by Kate Benson
I’m not ready for that yet.
If I’m being honest, I’m not sure I ever will be.
I release a low breath stained with what feels like relief, but I’m not sure about that, either. It’s been so long since I’ve felt that emotion with any authenticity, I don’t trust it and push it down with all the rest of what’s coursing through me.
If I’m going to do this, I need to before I lose my nerve. Walking through those doors again won’t be easy, but I’ve no intention on staying long.
“I think I’m going to go inside,” I rasp, clearing my throat. “Do you mind waiting for me?”
“Sure,” he nods, returning my weak smile as I reach for the handle on the door. I’m about to step out when movement from the other end of the street halts my movements.
Jack.
His Jeep, the same Jeep I’d left with him when we moved to Florida, approaches the house, the autumn leaves kicking up behind the wheels. They dance in swirls across the pavement, mesmerizing me for a split second with their false promises before the sound of his door closing pulls my eyes back to him.
His hair seems lighter, yet the scruff on his jaw has grown just a little thicker than it had been the last time I’d seen him. His skin is tanned from the sun, and I see a glimpse of our father in him even from my hiding place across the shaded street. I wonder briefly if his nose is speckled with freckles, the way it got every summer when we were kids, and my heart begins to gently ache within my chest. His embrace becomes something I hadn’t realized I needed so badly until this moment and my fingertips linger on the handle to the door as as he makes his way toward the house. I consider going to him, letting him know I’m alive. I’ve no doubt Drake has already alerted the others that I’ve taken off and I’m sure Jack has been worried sick. That was never something I wanted. In truth, it wasn’t something I even considered in my selfish heartbreak. Jack and I have had our differences, same as any siblings, but we’ve always stuck together. If I go to him now, I know he’ll support me, help me get to the other side of this. We’ve been through hell and back more than once and I know if anyone would take that trip with me, it would be my brother and he’d do it again in a minute.
It occurs to me now, though, that I simply can’t ask that of him. Not this time.
This is a trip I have to take on my own.
Chapter Six
Drake
“Em just talked to Sophie. She said Jack’s been back by the Corpus house a half dozen more times and there’s still no sign of Ana,” Brad says over the line. “I’m sorry, man. Is there anything more I can do on my end?”
It’s still early and despite my regrets for almost every piece of this situation, I can’t be anything but grateful for the short flight from Florida to Texas right now. I’m a mess in every sense of the word. However, knowing I might be on the right track, not too far behind Analise, is the only thing that’s kept me going.
Brad’s voice is full of apology, pity really, but it’s the last thing I want. I don’t want anyone’s pity. Right now, I just want my wife.
“No,” I shake my head, positioning my bag back onto my shoulder as I fish the rental keys from my pocket. “I don’t think she’ll go back home, but can you just keep an eye out while I’m away? Have Emily do the same?”
“Of course,” he promises. “Don’t worry about anything out here. I’ve got your back.”
“Thanks,” I reply.
I’ll be the first to admit I’m not a man who asks for help often. In fact, I can only think of a few times in my life that I’ve ever truly needed back up, but right now, it’s nice to know I’ve got at least one person in my corner.
God knows my actions, despite the intention behind them, have managed to push everyone else away.
“So, what’s the plan now?” he asks, pulling me from my regretful thoughts.
“I just landed and got a car,” I start, pulling the drivers side door open and tossing my bag over into the backseat of the black Range Rover. “Did Sophie seem pretty sure she wasn’t in Corpus?”
“Yeah, she said Jack told her the house was exactly as he’d left it,” he insists. I nod to myself once more, wondering if he’d tell anyone if he had seen Analise. “If there was someone Ana would call, it would be Jack and if he was going to confide in anyone that she had, it would be Sophie,” Brad reassures me, seeming to read my thoughts. “That’s what Em said anyway.”
“Yeah, she’s probably right,” I agree, still gazing out over the steering wheel into the lot. “I just wish she’d call someone, even if it isn’t me,” I sigh, the soft leather seats doing nothing to comfort me as my nerves flare and I rake my hand over my jaw. “I think we’d all feel a lot better if we knew she was somewhere safe.”
He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, the uncharacteristically raw and honest words coming from me probably much more than he expects. I’ll be the first to admit opening up has never been my strong suit. However, it’s impossible to deny that keeping everything locked inside my chest didn’t help my marriage.
It didn’t do a fucking thing to help me keep my wife from running as far away as she could.
“She’s gonna come back, Drake,” Brad says and it’s not until then that I remember him even being on the phone.
“I know,” I reply, wishing I could believe the words. I clear my throat and refocus my attention on the task at hand as I turn the key in the ignition and pull my seatbelt over my chest. Even if I could force myself to believe them, even if she materialized in front of me this very instant, it wouldn’t force her to want me after all this. The thought threatens to catch in my chest, and I push it down with everything else, reminding myself none of it will mean anything if I don’t find her first. “I’ll go back by the house tonight and see if she’s turned up,” I continue. “I’ve got a long drive ahead. If there’s any chance I’m going to make it back to Corpus before it gets too late or dark to do anything, I need to get on the road now.”
“Back before it’s dark? I thought your house was only an hour or two from the airport. Where are you going?”
“The only other place here she’d ever feel safe,” I reply, memories pouring into me as I put the truck into gear. “I’m going to Camden.”
Analise
After a tumultuous day preceded by what have been some of the most hellacious months of my life, the silence within the car is foreign, but more than welcome.
Once I saw Jack leaving, his low voice slipping out into the breeze as he held his phone to his ear, I released a breath of acceptance and slid down into the seat of the cab I’d found a moment of unexpected sanctuary in.
As badly as I wanted to speak to my brother, run to the inevitable safety only his embrace would have offered, the moment I saw him, I knew I couldn’t tell him I was there, silently watching.
He was on the phone with Sophie.
I couldn’t tell what he was saying, even less sure why he’d be saying it to her after the way she’s betrayed me, but none of that matters. I didn’t have to hear his words to know they were meant for her and her alone.
My brother has moved on, but it didn’t come fast or easy. And even after everything they’d been through, he still held the same singular look for Sophie Ryan.
There’s a part of me that wants to be furious with him for speaking to her. A piece of my soul that wants nothing more than to shout across the street to him that he’s being misled, that the girl he’s putting his trust in now isn’t the same person he fell in love with all those years ago.
But I didn’t.
There will be plenty of time for me to tell him my side of things once the dust has settled and I’ve had a chance to clear my head. I know he’s safe. I know he’s going to be okay and that’s all I’ve ever wanted for him. I’ll check in with him when I’m sure he’s alone, when I’m sure I can be strong enough to do what needs to be done to put the nightmare my life has become far behind me.
The memory of what Jack’s been throug
h, what he’s come back from offers a sliver of hope that maybe I can come back, too. I’ve always believed him to be the strongest person I’ve ever known, the most resilient of every single soul that resides inside my own tiny world. If he can pull through everything he’s endured, maybe the end of this infinite tunnel I’m staring down isn’t fated to be as dark and lifeless as it currently seems.
Or maybe he was just one of the lucky ones.
Maybe he was spared, his destiny saving him for something greater, something only he is capable of.
When I think of my own fate, my own destiny, the sliver of light Jack’s story offered only moments ago extinguishes itself instantly.
My family has been known for many things, but luck has never topped the list.
My brother came back from the dead in more ways than one. Whatever luck we’d banked through the endless stream of tragedies we’ve endured, I think it’s safe to say it has long since been spent.
Once I’m sure we’re alone, I pay the driver and offer him a few kind words of thanks before I slip inside the garage, using my spare keys to settle into the spare car Drake had left behind. I briefly consider going inside to gather the clothing and essentials I’m sure I’ll need, but quickly decide against it, knowing it will be easier if I don’t go back to the now tainted remains of our past.
Besides, if I’m going to make it there by dark, I should’ve been on the road an hour ago.
The vibration of the highway beneath me hums through the otherwise silent car. I stare down the familiar roads, the same ones I once used to flee the place I’m running back to now and wish for once I didn’t feel so much.
There was a time in my life where I’d have given anything to never make this drive again. A time when I’d have traded my very soul if it meant the pain this town once held for me could be banished from my heart forever.
I’ve always heard misery loves company.
As the gravel kicks up under the car and I come to a slow stop, my heart still shattering within my weary chest, for the first time, I agree.
Chapter Seven
Chase
I glance over at her spot beside me, her focus on the passenger window of my truck as she gently leans against the glass. Her face is clean of makeup, the dark circles beneath her emerald eyes evidence of the long night we’d had. Flashes of the fight we’d had the night before, the worst of our relationship-certainly our marriage-taint my mind, tarnish my soul.
Even if it wasn’t written all over her features, I know her heart enough to know she’s wrapped up in them, too.
She feels my gaze on her and it tugs at her attention, but as she turns to risk a glance, I look away, both of us swallowing hard. The low sigh lodged in my chest is pushed away as I stare back out the windshield.
“I wish you’d say something,” she whispers so low, I barely hear the crack in her voice.
“I’m not sure what else you want me to say, Sophie,” I respond quietly, ignoring the sting still residing behind my eyes. “I said everything I needed to say to you last night.”
I watch her nod and bite her lip out of the corner of my eye, the small gesture that’s always driven me crazy only making my chest ache, wishing for the simplicity that came with all our yesterdays.
The rest of our drive is made in silence, the sun slowly breaking over the buildings of downtown Corpus waking the city around us despite leaving late this morning. It’s eerily quiet, and if I was a naïve man, I’d wonder foolishly if the rest of the world were offering us a time out, a slight slow to the pace in which our world is spinning wildly out of our control.
“Chase, I’m sorry,” she whispers a few minutes later as we pull into the lot, the nerves in her voice obvious. “I was just…”
“Doing what you thought was best,” I cut her off with a sigh, pulling into my usual spot near the main entrance of Mitchell Construction. I glance at her quickly to find her teeth still clamped over her lower lip as she gives me a gentle nod. “If it’s what was best, then why do we both feel like this, Sophie?”
Her expression falls with my words, the bluntness of them just barely softened by the gentle break in her name.
I slip out, closing the door behind me before I make my way around the front of the truck to pull her door open for her. With the terrible night we’d shared and the mountain of problems the new day will undoubtedly bring our way, we’ve arrived at the office a little later than usual. However, I can’t help the quiet gratitude coursing through me when I find it still vacant. There are a million things I’d rather be dealing with right now, but one thing I’m not looking forward to is all of this coming to a head and having to face it in front of everyone else.
I feel Sophie’s eyes on me, begging me to say more than I have, but I can’t even look at her right now. I know it’s shitty, but as disappointed as I am, I know nothing I say will lead to any resolutions for either of us. It will only make everything worse. The last thing I want is to spend another day fighting over something that never should have happened in the first place.
I said my piece, she knows where I stand.
The best thing I can do for both of us is try to move passed the dull ache in my chest.
She follows me to the entrance, and I let her inside, releasing a long, low breath as I pull the door shut behind us. She slowly makes her way across the small space, setting her purse onto her desk before she turns to face me, waiting for me to speak, but I can’t. Instead, I rake my palm over my jaw and clear the short distance to my office, eager to close the door behind me.
“Chase,” she whispers, the sadness in her voice still doing something to me regardless of my frustration and I slow my steps.
I glance over my shoulder, finding her teary emerald orbs staring at me in desperation.
“I know you want to work through this right now,” I start. “But I need you to give me some space.”
“What does that mean?” she asks, her lower lip quivering slightly before she clamps down on it nervously.
“It means I need an hour to think about something other than this,” I say bluntly as I gesture between us and take the two steps that lead to my office.
“I know you’re upset,” she offers from the doorway as I come to a stop at the edge of the desk, pulling a humorless laugh from my chest as I turn to face her. “But please don’t leave it like this all day.”
“Sophie, I can’t do this right n-”
“Well, then when, Chase?” she cuts me off, her eyebrows quirking together in frustration as she takes a step closer to me. “I get that you need a break, but how is letting it fester all day going to help either of us? How is that going to fix our marr-”
“Don’t,” I warn her quietly, shaking my head. “Do not lecture me on our relationship right now.”
“Then don’t walk away from me when things get hard.”
“Things didn’t get hard, Sophie!” I cut her off, the volume of my voice louder than either of us expect. “You went behind my back and laid out our entire lives without a single thought to what I’d want or how I’d fucking feel about it. That’s what happened. You did this because you didn’t care enough to…”
“That’s not true,” she cuts me off this time, shaking her head as she swipes at her cheek. “That’s bullshit and you know it.”
“Do I?” I demand as I swallow the lump in my throat. “I mean, if it’s all bullshit, if you care so much about what’s best for us, why didn’t you come to me? From day one, from the fucking beginning, I’ve been honest with you. I told you how I felt about secrets, Sophie.”
“I know,” she nods, her eyes tearing once more. “I know, I just…”
“I mean, what the fuck, Sophie? It’s supposed to be me and you,” I shout, internally admonishing myself for losing my temper again. “Me and you. That was the fucking deal. Us. Not just one of us doing what we think is best. We make those decisions together and we damn sure don’t keep fucking secrets. That’s not us. That’s not our fucking marri
age!” Releasing a deep breath, I swallow the anger still lingering as best I can before speaking again. “Lying and deceit, no matter the reason, has never been a part of the agreement.”
With a heavy sigh, I lower myself into my chair and lean forward on my knees, rubbing my eyes clear of the emotion. Her eyes are still on me and I glance over to find her swiping at her cheek once more and folding her arms over her chest.
“And you’re saying you feel like I wasn’t thinking of us throughout all of this?”
“I’m saying our relationship has been my top priority since day one. You have outweighed everything else since the second we met,” I correct her. “And I’m saying I think it’s a big heap of shit that regardless of intention, I’m now being put in a position that makes me even have to ask myself if my wife has been doing the same.”
“You don’t think you’re a priority to me?” she balks, her face contorting in a combination between anguish and disbelief. “You don’t think every single breath I take is for you? For our family?”
“I just think you were so wrapped up in how this would affect everyone else, you didn’t stop to think about what it would mean for us. If you did, you would have come to me instead of doing everything behind my back. I would never do that to you,” I say, quietly this time as I shake my head and allow my eyes to find hers. “You keep saying you did all this for us, to give us what you thought was best. I believe you thought that’s what you thought you were doing,” I admit, swallowing hard as I glance down at my hands, releasing a long, low sigh as I take in my wedding band, my chest clenching slightly as I think back to that perfect day and wonder how we ever made it to this shit one. “Sophie, I just… I love you too much to ever justify keeping a secret like that from you. I don’t even know how it would be possible.”
