Her Fierce SEAL: Midnight Delta Book 6

by Caitlyn O'Leary

  “Hot damn!” Lydia peered at Clint’s computer screen.

  Finn sat back a little further on the couch, listening to the team talk about the next steps. He wished he could feel even a tenth of what they were feeling, but he couldn’t. He knew he wasn’t the same man he was before the mission, and he never would be again. How do you ever come back after you’ve become a monster?

  ***

  The Pacifico went down smoothly. It was his second. He was in his favorite seat, at his favorite table, in his favorite bar overlooking the Pacific Ocean in San Diego. Soon the sun would set, and he was finally beginning to relax. He was doing the right thing.

  The day after the all-nighter at Mason’s house, Finn had finally come clean to the Midnight Delta Team about what had happened. Drake and Dare knew some fugly shit had gone down when he had been undercover at the farmhouse, but they’d had no earthly idea how bad it’d been. Normally, his confession would be something he would just tell his commander, but they all needed to know the kind of man he’d become. So he told them all as a group. He’d told them every ugly fucking detail. Even the stuff he’d held back when he’d initially talked to Drake up in Canada.

  Even now, sitting in a spot that was basically paradise, chills raced down his spine. He started to gag as he set down his beer.

  He thought back to the little bit of time he had worked undercover guarding the young women who had been trafficked. His mission had been to pretend to be one of the bad guys and keep them holed up in the farmhouse for two days until the auction. It had gone against every bone in his body not to break them out and take them to safety.

  Yeah, but you didn’t. Did you, Crandall?

  Instead, he had acted like a sadistic asshole as they cried and begged to be released. One girl, who couldn’t have been more than sixteen, had gotten down on her knees in front of him. She had pleaded in broken English to do anything to be allowed a chance to escape. Her meaning had been clear.

  Another girl, who had been caught trying to run away, had been pulled back to the farmhouse by her hair and almost raped by two men before Finn had been alerted and stepped in. Suspicious of him, Mike and Howard had made Finn hold Penelope down while Howard forced her to drink a bottle of hot sauce as punishment. Part of his soul died that night.

  Fast forward two days to the night of the auction and the shootout. He had to admit, Rylie and Darius had planned the takedown slicker than snot. The only discordant notes were that he hadn’t been able to beat Howard and Mike to death the way they deserved. Still, he had killed Albert Liu, the man who had orchestrated the hell at the farmhouse. He only wished he could have prolonged his death. Thinking of the operation, of the defenseless women, cracked him wide open with helplessness and anger. Even now, a cloud of self-loathing threatened to swallow him whole.

  Even almost two months after the events, he wasn’t able to hide his rage as he would have liked.

  He clenched and unclenched his fists. A new habit he had picked up. He closed his eyes and focused on the present. His buddies had invited him for a drink tonight. He looked at his watch. Any minute they’d arrive at the bar. It was just going to be a different bar than the one Finn was at. He knew they were planning an intervention. Finn tipped back his chair and closed his eyes, and played out what they would say.

  Mason would start, God love the man.

  “Finn, where have you been hiding? Haven’t seen your ass around except at the base since you dropped your bomb. We told you it didn’t matter. You did exactly what every one of us would have done in your shoes.”

  “Would you believe I started dating this girl?” Finn would start out.

  “Fuck no! You’re ducking us, and this shit has to stop.” Drake would roar. “Pull your guilt-ridden head out of your ass and talk to us.”

  “What the big guy means is that we’re here for you.” A typical Dare comment.

  “I know you are. I just don’t feel like socializing. I want to focus on work.”

  Mason would look uncomfortable. He just knew it, because that’s the kind of leader he was. The very reason for this intervention was because Mason was trying to arrange a safety net for Finn in his time of need. If that didn’t work, Mason would sit him down privately and discuss the need to place him sick in quarters and counseling so he could work through his issues. Finn’s chest tightened because he knew this man, and he would be with him every step of the way. God, there would never be anyone else he would want to serve under.

  His phone rang, interrupting his musings. It was Drake.

  “You fucker. Where are you?”

  “Not there.”

  “Get your ass over here.”

  “I’m in Carlsbad,” Finn lied. It was nice hearing Drake’s frustration.

  “Fucker.” He heard him tell the others.

  “Hey, Finn.” It was Mason. Finn let out a sigh.

  “Hi, Mase. Look, I’m sorry.”

  “I’m going to need to talk to you tomorrow. Can we meet in the morning in my office?” Mason’s voice was soothing. Finn really liked this man, just hearing how he was attempting to help him made him respect him more. But Finn knew he was undeserving of his help.

  “There’s a letter on your desk requesting discharge.” This time, Mason sighed.

  “I’m not accepting it.”

  “You don’t have a choice.”

  “I do.” There was a long silence. Finn wasn’t surprised to hear Clint’s voice.

  “Your letter will now be a request for leave, which our beloved leader will approve.”

  “You’re going to forge my signature?” Finn was surprised that he was surprised. He should have known Clint would be willing to do something like that.

  “Bet your ass I’m going to forge your signature.” Mason got back on the phone.

  “Now that I’ve accepted your request for leave, I want you over at the house tomorrow night for dinner. Sophia misses you, and so does Billy. Apparently, the guy you’ve arranged as the substitute coach for the Lacrosse team sucks. That’s an exact quote from Billy.” Finn closed his eyes and pictured Mason’s wife, Sophia, and her fifteen-year-old brother, Billy. He was going to miss them. Especially Billy, the kid was special.

  “No can do boss. Please invite Mom and Rebecca instead. I have plans. I’m going off the grid for a while.” Finn was about to disconnect the phone when Mason stopped him.

  “Hold up, Crandall. You know we’ll have your mom’s six, right?”

  Finn tightened the hold on his iPhone.

  “I never doubted it for an instant. I’ve got to do this, Mase. I’ll be back when I’m back.”

  Finn disconnected the call and removed the sim card. Mason would respect his privacy and give him the space he needed to get his shit together, but he wouldn’t put it past Clint and Lydia to try to track his whereabouts through his phone. He was serious, he needed away. If they wanted to find him, he’d make them work for it.

  He picked up the other phone his friend Declan had overnighted to him. He punched in the first name on the speed dial. He got voicemail.

  “Declan. It’s me, Finn. Give me a call. I’m a free agent for the time being. I’m working on something and could use some intel.”

  Chapter Two

  He pulled up to his mother’s duplex. He’d thought about seeing her before the ‘bait-n-switch’ meeting with his teammates but knew they would respect his privacy...for a while. He took a deep breath and headed for the door.

  “Finnius? Are you even listening to me?”

  Finn looked up from the kitchen table and saw his mother was hovering over him. The last time he had seen her she had been at the counter chopping vegetables.

  “You’ve been sitting at my table for over an hour with such a long face that the bread won’t be able to rise.” His mom put a plate of Norwegian butter cookies and a glass of milk in front of him.

  “You must be worried,” he said indicating the treats.

  “I am.” She sat across from him. She
actually patted the pocket of her sweater and laughed. He came close to smiling. If his mom reached for a cigarette, she was stressed. She hadn’t smoked in over fifteen years.

  “Finn, honey, two years ago you had to pick me up off the floor when your granddad’s Alzheimer’s knocked me on my ass. All the while you were hurting as badly as I was. But you did what you always did, you cared for me, coaxed me into moving out here to be near you and make a new life. Hell, you dragged us both into counseling. You were a Godsend. But I know you have one of the most stressful jobs in the world.”

  “Are you kidding me, Mom? This is the job I wanted more than anything. I worked my ass off to become a SEAL. It was my dream.”

  “I’m not denying that, Finn. But you’re not going to tell me that some of the things you do aren’t life and death.” His mother pushed the plate of cookies closer to him.

  “Of course, they are.” Finn grabbed a cookie, took a bite and a long drink of milk.

  “When you came back two months ago, you weren’t you. You’ve shut down.” She got the carton of milk from the fridge to refill his glass, giving them both time to contemplate her words.

  “Can you tell me about it?” she asked as she poured more milk into his glass.

  “I can’t.” The two words came out harsh and ugly.

  “Can you tell me how you feel?” she asked gently.

  He sighed. “The cookies help.”

  She gave him a ‘mom’ look.

  “They do. They make me feel like a kid again when a cookie could solve all my problems.” He blew out a long breath. “Mom, things are pretty confused right now. I fucked up. I hurt some people.”

  She didn’t immediately respond, and it was one of the things that made Evie Crandall so special. Yeah, she was totally on his side, but she was a thinker like him. She contemplated her responses, so he knew when the chips were really down, she wasn’t just blowing smoke up his ass. At the same time, she’d have his back as fiercely as his team.

  “Three questions.”

  “Shoot.”

  “Did they deserve to be hurt.”

  “Some did.”

  “The ones that did, did you hurt them on purpose?”

  “Fuck yeah.” He picked up another cookie and bit into it with relish.

  “Well, then that’s probably a good thing.” She smiled. “The ones that didn’t deserve to be hurt, did you hurt them on purpose?”

  He didn’t answer. But that was as good as answering, wasn’t it?

  “Oh, honey.”

  “Would you do it again, Finn?” she finally asked.

  “God help me, Mom. Yes, I would. I had to do it to ultimately help them.” His voice cracked, and he thought he’d throw up. He pushed away from the table. He had to get the fuck out of there.

  “Wait, baby boy, what does Mason say? Does he say you crossed a line?” She looked up at him as he trembled, every one of his instincts said to run, but he hadn’t said goodbye so he couldn’t leave.

  “He says he would have done the exact same thing. I don’t believe him. He would have found a different way to handle it. I don’t know how, but he would have. Any of the others would have. So Mason saying I made the right choice doesn’t matter.”

  “No, it wouldn’t.” She sighed. She went around the table and grabbed him in a hard hug. He rested his head on her shoulder for a long moment before he pushed away.

  Taking a step back, he cupped her cheek. “I’ve got to leave for a while.”

  Evie bit her lip.

  “How long is a while?”

  “I don’t know.” And he really didn’t.

  “Can you tell me where you’re going?”

  “I’m not sure yet. Even if I did know, I wouldn’t tell you. The team is going to be dropping by, and they’ll be asking questions. I don’t want to put you in the situation where you have to keep things from them or lie.”

  “Will you check in?”

  “Eventually.” It pained him to see her pat her sweater pocket again, looking for an imaginary cigarette.

  “You’re hurting her!” Rebecca ran into the kitchen. “You need to tell her where you’re going at least!” Finn stared in shock at the fifteen-year-old girl with her long brown hair swinging and her eyes blazing with anger.

  “Rebecca, calm down, he doesn’t mean to hurt me.”

  “It doesn’t matter, Evie. He is.” She turned back to Finn. “Don’t be selfish. You need to promise to call her.”

  Finn was amazed that this girl, who had once been so quiet, was yelling at him and defending his mother. He was proud of the work his mother had done with her.

  “You’re absolutely right, Rebecca. I’m sorry. I promise to call her every two weeks, no matter what. Will that work?”

  Her jaw jutted out. “Once a week.”

  The corner of his mouth lifted. “All right, once a week. Will that work?” Rebecca gave a short nod, then he saw her eyes fill with tears.

  “Hey, hey, what’s this about?” He stepped closer to her.

  “I don’t want you to go, Finn. I like having a big brother to talk to.” He looked at the young girl, and his heart twisted. Suddenly, the girl who had been on her knees in the farmhouse was superimposed on top of Rebecca. He broke into a cold sweat and gritted his teeth. He knew logically he was still in his mom’s kitchen and not back in time.

  “I don’t want you to go.” Rebecca’s voice.

  “I’ll do anything, please let me go.” It was the other girl’s voice.

  Instead of brown hair and brown eyes, he saw blonde hair and blue eyes.

  “Mom?” Finn called out.

  “Finn?” His mom’s voice helped to steady him. He blinked and was once again able to see Rebecca. He tried hard to give her the best smile he could, but it was pathetic, and he knew it. She looked up at him, confused, but then he held out his arms, and she hit him like a freight train.

  “I love you, Finn.” Her love floored him.

  “I love having a little sister. You are one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I’ll make sure to talk to both of my best girls every week.”

  “You better.” His mom came over and wrapped her arms around them. He took comfort in it.

  ***

  When he got into his car, there was a message on the burner phone.

  Head to Austin, there is a project that needs your expertise.

  He tried calling Declan again and got his voicemail. Figures. His childhood friend was probably ducking his calls at this point. What an asshole, he thought fondly.

  He looked out the rearview window into the back of his El Camino at the pitiful amount of stuff that he had packed. He’d thought about putting his stuff in storage and getting out of the lease on his condo, but it seemed like too much of a bother. What’s more, part of him really hoped he would be coming back to San Diego if he could ever get his shit together.

  He stopped at a gas station near the highway and gassed up the car and stocked up on water before heading east. For the next four hours, he focused on traffic, until he got out of the more populated areas and hit desert. Then his brain began to consider what Declan’s cryptic message might mean.

  He and Dec had been friends since grade school. Both of their dads had worked together in Minnesota. Now Declan was one of the founding members of a group called the Shadow Alliance.

  Declan had his fingers in pies all over the world. Finn regularly tapped Dec’s organization when he needed something for the Midnight Delta team. It paid off having a network of far-flung friends. Even though he hadn’t helped in the sex trafficking mission, Finn figured he had kept tabs on it. When the man said he had a project that needed Finn’s expertise, he really hoped it was related to the missing babies. Midnight Delta didn’t have the time or the resources to keep looking, and the longer the infants stayed missing, the more likely they would never be found.

  His fingers got sweaty on the wheel of the car. His teammates had spent a lot of time working on this project in
their spare time, but they had full-time jobs. What’s more, it was likely they would be pulled away for a mission pretty soon. It was just the way things worked in the Navy.

  Yeah, and you’re leaving them in a lurch, aren’t you?

  Finn pushed the thought away. Right now with his fucked up headspace, he was more of a liability than anything else. He looked over at the passenger seat. He had his computer tablet with him. He wasn’t anywhere close to the expert that Rylie, Clint or Lydia were on the computer, but he’d copied all of the information they’d had on the remaining unsolved missing baby cases.

  If Declan’s ‘project’ wasn’t the missing babies, then he would show him the information he had, ask for some help, and be on his merry way.

  ***

  Finn spent the night in Fredericksburg before heading into Austin. He’d gotten in some Physical Training, and was starving by the time he hit town. Craving Tex-Mex, he headed for Sixth Street when the phone rang.

  “You in town?” Declan asked.

  “Don’t you have me tracked to within an inch of my life?”

  “Maybe,” Declan conceded. “I thought you’d like a semblance of privacy. So you’re headed to Sixth Street. Want a beer?”

  “Food, man. I’m hungry.”

  “I know just the place.” Declan gave him directions. “There’s even shaded parking for your baby.”

  “Is the beer Pacifico?”

  “Nah, we’ll be drinking Texas beer.”

  “Fuck, not Shiner Bock. That’s all Jack ever talks about,” Finn bitched, thinking about his teammate Jack Preston.

  “Suck it up. I’ll see you in twenty minutes.” The phone went dead. Finn shook his head and continued toward the most popular street in Austin.

  There was one shaded parking spot waiting for him when he pulled up to the cantina—amazing. Declan McAllister was one spooky dude. He locked his El Camino and admired the sky blue paint job. She was one of the few things that still gave him a certain amount of pleasure. It was sad when a car was the only thing that even came close to making him happy. Drake was right, he needed to pull his guilt-ridden head out of his ass, but he had no earthly idea how to do it.