Identity Crisis

by Sarah Ettritch

  “What do you want?” Laura asked.

  Good, she wanted to talk to Laura. She was trying not to think about what Jensen thought of Jayne, who wasn’t good enough to board a Defence ship, but was apparently strong enough in the Way to bring up a Danlion as a Rymellan. “Actually, I have two requests. I want to tell my parents.”

  “No,” Laura and Jensen said in unison.

  Lesley stifled the protest that sprang to her lips, sat down, and took a moment to calm herself. “You’re asking me to give this child the Thompson name. I can’t do that without talking to my parents. It’s bad enough that I’m going to have to lie to my sister and brother, my cousins, grandparents, aunts, uncles...and that’s just my family. I can’t look my mama in the eye and lie to her about this.”

  Laura’s expression didn’t change. “What’s your other request?”

  “I want you to lift your grounding of my Chosen,” Lesley said, turning to Jensen. “I’m not saying that she wants to go on a tour. We might never go on a tour. She seems to enjoy working with Commander Ross on 72. But if she ever decides that she wants to go on a tour, that would mean you’d have my other Chosen and a Danlion on one of your ships.”

  “I’d have your other Chosen and a Rymellan on one of my ships,” Jensen snapped. “If this is going to work, you’ll have to stop thinking of the child as Danlion.” She leaned back in her chair and scowled. “Fine. I always intended to lift the grounding once the triad began to,” she waved her hand around, “prove itself.”

  Lesley didn’t believe that for a second. “What about my parents?”

  “If you bring them into this, they’ll have to carry the same burden you’ll carry,” Laura pointed out. “They’ll have to tell the same lie. Everyone who knows about the true origin of the child will sign an agreement that will make it a capital violation under Article 522 to even hint that the child isn’t Rymellan. Are you sure you want to tell them?”

  “I want the option to tell them. Perhaps after speaking to Mo and Jayne, I’ll change my mind. But right now, I don’t feel that I can lie to them about this. I can’t present the child to them as their granddaughter.”

  “You’re her commanding officer, and the Thompsons live in your sector,” Jensen said to Laura. “Use your judgment. You might be the one who has to clean up the mess.”

  Only Lesley could see Laura roll her eyes. “If you must tell them, go ahead. But let me know what you intend to do by 06:00. We won’t send them the agreements until we’ve heard from you.”

  “Understood.”

  “Given how much time we don’t have, the admiral and I will assume that you’ll agree to take the child. We’ll start working out the logistics of how to stage a rebirth.”

  “You’ve been up all night.”

  Laura nodded wearily. “I’ll grab a nap at some point.”

  “Go speak to your Chosens, “Jensen barked. “Get them out of bed. We don’t have much time.”

  Lesley nodded and grabbed her cloak. Military headquarters never slept, and it wasn’t unusual to see a commander striding through the corridors at any hour. But nobody would ever suspect what had just taken place behind Jensen’s closed door. Lesley could hardly believe it herself. Laura and Jensen were right. If they weren’t going to return the child to the Danlions, she would live as an outcast and constantly under suspicion—unless their plan succeeded. Lesley understood why she, Mo, and Jayne were the ideal choice in Jensen and Laura’s eyes. She wanted the child to survive, but a part of her hoped that Mo or Jayne would refuse to take her. She pulled out her comm unit to beep them.

  DILEMMA

  Yawning, Mo lowered herself into a kitchen chair and smiled gratefully when Jayne set a mug of tziva in front of her. “I wonder if it has anything to do with the evacuation on 72,” she said, rubbing her swollen belly.

  Jayne sat opposite her and threw her a quizzical look.

  “It seems coincidental that on the same day there’s an evacuation, Les doesn’t come home, and now she wants to talk to us in the middle of the night.”

  “She did come home. Then she went out again. Didn’t you read her dispatch? She ate the last piece of cake.”

  “Yeah, I read it. I was, uh...” Being dramatic. “She didn’t say anything about the cake in her dispatch.”

  Jayne jerked her thumb over her shoulder. “I noticed the empty plate in the dishwasher.”

  Mo waggled her eyebrows. “How did you know I didn’t eat the last piece of cake?”

  Jayne’s eyes narrowed. “If it was you, the plate would have been on the counter.” She blew on her tziva. “What do you think she wants to talk to us about?”

  “She’s been working pretty hard. Hopefully she’s not coming home to tell us that she’s taking one day off for the birth and then going back on duty. Because if she says that, I’m going to beep Laura, or Blair, or whoever else thinks it’s okay to—”

  The front door thumped shut. Mo quickly picked up her tziva and tried to appear casual. Yep, she and Jayne always hung out in the kitchen at flaming 04:00.

  Les strode in and heaved a sigh. Still in her cloak, she pulled out a chair, sank into it, and rubbed her eyes. She looked terrible.

  “What’s going on?” Mo said. “Does it have anything to do with the evacuation on 72?” Her worry that Les would go back on duty the day after the birth fled her mind. It had been a stupid thought, anyway. Les wouldn’t wake them up for that.

  “Do you want tziva?” Jayne asked.

  “No.” Les looked at Jayne, then met Mo’s eyes. She swallowed. “Yes, it’s related to the evacuation. Before I tell you anything, you have to know that you’ll be required to sign a document that will make it a capital violation to ever tell anyone about this conversation or anything related to it. We should receive the documents within the next hour.”

  Mo gripped her mug and exchanged a glance with Jayne. They were both wide awake now. “Do we have a choice?”

  “No. I have to talk to you about this.”

  Jayne pushed her mug aside. “We won’t tell anyone.”

  “It started a couple of days ago, on the Osprey.” Les paused. “They ran across a Danlion cargo ship.”

  Mo listened as Les described the boarding operation, the roomful of deceased Danlions, the baby they’d discovered that now lay in 72’s infirmary, and what would likely happen if that baby was returned to its people.

  “So we didn’t make a decision during the meeting on 72, but the wind seemed to be blowing in the direction of giving the child back.”

  Mo forgave her for lying about working late; she’d had to obey Hall. “Why did you go out again? You said Hall wants you to pick up the Chosen Heads, and that’s it. You won’t be involved in making the final decision.”

  “I’m getting to that,” Les said. “Laura and Jensen didn’t go home. They’ve been wracking their brains for a way to keep the child without making her an outcast for the rest of her life. Laura asked me to join them. I thought they wanted me to brainstorm with them, but...”

  Mo leaned forward. “But...”

  “They already had a plan. They want to hide the baby’s origin by having a Rymellan family take her as if she’s their own.”

  “And how do they propose to do that?” Mo asked.

  Les moistened her lips. “They want us to take her.”

  Mo’s mind did a double-take. She searched for a sign that Les was joking or being sarcastic. Of course, she wasn’t—why would she—she wouldn’t. “Us.” She gestured at Jayne, then at Les, then at herself. “They want us to take the baby.”

  “Yes.”

  “Are they out of their flaming minds?” Mo shrieked. “Even if the baby wasn’t a flaming alien, we’re about to have our own daughter!”

  “That’s the point,” Les said levelly. “You’d have twins. Everyone would assume she’s ours, that she’s Rymellan.”

  Mo gaped. “Are you serious? That’s the plan they’ve come up with? What about my physician? What about everyon
e at the Reproductive Technology Centre? What about the fact that we’re talking about a Danlion here? They seriously think we would consider this? Why are you even talking to us about it?”

  “Don’t worry about anyone who knows that you’re not expecting twins. Laura and Jensen will handle that.”

  Did Les want them to do this? Mo studied Les’s face but couldn’t tell. “You’re avoiding the basic problem, Les. Okay, they ordered you to talk to us. You’ve talked to us. Tell them to go back to the drawing board.”

  “So you don’t think we should do it,” Les said.

  “Look, I understand the position this child is in, but we didn’t put her there. It won’t be our fault if the Danlions...if they...” Kill her? Argamon. “Are you sure they’ll, uh, that they won’t want her?”

  “We have to take her,” Jayne said softly.

  Mo pulled her eyes away from Les’s face and gazed across the table at Jayne. “Why?”

  “If we take her, she lives. If we don’t, she dies.”

  “But why us?”

  “I asked the same thing,” Les said. “We fit what they’re looking for and I already know about the situation.” Her forehead puckered. “It doesn’t hurt that I’m a commander in Interior and you’re military, too.”

  Mo slowly exhaled. “Do you want to do this?” she asked Les.

  “As Jayne said, if we don’t—”

  “Do you want to do this?” Mo roared.

  Les lifted her hands, then dropped them to her lap. “I don’t know. I understand the consequences if we don’t.” She glanced at Jayne. “But we’d be taking a Danlion child under our roof and pretending she’s Rymellan.”

  “She would be Rymellan, wouldn’t she?” Jayne said.

  “You sound like Laura.”

  Laura? Flaming Laura? For Les’s sake, Mo had forgiven Laura for sticking her nose into their lives and encouraging them to separate, but here she was, stirring everything up for them again. “Laura would consider the child Rymellan?”

  “We’d bring her up to follow the Way. She’d go to the Indoctrination Academy. She’d be a Solitary.”

  Well, that went without saying.

  “Laura’s an expert on the history of the Chosen Tradition. The child won’t have Rymellan ancestry, but Laura believes that following the Way is paramount when it comes to defining what it means to be Rymellan.”

  Mo studied Les’s face again. “What do you think?”

  “That does seem to be the point.”

  “But?”

  “I’m not sure.” Les shrugged apologetically. “I don’t know.”

  “Are we willing to throw an innocent child’s life away because of her bloodlines?” Jayne asked.

  “Bloodlines are important!” Mo snapped as Les straightened in her chair.

  “I know that. But...” Jayne turned to Les. “What about the spirit of the Way? The Way as a whole? It feels wrong to conclude that handing a baby over to be murdered is following the Way. I—I don’t think that’s what the founders of the Way had in mind. Maybe that’s what...” Jayne cleared her throat. “Maybe that’s what Laura’s trying to say.”

  Mo looked from Jayne to Les, to Jayne, to Les. The silence stretched out. “You may have a point,” Les finally conceded. “At the same time, I feel trapped. We’ve been put into a position in which they want us to feel responsible for something we’re not responsible for.”

  “That’s because it’s true. That’s exactly what’s going on,” Mo said.

  “They’re trying to save her.” Jayne sat on her hands. “Regardless of how we came into the conversation, it’s the reality now. We take her, or she’s—she won’t survive.”

  “And that’s only if the others will go along with the plan,” Les said.

  Jayne nodded. “If they don’t, that’ll be on their consciences, not ours.”

  Mo wrapped a protective arm around her daughter. If anyone tried to hurt her... Les had said the Danlion’s parents had sacrificed themselves for their child. That was a good sign, right? Her parents had a shred of decency. If the triad ever had to entrust their daughter’s life to strangers, they wouldn’t want those strangers to turn their backs. Mo looked down at her abdomen. “So what are we saying here?”

  “There’s still a lot that can go wrong, so we don’t have to make a decision right this minute. Laura and Jensen are working on the assumption that we’ll take the child, so they’re working out the logistics. I’d like to hear what the Chosen Council says about the child’s potential strength in the Way before we make a final decision.” Les paused. “And I want to talk to my parents.”

  Mo drew back. “Why?”

  “Because we’d be giving her their name. Because I don’t want to have to lie to them.”

  “What about my papa?”

  “I didn’t ask about him.”

  Mo snorted. “Great. Thanks a lot.”

  “She won’t have your name,” Les snapped. “If the worst happens and she ends up at an execution site, it’ll be Thompson that goes on the Wall, not Middleton. We won’t be able to turn around and say to everyone, ‘Well, she wasn’t really a Thompson.’”

  “Execution site?” Jayne cried. “Try not to be so pessimistic.”

  “I have to consider all the angles.”

  Jayne drew breath, then paused and said, “Okay.”

  “I don’t want to worry Papa right now, anyway. He’s happy, you know?” Mo hadn’t been too thrilled when Peggy had moved into the family home a couple of months ago, but they’d been together for a while and she made him happy. That was all that mattered. “Plus, we don’t know if we’re taking her, right? You said you want more information.”

  Les nodded. “The first step was to find out if either of you are vehemently opposed to the idea. If you are, the time to speak up is now.” She looked from one to the other.

  Mo gulped. Jayne obviously wasn’t opposed to the idea. As for herself... “I want to think about it.”

  “You don’t have much time.”

  “I know. But I want it to sink in a little bit. You’re going to see your parents, anyway.”

  “Can I go with you?” Jayne asked.

  Les’s brow furrowed. “You sure you want to go?”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “You sure you don’t want to go?” Les said to Mo.

  “You don’t want me waddling along with you, slowing you down, and there’s no way I’m getting on a bike. And I want some time on my own to think about it.” Part of her wanted to be there to see what Adelaide and Alan would say, though, and whether Jayne would make a case for taking the child—because Mo predicted a big fat no from both of them. If Adelaide could have scuttled the triad, she would have. But she hadn’t had a choice. This time, Les would hand her the choice, and the answer would be no. Right now, Mo didn’t know whether she’d support or oppose Adelaide, so she’d stay here and figure out where she stood. Let Jayne go stick her neck out.

  Les pushed back her chair. “Perhaps you should stay with Mo,” she said when Jayne did the same.

  “Les, I’ll be fine. If I go into labour, I can use a comm unit.” Wait. “I guess if I do go into labour, that’ll ruin the plan, right?”

  They both stared at her.

  Mo chuckled. “I’d say that I won’t, but it’ll be up to her.” She rubbed her belly again. “You better go.”

  Given the urgency of the matter, they both pecked her on the cheek and strode from the kitchen. Mo listened as Jayne pulled on her cloak. The front door thumped shut. She sighed, rested her arms on the table, lay her head down, and tried to imagine what it would be like to accept the Danlion baby as her own.

  The kitchen clock ticked away. Soon the sun would rise. A new day was arriving—one that might bring the birth of her daughter, and one that would decide whether a perfectly healthy baby girl on 72 would live or die.

  *****

  Jayne flicked on the flashlight she’d taken from the hall closet and illuminated the path that led to the
main Thompson home. “I wonder if we’ll need this on the way back.”

  “I guess it depends on how long the conversation is,” Lesley said.

  Adelaide and Alan could say no and refuse to discuss it further, and Jayne would have to find the courage to press them. If it wasn’t a child’s life hanging in the balance, she wouldn’t risk upsetting her Chosen parents, but—

  “You didn’t hesitate to say let’s take the child.” Lesley peered at her. “Why? Why are you so eager to bring an alien child into our home?” She sounded more curious than angry.

  Jayne bit back the question, “Why are you considering sending the child back to be murdered?” Lesley didn’t want that; she’d meant it when she’d said that she was considering all the angles. How to best serve the Way, how much of a threat the child would pose to the family, the Thompson name, their other children... Lesley had to weigh all that. Jayne swallowed. Maybe she should too, but as she’d listened to Lesley explain the situation, the Incident had come hurtling back. “This is a child nobody wants,” she said quietly. “I know what it feels like to be that child. I was the child nobody wanted, the one some Rymellans wanted to execute.” Carol had saved her. How could she not try to save this child? “She’s a baby. She doesn’t have Rymellan ancestry, but that doesn’t mean she can’t follow the Way.”

  “It might be more difficult for her.”

  “And it might not be.”

  “It’ll mean having two daughters in a matter of days.”

  “We’ll manage.” Jayne gave Lesley a small smile. “At least we’re a triad.”

  Lesley’s face remained sombre. “Lying to everyone will be difficult. What if one of them suspects?”

  “They won’t. Why would they even think that one of our daughters isn’t biologically yours?” Jayne winced at the frustration in her voice, but she couldn’t help it. If Lesley sent the child back to the Danlions, she wasn’t the woman Jayne thought she was. She wasn’t upset with Lesley for having doubts, but some of her concerns were trivial.