by Kate Benson
“Daddy…” she replies, dragging out his name until it trails off into an affectionate sigh.
“Maddie Nae…” he croons in return, their simple exchange my breaking point as the tears slip over my cheeks.
The sound of his footsteps growing quiet on their way out of her room forces my attention back to getting ready, shaking my head clear as I reach for the towel he’d left on the dresser.
“You did this to yourself, Sophie,” I whisper as I dry my tears, inhaling his scent before pulling my top on. “Now it’s up to you to fix it.”
Chapter Four
Jack
Since the first call I’d received from Drake, I’ve been a nervous wreck.
Last night I tossed and turned, the couple of hours of sleep I’d managed just enough to keep me angry as I reach for my phone, biting my tongue at the lack of messages.
“Anything yet?” she yawns from my side, making me shake my head.
“No,” I slip my phone back onto her nightstand, releasing a long, low sigh of worry and frustration. She tugs on my arm, pulling it from my face and forcing it around her shoulders as her head leans into my chest. “Mornin’,” I say softly, kissing her hair. “How’d you sleep?”
“Probably better than you,” she leans up to press her lips to my jaw, taking away some of the sting from my current reality. “Good morning.”
We lie in silence, both of us trying our best to force ourselves from her bed, both also knowing our hearts aren’t really in it. I stare silently up at the ceiling of her bedroom, contemplating the day ahead when I feel her start to slowly drift back to sleep. The threat of joining her comes close. I know if I’m to do anything more than hide away with her for the day, I’ve got to get up now.
“Come on,” I whisper, rubbing her shoulders and smirking at the gentle groan of disagreement slipping from her chest. “Come take a shower with me before Eli gets up.”
“No offense, but that’s a shit idea, babe,” she starts as she nuzzles closer, making me smirk as she sniffs me. “We took one last night. We smell fine.”
“I didn’t come up with this shit idea because I think you stink,” I lift her chin to bring her lips to mine, stealing her kiss. “Your kid’s cool as hell, but he hasn’t yet embraced the art of knocking and I’m about to do some pretty disgusting things to his mother,” I husk against her lips as my hands begin to roam, finally pulling her heavy eyes to mine. “Come on, stinky. Let’s go dirty up the shower.”
“Ugh,” she replies, her nose scrunching up playfully. “That line was pretty stinky.”
“Yeah?” I chuckle against her lips, making her nod. “Did it still work?”
“Sadly, yes,” she sighs, threading her fingers into my hair before letting me lift her and carry her toward the small bathroom attached to her bedroom.
The combination of steam and her skin takes my breath away quickly. The taste of her soft moans as I swallow them wakes me in ways the hot water falling over our bare flesh only wishes it could. Before long, we’re both clinging to each other as we fall deliciously apart beneath the spray, our names echoing gently from the wet tiles.
The hot water splashes over our skin as I press her back against the tile, the sensation of having her close washing away the distress from the night before in ways nothing else ever could. Her hands rest gently on my shoulders, one palm gripping my skin tightly as her blue eyes grow heavy with need, taking me somewhere else altogether.
“Jack,” she mewls, pulling my lips closer to hers until we’re breathing the same air, chasing the same release only seconds away. “Tell me you love me.”
“I love you,” I pant against her mouth, gripping her thighs tighter as I feel her beginning to slip away, find the escape we both so desperately need. “Jenna, I love you.”
My words are her tipping point, her blue eyes fluttering in pleasure quickly becoming mine. I take her mouth as I fill her, swallowing her moans and greedily keeping them to myself. Her limbs go soft in my arms and I kiss her soft and slow until the water begins to run cold and I reluctantly place her feet back onto the floor of the shower.
When I step out onto the fluffy mat beside us, I reach for her towel before mine, wrapping it tightly around her trembling frame and rubbing warmth into her arms. She gives me a small smile of thanks and I wink, pressing my lips to hers before I pull a towel from the rack and secure it around my waist, slipping into her bedroom.
I sigh, reality crashing back into my mind and bringing with it the doubt that’s been sitting in my chest all morning. She hears it and before it’s out of my chest good, she turns to face me once more.
“Don’t do that,” she admonishes me gently, her palm sweeping my wet hair away before it falls easily on my neck. “It’s going to be alright. We just have to keep our senses about us, and we’ll get through all of it.”
“Yeah,” I nod, biting down on my lower lip in thought. My mind is reeling again with anxiety before she gives my arm an affectionate pinch. “Ow!”
“Well, cut it out then,” she giggles, pulling my lips to hers once more. “Come on. I’m hungry and we’re all about to be late for a busy day.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I tease, giving her bare ass a gentle pat.
“I know you’re being a smartass,” she admits, glancing over her shoulder with a small smile. “And I want you to know I don’t care as long as you just keep agreeing with me all the time.”
“Perfect,” I grin, kissing her hair before releasing her.
I dress quickly, my hair still dripping slightly as I turn to find her thumbing through her closet for something to wear for the day. She tosses her favorite pink scrubs onto the foot of the bed beside me, quickly towel drying her hair before pulling on a meticulously matching bra and panties. The little unknown quirk brings a smirk to my lips and I lean back against the headboard, the sight of her doing little to motivate me into facing the day that lies ahead. It isn’t until I hear tiny feet moving toward her door that I divert my gaze, Eli’s voice filling the hallway and pulling my eyes back to my boots making her smirk to herself.
“Good morning, Mama,” he yawns, ambling into her bedroom. “How did you sleep?”
“Hi, baby,” she smiles, pulling her shirt on and moving closer to him. “I slept really good, thanks. How did you sleep?”
“Good,” he yawns once more, giggling when she gives his belly a tickle and returning her sweet kiss. “I’m hungry.”
“Okay,” she replies, returning to a stand. “Say good morning to Jack and I’ll get you something to eat.”
“Good morning,” he waves, making me chuckle to myself.
“Hey, buddy,” I smile, standing to follow them out into the small kitchen. “Did you have a good sleep?”
“Mhmm,” he nods, working to gain Jenna’s attention as we reach the edge of the tiles. “Mama, could we have pancakes and bacon?”
His eyes are hopeful as he meets her regretful gaze. For a split second, I find myself envying the completely innocent disregard for schedules and responsibility that comes with being a child.
“I don’t think we have time for that today, honey,” she replies with a gentle shake of her head. “How about some cereal and a Go-gurt?”
“Okay,” he agrees, settling into his chair and waiting much more patiently than I ever did at five years old.
Jenna moves toward the cupboard, reaching for his favorite cereal and a bowl as she speaks quietly to him. He watches her intently, answering her questions about his dreams and for a brief moment, I’m given a glimpse into every morning that came before us.
She speaks to him easily, her automatic affections slipping through each and every one of her movements. Although this isn’t the first time I’ve watched them together, her natural maternal instincts, the way she loves her son never ceases to amaze me.
I didn’t hold much faith in second chances before but being with Jenna has made me a believer that just about anything is possible.
“What kind of cereal d
o you want, babe?” she asks, pulling my thoughts back to the kitchen, my throat thick as I swallow the emotion building there and return my eyes to hers.
“I’m good, thanks,” I manage softly, taking the few steps that separate us and coming to a stop beside her at the counter. “I’ve got to get going.”
“Already?” she asks, her eyebrows quirking together in surprise. “You don’t usually leave for another half hour or so.”
“Yeah, I know, but with everything going on right now, I thought I’d stop by the house and see if there’s any sign of Ana,” I sigh, my fingertips grazing her cheek before I gently brush her damp hair away from her face. “I’m not sure how late I’ll be tonight.”
“Okay,” she smiles small, the concern in her eyes not lost on me as she wraps her arms around my waist and pulls me close. “Be safe. Call when you can and keep me posted.”
“I will,” I promise, rubbing the small of her back and giving her a quick peck before pulling away. “I’ll let you know when I’m headed back this way.”
“Okay,” she replies, grabbing my arm to stop me from leaving. “Here. Take this with you.”
She sets her pink coffee cup into my hand, making me smirk.
“Thank you,” I smile, kissing her once more. “Have a good day.”
“You, too.”
“I’ll see you later, buddy,” I smile toward Eli, mussing his hair. “Be good for your mama.”
“I will,” he mumbles around his Lucky Charms, the marshmallow rainbow stuck to his chin making me smile as I lean over to press my lips to Jenna’s. “Love you.”
“Love you,” she smiles, her fingertips brushing over the scruff on my jaw before she releases me. “Be safe.”
“Always,” I wink, making my way out to my Jeep.
I slip inside, savoring in the sting the hot coffee leaves behind on my tongue when I take a long sip.
Since I drifted back from the dead, I’ve tried to make the best out of every single day I’m given. I haven’t always had the easiest road, but that doesn’t make me any less grateful.
I may wake up most days ready to seize, but today is more of a mystery than most of the days I’ve been given since I came home.
It’s also one of the only mornings I’ve been given I can say confidently that I’m not ready for.
Chapter Five
Analise
“Right here,” I say low, the cab coming to a slow stop making my chest swarm with emotion.
“Which driveway, ma’am?” the driver asks, and I stumble on my reply before finally shaking my head.
“No,” I reply. “Just… can you just park right here under this tree?”
He glances back at me in the rearview, his eyebrows furrowed with suspicion. The car lingers longer than I’d like in the middle of the quiet, upscale neighborhood we called home and I hold his gaze, silently willing him to cooperate.
“You some kind of stalker or something?” he asks, and I can’t help the way my eyes roll slightly. “Cause I’m not looking to get into any kind of trou-”
“No. I live here,” I cut him off. “Well, I used to…” I trail off. “It’s still my place, I just…”
“If it’s your place, why are we sitting across the street on the curb?”
“Maybe because I’m paying you and I already told you I’m not a stalker?” I reply bluntly, unable to keep the slight tinge of annoyance from my voice. I shake away my irritation, reminding myself it’s not this stranger’s fault my life is currently upside down and in shambles before I release a sigh and try again. “Would you please just pull over beneath the tree? Let me sit for a minute?” I ask, this time my voice holding a more friendly tone. “I won’t be long.”
“Whatever you say, lady,” he retorts, gesturing toward the screen of his phone, the meter still running. “Just give me your word you aren’t gonna get me pulled into some twisted love triangle bullshit. I ain’t feeling any of th…”
“Done,” I cut him off once more, holding his eyes in the mirror for a moment before I flit mine away, moving them back toward the house. “I just want to look at it for a minute.”
After a low, grumbling nod, he busies himself with a book in the front seat and I’m left to my own devices. My eyes drift back to the front of the house I’d come to love so dearly before I left it. As I take in the understated beauty of the place, the simplicity of the moment is not wasted on me in the least.
I’m surprised to find it seemingly empty. While I can’t say I’d expected to see Drake here already, I’d thought I’d at least have seen some sign of Jack.
The old oak tree we’re sitting beneath is one I’d always admired across the street, its long limbs hanging over the quiet street graciously offering both shade and cover from the place I’d called home.
Nerves swarm in my belly as I think about the days after we left this place behind and moved our lives to Florida. Things hadn’t always been easy for us here in Corpus, but it seems this is the last place we’d ever truly been happy.
Leaving this place had been a mistake.
I can see that now.
When we got to our new place in Florida, I thought my nerves were justified. I thought things were simply progressing, and I was just homesick. Now, I can’t help but wonder if those nerves were my heart warning me of all the sadness and regret that place would hold for us both, how irrevocably it would change the very fabric of us as I stepped over the threshold for the first time.
It was warm out, the gentle breeze doing little to soothe me, but Drake’s touch as he approached me from behind in the doorway washing them away almost instantly.
“You were supposed to let me carry you inside,” he teased, kissing my temple as his arms wrapped around my center, his fingertips gently grazing the skin on my stomach.
“I’m sorry,” I replied quietly, my soft giggle fading into a sigh as the scruff from his goatee brushed over the arch in my neck. “It’s hot out and I was excited to see what it looks like inside.”
“That’s okay,” he sighed, his full lips pressing to my skin before he released me, taking my hand securely in his and giving it a gentle squeeze of affection. Most days, if I let myself stay in that place, keep locked away in that memory for more than a moment, it’s easy to remember what it was like when he loved me, what it was like when I called him mine. Today, though, the feeling doesn’t come quite as easily. Today, I feel the warning, the neglectful way I’d ignored my instincts and it stings like hell. “Come,” he continued, tugging me forward. “I’ll give you a tour.”
We made our way through the still empty house, the sound of the movers shuffling boxes and furniture outside an afterthought as I took in our new home. At first glance, things seemed so similar to this place. So similar to home. I realize now how intentional it all had been. How much thought and effort were put into my complacency without me ever seeing it for what it was.
Drake quietly pointed out room after room, taking little time to focus on much as he led me toward the back, turning to face me with a gentle smirk as he approached our bedroom door.
“What?” I’d asked, my eyebrows quirking together for a moment in curiosity before his lips spread into a wide, mischievous grin.
“I guess this will have to do,” he shrugged, quickly bending to throw me over his shoulder, snickering at my wild laughter. With a sharp smack on my ass, he stepped through the door frame, flipping me back just as quickly to face him as he held me tightly in his arms. “Your bedroom, my love.”
“Ooh,” I cooed suggestively. “So, this is where the magic happens.”
“Hmm… indeed,” he smirked against my lips, kissing me quickly before setting me on my feet. “Go have a look, baby. Tell me what you think.”
I thought that day had been the start of something wonderful.
Never for a moment did I realize it was simply the beginning of our end.
At first, I imagined it would be unbearable, but I’d been wrong. Those days weren’t so bad when yo
u think about where we’d ended up.
Where we are right now.
Those first weeks were hard, sure, but we had each other. Before the merger, the move, all the hours Drake started pouring into his company and taking away from us, things were so easy, so perfect. We were still happy, the man I’d given everything to was still undeniably in love with me.
I have no idea when his love for me began to fade.
Of course, you do…
I shake the volatile inner voice away and refocus on my anguish, the only thing that seems to be getting me through any of this in one indignant piece.
Despite my heartache, my rage and resentment at the deceit, my love for him, for us, still radiates deep within my chest.
That might be what I resent most.
It would be so much easier if I could hate him. If I could just turn away from him the way it seems he’s done to me, but try as I might, I simply can’t.
Not yet anyway.
I know regardless of what is to come, things will never be the same between us. How could they after all that’s happened? But I also know I’ll never move on if I don’t let it go and I can’t let it go until it makes sense.
Right now, nothing does.
Right now, it feels like my life is some kind of twisted, fucked up dream I can’t force myself awake from.
“You okay back there, lady?” the driver asks.
His voice is much softer than it had been when we first arrived, and I glance up to find him watching me in his rearview mirror. It’s not until he breaks my thoughts that I realize I’m still in his cab, openly sobbing in the backseat, the leathered skin around his eyes crinkled with sympathy
“I’m fine,” I lie, wiping my cheeks and composing myself as best I can.
Somewhere inside the pit of my stomach, I’m able to recall the closet and bathroom we’d left fully stocked on our last trip back to Texas. In my rush to flee the hospital, flee my existence, I barely brought anything I’d need to survive. I have the credit cards I’d taken from the safe, but despite his secrecy, I still believe I know a few things about my husband. I know using them will only serve as a beacon, leading him straight toward me.
