Out of the Ashes

by Anne Malcom

  I smiled back at the clear love and affection that lay behind that simple grin. The way her whole body had seemed to relax at the sound of those Harley pipes. I wished I could feel like that. Trust myself to feel like that again. But I was worried that that same love would blind me and a fist to the face would serve as a grim reminder. Or more dangerously, a figurative fist to the heart.

  Cade walked into the room, his boots sounding on the floor. He gave me a half grin and his eyes rested on the baby in my arms for a second.

  “Mia,” he nodded.

  “Hey, Cade,” I greeted brightly, my womanly hormones standing at attention to see such a male specimen up so close.

  Said lady hormones did cartwheels at the soft look that crossed the hard biker’s face once he settled on Gwen. He wordlessly made it over to her, clasping her neck and roughly pulling her mouth to touch his.

  “Baby,” he murmured into her mouth.

  I swear to God I almost blushed at this intimate scene. I’m a woman, of a certain age, with a kid for crissakes, and I almost blushed. Those bikers have super sex powers. I ignored the pang for such an intimate moment with my own biker. Never gonna happen.

  Gwen smiled at Cade, her eyes twinkling. “You missed your daughter showcasing her impressive set of pipes and Mia flying in here with her superhero cape to save the day,” she told him seriously. Her eyes flickered to the door. “Hey Bull,” she greeted warmly.

  I jumped. Luckily my movement didn’t wake the sleeping baby in my arms. My head spun to see Bull leaning on the doorframe…no, taking up the entire doorframe. His eyes locked on mine. Fury danced underneath them.

  “Gwen,” he grunted in response, not taking his eyes off me.

  I swallowed. After the night at the club, I couldn’t get enough of him. If it was possible, the sex got even more wild. I had been at his place almost every night in the week since the party.

  Gwen did not seem to take offense at the monosyllabic greeting, nor at the fact his stare stayed locked on mine. This time I actually did blush and looked at my lap.

  “So,” Cade said, his eyes flickering between Bull and I before focusing on his wife. “Mia and her cape?” he asked in a flat tone that hinted amusement.

  I was surprised. I didn’t think staunch bikers were capable of such a frivolous emotion.

  Gwen shook herself. She too had been inspecting Bull and my wordless exchange. I wondered whether I had some sort of stamp on my forehead saying ‘was fucked senseless by the biker now attempting to murder me with a glare’. There was no way to rub my head self-consciously.

  “Yeah, so since you were off on a top secret biker mission and incommunicado, I had to look elsewhere for some mad baby whisperer skills,” she started. “My best friend’s only talent when it comes to babies is accessorizing. I thanked my lucky stars that my marvelous new friend Mia has experience with the critters,” she joked, smiling at me.

  “Well, limited experience, considering I was young and stupid when Lexie was this age.” I pointed with my head to the baby.

  Gwen leaned into Cade, whose hand had settled around her waist. “Don’t be modest. Belle had been screaming for hours and I was about to have a mental breakdown and she whisks in here and silences her in mere moments. She has the skills,” she stage-whispered to her husband.

  He half frowned at Gwen, as if he was considering a thought. “Baby, you know I’ll make myself available for you. You need to call, call,” he said softly.

  Gwen merely rolled her eyes.

  Cade seemed used to this, as his eyes moved to me and he stood. “Thanks, Mia, I really do appreciate you looking out for my girls,” he said sincerely, moving slowly to take the child out of my hands.

  My womb clenched slightly at the sight of such a male cradling his child like it was the answer to every question in the universe.

  “No problem,” I answered genuinely. “And if you ever want a night sans rugrats, give me a call. Lexie and I would be happy to babysit.”

  Cade gave me a look. “’Appreciate it,” he nodded, half smiling.

  I had decided to ignore Zane during this exchange and I decided I would continue to do so even though I felt his stare burning into me.

  “Speaking of Lexie, I’ve got to run and save her from a potentially disastrous situation,” I said gravely, gathering my things.

  At this, I felt the air turned charged. “What the fuck, Mia?” Zane’s clipped tone was close and it seemed he had moved from the door to my side in a millisecond.

  I ached to touch him.

  Instead, I glanced at him. “She may have a mental breakdown on a pile of clothes. Nothing to worry about,” I told him lightly. “Or she could go onstage wearing a haphazardly put together outfit and then forever resent me for not saving her from a fashion faux pas.” I paused. “Either way, I have to deal with dire consequences if I do not leave soon.”

  Gwen had perked up. “Ooh. Fashion emergency, I can totally help.” Her eyes brightened. “I can even bring stuff. Lexie’s my size. What’s it for?”

  I was slightly taken aback at her offer, considering the price tags I knew came with her designer duds. I wouldn’t be offering them up to a teenage girl if I were her. I’d crawl into a cave cradling them and proclaiming them “my precious.”

  I jerked myself out of my cave full of imaginary designer purchases. “She’s got a gig. Her first one with her band. It’s at some club in Hope—needless to say she is freaking out,” I told her with a grin. “I personally think it’s because this gig is the beginning of a stellar career, in which she needs to be shod in the right shoes in order to pave her way to superstardom,” I said, shrugging my shoulders.

  Gwen nodded gravely. But before she could speak an alpha male interrupted.

  Zane stepped closer, if that was possible. “A gig? In Hope? What club?” He growled tightly.

  I stared at him.

  “Babe,” he clipped.

  “Sorry, I’m just not used to such an array of questions in such an articulate manner,” I shot sarcastically.

  Gwen’s choked laugh had me proud of my statement, regardless of the glower it rewarded me.

  “Yes, Zane, Lexie has a gig. It’s at some place called Al’s or Hal’s....” I listed, trying to remember.

  “Cal’s?” Cade shot, equally grim.

  I pointed at him and nodded. “Cal’s. Googled it. Doesn’t look like much, but it’s a good place for undercover record execs to hang. Plus, I talked to Cal on the phone to make sure everything was legit. Seems like a nice guy.”

  Gwen brightened. “Awesome. I’ll get outfit choices, bring them round to your place and me and the girls can come to the gig. I’ll call Amy.” She made to run out of the room but Cade grabbed her hand. I was impressed, considering she had a pace on and he managed to stop her and keep hold of a sleeping baby at the same time. Was there no end to macho man powers?

  “You ain’t going anywhere, baby,” he said firmly.

  Gwen glowered at him, but I didn’t get to see the response to that one considering a staunch biker clutched my arm and dragged me off into a corner.

  “Lexie is not fuckin’ playing that gig,” he told me in a harsh tone.

  My eyes widened. “Um, did we have sex sixteen years ago?” I asked.

  Zane didn’t answer, just clenched his jaw.

  I carried on. “Yeah, didn’t think I’d forget that. So that means you didn’t sire a child by me, therefore, you are not Lexie’s father, therefore you do not get to dictate what gigs she does or doesn’t do,” I whispered angrily.

  The grip on my wrist tightened. “She’s a fuckin’ kid. She isn’t playin’ at a goddamned club,” he bit out, invading my space.

  I bristled slightly. “She’s not a kid, she’s a teenager,” I enunciated the last word. “So, not only would forbidding her to go make her shimmy down a drainpipe or commence a year-long rebellious streak, it would also be me saying no to her dream. I’m not doing that,” I told him firmly.

  A m
uscle in his jaw clenched. “It’s a fuckin’ club,” he repeated.

  “I’m aware,” I answered.

  “Then you’ll be aware it’s not fuckin’ safe for a teenage fuckin’ girl to be going to a club.” He spoke slowly, as if he had to restrain himself from yelling.

  “Which is why I’m not sending her off with a bottle of Jack and letting her go on Metallica’s tour bus for a month. I’m chaperoning. Me. An adult. Will be there at all times, making sure her innocent teenage soul isn’t corrupted at the sight of a cocktail,” I told him, having to restrain myself from yelling.

  Zane was silent, and I tried to get out of his grip but he held me tightly.

  “It’s not safe for you either,” he bit out.

  “I’ll be sure to take my rape whistle,” I told him sarcastically. “I think I’ll be fine in a club in a tiny town.” I patted his arm condescendingly. “Now if you’ll excuse me.” I wrenched my arm out of his grasp with extreme effort. “I’ve got a fashion emergency to attend to.”

  Zane’s whole body was stiff with fury. I didn’t have time to puzzle over why he was having such a strong reaction. He explicitly said that he didn’t want more than sex, so then why was he worrying his pretty little head over me and Lexie’s safety? I shook my head, glancing over at Gwen and Cade, who looked like they were having a similar conversation. Gwen’s pretty face was scrunched into a frown and Cade was looking at her with a hard stare.

  “I’ll see you around, Gwen,” I called to her. “Don’t worry about coming with reinforcements—we’ll be fine. Got sixteen years of practice,” I added, not wanting to be the reason the couple had a domestic quarrel.

  Gwen glared at Cade a second and then smiled at me. “No, I’ll be there in fifteen,” she said firmly, ignoring her husband. “And I’ll be there cheering Lexie on,” she added with a tight look at Cade.

  I reckoned the grim and scary biker had little to no say when it came to Gwen doing what she wanted. I couldn’t help but smile.

  “Okay, see you soon. Bye, Cade,” I said rather sheepishly, feeling like I was going to be cited as a bad influence.

  Cade surprised me by giving me a soft look. Well, what such a grim and scary biker could manage as a soft look. “Bye, Mia. Thanks again for your help,” he said.

  “Anytime,” I replied, deciding to ignore Zane and the fury emanating off him. I skirted around him and nearly ran to the door.

  “Honey, you look amazing. You’ll do great,” I reassured my nervous daughter.

  She pulled at her top with uncertainty. “You sure?”

  I smiled. “Yes, I’m sure. I’m your mother—do you think I’d let you go out there if you were going to embarrass me?”

  We were backstage at the club; it was eleven p.m. and Lexie and her band were just about to go on. I was more than a little excited for my daughter, although I couldn’t help but replay Zane’s judgmental protests in my mind. Was I a bad mother for letting my sixteen year old perform at a club near midnight? I had told her she could be anything she wanted to be. And for as long as I could remember, her life was music and books. To not support her in pursuing a career which involved doing something she loved made me think that was bad parenting. But as a single mother, I was always questioning my choices with Lexie, and worried about what judgment would be thrown my way. I just never thought it would be coming from a six-foot burly biker covered in tattoos. One whom I had complicated feelings for.

  “We’re going to rock, Lex, how can we not? We’ve got me as a drummer,” Sam interjected, wrapping his arm around Lexie.

  I grinned at him as he gave her a supportive squeeze and winked at me.

  “I’ll be right up front with Gwen, Amy, Rosie, and Lucy, who have all promised to pour drinks on anyone who boos,” I joked.

  Lexie’s face paled slightly and I shook my head. She had nothing to be nervous about. Plus, she looked the part. She had on Gwen’s strappy studded Valentino heels, black skinny jeans and a drapey metallic top. Skinny scarves were slung around her neck and bracelets covered her arms almost to her elbows. I wasn’t keen on slathering her with too much makeup, so we went for winged eyeliner and teased her hair within an inch of its life. Total rock and roll babe.

  I kissed her head lightly. “Break a leg, kid,” I murmured to her.

  She nodded, taking a deep breath before Sam grabbed her hand and took her to some sort of band huddle. I watched with a small tear prickling at the edge of my eye. Something told me this moment was important for my daughter. Call it mother’s intuition, but I knew this was going to be a pivotal moment.

  “Here.” Amy thrust a drink in my hand as soon as I jostled through the crowd to join them at the front.

  I immediately took it and sipped, not asking what it was. I coughed slightly at the strength behind it. “Do I get any soda with my vodka?” I half spluttered.

  Gwen laughed. “Sorry, I should have warned you. When Amy buys drinks she doesn’t fuck around.” She gave me a knowing and sympathetic look.

  “Well, since I’m a mom who hardly gets out much, I think if I finish this drink you may have to carry me out of here,” I half yelled. “I don’t think that would set the best example for my rock star daughter.”

  Amy didn’t miss a beat. “If you’re going to have a rock star daughter, you definitely need to learn how to handle your alcohol.”

  I shuddered at the thought of the grim reality behind what I was letting my very young daughter open the door to. “I’m also going to have to get rid of having stalkers it seems.” I decided to change the subject, gesturing with my head to the two leather clad men at the bar. I didn’t recognize them, and they had Prospect patches on their vests. When Gwen had turned up at our house with what seemed like her entire wardrobe, she also had Amy in tow. Not to mention the two men who had sat on their bikes outside while we chose outfits, had dinner and hosted Lexie’s band. They had trailed behind our cars and followed us into the club.

  Amy followed my eyes. “Welcome to the life of having crazy hot, crazy, overprotective biker men getting all alpha,” she said with a slight scowl. “I swear if I didn’t love my husband I’d go insane with the protectiveness. I almost single-handedly escaped a kidnapping without his help. I think I can manage going to a gig at a bar in Nowheresville.”

  Gwen gave her a look and I near choked on my drink. Did she just say kidnapped? “You have to admit the overprotective husband played a part in the kidnapping escape,” Gwen countered.

  Amy screwed up her nose. “A small part.,” She held her thumb and finger millimeters away from each other.

  My eyes popped out of my head. Yes, these women were calmly talking about a kidnapping like it was a trip to the grocery store.

  Before I had the chance to get them to elaborate, Gwen beat me to it. “Plus, if you’re going to be getting involved with one of your own macho bikers you might need to get used to a Harley as a shadow,” she said with a sly look and a teasing tone.

  “We so need the lowdown on what exactly is going on with you and Bull,” Amy demanded, perking up.

  “Seconded,” Rosie piped in.

  I sighed. “I honestly couldn’t tell you. It’s...complicated,” I said simply.

  Gwen’s eyes turned understanding, and slightly sad. “Nothing with these men is ever simple.” She patted my hand. “But Bull, he’s been through more than most. Beneath all that silence and menace is a good guy. He just has to get over his guilt and his loss. Be patient. It’ll be worth it. Trust me.”

  I opened my mouth to ask what in the hell she meant about loss and guilt, but the strumming of a guitar silenced me. As much as I wanted the complete explanation to a puzzling man, supporting my daughter would always trump my own desires. So I plastered a smile on my face and turned to the stage.

  “Holy shit! Lexie is freakin’ amazing,” Gwen half squealed as the band walked off the stage.

  “Beyond amazing. It’s like Amy Winehouse and Adele had some sort of lovechild and Lexie’s voice was created,”
Amy yelled over her drink and the cheers from the audience.

  I couldn’t disagree. My heart was bursting with pride. Even though this was a small venue and wasn’t exactly Madison Square Garden, Lexie and the boys had blown the roof off. It was like they had been playing together for years, not months. I had hardly believed that that was my daughter up there. It was a bittersweet feeling, considering it meant that she was on the fast track to growing up. I was not ready for that, let alone having her jam out in clubs when she was six years away from even being allowed to drink in one.

  “I’m going to go and whisk the kids out of here,” I addressed the group. “Even though Wyatt knows the owner who is, ‘totally dope,’” I finger quoted, “they were still only allowed to play on the proviso I was here and escorted off the premises as soon as their set was done,” I explained. “Anyone need a ride home?” I asked, as I had only sipped the rocket fuel Amy declared a drink while the others, apart from Gwen, had partaken heavily. I was impressed they were still standing.

  Amy shook her red hair then pointed to the bar. “We have almost exceeded our curfews also and we each have a badass biker who may or may not drag us out of here over their shoulders, depending on how much we want to stay.” She gave me a mischievous grin. “I’m totally for the over the shoulder exit myself.”

  I followed her eyes and jolted slightly to see the prospects had been joined by more leather-clad hunks. Cade was leaning against the bar with his arms crossed, his hard stare directed at Gwen who grinned and gave him a finger wave. Brock was much the same, although he had a beer in his hand and his posture was slightly less tense. He shook his head and smiled when Amy blew him a kiss.

  My eyes landed on Zane, who was not looking relaxed and was definitely not grinning. His eyes were locked on me and were blank. He had his arms crossed and I couldn’t be sure from this distance, but I thought a muscle in his jaw ticked. I resisted the urge to poke my tongue out at him. I felt such an act may be slightly juvenile, since I was a mother and thirty-three years old.