Out of the Ashes

by Anne Malcom

  “For what, doll?” I asked, turning in my seat.

  She met my eyes. “For letting me do that. I think about ninety-nine percent of good moms wouldn’t let their kid do something like that. Which is what you are, by the way—the best mom. Means a lot that you did. This is all I ever want to do,” she told me quietly.

  I stroked her face. “Know that kid. Which is why I let you do it. Wouldn’t be much of a mom if I didn’t let you follow your dreams. Plus, I trust you. I’ve raised an awesome kid, if I do say so myself,” I joked. “Now let’s get you to bed, superstar. With your career ahead of you, you need to grab as many z’s as you can. Rock stars don’t get famous without getting eight hours every night.”

  She smiled at me and got out of the car. I followed her lead. My eyes rested on the bike that was parked in the driveway across from us. The bike that had followed us to every house on the way home. And the bike that had a figure leaning against it. Lexie followed my eyes.

  “Night, Zane!” she yelled across the street.

  There was no answer but a hand lifted up, visible in the dim street lights.

  “You go on in, honey, I’ve just got to have a word with Zane,” I told her.

  She gave me a knowing look that she was too young to give and nodded. “Okay. Night, Mom, I’m going to crash,” she declared pointedly and kissed my cheek.

  I watched her go into the house before crossing the street.

  Zane hadn’t moved from his perch on the bike.

  As I had almost made it to him, his voice cut through the darkness.

  “No closer, babe,” he bit out.

  I stopped, on instinct more than anything. Then I furrowed my brows. “Um, why the heck not? I’m about to give you a piece of my mind for that little performance and I would rather not wake up the neighbors by yelling. So, in order to give you a piece of my mind, I need to be in closer proximity than this,” I snapped, stepping forward.

  “You come closer, I’m going to claim you mouth. Ain’t gonna be gentle and it ain’t gonna be fuckin’ G rated. Which is a problem, considering your girl is looking at us through your window,” he told me roughly.

  I froze. My head turned a smidgen to see a small figure dart out of the window. Shit.

  “Have you got Batman eyes or something?” I asked seriously.

  Zane didn’t answer, and my mind flickered back to the time he had been in this very spot and Lexie and I had both been spying on him.

  “Okay fine, I’ll say what I have to say from here.” I crossed my arms.

  “You won’t say a fuckin’ word, babe. You’ll turn that sweet ass around, go into your house and come back over here in an hour,” he ordered gruffly.

  I opened my mouth to protest, but for once Zane hadn’t finished talking.

  “You’ll come over wearing your sweet little nightie, and my shirt. There’s gonna be words, Wildcat, fucking trust me. But those words will come after I fucked you, after I’ve tanned your ass, and after you’re filled with me,” he growled.

  Whatever I had been going to say silenced on my tongue and my stomach dipped at his words.

  “One hour, Wildcat,” he repeated, stubbing out his smoke and pushing off his bike.

  I blinked as he stood feet from me, realizing he wasn’t going to go inside until I had made it safely across the street to my own house. As I woodenly turned around and made my way back, my eyes caught a shadow in our window skittering off in the direction of her room.

  I didn’t do it. Go over to his house. It took every inch of willpower I had, which was not much considering I routinely tried to cut back on my coffee consumption and it only lasted about an hour into the first morning. But thanks to some superhuman effort, I did it. I thought about all the times Zane and I had come together. Despite it being amazing, mind blowing even, it was always on his terms. At his command. I had been desperate for him, crazy for him, so I went for it. Some part of me knew I was too broken to have a real relationship, but another part of me told me I needed to set an example for my daughter, not let a man dictate the terms of...whatever Zane and I had. I had to ovary up. So, I tossed and turned all night and told myself I was going to be the one in control for a change.

  I finally nodded off in the early hours of the morning to be awoken by a loud thumping what felt like five minutes later. One that shook the house slightly. Worried, and rather zombielike, I half stumbled down the stairs. The thumping got louder as I reached the living room, as did the sounds of horrible music. I turned to see Lexie had pushed all the furniture to the side and was doing some ridiculous kickboxing move while the woman on the screen told her she was doing great. I groaned. My daughter.

  “How are you related to me?” I moaned. She had been rockin’ out on stage last night. She should be acting like a proper teenager and rock and roll prodigy and sleeping till at least noon.

  She turned her head, her pretty face was red and hair stuck to her forehead. She grinned. “Morning, Mom,” she puffed before turning her attention back to the TV.

  I scowled at her back and stumbled into the kitchen, needing caffeine in my life more than oxygen at that moment. I surely wasn’t going to get any sleep with Bigfoot practicing kung fu in my living room.

  I gaped in horror at the empty space where the coffee had been. I was sure it had been there. Right there. I must have been staring for a while, because a red-faced Lexie bounced into the room, sucking from a water bottle.

  “Looking for coffee?” she chirped. Yes, chirped.

  “Are Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell not the single most important couple in Hollywood, if not the world?” I shot back at her.

  She moved to boil the jug. “I threw it out. Decided we drank way too much and thought we could try green tea instead. It’s got natural caffeine in it.”

  I turned to face her slowly. “What?” I said quietly with a hint of menace.

  “I said--“

  I held up my hand to silence her. “I knew what you said. I just thought you were playing some kind of cruel trick,” I said. “Now I see you have just decided to kill your mother,” I finished.

  She opened her mouth.

  “Uh uh,” I interrupted. “You do not speak to me after what you have just done,” I declared icily. “I am going to get Shelly coffee, and the changeling that has replaced my daughter better be gone when I get back, or I will be forced to perform an exorcism,” I shot, moving out of the room.

  I sipped the glorious caffeine filled cup, only now realizing that my outfit wasn’t even close to matching. At that moment, I didn’t care. I had coffee; all was right in the world. I was thinking of cruel and unusual punishments for my spawn when my phone dinged.

  Lexie: Sorry, Mom. I was operating under the influence of endorphins. They make your brain do weird things. Bring a latte home and I’ll upgrade your retirement plan to a villa in Tuscany.

  I smiled at my phone. Then I ordered Lexie’s coffee to go, plus another one for me. I would surely finish the one in my hand in no time. I needed a roadie. So, I had the last of my cup sitting in a booth, happy to stare into space when I felt a presence sit across from me. The presence that seemed to turn the air wired.

  I looked up at angry—no, furious—black eyes.

  “You didn’t come last night,” Zane bit out instead of greeting me like a normal human.

  “Are you following me?” I asked him seriously.

  Zane narrowed his eyes.

  “Seriously, I’m only up at this hour on a Saturday because I made the mistake of letting my daughter think it was okay to eat healthy and exercise. What’s your excuse?”

  “Club business,” he ground out. “Right now I don’t need your word vomit. Need to know why the fuck you didn’t come last night,” he demanded harshly.

  I stiffened. Word vomit? I may babble slightly, but I thought about my words before I spoke them. Most of the time. Okay, like one third of the time, but still.

  I leaned in. “I didn’t come over because I decided that I wasn�
��t going to become a mindless sex drone that obeyed your every barked command,” I whispered.

  Zane’s form stiffened but I decided I was on a roll.

  “I have discovered I can no longer continue to sneak over to your place under the cover of darkness and let this just be about sex. I want more. I need more,” I continued.

  Zane’s eyes bore into me as I silenced myself. I ignored the part of me that screamed to take whatever I could get from this complicated man.

  “So do I,” he said finally, his voice gravelly.

  I jerked slightly in surprise.

  “I want more from you, Mia,” he continued. “It’s not enough just having your body. I want more. All of you. Every inch,” he declared roughly.

  I tried not to open my mouth out of shock. I was speechless. That didn’t happen, like ever. I had a response for everything.

  “Here you go, sweetie,” Shelly broke the moment by placing two coffees between us.

  I distractedly smiled and thanked her. For once, the appearance of coffee actually pissed me off.

  Zane’s face had shuttered with Shelly’s arrival.

  “Tonight,” he murmured once she had left. He stood and leaned across the table slightly. “Tonight, I claim every inch of you.”

  With those words and a smoldering look, he was gone.

  I sank back into my seat, feeling the urge to fan myself with my hands.

  He couldn’t just say goodbye. No. He had to rock my world and make my lady bits do cartwheels and disappear into the night. Well, not the night, the early morning…but still.

  Later that night, I was battling with butterflies as I crossed the street. Not like the normal ones that I had creeping over to Zane’s. Usually, I had guilt at leaving Lexie alone in the house while her harlot mother went and got herself laid. Then I would get butterflies knowing what Zane would do to me, how he would fuck me. Finally, I got a different kind of butterflies, ones that told me to turn back, because they were terrified of the dismissal that was inevitable after he was finished giving me the best sex of my life. I never listened to those butterflies. But as I padded across the street something felt different. Something had changed. The claiming possessive gesture Zane had made not only in front of Clay, but my kid last night. The surprising and sensual admission at the coffee shop. Something was different. Something I wasn’t quite sure I was ready for.

  On that thought, the door opened before I even made it to the front step. Zane’s eyes followed my short journey. When I was close enough he grabbed my arm, yanking me into the house. The door slammed and before I knew it, I was over his shoulder.

  I let out a little squeal. “Zane! What are you doing?” I half screeched in surprise.

  A hand cracked down on my ass and a stinging sensation exploded along my cheek.

  “Shut up,” he commanded roughly. “We talk after. Now I’m going to fuck you.” He threw me down on his bed roughly and before I even had time to think, his body covered mine. My whole body burned as he claimed my mouth like he was searing a brand onto my soul. His body covered mine, his hand on my neck. I could barely breathe as he continued his assault on my mouth. I didn’t think proper thoughts for long moments after that.

  “Zane,” I murmured, my voice barely audible. I was surprised I was even able to speak while he pounded into me. This was different than any of the other times we had been together. It was furious, desperate, claiming. He was owning my body, making it his. I was loving every minute.

  His hand spanned my throat and his eyes stayed glued to mine, the hard glint of arousal and something else, something deeper, searing through me.

  “You’re mine now, Mia,” he grunted between thrusts.

  I sucked in a breath at my building orgasm, unable to fathom his words.

  He stopped moving and his hand tightened on my throat. The cords in his neck pulsed.

  “Zane,” I whined, needing him to move, needing him to keep going.

  “Mia,” he commanded, my eyes meeting his again. “Understand this. You. Are. Mine,” he told me roughly. The certainty, the promise behind his words made me pause. My mind moved past the need for pleasure, for release.

  I stroked his face. “I’m yours,” I whispered, my words surprising me, not only the fact I meant them, but how I had felt like I had belonged to him for ages before.

  He paused for a second, didn’t say a word, just stared. And with that stare, with those words, a little part of my shattered pieces melded back together.

  Before I could contemplate this, he plunged into me once more. And for a long time after that, I couldn’t think of much but his body moving inside me.

  “Is it time for words yet?” I asked quietly.

  Zane’s arm tightened around me.

  “Jesus,” he muttered. “Can we not have a couple minutes more of silence before you try and yell at me and I have to fuck you to shut you up again?”

  I chewed my lip. Another whole sentence. That was like a record. I was nestled up against his hard chest, my hands quietly tracing the designs I knew were there. I was yet to be able to inspect them in the daylight. But something had changed tonight that gave me hope I might. Not only within Zane, but me also. I had thought I was happy keeping him at a distance, not turning this into something more. But I was kidding myself. Using my past as an excuse to hide the hurt that he didn’t want more. I convinced myself I didn’t either. But now I knew I did. And that scared the hell out of me.

  “How do you know I’m going to try and yell at you?” I asked defensively.

  He was silent for a moment, “Are you not?”

  It was my turn to be silent. “No, I just wanted to have an adult conversation about your behavior last night,” I said evenly.

  “Fuck,” he muttered again. “You sound just like a mom scolding her child.”

  I stiffened. “I am a mom, and you acted childish in the bar,” I snapped.

  Zane lifted me onto his chest so my face faced his. I was expecting to meet a hard glare. But for once his eyes were clear; they were almost dancing. “Silence, babe, can we have some more of it? So I can enjoy smelling you, having your tight little body against mine?” he murmured against my mouth.

  I pouted at him a second then relented. Who was I to pass up such an affectionate moment, one that was rare for someone I was in danger of falling for? My head nestled into his neck and his arms settled around me, the strength of them encasing me. One of his hands rested on my bare and slightly tender ass, cupping it.

  I lay alone with my thoughts once more, but it wasn’t long before I lifted my head. “What was that with Clay last night?” I asked, unable to keep quiet.

  Zane shook his head slightly. “Not even a minute, Wildcat. You couldn’t shut up if someone paid you.” His tone was definitely teasing, I was loath to interrupt this new Zane, but we had to get shit straight.

  I narrowed my eyes at him.

  He sighed and brushed a strand of hair out of my face, his hand resting on my chin. “Clay was trying to get in on what’s mine. He needed educating,” he said simply, his eyes hardening.

  “What’s yours?” I repeated in disbelief.

  Zane nodded stiffly.

  I tried to get up slightly but his arms wouldn’t let me. I frowned at him. “When did I become yours?” I asked stiffly.

  “The moment I sank my cock into you,” he answered bluntly.

  I screwed my nose up. “If I remember rightly, after the first time you ‘sank your cock into me,’ as you so romantically put it, you kicked me out of the house,” I snapped.

  Zane stared at me and didn’t answer.

  “Great, so we’re back to relying on my telepathy to have a conversation,” I said in a tone dripping with sarcasm. “What happened to not being able to give me more?” I moved on from my original statement to reference what he had said earlier today.

  Zane searched my eyes. “You happened,” he said simply. “Lexie happened,” he added softly.

  My stomach dropped at his
words. Fear and excitement curdled in my stomach. There was silence for a moment. “I’m not going to introduce this to Lexie if you’re not sure, if this isn’t certain,” I told him firmly. “Lexie’s already attached to you—I’m not breaking my daughter’s heart,” I told him. What I didn’t add was that I didn’t want my heart broken. Especially when he had already stared to repair a sixteen-year-old break.

  Zane knifed up with me on top of him, so his back rested against the headboard and I was straddling him. Both his hands went to my neck, pulling my eyes to meet his.

  “Wouldn’t let you think this was something it’s not, babe. Would never fuckin’ make Lex think that.” His arms tightened. “I’m fuckin’ certain,” he promised.

  I searched his eyes for doubt, indecision, dishonestly. I was scared when I couldn’t find it. At the same time his words, like before, mended a little piece broken inside me. This terrified me because if he had the power to fix me, he also had the power to break me all over again.

  “I’m certain too,” I whispered, breaking the long silence. Despite the fear, the worry, I was. I had never felt more safe, more alive than when I was in his arms. I had never seen my daughter look up to someone like she looked at him. And the way I caught him looking at her, like he would protect her with his last breath, it took my breath away slightly.

  His body jolted at my declaration, as if he was expecting something else. Then I witnessed something beautiful; his whole face softened and the menace and coldness seeped right out. He watched me with this new beautiful face, unmasked, before his mouth reached mine in a tender kiss. The kiss deepened and his hand tightened on my ass. I felt him press into my stomach and I moaned into his mouth. I didn’t think I would have been able to take more, but at that moment, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to take not having him.

  Zane must have felt the same because he flipped me over, mouth not leaving mine, then proceeded to make love to me in the most impossibly tender way.

  I awoke with a feather light kiss on my jaw. My back was pressed to Zane’s front, his huge hand cupping my breast, his mouth moving along my neck.