she said, a kind smile looked alien across her wrinkled face. “My name’s Nanery and I’ve got some truths to confess here.”

  Julia stilled and looked up.

  Dani froze and watched.

  Nanery drew in a breath, grunted from the pain, and started, “My husband loved your grandmomma, but you knew that. He snuck around on me for a while before he up and left, but he came back through town every so often. It’s why your grandmomma had all three of them. It wasn’t ever told. I never told a soul, but your momma screwed that up. She started coming around—”

  “We don’t have time for this!” Julia screamed.

  “Shut up and let her talk!” Dani shot a hand out to quiet her sister.

  It worked and even the storm held off at bay, for the moment of truth.

  Nanery breathed another painful breathed and smiled kindly, “My boy—I had to tell your momma about who her daddy was. She couldn’t take a liking to my Oscar, it wasn’t right.”

  “That’s why she was the only that visited her,” Dani exclaimed.

  “Yes. Sandy used to be my best friend and even though I hated her—I knew she didn’t want her children knowing she was all sorts of crazy.”

  “What are you talking about?” Julia cried out. “We’re going to die—”

  Dani rounded on her, “Then I’m going to die knowing the truth! Shut up, for the last time!”

  Julia shut up.

  And Nanery coughed before she managed, “I’ve got all sorts of guilt that eats at me. And one of the worst—your momma.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She started coming around. Me and her got real tight. I was the only one she could talk to about her momma, but…she had the same curse that Sandy did.”

  “It was a married man.” Dani knew.

  “Yeah. He was married, but not happy. Danielle let that right her mind so she wasn’t guilt-ridden, but Kathryn stuck her hand into the mix, you see—”

  “Kathryn loved him too.”

  “Yeah, but he didn’t have time for her. It was only Danielle that he loved…”

  “What are you guilty about?” Julia had listened, but she asked now.

  “Your pop is here. He’s been around, but Danielle didn’t want you guys to ever know. She was ashamed. She didn’t want her kiddies knowing what a ‘screw-up’ she was.” Nanery coughed again and hissed from the pain. “She…she knew that Kathryn would take a liking to the two because they look like their daddy, but…Danielle knew that Dani would be left in the cold. She didn’t know what to do when she found out she was dying…”

  Julia and Dani stood and waited, hearing their secrets spew from a stranger’s mouth.

  “I never done right by your momma. My boy took off, he disowned me for keeping that secret so many years. He said he couldn’t have a mother who knew he had three sisters and not tell him that. He couldn’t ever trust me again so he took off; I’ve never seen him since. Suppose now, I won’t.”

  Dani raised her chin and said, strongly, “If he comes back, I’ll tell him that you did right in the end.”

  Nanery’s smile was quick and filled with gratefulness. “Thank you.” She nodded and the slump of her neck bobbed further down as the pain was starting to take over. She wouldn’t die from the cracked ribs, but the storm, the exertion, and the will to hang on was just slipping.

  She’d lived a tumultuous life and she’d die in a tumultuous storm.

  The poetry wasn’t lost on Dani, but she asked, “Who is our father?”

  Julia sucked in her breath. Dani couldn’t hear it, but she felt her sister’s shock and knew there’d be more truth-telling much later.

  “You know him.” Nanery smiled. “You’ve talked to him; he hangs out with Mae all the time.”

  And Dani knew.

  He wore a dolphin on his wedding ring, but not any dolphin—a white dolphin. Dani had sat just in front of them with her back turned. She hadn’t been listening, but now Jeffries’ words came back to her. She heard it all—it’s the dolphin that stands for healing and loss.

  Danielle had fallen in love with a married and older man.

  He’d needed the healing for his marriage. Dani didn’t know how, but she guessed that he had already been with her momma before he got married—and he got married anyway.

  He needed the healing.

  Jeffries had told her momma about the dolphin.

  “I know who he is.”

  “I’ve ran into him a bit, around town and such. He—he always knew that I knew his secret and one time, he actually talked to me about it. Your momma didn’t want her secret told—that she’d been with a married man.”

  “He was older.”

  “He still is old, but he watches you guys. He keeps the updates on you, Dani, from Mae and from you, Julia, through Jake. Your fiancé stops in Mae’s Grill on a regular basis and talks a plenty of his girl.”

  Julia swallowed
tightly.

  “And you can tell Susan Rollings to stop baking those damned breads all the time for me. She needs to stop feeling so guilty that her brother ran around on me. I stay in my home because I’ve got enough secrets in my head. I don’t need her guilt in there either and she needs to stop paying her brother’s penance.”

  Dani was thrown across the boat as a wave rocked the boat.

  “Dani!” Julia shouted and reached for her sister.

  “I’m sorry,” Nanery shouted now as she stood up. “I could’ve saved your family. I knew all the secrets, but I chose not to. I’m sorry.”

  Dani looked away.

  Julia still held onto her sister’s arm as she seethed, “Why didn’t you?”

  “Because my family got ripped from me and I figured your family would do the same.”

  “We weren’t a part of you—” Julia started to argue.

  Dani interrupted, “That’s not what she means. She thought our family would get ripped apart, but…” She held Nanery’s gaze even through the darkness, wind, and water that spewed onto them, “You were wrong. Secrets need to be told or they build falsehoods. Your son ran away from the falsehoods that came from your secrets. He didn’t run away from you, he ran away from not knowing a part of him.”

  Julia looked to her sister.

  “Dani!” Julia screamed in her ear and Dani reacted instinctually as another wave crashed against them. She dove for the steering wheel and gunned the engine as the boat shot across the small divide and the tree brushed against their helm.

  They didn’t have time for any more confessions.

  Dani grabbed the anchor, her sister, and as her hand made contact—the boat was rocked and this time—it capsized.

  All three of them plunged into the cold water.

  Dani kicked upwards, pulled her sister after her and both gasped their last breath.

  “We don’t have long. I’m holding the anchor—just barely right now. We’re going to fall fast with the anchor—you can’t fight it.”

  “I won’t.” Julia gasped again. She shook her head desperately.

  “It’ll burn, your lungs will burn, but it’s the only way. You gotta trust me, Julia!”

  “I do!”

  And Dani saw that she did. Julia wrapped a hand around the anchor’s rope and she pulled away from her sister.

  They were both connected to the anchor that Dani held in her hands.

  Dani knew their destination, but she didn’t know if they’d make it or not. Possibly—only one may so Dani gasped now, “There’s a cave underneath this tree. If I don’t make it, you just swim around the cave and go inside. You keep swimming until you clear the hedge. Then you can swim upwards and you’ll feel the surface from inside the water. You know that feeling, right?”

  Julia gasped and nodded.

  “Trust that feeling. It’ll lead you right. There’s a blanket and a flashlight against the wall.”

  “If…if you don’t make it, what do I do?”

  “You could wait it out, if you want, but your oxygen might run out after a few days. There are mussels just underneath the edge. You can eat them if you need food. Don’t worry about the cave, the air will hold against the water. It won’t be flooded in there.”

  “Dani…” Julia started.

  “I know.” Dani stopped her. “I…I know.”

  Julia nodded, settled, and Dani saw that her sister was ready.

  It wasn’t like the last time, Dani thought briefly and triumphantly as she reached for her sister’s hand. It was their connection for comfort in that moment and then they both broke free as Dani dropped the anchor.

  She’d find out if death called her number, but she had fought this time. She wanted to fight.

  Dani—

  I’m writing this letter, but I have no way of getting this to you so it’s not even really for you. Selfish, aren’t I? Well, tough. I don’t know where you’re at, but you’re right or I’m right. I don’t know which, right now, but this is for me and my mental health. Jake says I need to be ‘sound’ in the head if I have any way to fight this crap that I have. What Jake doesn’t know won’t hurt him, right? Wrong. I’m dying and I know it and he’s got to admit it.

  You know what? I’m pretty mad at that too. Seriously. I’m here and I’m dying and you’re the one who took off? I bet you’re rich, married, and you already have kids. Right?

  Jake seems to think you’re dead. Everyone else too, but I just think it’s because Aunt Kathryn is spreading that rumor out of spite. She thinks you’ve left her and who could ever leave Aunt Kathryn? Obviously someone who’s dead, right?

  She’s demented. I know that, but she raised me. And Julia needs her. Jake’s scared to death of her. That always makes me laugh. It’s really the only moments of amusement that I have lately. I just watch to see how nervous he gets whenever she shows her face. It’s so funny how his hand will twitch. He always denies it, but I saw that he sat on his hand today. And his eyes look so strained, but Jake’s such a guy. He won’t admit someone could terrify him like that. Oh and he has this little jerk at the corner of his mouth. He’s got a nervous disorder, but anyway—I’m writing this letter for me because he told me to.

  I’m not only dying, but I’m crazy. Crazy and illogical, that’s me, but I’m so far gone on the death road that I don’t even care. That’s kinda funny too. I can say senseless things like, ‘Oh how the butterflies are so pretty.’ And everyone will agree and pat my arm and say that the butterflies are gorgeous. And this is in the winter! I told one guy that I saw that he owned a camel in his future. The guy went out and bought a camel! I laughed so hard when Jake told me that. Jake didn’t get it. He just got that cute perplexed look on his face, like he wants to tell me that I’m not making sense, but he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings. I love that look. I think that’s why I fell in love with him.

  But yeah—that’s the other part of this letter.

  You took off after Jake broke up with you. He broke up with you for me, but that’s a little part of history that I want to set right.

  Jake didn’t break up with you. I watched you guys. Yes, you were best friends and you were dating, but you weren’t any couple that I’ve ever seen.

  You had left him long before he left you, Dani, and you know it. You just put up a wall and it’s amazing he stuck around as long as he did. He did that because he loves you. Sometimes I just hate you. I really do because it’s not fair how the man that I have fallen completely head over heels still loves you. I can’t touch whatever part you have in him. And trust me—I’ve tried! The guy just gets his stubborn look and walks away to get me some water or something. We’ve talked about you a lot, but we haven’t talked about you and him, you know?

  Anyway, I’m going to die pretty soon and here’s my confession. I’m not okay that the guy I love with my whole heart still has a part of his for you. I’m not okay with that and if I was, I’d have to kill myself. I am resolved to it or have reluctantly come to terms with that. I can’t touch what you got with him, but here’s my shallowness peaking…I’m going to be the girl that he loved and died. That’s major and it’ll leave its scars. I know that and a part of me is happy about it.

  I’m dying, Dani, and I’ve known for a while. No one else has. I knew I had cancer before I was diagnosed, but no one will admit that I’m not going to win. I’m not going to be that girl. It’ll be someone else. Probably you or Julia or, I don’t know. I care, but I don’t care.

  Anyways, onto more confessions. Did you know that our grandmother is still alive? Of course, now that I’m bedridden, I get told by some guy who’s saying he’s my uncle that our grandmother is in an asylum. I guess his dad shacked up with grandmum and spurted mom, Kathryn, and Mae out. It’s pretty amazing what dying will give you. All sorts of people will show up at my bedside and talk all sorts of nonsense that they’d want me to know before I’m dead.

  Our uncle is pretty cool. He’s come to visit me a few times. He’s funny, but
he’s kind of straight-laced. Not the sort to drink