“Be careful going back. I know you’ll manage, but don’t go off on any joy rides, will you?”
“No, Sir! I’ll behave.” Bel softened her voice and looked at him lovingly.
“That’s a good girl. You wouldn’t want me to punish you, would you?” he asked with an evil twinkle in his eyes.
“Oh yes, Sir. Please, Sir,” she cooed, pressing against him.
“You’re not behaving, Bel,” he admonished her as his hand slid to her bottom and he pulled her closer to him. “Be good. Stay safe.”
“I’m always good, Max.” Not caring about propriety, she reached her arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. Pressing her body closer, she smiled feeling him harden against her thigh.
“Very funny, Bel. What am I supposed to do with this?” he asked moving his hips so his stiffening cock rubbed against her leg.
“Oh, I know you’ll manage. Just don’t go on any joy rides,” she said, laughing as he stepped onto the train.
He sat near the window and smiled at her. His gaze held an emotion Bel couldn’t quite understand. The doors snapped shut and the train pulled from the station.
The drive back to the house was uneventful. She stopped in town to wander in the quaint shops a bit and pick up a few souvenirs for Candace. A stress eater, she stepped into the small bakery and let the scent of vanilla and butter cream soothe her soul. A couple of sweet treats for home and a cup of real coffee for now and she was back on her way. The twisted streets looked remarkably the same and she was glad for the navigation system in his car. Pulling into his parking space, she exhaled fully, not realising she had been holding her breath on and off all the way back to his place.
Dropping his keys on the table beside the door, she flinched as they clanged against the highly polished wood. The inside of his home was so sleek and elegant in contrast to the antiquated buildings that surrounded it. She wandered through the rooms, lovingly caressing some of his favourite objects brought back from his many travels. She envied him his freedom. No responsibilities, exciting travel, his life as neat and tidy as his home.
“The grass is always greener,” she said aloud as the quiet began to hurt her ears. She knew his life held its own challenges and she wouldn’t trade her crazy world with Candace for the solitude he often dealt with. Someday, soon enough, she too would be alone and wishing for the chaos that now ruled her world. Candace had asked her why she had stayed with her ex. What would she say about this relationship? She knew Mom had a friend, but that was as far as it went. She didn’t want to set her up for disappointment since she would probably never meet Max.
Max had married young and his children were already in college. He didn’t see them as often as he would like, but he was involved in their life in a way that encouraged, not stifled. He had been distraught when his wife had left him. He’d known their marriage wasn’t perfect, but he’d thought it was better than most. He was cold-cocked by her announcement and equally devastated to lose his best friend. He didn’t talk about it much, but Bel knew it had changed his outlook on love. Risk management—he wasn’t willing to take the chance again.
“Okay, now what?” she asked after walking through all fifteen hundred square feet of the house. She stepped into his closet and took a deep breath. The smell of him permeated the small space and she dropped to her knees, groaning with despair. She thought back to their conversation from earlier in the week. What was it he wanted me to be sure of? Why do we need to wait to talk about it? Does he really want to come and see how I live? Why do I have to complicate things? Can’t I ever be happy with the all goodness around me? I am so fortunate.
“Well, girl, it might not be enough, but it is probably all you’re going to get. And what if he says he can’t do this anymore, then what? Over. Poof. Just like that.”
Bel buried her face in a stack of his shirts. The woodsy scent of his cologne filled her head and she began to sob—deeply and uncontrollably. Like their conversations, her tears with him were carefully doled out to let off some steam. She was afraid to let go, she didn’t know what might happen if she did.
A few hiccups as she tried to catch her breath distracted her enough to gather herself together. The tinkle of her phone startled her and she pulled it from her back pocket. Opening the text she read, ‘I love you a great deal. Please don’t cry.’ It used to freak her out that it sometimes seemed he knew what she was doing. She had even fantasised that he had somehow bugged her room, but really they were just so connected that their emotions overlapped from time to time. That, and the fact he knew her pretty well, so guessing wasn’t too difficult.
* * * *
After a light supper, Bel called Candace.
“Hello, my sweet girl.” Nothing calmed Bel like the sound of Candace’s voice.
“Hi, Mom, are you having a good time? How’s Max?”
“Everything’s fine. More importantly, how are you?”
“Good.” She sounded happy but Bel had to read between the lines. Sometimes Candace’s words were few and far between.
“Grandma making you crazy?”
“Oh, you know…but she made me cookies. She said for a chef you don’t cook much for me.” Candace’s soft giggle floated through the phone, making Bel smile.
“She is incorrigible. Did you tell her the truth?” Bel felt the anger brewing. Why did her mother have to antagonise Candace so?
“Mom, I’m just teasing you. Everything is fine, don’t worry.”
“I’m not worried…” Bel planted a grin on her face hoping it would show in her voice.
“Soon you’ll be home. Try and have a good time, okay?”
“Okay.”
“I miss you, Mom, but I gotta go. Things to do.”
“What things?” Bel knew she was pushing it, but she just wanted a few more minutes of normal.
“Really busy, Mom. I love you.”
“I love you too, sweet pea.” Bel imagined Candace rolling her eyes and smiling at the childish nickname. “A bushel and a peck…”
“Good night, Mom.” The phone went dead.
* * * *
Bel took a long bath, luxuriating in the old-fashioned claw foot tub. Candace had sounded happy and didn’t really seem to be missing her much. Bel knew that was a good thing, but she couldn’t help feel a pang of sadness as she thought of her pink-cheeked girl at home. The lavender-scented bubbles tickled and hissed, popping on top of the steamy water. After her bath, she pulled on her warm fleecy pyjamas and crawled into the big bed alone. She flipped the covers back and climbed out of bed. Heading to Max’s bureau, she grabbed the soft black T-shirt he had worn to bed the night before. Holding it to her nose, she breathed deeply, searching for his scent. Bel went back to bed and sighed while clutching the cotton garment close to her heart. Two days, Bel. You can do it, she thought as she drifted off to sleep.
* * * *
Bel woke to the sun pushing its way through the cracks of the wooden blinds. She slept fitfully and was in no hurry to drag her body from the bed. Then she thought about the world outside the bubble and remembered that she had a life of her own, dreams and thoughts and wishes. She was in a new land full of romance and castles and windswept moors. What would Jane Austen do? she pondered. She showered and dressed before making her instant coffee. She grabbed a sweet bun she’d bought from the bakery and headed out to explore. After carefully driving to the train station, she sighed with relief once she had arrived and parked, remembering to put the ticket in the front window. A spring in her step, she told herself, she was strong, competent and lovely. She would not waste her time crying in a closet. She didn’t need anyone to make her happy. Boarding the train to Bath, she smiled and took a seat near the window.
She watched an older couple embrace on the platform. The wife walked towards the train talking to her husband over her shoulder as she went. Bel smiled. She could almost hear the mature woman saying, ‘Don’t worry, I’ll be back to drive you crazy soon.’ The husband responded and the wife
turned and looked at him. Walking back to where he was standing, she embraced him once more and he kissed her soundly on the mouth. Bel felt their emotion as if it were her own. The wife patted him on the arm and smiled at him like he was a teenage boy at her first dance then stepped onto the train and headed to the rear of the coach. Bel watched the man walk beside the train while he followed his wife’s progress with his eyes. He stood there, watching her settle into her seat, and Bel could see his eyes were wet. She wondered about their story. Perhaps his wife was doing more than going to visit her sister for a few days. Perhaps they had had a fight this morning. Perhaps they were only lovers that met four times a year. Bel felt the warm tears leaking from the corners of her eyes and wiped at them with her cool fingers. There are all kinds of love, she thought, and all kinds of relationships. She thought about Max and realised it really didn’t matter how far they travelled, or how many moments they missed—what mattered most was that they loved at all.
* * * *
A glorious day in a glorious town. Bel adored Bath. The whole place glowed golden in the sunlight. She traipsed about, lost in the romance of it all. She wandered through the Fashion Museum and Number One Royal Crescent. She paid a visit to the Jane Austen Centre and wondered what Jane would have written as the ending to her story with Max. Would it end or was it just beginning? If she waited long enough, would her hero find his way back to her?
Visiting the Roman Baths, she tossed a penny into the wishing pool, but did not know what to wish for. She wanted it to be right, the way it should be, and all the wishing in the world wasn’t going to make that happen. When her weary feet could carry her no farther, she stopped in the Pump Room for High Tea. Feeling rather regal, she sipped and nibbled, pretending she was royalty. An off-chance look at the empty chair across from her dampened her mood. She wished Max was sitting there but she shook it off and after finishing her tea she headed back to the train.
* * * *
She texted Max to let him know she was home safe and sound. She really didn’t know what else to say. She hadn’t thought much about their predicament today and that was good. For once, she wouldn’t let her imagination run roughshod over her. Maybe she was stronger than she thought. Her phone rang and her heart began to pound. She knew it was him.
“Hello,” she mumbled.
The sound of his breath being released calmed her. “Hi, baby,” he said warmly.
“Hi,” she said as the smile on her face ran from ear to ear.
“Sounds like you had a great day.”
“I did. Bath is so beautiful.”
“I knew you would love it. I am so glad you went. Uh, Bel—” he said as though he was about to drop a bomb.
“Yes,” she asked, the panic rising into her throat.
“How’s my car?”
“You ass! Your car is just fine. Glad to see you have your priorities in line.”
“Of course. You know me.” His teasing laugh was warm and genuine.
“Yes, I do, and I love you anyway.”
“I love you too, Bel, so much.”
“Good. So, no hot banker babe has got into your pants yet?” Bel wished she could just keep her mouth shut. She hoped her tone had been light enough that he’d laugh.
“No—not yet. Still have one more day of freedom, though.”
“Freedom, huh? Didn’t realise I had become the old ball and chain. Well, good luck with that. Poor thing would probably run screaming once she found out what you were really like.”
“And what am I really like, Belisha?”
“Oh, um—you know.” She was nervous now. He only used her full name when he was angry or concerned about something important.
“Please enlighten me,” he said with just a trace of a smile in his voice.
Bel’s brain worked to recover. Where is that sense of humour when I need it?
“You’re handsome, intelligent and witty—quite charming, really.”
“Yes, yes, I know all that,” he quipped, laughing.
“I know things, darling. I’m thinking my next job should be telephone psychic.”
“Bel, be serious. What do you really know? We talk, we share, we love, but what of the in-between?”
“Just because we’re not in the same room doesn’t mean we’re not together.”
“Room? Hell, we aren’t even on the same continent. Anyone can pretend for a phone call or a long weekend.”
“Max—you’re scaring me.”
“I’m sorry, baby. That is not my intent. I know you understand me, better than most. I’m just afraid that you might not be so happy if I were around all the time.”
All the time sounds promising. Bel tried to slow her breathing and make her brain focus on what he was really saying, not on what her foolish romantic nature wanted to believe.
“And why is that?”
“I can be difficult. I am selfish and set in my ways. I am used to my freedom and I like it.”
“Tell me something I don’t know,” she said, teasing now.
“Bel, I am serious. Being with you makes me feel alive again. Makes me—hopeful for our future. I just worry that you…”
“I am not going to leave you. I love you, Max. I know you’ve been hurt and it breaks my heart, but do you really think I would offer something that is not in me to give?”
“You can’t be sure…”
“No one can be truly sure of anything. We all take chances every day. People fall in love, can’t live without each other for even—two days—and then, one day, they wake up and say, ‘I don’t love you anymore.’ The only thing I am truly sure of is that I will love you as I do now, forever. Regardless of where this relationship goes.”
“What did I do to deserve you?” He sighed into the phone. “You have been patient and understanding, waiting while I sort through my baggage. I have taken advantage of that. I hate that I hurt you.”
“Darling, that’s what people that love each other do. Whether we are together every day or once every three months, I love you the same. I have already made that commitment.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too, Max.” The silence was warm and comforting as Bel lay in the dark with the phone pressed to her ear. She felt every breath he took fill her lungs and she snuggled closer to the pillow clutched in her arms. “Max, you know I am no great prize either. I have leaned on your broad shoulders more than once. I take advantage of your unending comfort. I try to keep it under control, but you make it so easy.”
“I am always here for you. You know that.”
“I do know that, but you have enough stress with your work and all the travelling. You don’t need to carry mine around, too.”
“It is not a burden, love. Do you really think my job is more important than you? I know I can’t always be there to hold you in my arms, but I do try to always be there. I am going to try harder.”
“I know,” she whispered with gratitude.
“Of course, you are a bit much sometimes.” The teasing Max was back, but she heard the truth in his words. She tried to keep her life organised and her emotions in check, but she was in a time of her life where it wasn’t always possible. Somehow, the balance they were able to maintain kept them on an even keel. Occasionally, when they both were going through a rough patch it became difficult to hold steady, but they managed.
“Play nice, Max.”
“Okay, good talk. Thanks, Bel. Night.”
“Hey, now you’re just being a brat.” She giggled. She loved to antagonise him. “I know, but I like it when you get all fired up.”
“You wouldn’t, if you crossed me.”
“Ooh, now I’m scared.”
“If you were here I, I’d…” Bel tried to sound serious.
“You’d what?”
“I would spank you.” The sound of Max’s deep chuckle made Bel laugh too. They both knew she was hopeless when it came to being angry with him.
“Seriously, I have an early call in the mo
rning. Get some sleep and have a great day tomorrow. I‘ll call you in the evening, after the boring awards dinner.”
“Okay, thanks for crawling in beside me for a while.”
“I sleep with you every night. Hold me close. I will be home soon.”
“Good night, Max,” she said, blowing a kiss into the phone. Home, wouldn’t it be lovely?
“Good night, baby,” he said, hesitating. They always had to take turns hanging up the phone first because neither wanted to end the call.
Chapter Five
Bel spent the following day exploring his home town. With each step she took, she thought about his footfalls preceding hers. It made her feel as though he was walking beside her, their hands joined. She dined al fresco in a bustling seaside mall full of quirky shops and restaurants. The food was only average, but the sun sparkled on the bay and the warm breeze made her feel good inside and out.
She felt positive that Max was considering her request seriously and, although she did not know his answer, she knew that he loved her. She was happy and free from worry. It was a good day. Bel strolled along the waterfront, peeking into a couple of shops before finding a bench to soak up some sun. A nearby busker played his guitar for coins warbling the old standards. When he launched into a soulful rendition of ‘Leaving on a Jet Plane’, Bel laughed at first, before the tears had a chance to reach her eyes. A couple more days and she would be flying home. She wouldn’t let coincidence ruin her day. Dropping a one pound coin in his guitar case, she smiled through misty eyes, then headed back to the house.
Bel had logged more than a few miles today and was exhausted. A hot shower was all she could manage before crawling into bed. Twilight was just fading, but she wanted to be rested when Max came home tomorrow. Snuggling under the covers, she pressed his shirt to her nose and breathed in his scent.
The smell filled her with longing and she squeezed her thighs together and squirmed on the mattress. She knew it was only one more day until Max would be home, but she reached between her legs and tried to ease the ache. She was too tired for more than that, but as her fingers sunk into the damp sticky folds of her labia, she found her second wind. Slow and easy, she let it build. She wanted to remind herself that she could find pleasure without him. That she was self-sufficient and sensual.
Playing House Page 5
