Of Loss & Betrayal (Madison & Logan Book 2)

by S. H. Kolee

  “I assume all this stuff belongs to you,” Logan said, indicating my belongings that were scattered about the apartment. He raised his eyebrows as he nodded towards a pair of earrings and a couple of bracelets that were sitting on the coffee table. “Unless I forgot that I like to wear women’s jewelry.”

  I picked up the earrings. “You actually gave these to me. I saw them at a store and admired them, but I wouldn’t let you buy them for me because you were always buying me stuff.” I smiled at the memory. “You went and bought them later, anyway, and put them on me the next morning while I was sleeping. When I woke up, I didn’t even notice I was wearing them. You spent the entire day trying to surreptitiously get me to notice them. You must have held a mirror up to my face a million times, but I was totally oblivious. I finally noticed them when we were getting ready for bed.”

  “Then what happened?” Logan asked, his gaze on my lips instead of the earrings.

  “We made love while I wore nothing but the earrings.” My voice was soft as I watched his gaze lift until our eyes met. I recognized the desire I saw in them, and it made me feel hopeful. Whether or not Logan remembered me, he wanted me.

  He reached up and softly caressed my ear, that innocent touch sending shivers down my spine. “Put them on,” he said softly.

  I followed his request while I kept my eyes on his. His hand slipped lower to the neckline of my sweater, his finger hooking underneath it, grazing back and forth, sending goose bumps throughout my body.

  “Why don’t we recreate that night? Take off your clothes.”

  I breathed in deeply, surprised by his request. I hadn’t expected him to move this fast. But I wasn’t complaining.

  “Anything in the name of helping you regain your memory,” I said with an impish smile. I was acutely aware of his intent gaze as I grabbed the bottom of my sweater and pulled it over my head. I tossed it to the floor and undid my jeans, pulling them down and stepping out of them. Logan’s gaze roamed by body, and everywhere it touched grew hot. My breathing started to grow heavy as I reached behind me to unclasp my bra. I let it fall to the floor so I was bared to him. My breath caught when he raised a hand to flick one of my nipples that was already hard and aroused.

  “I remember how good you tasted,” he said as he rolled my nipple between his thumb and forefinger. His heated gaze lowered. “Take your panties off. I want to taste the rest of you.”

  My core clenched with arousal at his words, and I felt how wet I was getting. I had never mentioned our lovemaking to him; that Logan usually took control and had me do things I had never imagined doing before him. But dominating me when it came to the sexual side of our relationship seemed to come naturally to him. And I loved it.

  I followed his command and shimmied out of my panties until I was completely naked except for the earrings.

  “Tell me what we did that night,” he said huskily.

  All my inhibitions fell away and the awkwardness I had felt earlier disappeared. “You had me lie on the bed with my legs parted so you could use your mouth on me,” I said, barely noticing how breathy my voice was. “Then you had me get on my hands and knees so you could fuck me from behind.”

  Logan’s face was harsh with desire. I made a sound of surprise when he abruptly picked me up and carried me into the bedroom. He set me down on the bed, but instead of joining me, he stood at the foot of it, his eyes roving around my body.

  “Spread your legs like you did that night,” he ordered.

  I knew I was already glistening with wetness as I did as he commanded. My breaths were shallow with desire as I watched him watch me.

  “Tell me exactly what I did with your pussy.”

  I took a deep shuddering breath before answering. “You sucked on my clit while you fucked me with your fingers. You told me to play with my nipples while you kept sucking and fucking me.”

  Logan leaned over me, pressing my thighs against the bed so I was splayed completely open to him. I whimpered in anticipation as he lowered his head, my eyes closing as I felt that first incredible flick of his tongue on my sensitive nub. His tongue was gentle at first, teasing me until I pressed my hips up, craving more. The pressure of his tongue increased, making me moan. When he took my clit in his mouth and sucked hard, I hardly recognized the animalistic sound that escaped me.

  He pushed one finger inside me, slipping in easily since I was soaking wet. “How many fingers did I fuck you with?” he asked gutturally as he continued laving his tongue against my engorged clit.

  “Three,” I choked out, clutching the comforter of the bed with my fists. “You fucked me with three fingers.”

  I gasped when he pushed another finger into me, and then a third. It was a tight fit and he was stretching me to the point of being almost uncomfortable, but that only heightened the sensation. My hips bucked rhythmically as he thrust his fingers in and out of me, all the while sucking and licking my clit.

  “Play with your nipples,” he muttered against me. “Pinch and pull on them. Hard.”

  My hands went to my breasts without question. I was making choked sounds of arousal, overcome with sensation as I pulled on my sensitive nipples, pinching them and rolling them in my fingers, reveling in the pain coupled with pleasure. It was becoming too much for me. Logan’s head buried between my legs coupled with my own hands pleasuring my nipples took me over the edge. I arched off the bed, keening loudly as my body bowed, waves of pleasure rippling through me. Logan continued to use his mouth on me, his fingers continuing to thrust inside me, as I convulsed with a powerful orgasm.

  When the last shudder left my body, I felt boneless as I fell back against the bed. Logan lifted his head up, his eyes glittering with both desire and pure male satisfaction. I found it wildly erotic to see my wetness on his mouth. He made his way up my body until he was directly above me. I grabbed his neck, pulling him down until our mouths met. I loved tasting myself on him as our tongues tangled together, our kiss hard and wild.

  “Get on your hands and knees,” Logan muttered against my mouth, his voice thick. “I’m going to fuck you now.”

  I had been exhausted by my powerful orgasm moments before, but his words brought my body back to life, excitement strumming through me. I got on my hands and knees, arching my back so that my glistening pussy was exposed to him.

  “How did I fuck you?” he asked in a low voice. “Hard or soft?”

  “Hard,” I said, almost panting. “You fucked me so hard I thought you were going to split me in half.” I paused before continuing. As much as I was in a haze of arousal, I was a little hesitant to share exactly what we had done, in case it turned him off. I reminded myself that this was Logan, no matter what he could or couldn’t remember. I had given my body to him time and time again in any way he demanded. There was no way there was an inch of prudeness in him.

  “You spanked me while you fucked me. You told me I was your slut, to fuck however you pleased. You also slapped my breasts while you fucked me, telling me I was a whore who needed to be shown who was in charge.”

  Instead of being turned off, Logan practically growled at my confession. He must have taken off his clothes in record time, because, before I could take my next breath, he pounded into me, his cock pushing into my pussy with a force that almost had me slamming into the headboard. The only reason I wasn’t in pain from his forceful entry was because I was so wet from before.

  Logan pumped into me again and again, his hands on my hips as he slammed my body back with each thrust. I was panting like a wild animal, loving each forceful thrust that made the tension in my lower body increase unbearably.

  “Ask for it,” he rasped as he pushed into me. “Ask me to hurt you like the slut you are.”

  “Hurt me,” I moaned, feeling myself lose control. “Spank me. Slap my tits. Please. Use me.”

  I cried out in pleasure when I felt two hard smacks come down on my buttocks. They were quickly followed my two hard slaps on my breasts. My bottom and breasts felt like the
y were on fire as Logan continued to slap them while he fucked me. I could tell he was out of control by the guttural sounds he was making, and it thrilled me.

  I finally couldn’t take it anymore and screamed as my body writhed in an intense orgasm, my nerve-endings set on fire. I was vaguely aware of Logan shouting as he pounded into me, filling me with his come.

  I collapsed against the bed and felt the weight of Logan’s body pressing down on me as he fell on top of me. We were both panting heavily and it was a while before I could hear anything beyond the sounds of our harsh breathing.

  Logan lifted his head, his arm propped up against the bed beside me, holding up his weight. His eyes searched mine before he spoke.

  “Is that normal for us? To make love like this?”

  I nodded my head, feeling a little embarrassed, now that we were out of the throes of passion. I wondered what he thought about it all.

  “But only when it comes to sex,” I said with a small smile. “You’re not allowed to order me around outside of the bedroom.” I wrinkled my nose. “Or smack me around.”

  Logan grinned and any lingering anxiety melted away. It was clear that he had enjoyed this as much as I had.

  “I’ll take note of that.” His eyes lowered and I glanced down to see what he was looking at. He was gazing at my breasts, reddened from his slaps. He frowned a little as he traced his fingers across them. I couldn’t help the small gasp when his finger grazed over one of my nipples. “Does this hurt? It looks like I got a little too enthusiastic.” He lifted his head back up to meet my gaze, his expression concerned.

  I shook my head. “Like I always tell you, it’s a good kind of hurt.”

  Logan shifted so he was on his back, taking me with him so I was splayed across his chest. I nuzzled against his neck, breathing in his scent. For the first time since the accident, I felt completely happy.

  That happiness was quickly shattered when I heard his cell phone ringing. He had taken it out of his pocket and put it on the bedside table some time during the throes of our lovemaking. When he grabbed it, I saw a phone number with an L.A. area code flashing across the screen. I knew it had to be Kristina.

  “Are you going to answer that?” I asked tersely.

  Logan shook his head and silenced the phone before putting it back on the bedside table. “I’m pretty occupied by a beautiful, sexy woman lying on top of me. Especially since she’s naked.”

  I wanted to laugh, but my mood was ruined by Kristina’s intrusion. I didn’t say anything as Logan lightly traced my earlobe, pausing to touch the earring.

  “I don’t know where I bought these earrings, but they were definitely worth whatever I paid for them.”

  I tried to muster up a smile, but it was half-hearted at best. I tensed when his fingers trailed down to touch the chain around my neck, following its path to the heart pendant that was resting on his chest.

  “I guess earrings aren’t the only thing you’re wearing. I could get used to you wearing nothing but jewelry.”

  Without thinking, I pulled the heart pendant away from him. “It was Cassie’s. I gave it to her for her twentieth birthday. Right before she killed herself.”

  I felt an irrational anger that I was the only one who carried the memory of Cassie. I knew it wasn’t his fault, but I felt myself growing resentful that Logan had a clear conscience because he didn’t remember the past. I had gotten to the point where I had resolved my guilt and come to terms with what had happened, but Logan losing his memory seemed to reignite a lot of those old feelings. I knew that my anger over Kristina being thrust into our lives again only added fuel to the fire.

  “I’m sorry, Maddie,” Logan said softly. “Do you want to talk about it?”

  I shook my head, telling myself that it was unfair to be upset with Logan. He hadn’t purposely forgotten Cassie. I tried to smile at him. “No, there’s plenty of time to talk about the past later. Right now I’m just happy to be here with you.”

  Logan gave me a slow smile. “I must be an idiot to not be able to remember you. I’m sure my memory will come back, but I’m more than willing to create new memories with you.”

  I laughed, pushing the thoughts of Cassie and Kristina aside. “That’s so kind of you. How about we create a memory of me sucking your cock?” I suggested brazenly.

  Whatever Logan had been about to say in response was cut off, as I did just as I proposed, giving him a memory he wasn’t going to forget anytime soon.

  Chapter Ten

  By the time we finally made it out of bed, it was early evening and we were both starving. Not wanting to leave the apartment, we ordered Chinese food and had a lazy dinner in the living room. It was sometimes easy to forget Logan’s memory loss, because we were so at ease with each other. If it hadn’t been for the random question every now and then that took me aback, like him asking me where I grew up, I would never have known that Logan didn’t remember me.

  We were sitting on the couch when Logan’s cell phone rang again, flashing the L.A. number I had seen earlier, and it put a damper on things once again. His gaze flicked to it before reaching over to silence it.

  “How come you’re not answering your phone?” I couldn’t resist asking.

  “I don’t feel like talking to anyone except you,” he replied with a grin.

  Instead of being flattered, I was annoyed that he was avoiding the question. I told myself I shouldn’t push more, but my mouth seemed to have a mind of its own.

  “Is that Kristina?”

  Logan hesitated before answering. “Yeah. I told her I would contact her if I had any more questions. I’m not sure why she’s calling me.”

  I was silent for a moment before speaking. “You said that she told you about your relationship with her. Considering how badly she wants to get back together with you, I’m pretty sure she embellished a lot of it. Don’t get me wrong. We weren’t exactly in the right by being together while you two were still in a relationship. But we’ve moved beyond that now. I hate to ask this, but are you sure you’re not leading her on by keeping the lines of communication open with her?” I paused for a moment before continuing, saying what I feared most. “Unless there’s a reason you want to keep in touch with her. Are you considering getting back together with her?”

  Logan’s arm was around my shoulders and my stomach lurched when he moved it away. I was relieved when he took both of my hands into his and shifted so he was facing me.

  “Maddie, I meant what I said yesterday. Even though I can’t remember our past, I know that we belong together. I can’t explain it, it just feels right.” He gave me a rakish grin. “And what happened between us today just reinforced that feeling.”

  I told myself to be content with his answer. It would probably just take time for me not to feel so threatened by Kristina. Distance wouldn’t hurt either. I fervently wished she would just get back on a plane to California and leave us to live our lives in peace.

  I changed the topic, not wanting to give Kristina any more headspace. “Do you think you should call your parents and tell them what happened? I think they’d want to know that their son was in an accident and is suffering from memory loss.”

  Logan shook his head as he leaned back against the couch, settling his arm around me again. “It would only worry them. They’d probably cut their trip short to rush home, but there’s nothing they can do.” He paused before continuing. “You mentioned before that your dad was going to Florida with his girlfriend. What happened to your mom?” He grimaced. “I’m sorry that I don’t remember.”

  It had been a long time since someone had asked me about my mother. It was something I avoided thinking about because she didn’t deserve any headspace.

  “She left when I was little. My dad said it was because she was unhappy with her life. She had never imagined being a wife and a mother, but they had gotten married because she got pregnant.” I shrugged. “I guess she decided that it wasn’t the life for her. One day my dad came home and she was g
one. I vaguely remember getting birthday cards for a few years, but then even those stopped. She’s never tried to contact me since then.”

  Logan rubbed my shoulder. “I’m sorry. That must have been difficult for you.”

  “It was when I was younger, but I guess you can get used to anything.” I leaned my head back so it was resting on Logan’s arm. “My dad tried as much as he could to be both father and mother to me, but it wasn’t easy for him, especially since he’s not naturally an affectionate person. But he tried. I never doubted that he loved me. More importantly, I knew that he would never abandon me, like my mother had. That might not sound like much, but for a little girl who was left by her mother, it meant everything.”

  “Do you ever think about trying to find her?”

  I frowned. “No. There’s no reason for her to be in my life now. Cassie’s mother was more of a mom to me than anyone else.” I sighed. “That’s why it’s so hard for me to know the state she’s in. I haven’t seen her in a long time because I can’t handle her delusions anymore.”

  Logan raised his eyebrows. “What’s wrong with her?”

  I tightened my mouth, not wanting to talk about such an awful topic, but maybe it would help Logan regain his memory. “She had a really tough time with Cassie’s death. I mean, what parent wouldn’t? But she pretty much had a nervous breakdown, and her way of coping was to pretend that Cassie was still alive. Her husband lets her live in her delusions. I think he believes it’s the kindest thing to do for her, but I disagree. She’ll never be able to really live until she faces that Cassie is gone.” Just talking about Mrs. Brooks made me unbelievably sad. “I owe her a lot. Cassie and I became best friends in fifth grade and her mother took me under her wing. I wish there was more I could do for her, but I can’t just sit by and watch her sink deeper into her sickness while I’m not allowed to do anything to help her. I haven’t seen her since last year.” I sighed heavily. “I know she was really upset that I didn’t go to their house for Cassie’s birthday this year. She celebrates it like she’s expecting Cassie to walk through the front door at any minute. I just couldn’t do it this year.”