Gray Girl

by Susan I. Spieth

  She immediately noticed something wrong with Debra. Her eyes were closed and her head looked like it was about to drop off her neck. Jan motioned to Angel who was sitting closer to Debra, Is she all right? Angel shrugged her shoulders. Jan turned to Kristi, “Hey, look at Debra. Does she appear okay to you?”

  Kristi looked down the table. “She looks like she’s about to pass out.”

  “I think we better get her back to the room.” Jan figured Debra wasn’t used to drinking the way she and Kristi were. Sure she can swim, but she can’t drink worth a damn.

  Jan and Kristi lifted Debra out of her chair. Angel gathered up her sweater and purse. The three, plebe women of H-3 dragged the fourth to the elevator. Debra could hardly walk. Her speech was incoherent.

  “Geez, Debra, have you ever even drunk before?” Kristi asked.

  “Da….”

  “I think that’s a ‘yes,’” Jan said.

  Angel held the elevator door, “She only had about three drinks, I think. She ordered one, someone bought her another and I gave her mine which someone bought for me.” Angel didn’t believe in drinking. It was against her religion or something like that.

  The elevator stopped at the sixth floor. Jan and Kristi dragged Debra down the long hallway until they reached their room. Angel used her key to open the door. They heaved Debra onto one of the two queen beds.

  “God, I wonder how she’s going to feel in the morning,” Kristi said.

  Jan was a little worried. “Do you think she might puke all over our stuff while we’re gone?” Then because that sounded selfish, “I mean, should we stay with her in case she gets sick?”

  “She’ll be fine. We can check on her in a couple hours,” Kristi said.

  No one wanted to spend the rest of Army/Navy night in their room. So they left Debra lying drunk and alone in the hotel room. They would later regret that decision.

  At almost four in the morning, Jan and Kristi went with a group of cadets to get something to eat. They walked to the Seven-Eleven across the street. Angel decided to call it a night, so she was the first to return to the room.

  She knew something was wrong as soon as she opened the door. Clothes were strewn everywhere; sheets and pillows were ripped off both beds. The bathroom door was closed, and she could hear Debra throwing up.

  “Debra, Debra, are you alright?” Angel pounded on the locked door.

  “Nooooo…”

  “Open the door and I’ll help you.”

  “Noooo…”

  “Debra, it’s me, Angel. I can help you.”

  “Noooo…”

  “Okay, I’ll be right back, Debra, I’m going to get Jan and Kristi.”

  “Noooo….”

  Angel tore down the hallway, then jumped up and down while waiting for the slowest elevator on earth. She finally reached the empty lobby and ran out the main doors and across the parking lot. She looked both ways on the usually busy street before darting across to the store with the big, green and red seven sign.

  Jan and Kristi, Slushies in hand, walked out of the convenience store and bumped into a frenzied Angel. “Jan, Kristi,” she barely breathed, “come quick, something’s wrong with Debra.” It took a second to sink in. Then Jan and Kristi looked at each other, threw their Slushies on the ground and took off running back to the hotel.

  They found the room just as Angel had with Debra still locked in the bathroom. Jan tapped quietly on the door. “Debra, it’s just us—Kristi, Angel and me. We’re here to help you. Please open the door.”

  “Noooo…. go away.” She still sounded somewhat drunk but also like she had been crying.

  “Debra, no one is going away until you open this door.” They waited another long minute. Then they heard Debra slide across the floor as if she was low crawling. The door unlocked and Jan opened it gently.

  Debra was curled up in a fetal position in front of the bathtub. She wore only a bra. The room smelled of vomit, pee and something else. Towels were everywhere; some were bloody.

  “Debra, are you cut?” Jan crouched down to examine where she might have been injured.

  “Noooo….” Debra coiled even further into herself. Jan looked up at Kristi and Angel, still standing in the doorway.

  “Should we get help?” Kristi asked.

  “NO!” Debra shouted from inside her cocoon.

  “Debra, what do you want us to do?” Jan asked.

  “Just clean up and help me back to bed.”

  “Okay, sure. We’ll take care of everything…” She nodded to Angel and Kristi who turned into the room and began re-ordering things. Jan leaned down closer to Debra. “They’re picking up the room now, Debra.” She thought about what to say next. “Debra, why are you undressed?” Jan didn’t think Debra would have had the energy or the desire to disrobe.

  “Someone came in,” she said so quietly Jan almost missed it.

  “Someone came in the room?” Jan asked back softly.

  “Yes.”

  “Who? Who came in the room?”

  “I don’t know.”

  Jan was beginning to put things together. No, please tell me I’m wrong. “Debra, what did this person do…when they came in the room?” Jan held her breath.

  “I don’t know,” Debra’s voice grew even quieter.

  “What do you remember?” Jan asked.

  “I remember…. I remember someone coming in and taking my clothes off. I could feel him and hear him but I could not move. I was so drunk and so scared. I just pretended to be asleep, which I was really. I mean, I felt like I was asleep, but I also knew what was happening.”

  Oh shit!

  “Then I don’t remember what happened until I woke up puking in the toilet and heard Angel knocking on the door. I don’t remember walking to the bathroom, I don’t remember locking the door, and I don’t remember anything after…” she trailed off.

  “Was it only one person?” Please say yes.

  “I think so…I didn’t hear anyone talking.”

  Jan unfurled her crouch and sat down on the tile floor with her back against the bathtub and her legs jutting out in front. She let out a deep breath. “Debra, we should report this to the Officer in Charge.”

  “NO!” Debra sat up. “If you say anything, I will never speak to you again!” Angel and Kristi appeared in the doorway. “That goes for you two, too! No one says anything about this! I mean it!”

  They were silent for a long moment. Finally Kristi said, “we’ll do whatever you want, Debra. But don’t you think we should at least try to find out who did this?”

  “NO, I DON’T!” Debra was shouting again. “DO YOU THINK I WANT EVERYONE KNOWING WHAT HAPPENED HERE?”

  Angel chimed in, “But Debra, it’s not your fault.”

  “LIKE HELL IT ISN’T!” Then she started laughing, sort of. “What will everyone think? Huh? Everyone saw me drunk! Everyone will think it was my fault whether it is or not!” She took a deep breath. “And everyone will blame you guys for leaving me here alone and drunk! Did you think about that?”

  Jan had not thought about that. Debra was right; they were at least partially to blame. They had left their classmate, their company mate, in a vulnerable situation. One of them should have stayed with her.

  “Besides, nothing actually happened,” Debra said. “Someone came in here and took off my clothes. Big deal.” But Jan looked again at the bloodied towels and she knew something had happened. Something really bad happened. Debra seemed to know what Jan was thinking. “I got a bloody nose from falling on the toilet.”

  Everyone knew she was lying. And Debra knew they knew. So she looked away from them. Technically, they could have brought honor charges against her. Winnans would have insisted on it. But it never even crossed their minds.

  After breakfast the next morning, the four women packed and loaded their bags on one of six busses parked in front of the hotel. They were the first ones on the bus, except for Dogety who sat in the very last seat. Just as they sat down, Dogety sa
id, “I’d like a word with you four.” They stood up and walked to the back of the bus. “Miss Plowden, do you realize these three classmates saved your butt last night?”

  Jan’s eyes widened. Oh no, no, Sir…don’t…

  “If not for these three, you might have been in really deep trouble.”

  Dogety, please…stop.

  “Your may not remember what happened because your condition was very unbecoming an officer. But your friends made sure you didn’t do anything even more stupid. They looked out for you. They kept you safe.”

  For Christ’s sake man, enough…

  “McCarron, Trane and Wishart, you did the right thing when you saw your classmate was inebriated. You took decisive action and prevented any further harm. I commend your actions.”

  They stood silently, stunned at his speech.

  “I hope this experience gives you all a better appreciation for ‘Cooperate and Graduate.’ And if the shoe is ever on the other foot, Miss Plowden, I hope you would do the same for one of them.”

  He finished his lecture, but the four women didn’t move.

  “Dismissed.”

  That word shook them out of their trance. They walked silently to the front of the bus.

  21

  Friday, May 7

  1730 Hours

  Jan heard Angel calling the two-minute bell and decided to skip both formation and dinner. She wasn’t hungry and couldn’t eat even if she tried. What are they gonna do, give me demerits? An Honor Board tends to make all other punishments seem lame.

  She lay back on her bed and closed her eyes. She wouldn’t sleep even though she felt like sleeping for a hundred years. She just wanted to be alone and quiet, but the sounds of slamming doors, yelling and marching always permeated the air at West Point. One could never find real silence. She placed her palm over her eyes and tried to think of something, anything, other than reality.

  Two knocks at the door interrupted her brief moment of semi-peace. “Come in.” She assumed it was another plebe as the knocks were not particularly loud. Sam Dogety pushed open the door, stepped inside her room and closed the door. She didn’t even get up from her prone position. What’s he gonna do, give me demerits?

  “What do you want, Dogety?” Jan decided she didn’t give a rat’s ass at this point. He sat down on Kristi’s bed, directly across from her.

  “Who’s SKIP?” he asked.

  “What?”

  “I need to talk to SKIP,” he said. “It’s urgent.”

  “How do you know about SKIP?”

  “That’s not important. Just tell me who he is.” He seemed to be more energized than the last time she saw him.

  “Why do you need to know?” she said still lying with her palm over her eyes.

  Dogety took a deep breath. “Jan.”

  She turned her head to look at him. Then she sat up slowly, sitting on her bed facing him.

  “Jan, I need your help,” he said gravely.

  “You need...? What’s wrong with you? I’m the one in big trouble here, remember?”

  “Yes, but just hear me out. We don’t have long before someone hears or finds us. I know you are innocent and I will tell the truth, don’t worry. But you have to remember that I will forever be known as a rat when I do. My Army career will be over before it even begins once I give testimony that betrays my classmate and best friend. Can you understand what I’m saying Jan?”

  She felt the room swirl around her as she contemplated what he said. He admitted my innocence. He will tell the truth. I won’t get kicked out for honor. “I understand that you have just admitted that I’m innocent and that you can testify to that.”

  “Yes, I can, and I will, if necessary. I’m trying to save both of us here, Jan. Don’t you see?”

  “No, not exactly, Sam. You’re not charged with an honor violation.” How dare he even compare his situation to hers?

  Dogety took a deep breath. “I’m so sorry for this whole mess. It’s my fault you’re in this position, and I am truly sorry. I won’t let you go down. But I don’t want to go down either. That’s why I need SKIP.”

  He wasn’t making any sense. What the hell did SKIP have to do with anything? “How can SKIP possibly help?”

  “I have it on good authority that SKIP can prove you’re telling the truth.”

  “YOU can prove I’m telling the truth!” She practically shouted.

  “All I can do is testify to what I saw on Monday morning. And that’s probably not enough to clear you of both charges. But I hear SKIP knows more than that, and if he can testify, it works for both of us. Jan, please help me here. My classmates will never forget if I am to blame for Markus Jackson, lacrosse team captain, being kicked out a week before graduation. You do realize that he will have to serve four years in the Army as a Specialist? This will ruin him, and I cannot be the one to do it.”

  Jan looked down at the floor. “Well, I can’t help you anyway. I don’t know who SKIP is; he’s never told me.”

  “Can you get him to testify? Explain to him that he needs to come forward for your sake,” Dogety pleaded.

  “And for yours?” she asked.

  “Yes, and for mine.”

  22

  “The Code requires complete integrity in both word and deed of all members of the Corps and permits no deviation from these standards....These standards are rigidly enforced, and any intentional act in violation of the Code by a cadet is cause for separation from the Military Academy.”

  Honor, Bugle Notes, 81, p.35

  The entire Corps of Cadets survived the Army/Navy weekend and returned to the gray walls of West Point by late Sunday afternoon. All was normal again by Monday morning. Term-end exams (TEEs) were rapidly approaching, and everyone hunkered down for intense studying. Exam week was the last obstacle before Christmas leave, the biggest break for plebes to date. Jan could hardly breathe thinking about this extended time off, never mind study. Another letter from SKIP helped to further divert her attention.

  Dear Jan,

  No, I am not Dogety. I can assure you of that. But good guess on my being a male cadet. I had a hard time figuring out how you found out, but every organization has its leaks. I guess this proves I am hiding in plain sight.

  We bumped into each other several times during Army/Navy weekend, once quite literally. I don’t think you noticed. But I hope you enjoyed the festivities.

  Well, we just have to get through TEE week. Then it’s finally Christmas leave. I hope you have a great time at home and I look forward to hearing from you when we get back in January.

  Take care,

  SKIP

  Classes, athletics, minute calling, formations, inspections, poop, laundry sorting, paper deliveries and term end exams (TEEs) made it almost impossible for plebes to do anything else. Yet in the middle of exam week, Jan and Drew found time to go running, still the only way to be alone and talk freely. They set off from Mahan Hall with Jan setting the pace. Drew didn’t try to outrun her or pick up the speed. She deeply appreciated his lack of needing to show off.

  “Did I tell you who I think did it?”

  “Did what?”

  She gave him an exasperated look, “Drew! C’mon! The one who raped Debra at Army/Navy?” She hadn’t told another living soul about that night, except Drew. She knew he could be trusted with their secret.

  “Oh, that.” It seemed Drew didn’t want to talk about it.

  “Jackson,” she said and waited for Drew’s response. Their Etonic sneakers slapped against the pavement making the only sound on the cold, December afternoon.

  “I could see that,” Drew said after a pause. “But why do you think it was him?”

  “He was with our group in the hotel. He and Dogety are like fleas on sticky paper.”

  “Jan, a lot of guys were in our hotel. It could have been anyone.”

  Jan had already given it a lot of thought. “Kissy and I talked about it. We have zero physical proof. But we both feel sure he did it.”

/>   “How could he have entered the room? Didn’t the doors lock automatically anytime you left.”

  “I don’t know. I know we didn’t think about locking the door when we left her in the room. But even if the door was locked, how hard would it be for him to get another key? If he went to the front desk and asked for a room key because he had misplaced his, they would give him one. Who would think a West Point Cadet would lie about that? It was probably very easy for him to get a key.”

  They ran a few more yards in silence. Jan wanted more than anything to find a way to prove Jackson raped Debra. But Debra did not want to pursue it further. How could she accuse him without a witness or some other tangible evidence? “Drew, we can’t do anything about it without Debra’s involvement. We don’t have any other evidence. But I swear, on my life, if I ever find a way to nail his ass, I will.”

  They continued jogging down Thayer Road, to Thayer Hotel and Thayer Gate, all named for Sylvannius Thayer, the father of the military academy. Why didn’t they name the gate ‘Sylvannius’ just to add some variety? The two friends turned around and headed back along the same route. They ran in step to a subliminal cadence, a residual effect of their training.

  “Do you ever feel like this place will wear you down so much that you won’t even be the same person you once were?” Drew asked, breaking the silence.

  “It already has,” Jan admitted. “But maybe I needed to be another person altogether. Maybe I needed to change.”

  They heard the distant sound of a bugle playing and abruptly stopped running. They stood at attention until a cannon fired. Then they saluted toward the vicinity of The Plain where the US flag was being lowered. Stopping and saluting was required of anyone in earshot of Retreat every evening at 1730 hours.

  Once jogging again, they talked of brighter topics like their exam schedule, SAMI, laundry duties, and Dogety. Always they talked about Dogety.

  Dear SKIP,

  If I don't come back after Christmas leave, you’ll know I’ve decided to quit. I probably failed my history exam anyway. And you wanted me to smile?