Love, Kinsey

by Brandy Jeffus Corona

  Jolene called me sobbing from the cab of Ray’s truck.

  They were taking her to the hospital.

  “Colby it was just awful! She was talking to Ray one second then she just collapsed on the ground. Blood started pouring from her nose! Please meet us there.”

  I hung up and grabbed my keys. Rosemary was at the front desk when I ran past. Her eyes grew wide and she dropped whatever she was carrying and ran after me.

  “Colby wait, I’m coming with you.” She called out. I didn’t bother to reply as I climbed into the Durango.

  Rosemary climbed in the front seat and we took off.

  “Did she?” Rosemary asked. I shook my head.

  “She passed out at the farm. She’s unresponsive and blood is coming from her nose. This is probably it though, Rose.” My voice was strangled and hoarse.

  We arrived at the hospital and went straight to the emergency room. Jolene and Ray were in the waiting room, both of them pacing back and forth. Jolene rushed to me and fell into my arms. Mascara streaked her face, her eyes were swollen and bloodshot.

  The news was not in our favor. Kinsey had slipped into a coma where she remained for a full week. The seventh day after her collapse, she opened her eyes. We all cried like babies.

  Dr. Chang had run tests on her and of course, everything had changed for the worse. She had days, he told us. Her pain meds were upped because he told us she was in a constant state of pain.

  But Kinsey, being Kinsey, didn’t let on. She made the most out of her situation, playing gin rummy with Keaten, coloring with Casson, and watching the horrible reality TV shows with her mom and best friends.

  Everything had crumbled so fast. Every day in that hospital seemed surreal, but I kept all the agony inside. We were all waiting. That’s all we could do.

  Chapter 19

  KINSEY

  I knew it the moment I opened my eyes.

  Today would be my last day.

  Everything I’d wanted to do since receiving my death sentence had been crossed off my list. I was eerily content with my conclusion. Because it was perfect. Perfect for me, at least.

  My body had deteriorated. I had become a skeleton with skin hanging on. Nothing about me was feminine anymore and that was depressing.

  Every day brought pain. Sometimes excruciating pain that would render me helpless to perform even the most trivial matters and some days it was simply a dull, never-ending ache.

  It was time to conclude this chapter. I wasn't living anymore. I was wasting away in the stupid hospital room. Extending my parents, Colby’s, Keaten’s, everyone’s misery. My misery.

  I looked over at Colby lying on the cot, and my heart skipped a beat. Out of everyone, he was the hardest to let go.

  Such a selfless man to go ahead and marry his dying girlfriend. Who does that? Who puts themselves through that much pain only to experience a short-lived marriage?

  My letter to him had been harder to write than I thought. He knew how much I loved him, how much I cared.

  Colby made a soft noise and twisted slightly. I wanted him next to me so badly. Memories of every morning I woke up cuddled next to his broad chest made me smile.

  "Colby, psst! Colby, wake up!" I called quietly. He rolled over and propped himself up on an elbow.

  "Babe?" he asked with his eyes half-closed. I soaked the sight in. This would be the last time I would see him wake up.

  I smiled at him, “Come here, come lay with me." I scooted over and lifted my blanket up. He gave me his sexy smirk and my heart melted. He climbed in gently and my body melded with his.

  "You feeling okay, baby?"

  "Yeah," I lied. I intertwined my hand with his. I had to tell him, but I wanted to wait. I wanted to treasure this moment with him.

  "Hey, give me your phone," I commanded. Colby grabbed it off my bed tray table. I clicked on his YouTube app and looked up the song that had been put in my head for the past few days. I set it up and returned it to him. He raised his eyebrow but I simply shook my head.

  Just then, Jason Derullo's sexy voice started talking and I laughed at Colby's facial expression.

  "Listen to the first line, that the best," I whispered as "The Other Side" started playing.

  I looked up at Colby's face full of intent focus. My foot started tapping to the rhythm and Colby joined mine.

  "He can dance, I'll give him that," Colby said thoughtfully.

  I laughed, “Heck yeah he can. I love this video. I love that song." We finished watching the video in silence. Colby turned the phone off and went back to snuggling me.

  "You're so random, Kins. I love it."

  “I love you."

  “I love you, too, baby doll."

  My head started pounding then, a throbbing sensation right behind my ears and I frowned.

  "Headache? You need some meds?" I nodded and he grabbed some of my prescriptions off the table.

  "Here you go, love. They're getting worse, huh?"

  My face flushed hot and tears sprang to my eyes, "Colby, I think... Actually, I know that..." I trailed off. I just couldn't say it. Colby did not need me to finish though; he knew exactly what I meant.

  "Today? You really think so?" His voice cracked. I just nodded and he held me tighter.

  "I'm so sorry, Colby. For all this. I'm so completely sorry you had to go through this." I said in a hoarse whisper.

  "God Kinsey, don't be like that. It is definitely not your fault. I'm sorry you went through all this." He was crying now. My chest felt like it was on fire.

  He continued, "I love you so much, Kinsey. Don't ever apologize to me about all this. It's not your fault; it's never been your fault."

  "Can we nap one more time?" I asked. Colby didn't reply; instead, he simply nodded. “It’s going to be all right, right Colby?”

  "One day, baby girl, one day."

  ***

  COLBY

  After our nap, we called her parents, brother and two best friends to the hospital. We sat around playing card games and watching TV. Somehow, I think everyone knew deep down what was going on. Jamie and Courtney were overly cheery, making Kinsey laugh.

  I watched her the entire day; I didn’t want to miss a minute of my last day with her. I wanted to take all these mental pictures and store them in the deepest part of my brain, so I’d always have them.

  “Can we go outside? It looks like it’s a nice day.” Kinsey requested. I stood back as her parents got her situated in the wheelchair. I imagined them younger, squatting down to a toddler Kinsey as she took her first steps, waving goodbye as she sat down for her first kindergarten class. I gave them that moment, their last moment, to take care of their daughter.

  Her Hello Kitty pajama set was so baggy on her, it swallowed her up as she sat there in the big oversize chair.

  This isn't fair at all.

  I don’t want it to happen today.

  Please. Please, let me keep her?

  We stayed outside for a short while. Jamie and Courtney came up to me while Keaten was talking to Kinsey.

  “Is she all right? Everything seems so ominous.” Jamie said. Courtney nodded beside her.

  “She woke up this morning and said today was it.”

  “Oh God. No.” Courtney gasped. She turned her back to Kinsey and faced us, tears running down her cheek.

  “Shhh, it’s okay. It's okay now. We gotta be strong for her. You know she has been in so much pain lately. If it’s time for her to go, it’s time,” Jamie whispered, patting her friend on the shoulder. I tuned them out as Courtney tried to pull herself together. I felt so bad for everyone involved.

  Selfishly, I felt worse for myself.

  Kinsey sat there smiling, the sun glinting on her cheek. She looked like an angel and my heart tensed knowing that she would be one very soon.

  A single tear trailed down her cheek as she declared she wanted to go back inside. After she settled in her bed, it was time.

  She motioned for her parents to come over. She had a
letter for each of them in her lap.

  "Bye, Mama. Don't be sad for too long, okay? You are the best mother in this world. And Daddy, you've always been my number one guy." She handed them each a white envelope. Her voice sounded so weak. I could tell she struggled to form her words clearly. The slight grimaces of pain weren’t unnoticed.

  Keaten was next and his tears flowed freely.

  "Kinsey, you are the best sister I could have ever hoped for. I love you so much," he kissed her on her nose. "I'm going to miss you even more."

  "Oh Bubba, I love you, too. You just be happy, okay? Stay out of trouble! I'll be watching over you. That’s a promise.” Keaten laughed quietly as he stroked her hair, she finished, “You have always been my best friend."

  Jamie and Courtney flanked either side of her and took her hands. Their tears spilled onto her bed sheets.

  “I love you both, so much. You were the sisters I never had and always wanted. Please let Casson know how much his Aunt KK loves him.” They nodded, sobbing quietly.

  She smiled when I came forward. "Here," she offered me a plain white envelope, "I saved yours for last, naturally. Please save it until..." She faltered slightly. She reached up and wiped away the tears that started falling and took a deep breath. "Just lay it aside until after I'm gone."

  My throat tightened up and all I could do was nod.

  It was so damn unfair. Kinsey motioned me to come closer.

  "Baby, I'm ready. I won't go until you give the okay though," she whispered hoarsely.

  Oh, God.

  Tears poured down my cheek as I looked into her eyes.

  I can't do this. I’ve lied to myself all these months telling myself I accepted it.

  Because I haven't. I won't. I can't.

  My heart shattered into a million pieces. Finally the time had come. My beautiful Kinsey. You could see she had wasted away. Her body was just a shell that housed the most beautiful soul I had ever known.

  She was about to die. Right here and now.

  I kissed her lips tenderly. Her lips were chapped and dry but they tasted beautiful to me. "I love you, Kinsey," I whispered.

  "I'll always love you, Colby. Forever."

  "You can go now, baby. Go be my angel in Heaven, like you were here on Earth. I love you."

  She just nodded her head. We all whimpered as she said, “I love you all. Never forget that."

  Then she closed her eyes. And died.

  I swear, as stupid as it sounds, I saw the room grow lighter as she took her last breath. I felt the atmosphere change for an instant.

  When the monitor flat lined I lost it. My wife, my baby, she was gone.

  "Enjoy Heaven, Kinsey."

  Chapter 20

  COLBY

  Late that night, I sat on the couch in Jolene and Ray’s family room. I couldn’t go home, not yet. When she died, I had called Rosemary to let her know. Kinsey’s wishes were for the story to run the day of her funeral, which would be in a couple days.

  Keaten came down the stairs and sat in the recliner next to me. He offered me a beer as he set his drink down on the table next to us.

  “I haven’t read this yet. I don't really know why. Maybe because it’ll make everything real. Make my world, the one without Kinsey, completely tangible. And I don’t want that bro, I don’t want it at all,” Keaten whispered, holding his envelope in his hands.

  I reached in my pocket and took mine out. “I haven’t read mine either,” I responded. We sat there for minutes, in absolute silence, both of us staring holes into the letters we were so afraid to read.

  Finally, I looked up at him, “Together?” He gave a slight nod. I carefully opened the envelope and pulled the yellow sheet. Her smell rushed at me. A flattened pink daisy dropped into my lap. Her beautiful handwriting stared at me. I started reading:

  Dear Colby-

  Yours is the hardest letter to write. For the last few years, you have been my best friend, my rock, my everything.

  When I met you, I was scared. Scared because I fell in love with you in a moment; when in the past, it's taken so much longer.

  I had thought, could he be the one? Isn't that the stuff silly rom-com movies are made of?

  Nevertheless, no matter how cliché it was, I did. I fell in love with you and I've never given up. I never wanted to let you go.

  Life is absurd. It's sad and a mess and sometimes so freaking unfair. I'm thankful, so utterly thankful for the time I have spent with you. Your passion, your beautiful love, has made me whole for the first time in my life.

  It's not a secret that I believe in multiple soul mates. But you, my dear Colby, you are my last soul mate. And that, to me, is special.

  I know this will be tough for you and it hurts me that I'm going to cause you grief. That, while I'm off in Heaven, you'll be stuck here dealing with those pesky human emotions.

  I've asked everyone important to me to get over it. (Nicely put eh? I'm so eloquent.) Do not let grief overwhelm you. Do not let it rule you.

  Celebrate me, celebrate us.

  I love you Colby. I will love you until death does us part. You have consumed my heart in a beautiful fire of passion

  Love again, do not be afraid. You deserve a great life with someone.

  You are an incredible man. You were the best boyfriend and the most wonderful husband a woman could ask for.

  I thank God for you, my sweet Colby.

  I'm not going to say goodbye. Because I know that this isn't the end.

  Love,

  Kinsey

  ***

  In typical Kinsey fashion, she had instructions for each of us about the topic of her funeral laid out in her will.

  That’s why I was sitting on the front pew wearing a baby blue polo shirt and jeans. I scanned the crowd behind me. There wasn’t a black stitch of clothing to be seen.

  I looked forward and smirked.

  Keaten heaved a sigh and I glanced at him. He was wearing a hot pink polo shirt, and somehow he looked handsome in it and not goofy.

  “Man, I don’t think I can do this. This whole writing thing and speaking in front of people, that’s not me.” He whispered.

  “You’ll do just fine bro. Just fine,” I tried to reassure him. The truth was I was just as anxious. Kinsey had also requested that Keaten and I deliver the eulogies first and then open the floor to anyone who wanted to speak.

  I recognized many faces, like Rosemary and Old Paul.

  They had brought that morning’s edition of the paper, Kinsey’s story running front and center. Everyone picked up a copy.

  All four of the exes were sitting right behind me. Landon had parked his wheelchair in the aisle and Mia and Henry were beside him. I felt a fraternal bond with them; they all had lost an important love too. Everyone in the room had.

  The funeral began with a prayer from the minister officiating and then a song played over the loudspeakers,

  “You Raise Me Up” by Westlife, Kinsey’s favorite guilty pleasure boy band. I remember her listening to this song so many times while writing. Goosebumps broke out over my arms and I took a deep breath.

  “We come here today to celebrate a beautiful life that was taken far too soon. For whatever reason God chose Kinsey Masters Daniels to be called home at the tender age of 29,” the minister stated. He continued to talk but

  I wasn’t paying attention. A thousand memories flooded my mind. The first time I saw her, our first kiss, so many precious days I had spent with her.

  Keaten stood up and walked to the podium. His speech broke my heart and I began crying. When he talked about going in Kinsey’s room as a kid because he was scared, I grinned. That was always something Kinsey had cherished.

  Jolene and Ray sat on the other side of me and I grasped

  Jolene’s hand. The eulogy I had written was burning a hole in my pocket. I was next and I was petrified.

  Keaten wasn’t ashamed at the tears that fell freely down his cheeks. All around the church, there was a chorus of sniffles
and sobbing. My throat felt constricted, it was starting to close up. I struggled with breathing deeply to calm down.

  Finally, he stepped down and I stood up. We met in the middle and I gave him a hug.

  I took my place at the podium and looked out at the sea of colors. I saw the daisies adorned on Kinsey’s white casket. She would have loved everything.

  “Keaten, as was Ray her father, was one of Kinsey’s first loves. I would be her last. In her lifetime, Kinsey showed each one of us just how special loving someone could be.

  “That was her legacy she left to me, a legacy of love that I will always cling to. She taught me that you didn’t have to love just one person. That everyone who you gave a piece of your heart to would always be in here,” my closed fist struck my chest lightly, “and that was the most special thing you could ever give someone. A piece of your heart.

  “I’m mad right now. Mad that she had to go so early. I feel like I was only given seconds with her, when I should have been given a lifetime. In her letter to me though, she told me this wasn’t the end. I believe that. I have to. I will see Kinsey again and I will rejoice in holding her once more.

  “She would be beyond ecstatic at all these bright colors, and beautiful flowers. Cry if you must, but she wanted this to be a celebration of life. She was a beautiful person and I will never forget her, just like I know any of you won’t.”

  As I stepped away from the podium, the four exes; Landon, Cameron, Nolan and Joe, all started clapping softly. Soon all those in attendance did as well. I smiled as I stopped by Kinsey’s casket and leaned down to kiss it.