Dizzy

by Jolene Perry

  I want an eraser to take the words away because they sound stupid and needy, but I want him to hear them, too. Want them to penetrate his thick skull so he can realize what he’s doing.

  Derrick sighs. His eyes look all concerned, making me really want to get out of here. “She’s not going to come between us, and we were kids when we made that dumb pact. Come on, Dyl. I’m happy.”

  Guilt body-slams me. He sounds happy, and I want that for him. He’s my brother after all, but how can I go along with this? We were all happy: me, him, Dad and Mom. Then one day we weren’t. Now we’re happy again, and I really don’t want to go back to the not.

  “How long will you be happy? Everything was perfect before, and then it all fell apart.”

  It takes him a couple minutes to reply. It feels like an eternity, and I wonder when I turned into such a stress case.

  “Things weren’t perfect, D. You were young. You didn’t see, or you don’t remember, but—”

  I hold up my hand to stop him. “Not going there. This is about you and the colossal mistake you’re about to make.” I need the subject to go back to him and not her because he’s wrong. Our life was perfect.

  Derrick playfully shoves my arm. “It’s not a mistake. You’re my little brother. I want you to be cool with this. We’re going to need your help, ya know? There’s stuff we’ll need you to do—being the best man and all.”

  This is the first I’ve heard about best man. Buying me off isn’t going to work. Then I start to feel bad. This is my brother, and he’s never really asked me for anything. He was there for me when Dad wasn’t. But why this? He wants my help to break something that he promised me.

  It takes a few minutes, but finally he speaks again. “She’s not Mom, Dylan.”

  Tears sting my eyes. When did I turn into such a pussy? Dad’s a workaholic. Derrick is a nutcase. And I’m turning into a sniveling baby. So much for the Gibson Boys.

  “You’ll like her. She’s gorgeous, fun, smart, can outdrink my ass any day of the week. She’s good people.”

  With the palm of my hands, I rub my eyes. Stupid, cold, rainy wind. “Whatever. Don’t think I’m happy about this. And don’t think I’m going to stop trying to get you to change your mind, but I guess she must be alright if you like her.”

  Or not, but he doesn’t want to hear that. I push to my feet and before I know it, I’m tumbling off the porch and into the mud puddle I was just watching. Not hard and it wasn’t a big fall, but Derrick’s on top of me, shaking me.

  “That’s what I like to hear. I knew you’d understand.”

  I’m going to kill him. I push my brother, getting the best of him for the first time. Now I’m on top. And it’s still cold, and why are we wrestling in the rain? I don’t know, but it feels okay… almost normal.

  “I don’t understand shit, whipped boy. I’m just not going to bail on you the way you’re bailing on me.”

  Derrick pushes me again, and we break apart, both trying to find the best position to attack and get the better of each other.

  “I’d never bail on you, and you know it. Just wait. One day you’re going find the right girl and fall so head over your ass in love, you’ll know what I’m talking about.”

  “Not in a million years.” I lunge and tackle him to the ground. We’re both laughing and panting as we roll around on the cold-ass ground. He may be making a huge mistake, but he’s still the brother I know. I didn’t realize how much I missed him.

  “You’ve gotten stronger.” He rolls away from me, chest heaving. Rain is hitting us in the face, but we don’t move.

  “You’ve gotten softer. Is that what marriage does to you?”

  Derrick laughs. “I’m not married yet, smart ass. I can’t wait until you realize how dense you are. It’s going to be a joy to watch.”

  I open my mouth to tell him he’s lost his mind again, but we’re interrupted by a female voice. “Derrick? Oh—hey. Are you guys okay?”

  There’s a pair of familiar green eyes looking down on me. I can’t place where I know them from, but there’s something about them I recognize.

  “You must be Dylan.”

  She holds out her hand, and I want to be lame about it and ignore her. But I don’t. I let her help me up.

  “Hey. Nice to meet ya.” I look at the porch, the house, the ground, anywhere, but the girl who will always be there for Derrick, until one day she’s just gone.

  It’s different to like girls than it is to get serious about them. Never get your heart involved. That’s what Derrick told me, and now he’s the one doing it.

  “I rang the bell, but you guys didn’t answer.”

  Derrick gives her a cheesy smile. “I told you just to come in, baby. My house is your house.”

  I try not to gag.

  “I’m Lora.” She’s looking at me. “You guys want some hot chocolate? I brought you some.” She holds up a thermos.

  Hot chocolate? Hot chocolate? Does she think we’re five?

  “Sounds good, baby.” He kisses her.

  Yeah, totally whipped.

  We get into the kitchen, and I’m wondering how this girl is just suddenly walking into my house.

  “I feel really stupid for just suddenly walking in.”

  Great. Apparently Derrick’s awesome, gorgeous woman also has ESP.

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” Derrick looks at her in a way I’ve never seen my brother look at anyone. I’m caught between wanting to vomit again, wanting to ask him, what about me, and also feeling a little good seeing him like this. He’s obviously into this girl, but still.

  “Good hot chocolate,” I mumble, trying to break the connection. It actually is good, but whatever.

  “Thanks!” Lora smiles at me.

  Derrick was right, she is pretty. She seems nice enough, too, but nice doesn’t mean marriage and stabbing your brother in the back.

  Lora stands. “Anyway, I just wanted to come and meet you before tonight. Derrick talks about you all the time.” Funny, he never mentioned her before the big announcement.

  She looks at Derrick. “And to see you again.”

  He gets this puppy dog look on his face. I’m afraid he’ll start humping her leg any minute. Can you say pathetic?

  “I love you,” she tells him.

  He gets a goofy smile on his face. “I love you, too.”

  Has he told anyone he loves them since Mom? Have I? Suddenly, I hate her again, and the punch to Derrick’s head is sounding like a good plan.

  ***

  Zila’s? What kind of name is that for a restaurant?

  I pull the Hummer into the parking lot. I guess Lora’s mom owns this place. I had no idea this engagement party would really be a dinner at her family’s place. It feels like a point for their team, like we’re on their territory, and that kind of annoys me.

  Lora and Derrick drove together, and I followed them over. I always drive my own car when I can. She turns to wave at me before walking inside. This girl is way too nice. Derrick heads my way, and I consider throwing him in the back and driving off.

  Instead I get out and slam the door. See? I can be reasonable.

  “I need you not to be an asshole tonight, D,” Derrick tells me.

  “What? I’m not an asshole. Trying to impress the new family?” It pisses me off when he ignores the family part.

  “Seriously. Don’t mess this night up for me, or I’ll kick your ass. You might even have fun. Lora has a sister around your age…”

  Nice. Just what I need. Another overly nice, Team Marriage girl to deal with. This night just keeps getting better and better.

  “Actually… forget about her sister. I mean, be nice to her, but I know you. Keep your hands off. Seriously.”

  “What?” I push him. “Are you really trying to warn me off my future sister-in-law? First of all, I can find my own girls without trying to hit on someone at an extended-family function.” How weird is that? “Second, if she’s anything like Lora, I’m steering clear.” />
  Derrick suddenly looks like he wants to murder me.

  “Nothing against her. Geez, simmer down Fight Club. I’m just saying, she’s not my type.”

  I’m pretty sure this girl must have some magic power to seduce unsuspecting men, and the last thing I want is to get myself in the trap.

  “Just come on, Lil D. I don’t want to be late. Dad already is.”

  I try and put on my happy face for him. Until Dad gets here it will be on me to play nice. “Okay. I’m starving.”

  We walk inside, and I’m still a little annoyed. But the place is pretty cool. A little more earthy-hippie than I go for, but black trim, good music, and funky printed wallpaper. Not bad.

  Derrick introduces me to Lora’s Mom and Dad. Her dad looks pretty kicked-back, but her mom is running around like she’s hopped up on crack. She’s definitely the over-achiever of the group.

  I find a corner and watch my brother smile and talk with his new family. He hasn’t let go of Lora’s hand once, and I wonder why--if he’s afraid she’ll be gone if he lets go or afraid he won’t be able to take care of her. It’s so strange to see Derrick looking all… domestic. It reminds me of after Mom was gone. How he stepped up to the plate and took care of me.

  I shake my head. Definitely not going there.

  Finally Dad arrives. He sees me in the corner and gives me a sad smile. And I get it. He understands how I feel and probably feels the same way.

  He’s sucked up in the tornado of Lora’s family. Dad plays it perfectly, always smiling and talking the way a good lawyer can. I find myself wondering about the sister. Maybe she’s in the kitchen making hot chocolate.

  A few minutes later they’re having us sit down at a long table for dinner. There’s an empty spot next to me, which I assume is for—holy shit! The sister is standing in the doorway. Green eyes, white T-shirt. No. No, no, no, no. Lora’s sister is Hanes?

  Her gaze catches mine, and she stumbles a little, recognition lighting her face. Yeah, she remembers me, too. I’m not sure why I like that.

  Then it’s The Look, and I can’t help but smile. This night might end up being sort of fun. I can’t wait to mess with her.

  Six

  ~ Ziah ~

  I can’t believe this is happening. What is hot party guy doing here?

  This is not what I need today. It’s still hard to breathe after getting text number one million from both James and Alyssa.

  James. Alyssa. Their names have been spinning through my head all afternoon. I don’t have the details, and I don’t want them. The only text I read from Alyssa says I’M SORRY.

  Things between James and I haven’t been perfect, but they haven’t been bad either. My stomach turns over again. I’m still numb. In shock. Someone clears her throat, and I’m brought back to the present—the part of me that’s still functioning anyway.

  My eyes go from Derrick, attached to Lora’s side, to party guy, back to Derrick. Same blue eyes. Same almost-black hair. Same smug smirk. Oh. No. She is NOT marrying into that family. Half the table is staring at me. Right. I should probably move.

  Lora gives me her best exasperated, wide-eyed, clench-jawed look that says I’d better find a way to get to my seat. But the only chair is sandwiched between Dad and hot party guy.

  Not good.

  My phone beeps with another text, which almost pushes me into another round of tears. I’m not crying at the table so I pull in a deep breath, keep my eyes focused, and take the seat next to Dad. No reason for this guy to think I even recognize him.

  “Hey, Dad.” Dad smells like hospital, as always, and his dark blond hair is in serious need of a cut. I lean into him, bumping our shoulders together, and try to pretend everything’s perfect.

  “Hey, sweetie.” Dad pecks a kiss on my temple.

  “Ziah.” Lora’s smile is too bright, and her eyebrows are seriously threatening to take over her hairline.

  “Yes?” I smile back, really glossing it on. Can’t she see it’s more than the stupid wedding I’m upset over? She’s my sister. She should see this isn’t all about her.

  “This is Derrick’s brother Dylan.”

  “Derrick and Dylan. Cute.” But then my eyes meet Derrick’s dad’s, and I feel like crap for making a comment about their names.

  His hair’s as dark as theirs, and he looks like the cover of some over-priced menswear magazine. These guys seriously won the genetics lottery.

  I take a long drink from my champagne before turning to look at Dylan. Then I say, “Hey. I’m Ziah.” He doesn’t need a hand. Who knows what he’d spill on me this time.

  “Cool name.” He smirks.

  Is he seriously making fun of my name? Never mind that I made fun of his and his brother’s names—seriously, theirs match. Mine is awesome. Anyway, I don’t have to like him. His brother is messing up my sister’s plan.

  “Yeah. Thanks.” I pick up my champagne again. Not that I’m a big drinker, because I’m not. But I think the occasion is extreme. I’m also a bit surprised Mom’s risking giving me a glass. I’m sure some inspector someone wouldn’t be happy about it, but right now, I’m not about to question.

  Lora kicks me under the table, and I almost call her on it. But the death glare I’m getting says I’d better keep my mouth shut. I down the rest of my champagne. Dad raises an eyebrow, but I pretend not to see.

  Okay, so I might have sort of freaked out on Lora before the party. And her fiancé might have heard part of it because they were on the phone, and I might have stayed in the kitchen way longer than I needed to (seeing as I can barely make toast) just to avoid the dinner. But she didn’t have to torture me by putting me next to hot party guy, who smells freaking delicious and has the most awesome eyes I’ve ever… Crap. I need to stop.

  My phone buzzes with another text. Alyssa this time. I delete it without reading and pull a shaky breath in to keep from crying.

  It’s pretty egotistical for Lora to think I was upset over her anyway. I lost James. And the worst part about it is that he should have been the safest guy ever. Him and Alyssa? What have they done? Is it still going on? Was it a one-time thing? A many-times thing? How far did they go? That thought makes me feel like someone just dropped me out of a plane.

  My phone buzzes. Another text. I’m almost afraid to check, but it’s Lora. Amazingly, she seems like the safest choice right now.

  LORA: BEHAVE

  ME: R U KIDDING ME? I KNOW HIS BRO. DO U KNOW WHO UR MARRYING?

  Lora scowls as she reads my note, and then she starts frantically texting. Mom and Dad are probably telling some embarrassing story because there’s chuckling around the table, but Lora and I have business.

  L: HOW ON EARTH DO U KNOW DYLAN?

  ME: WE MET AT A…

  Crap. Now what?

  STUDENT FUNCTION.

  I hit send.

  She snorts from across the table. Yeah, I didn’t think she’d buy it. We don’t go to the same school.

  Dylan sounds like he’s holding in a chuckle. I glance his way to see him and his brother give each other the look that Lora and I usually exchange when something’s going on.

  “Ziah?” Mom leans forward. Her in a chair at her own restaurant is a bit of a miracle.

  “Yes?” I lean forward, and Dad nearly tips his chair back trying to get out of the way. Guess there’s sort of a mood around the table.

  Now I’m getting the glare of death from Mom.

  Perfect. Does everyone think I’m so immature that I’m overreacting this badly to a wedding? I mean, I’m not for it, and I think they’re making a huge mistake, but seriously.

  I slump down in my chair and make a point of shoving my phone into my pocket so Lora can see. Neither of them asks why my day’s sucking. At the same time, opening my mouth to say that James at some point hooked up with Alyssa… or is maybe still hooking up with Alyssa…

  I wish I had more champagne.

  Dylan leans toward me, and I breathe in like an idiot. “Having fun?”

/>   He so knows Lora and I were texting. I don’t make eye contact, just lean back. Anger is better than hurt.

  “Where’s your armrest?”

  “Armrest?”

  “The one decorated like…nevermind.” He knows who I am. I could see it across the table before I sat down.

  He stops. He’s probably counting back girls to remember who on Earth he was with.

  “Have you been thinking about me, Hanes?” He chuckles.

  “You wish.” Hanes? I open my mouth to ask as my fingers twitch, as I wonder what the chances are of my getting a refill on my champagne glass.

  “Maybe.” He’s smiling like this is all some big joke.

  It’s not a joke. I don’t want to think about him, and I don’t want him to want me to think about him. I also don’t want Lora to get married. And I don’t want Alyssa to be with James. The thought of it digs at my chest. And this hot guy is just messing with me for fun.

  Wait. I turn to face him. “What did you call me?”

  “What?”

  Ha. I’ve thrown him.

  “What did you call me?” I ask again.

  He glances up at his brother, who’s nuzzling Lora’s neck again. Gag.

  Maybe Alyssa and James did that. Maybe they hated that I was in the middle of what they wanted. I swear my stomach is turning inside out. I can always eat. Always. But I have zero appetite tonight.

  Dylan stares at his plate for a sec, looking almost… sad? Mad? I do not want to feel bad for this guy. He’s on the enemy side. I don’t know what’s going on, and I need air. My chair scoots back so fast, I almost tip over. Mom’s eyes are on me.

  “Ladies’ room,” I spit out as I almost trip over myself getting around the table. What’s my problem? It’s just Lora and some hot guy, and James and Alyssa. And just… Hanes. What does that mean?

  If hot party-guy’s brother is ready to settle down, what does that say about the guy who was supposed to be solid and steady, and who apparently hooked up or something with Alyssa? He has things he needs to apologize for, and she’s my best friend! Tears start pushing at my eyes, but I don’t want to cry. I actually wore mascara.

  I lean over the sink and stare at myself in the mirror. Okay. I have to pull it together.